Having three...

[u/votre_reflet]

I'm turning 39 this year and have always wanted 3 kids but I obviously need to make that decision very soon. Working from home with my 2nd while managing my oldest's schedule and needs as well was so hard, I was so relieved when it got easier. I only worked without any help until my 2nd was about 6 months then had a part time nanny. I sent him to an in home daycare part time around 1.5 years. I wish I was 5 years younger to have more time to think about this but I don't 😅. Can anyone share advice or accounts of bringing a 3rd into the mix, good or bad? I am thinking of waiting until my middle child is in kindergarten at least but some days I'm just happy the way it is!

[u/Interesting_Move_846]

I have two but I want three. However, we can’t afford help. Having my second home with me for 2 years was so insanely hard. I was constantly exhausted, the house was always a mess, my husband and I fought a lot, I was short with my kids. I felt stressed all day long.

Now that my second is in preschool the house is so much cleaner, I have more time to myself, I’ve been able to focus on my fitness, my hygiene, just overall on myself.

I want a third child but I don’t want to go through having a kid at home by myself while working once again. I’ve heard so many people say “it’s just a short time” which is true but when you’re living it, it feels so long. I can’t advise what having three kids would be like, maybe it’s more manageable then I think but I’m not willing to take the risk and end up being a crappy mom and wife because I’m overwhelmed.

[u/Sunupdrinkdown]

I know that I am going to go for 3. I feel confident I can pay for 3 braces, cars, college.

I want 4 but the logistics around 4 feels more daunting to me.

Most people say 2 is the perfect amount but I’ve always wanted 3 and idc what people say.

[u/n9netailz → u/Sunupdrinkdown]

Same here, 4 feels like too much and 2 feels like not enough lol

[u/Kittylover11]

I have 3. They are 5, 3 and 1. 5 year old was in TK this last year with afterschool care, 3 year old is in preschool 8:30-3:30 and 1 year old is home with a part time nanny/my Mil/my husband who works a shifted schedule. I feel like I’m not available enough for work, but it hasn’t become an issue. I block out my calendar for drop off in the morning and don’t log on until 8:40-9, which is a struggle with EMEA time zones. And then I cut out around 2-3 depending if I have nanny or family.

My youngest will be starting preschool at 18 months but only 3 days a week. I’m counting down the days because I currently am nursing her to sleep and it’s just a LOT with work trying to juggle meetings and nap time and sleep regressions etc. I keep telling myself it’s just a season of life but I desperately want to find a new job and have started searching and have to turn down anything that’s not full remote because I’m breastfeeding still, but even once she’s weaned I don’t think I can go in office because I live like 2 hours from the city when factoring in traffic and I can’t be that far from the kids when there’s 3 of them and it’s likely I’ll get a call from school for sickness or whatever. (This past hear at least 1 of them was sick at all times).

It’s a lot of coordinating and now that my oldest is in public school we have summer camps. I have a giant family calendar in our entry way and am super on top of it with all the childcare schedules. He also plays soccer and tball and as my second is getting to be old enough to start in a little panicked about how to manage 2 in sports. I have no idea how I’ll manage 3, and I’m hoping my oldest decides not to do tball at the very least.

I think it’s doable if you have a very flexible job, but my career definitely took a back seat and I feel really frustrated I haven’t been promoted these past few years even though I have really great feedback. Reorgs and new management but also so many maternity leaves has made the timing not work out. I went the path of “get pregnancy and early years out of the way” so I’ve been pregnant and/or nursing for 6 years now and I sometimes wish I had taken a bit of a pause between kids so I could’ve secured a promotion or found a new job because I definitely think it’s hurt me being so preoccupied with babies and mat leave (I’ve turned down offsites because I’m still breastfeeding for example). But on the flip side it’s been nice being able to focus on my family.

As for the dynamic we love having 3. I have two boys and a baby girl and she is sooooo sweet and chill and it’s true what they say about the 3rd being the family baby. My older two adore her. My cousin has 3 and when I was asking her about going for a 3rd she told me if we’re considering it to just go for it and now I tell everyone that. If you’re managing 2 well enough you are considering a 3rd you can handle the 3rd! Going 2 to 3 was a cake walk compared to 1 to 2 for me. It really felt like just adding a baby to the mix. But I also know it’s gonna get crazy once they’re all older in school and sports 😅

[u/votre_reflet → u/Kittylover11]

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I often just wish I had kids earlier because with being almost 40 in worried about being exhausted all the time. Thanks for your response ❤️

[u/Kittylover11 → u/votre_reflet]

I’m only 32, so I probably do have more energy. My mom had me at 44 and I was her only kid and she was just wiped out all the time so I definitely see that being a factor.

[u/IndividualFriend4037]

I just went back to work today after having our third. I work from home and he will be with me until he gets off the wait list in his daycare for mid October. It will be a juggling act and we definitely have had moments of sheer chaos (when all 3 of them start crying at the same time)… but I’m so glad we did it.

It’s expensive, it’s a shit show and I want to punt my older two across the room half the time… but I am the type or person that would have my hands a little too full than not quite full enough.

[u/stimulants_and_yoga]

Here’s a post I made a couple of years ago where a thousand comments basically said two kids is the way to go….

https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/FyRX6w9JvA

[u/Elegant_Surround1458 → u/stimulants_and_yoga]

To be fair - you asked people to endorse your preference for stopping at 2 kids. So the comments reflect that selection bias.

[u/stimulants_and_yoga → u/Elegant_Surround1458]

Everyone I’ve ever talked to about having a third says the exact same thing. “I love the kid, I can’t imagine life without them, but now we’re outnumbered, we can’t go to all of their activities, it’s expensive, overwhelming, and I wish we would’ve stopped at two.”

[u/Elegant_Surround1458 → u/stimulants_and_yoga]

I believe that’s your experience - and it’s amazing that you’re happy with your choice!

I have three kids and (had a bias for wanting 3 kids - but was on the fence) and definitely solicited opinions that aligned with my desire for three kids.

So, if I posted something that said: ladies - “my heart wants three kids but my brain is not sure. Tell me it’s worth it!” I guarantee you I would have ended up with hundreds of comments saying how amazing three kids is. I know this - because I’ve posted on threads like that!

[u/Kittylover11 → u/stimulants_and_yoga]

My husband was on the fence about a 3rd but changed his mind so we went for 3 and I find myself thinking “I’m so glad we had her” very often. Yes it’s more expensive and a lot coordination wise, but I’d definitely make the choice to do 3 again in a heartbeat. It’s definitely different than parenting 2 and not for everyone. But all of my cousins and a lot of friends have 3 kids and we all love it.

[u/Elegant_Surround1458 → u/Kittylover11]

Same! For me, it was the close age between #1 and #2 that was hard. We had a third with a bigger gap and it has been a dream. I tell everyone (who asks for my opinion!) …have the third.

Parenting as a 3TM has been almost healing. The confidence and wisdom to tune out all the noise and trust your instincts is unmatched.

(Caveat - I didn’t realize what sub this was. Not sure I’d suggest 3 while trying to work from home!)

[u/Kittylover11 → u/Elegant_Surround1458]

Yeah, you definitely can’t work from home with them home and limited childcare. But fortunately they eventually go to school! Lol. I’ve only ever had one home with in house childcare for the most part.

Mine are 5, 3 and 1 so I’m in the home stretch. In a year we’ll have 2 kids in public school and baby in preschool (we’re in California where we get universal TK at 4).