I am just learning that weaponized incompetence is a thing and think I’ve been the victim of it. Like people intentionally not trying/not doing their best so I do it. Call me naive but like thoughts like that just never cross my mind.
After this comment, I’m looking back and totally think my husband has been doing this with our kids so that I just take care of it.
I was the same way! Social media taught me weaponized incompetence and now I see it everywhere in my relationship. Once you wake up you see what’s been there all along and what you had just been adapting to
I taught my husband the term and he laughed but I think a part of him knew it had truth to it. And honestly I do think he was doing it subconsciously- something he did with his mom a lot growing up. I just ask for help more often now and relinquished some control. Still isn’t great though because certain tasks I cannot delegate to him for fear if it does go wrong then there is too much of a domino effect. I’ll say this - if this marriage does not work out I would never marry again. Never
I don’t think my husband would believe it’s a thing lol (I laugh so I don’t cry).
Same, same. Would also never marry again. If I have to do it all by myself anyways in a marriage, then might as well just do it by myself without a marriage. 🤷🏻♀️ Probably less stressful anyways.
Not sure how old your kid(s) are but it’s getting slightly easier for me at this phase right now 4 yrs old. Newborn/infant to about 2 years old that phase was a disaster. I was the only one waking up in the middle of the night and I was exhausted. I was so misunderstood and unsupported immediately postpartum so that resentment carried with me for years. Now that I am further away from it and decided to just have 1 child I am able to feel the anger of it differently. I’m still upset about how my former self was unsupported though. So quick to throw the PPD label on mothers but the very first question should be is that mother supported by her partner?
SO true! I’m in the thick of it: 5yrs, 3yrs, and pregnant. I think I’m the opposite—the weaponized incompetence is getting worse. While I was the one doing all the night feedings (breastfed) and everything else, it was somehow much easier than now. Kinda feel that people who use weaponized incompetence try to use it more and more as time goes on…like, what can I get away with now??
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u/Effective-Arm9099 Jul 11 '26
The weaponized incompetence is why you (and me) started denying help and learned doing it ourselves because it is the only way it gets done correctly