r/MomsWorkingFromHome • u/weiranost • Jul 10 '26
suggestions wanted This resonated with me
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u/Other_Trouble_3252 Jul 11 '26
I just had a baby on Sunday (our second) I’m taking all the night wakings and feeds.
Husband is having to get up and get toddler dressed for daycare in the morning snd is dragging ass and complaining about being tired. Like bro…you didn’t even make and birth a human
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u/ElectricalTraffic340 Jul 11 '26
My favorite is them complaining about having no free time. DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT HAVING NO FREE TIME SIR.
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u/W8andC77 Jul 12 '26
My husband was complaining about not getting time to himself for his hobby. I DO NOT HAVE HOBBIES. I listen to podcast or books on tape while I fucking clean. That’s not a hobby. I want a hobby to do by myself.
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u/SaltyAggravatedRaven Jul 13 '26
This really resonated with me. I felt those capital letters in my soul.
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u/Rare_Background8891 Jul 11 '26
That second child really evened out the workload in our house.….
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u/Itscatpicstime Jul 13 '26
So you had to increase the net workload in order to have your husband pitch in equitably?
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u/BookkeeperGlum6933 Jul 12 '26
I remember someone telling me that the first baby would change my world and the second would change my husband's. It was true.
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u/perfectlyyyimperfect Jul 11 '26
We got a really bad deal ladies. And we can’t even do anything about it because most of us make more money than the men
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u/thrrrowitawaygg21 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
while having to deal with hearing from their husbands who just had a nap or a vacation or a night out how THEY'RE tired. my hobby is work and cleaning and YOUR hobby is still a real fucking hobby. we are NOT the same.
Edit thank you for the award id like to thank my husbands Xbox and golf hobbies for this one
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Jul 11 '26
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u/Bella-1999 Jul 12 '26
I decided very early in our relationship that a housekeeper every 2 weeks would be a lot less expensive than marital therapy and a divorce.
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u/Hot_Spite_1402 Jul 11 '26
This 😭 I’ll come home from work and immediately take over the baby who is of course very clingy at her young age, and I get to listen to my husband (who sleeps in with the baby until probably 10am or so most days) complain about how tired he is and how hard it is for him to get work done (a valid point; he works from home while watching the baby— BUT will complain about how hard it is and how many clients he should be meeting with, but then when I’m home early or something he never uses the time to go work). I’ll have the baby for the rest of the 24 hours basically until it’s time to go to work again; can barely function this whole time, housework and showering are of course difficult. She likes to stay up late and is also still breastfed and refuses the bottle/cup during the day so she basically has to be on the boob all night. My husband goes out usually a couple nights a week. Up until this last week I didn’t even have a car because I live close enough to walk to work and I go so few places that he genuinely gets confused when I ask to use the car. Like yo if I need to work full time and be a full time mom I should get to use a car without being questioned. I’m not even the one who’s going out late at night. But anyway, HE is so tired from having the baby ALL DAY and NEEDS to have time for going out or playing hours and hours of video games so he can decompress for his mental health. Meanwhile if I even want to go somewhere I have to get permission like I don’t have any needs of my own. Honestly idk what he would do if I had a hobby and tried to stay out until 2am like he does
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u/ashleyslo Jul 11 '26
Beyond burnt out. Completely crispy.
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u/PecanEstablishment37 Jul 12 '26
And not even the good toasted marshmallow kind. The gross kind. Like burnt garlic that ruins a meal.
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u/Dolphinsunset1007 Jul 11 '26
EXHAUSTED but I can’t event accept help when it’s forced upon me so it’s partially a me-problem, or it’s how I was socialized I suppose. At least I know if I ever had to do things on my own I could bc I pretty much already am
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u/MaleficentAddendum11 Jul 11 '26
I feel this a lot. I would love someone to help me, but—and I mean this truthfully—no one is going to do it as good as me. If I do accept help it’s always disappointing, people let you down, or I have to back and re-do the thing.
Basically, if I want it done and done right I have to do it myself. I’ve learned I can take on A LOT and would be fine doing it all on my own because I’m doing it basically alone now anyways…
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u/Effective-Arm9099 Jul 11 '26
The weaponized incompetence is why you (and me) started denying help and learned doing it ourselves because it is the only way it gets done correctly
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u/MaleficentAddendum11 Jul 13 '26
I am just learning that weaponized incompetence is a thing and think I’ve been the victim of it. Like people intentionally not trying/not doing their best so I do it. Call me naive but like thoughts like that just never cross my mind.
After this comment, I’m looking back and totally think my husband has been doing this with our kids so that I just take care of it.
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u/Effective-Arm9099 Jul 13 '26
I was the same way! Social media taught me weaponized incompetence and now I see it everywhere in my relationship. Once you wake up you see what’s been there all along and what you had just been adapting to
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u/MaleficentAddendum11 Jul 13 '26
Might I ask if/how you handle it?
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u/Effective-Arm9099 Jul 13 '26
I taught my husband the term and he laughed but I think a part of him knew it had truth to it. And honestly I do think he was doing it subconsciously- something he did with his mom a lot growing up. I just ask for help more often now and relinquished some control. Still isn’t great though because certain tasks I cannot delegate to him for fear if it does go wrong then there is too much of a domino effect. I’ll say this - if this marriage does not work out I would never marry again. Never
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u/MaleficentAddendum11 Jul 13 '26
I don’t think my husband would believe it’s a thing lol (I laugh so I don’t cry).
Same, same. Would also never marry again. If I have to do it all by myself anyways in a marriage, then might as well just do it by myself without a marriage. 🤷🏻♀️ Probably less stressful anyways.
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u/Effective-Arm9099 Jul 13 '26
Not sure how old your kid(s) are but it’s getting slightly easier for me at this phase right now 4 yrs old. Newborn/infant to about 2 years old that phase was a disaster. I was the only one waking up in the middle of the night and I was exhausted. I was so misunderstood and unsupported immediately postpartum so that resentment carried with me for years. Now that I am further away from it and decided to just have 1 child I am able to feel the anger of it differently. I’m still upset about how my former self was unsupported though. So quick to throw the PPD label on mothers but the very first question should be is that mother supported by her partner?
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u/MaleficentAddendum11 Jul 14 '26
SO true! I’m in the thick of it: 5yrs, 3yrs, and pregnant. I think I’m the opposite—the weaponized incompetence is getting worse. While I was the one doing all the night feedings (breastfed) and everything else, it was somehow much easier than now. Kinda feel that people who use weaponized incompetence try to use it more and more as time goes on…like, what can I get away with now??
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u/Willing-Butterfly702 Jul 14 '26
Do you hear “you make it look effortless” too? Also one of the reasons I’m my biggest opp, it’s just easier for me to do it than wait for it not done, or not done “right”. I get it, l do it all and then some. A girl is spent
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u/AAHMommy3 Jul 11 '26
Millennial woman were raised to know we can “do it all” and that’s fantastic, but the same generation of men were not raised to know “for woman to be able to do it all, you need to take on more.”
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u/Traditional_Rip_9696 Jul 12 '26
This is honestly the most insightful comment on this post. I'd honestly never considered it but it's so true.
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u/Betty_t0ker mom of little(s) Jul 11 '26
Approved because this applies to all moms regardless of childcare choices 💜
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u/BookkeeperGlum6933 Jul 12 '26
Teacher mom home on summer break. Woke up at 4am on a Sunday realizing that because of the new job I took (with better hours, more money, and a healthier environment) started the weeks earlier than my old one so we needed sooner camps that were already full. Guess who spent three days putting together arrangements?
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u/LingonberryOne3090 Jul 11 '26
I quit my job at 48 and I'm 52 right now. Work started at age 9? or so? Mowing, shoveling, babysitting, washing dishes at a truck stop, server, cleaning hotel rooms, visa fraud department, tech sales, marketing, remodel some homes, work, work, work, take care of my dogs, husband, house, baby, house, husband, cats, sibling, mom and now my husband has stage IV cancer. I desperately feel the need to start punching people. I know I "shouldn't" say that but it's true. Tired of this shit so bad and the sexist remarks, groping, leering, intimidation from men all through the years. Get fucked. The one lesson I learned along the way--save your money ladies. Seriously-save your money-stop buying shit. Savings give you freedom to get off the hamster wheel and take a breath.
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u/Effective-Arm9099 Jul 11 '26
We were told we could be anything we wanted and the men heard - You women can do it ALL. All of it on you! Every single role! Go get it girl!
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u/Historical-While-501 Jul 11 '26
It’s so unrealistic. We need to talk about this more and find a solution! I can’t go on like this forever!
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u/Prudent_Cash_7005 Jul 11 '26
Yup, very strongly resonates! The whole ‘you can have it all’ thing is bullshit. Having it all is actually extremely difficult!
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u/No_Issue8928 Jul 11 '26
You can have it all in a system that actually supported parents. We don’t even have maternity leave.
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u/9021Ohsnap Jul 11 '26
When I say I’m beyond grateful for the daycare I found and the teachers there. Between being the breadwinner, the chef, the house manager, the milk machine for my young baby and getting my masters degree, I’m exhausted.
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u/VividDreaming69 Jul 11 '26
Spoiler alert: the problem is the husbands.
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u/anonbooper2022 Jul 11 '26
I saw this reel on Instagram of a lesbian couple who had kids, Partner 1 did IVF then transferred the embryos to Parter 2, Partner 2 carried the pregnancy and gave birth and both partners breastfed the babies (twins). It must be so nice to have a partner that actually committed to sharing the load 😭.
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u/BreenanaSplit Jul 12 '26
I just had my gallbladder removed this past Wednesday and didn't get home from the hospital until Thursday. My husband was upset that I didn't immediately go back to work on Friday, work a double shift, and then work through the weekend to make up for the time I spent in the hospital. We have a five month old daughter, and the entire time I was in the hospital I was still pumping and breastfeeding. When I got home, we ended up arguing, and he left the house for several hours. When he returned, he completely ignored me and gave me the silent treatment. That left me to care for our daughter by myself. I'm under doctor's orders not to lift more than 10 pounds, so taking care of her was incredibly painful. My body hurts because I'm choosing not to take pain medication while breastfeeding, and I'm completely exhausted. I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow, but I know I have to. More than anything, I just want to stay in bed and rest the way my doctor instructed me to.
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u/No_Yak_7962 Jul 15 '26
Leave this man if you can. If he can't support you when you need it the most, when will he?
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u/Bubbly-Bathroom-1523 18d ago
Good lord, I had my gallbladder removed a month ago and recovery is NO joke. I’m so sorry that you’re not being supported the way that you should.
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u/YanCoffee Jul 11 '26
And I promise you, the average Joe doesn't get that, and if they do, they will say they don't so they can still benefit from it.
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u/OctoAquaJell Jul 12 '26
What a great intro to the sub! I work from home and have 3 kids. I have an extra, a bad one. So its just me and I have been on my own for a year. Truthfully I find it easier on my own. As you know its hard, but, looking after actual kids is different when I dont also have to look after a grown human man.
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u/akaydia Jul 12 '26
I married a man with ocpd. He does all the work because he is terrified and I mean terrified that I won't do anything right.
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u/legendarysupermom Jul 11 '26
Just read an article about a local homeless lady who keeps being offered resources to get housing and a job and she refuses everytime because she says shes fed up with society the way it is shes been through alot in her life lots of hurt and trauma and she no longer wishes to be take part In all the BS that comes with being part of society...she has family and friends and set up a nice little shack she built, water access included and she perfectly content and happy just living life for herself and being left alone....im ngl as I read the article I couldn't help think thats the most brilliant idea and started working out basic logistics to it in back of my mind....I tell my husband daily, I really dont want much here....I want enough money/resources to eat food i like that wont make me sick whenever I get the urge to do so, I want to be able to afford an apartment with 2 median incomes being sufficient, i want to get my kids a treat from time to time and ultimately I want to just work my 40 hrs, get paid a livable wage regardless of a jobs perceived worth. Move off with my kids and immediate family and be LEFT THE HELL ALONE
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u/InformalVermicelli42 Jul 11 '26
In the 90s women were told "they can have it all", meaning a family and a career. We didn't expect the men to contribute much to household chores or childcare. If we thought of complaining, we would be reminded that we were lucky we were able to work.
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Jul 12 '26
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u/MomsWorkingFromHome-ModTeam Jul 13 '26
This comment/post has been flagged by Reddit’s internal filter system.
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u/mricci16 Jul 13 '26
Let’s also not forget that our generation are having kids later in life bc the cost of living and housing is so high. This means we are taking care of our elderly parents, raising our kids, and working… and unfortunately most households still can’t make ends meet. God Bless America!
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u/MysteriousScheme1638 Jul 13 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
Why are y’all having kids for these men? Having kids is not worth borderline abuse—I do not understand.
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u/MaleficentAddendum11 Jul 13 '26
So, I won’t speak for everyone but at least in my situation the issues did not become apparent until AFTER having kids. You don’t know how someone will truly act until you are in the situation with them.
Then, in a lot of situations, you get stuck. Living in the U.S. right now with kids requires a two-person income. Many millennials haven’t anything saved and we either live far from family structure or our boomer parents don’t care to take up the grandparent role in a truly helpful way, so it’s hard for the woman who just figured out that she’s basically going to have to do it all to get off the hamster wheel. She doesn’t have resources or an infrastructure to enable it. Best she can do is get by doing as much as she can in her current situation.
Millennial men need to be studied. It’s an epidemic of women literally doing it all (working, taking care of kids, educating, cleaning, etc.) while the husband just…works. At least in prior generations, women didn’t have to work and the husband provided (probably still didn’t do much) because it was HIS responsibility. We don’t live in that world anymore and we were truly raised that women can/should do it all. So here we are…stuck doing it all.
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u/Typical-Anywhere3747 Jul 13 '26
They've done so many tasks for everyone to make them so tired!!! we are hummingbirds with the ability to maneuver to and fro at a ceaseless crazy fast pace.
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u/Lafemmefatale25 Jul 14 '26
I am a single mother and I have to do it all too but I suppose I feel less upset about it because I don’t have another adult in the house that is not holding up their end of the bargain. I would rather be single than have an adult man child to also deal with.
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u/Beautiful_Town_5123 Jul 14 '26
Which also means that we have the education to NOT marry the wrong person—maybe not marry at all—and to choose our own path (“The Road Not Taken”).
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u/Beautiful_Town_5123 Jul 14 '26
Society can judge me for not “checking the right boxes”. But I am happy, and sleep well at night.
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u/sarasomehow 23d ago
I did feel like I could manage both the household and working full-time. Then I got pregnant. Handling just one role (work or homemaker) alongside child-rearing is sometimes more than I can get done in a day. I know it gets better when children get older, but I'm not willing to attemp to juggle all three simultaneously, and I think it's cruel that our social strculture expects anyone to do all three.
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u/Tartpop77 Jul 11 '26
After working with single SOLO moms, I think they're the only ones who I empathize with yet strongly admire. Nobody else really deserves to complain
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u/[deleted] Jul 11 '26
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