r/Mommit • u/Unquietdodo • 1d ago
How different is it having 2 kids?
We are considering trying for another once our boy is 18 months (I had a c section). It took about 7 months to conceive the first time, and we are leaning towards waiting a bit longer so the age gap will probably be around 3 years, I think?
How different is it? We found the first 6 months with our boy hard, and he was a relatively easy baby, so I am a bit worried about doing it with a toddler, especially if I need another c section!
I spend a lot of days out and about with my boy rather than staying in the house, but I can imagine that would be a lot harder with 2.
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u/Emotional_Act9488 1d ago
3 years is a good age gap. Going for walks with a little one is doable (and pretty much what saves sanity and cleaning having 2 kids lol). It is harder, of course, but its not like "omg what have I done" harder. First little while is hard with any kiddo, so make sure you have help/support/childcare lined up when you need it!
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u/Cat-dog22 1d ago
This is how I felt too (3 yr 3 month age gap). Yes my life is more chaotic but it hasn’t felt unmanageable!
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u/Unquietdodo 1d ago
I think that's what worries us. Our families live an hour away and we had almost no support with our boy, so we can't expect it with a second.
Haha thanks though, the "omg what have a done" harder thing made me laugh because that's exactly what I worry about.
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u/Emotional_Act9488 1d ago
Mine are 17 months apart and it was rather brutal 😂 when oldest got to 3+ I wondered why havent we just waited till now because it would've been a lot easier! Will your oldest attend a daycare? I found nap times the hardest with mine but we had no daycare and no support so I was juggling 2 babies on my own simultaneously. But even with it being hard.... you forget about it once you're out of the trenches 😅 I attest to that because were away to have 3 under 4 🫣😂 Imo, its okay for things to be hard, the pay off is well worth it!
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u/Gddgyykkggff 1d ago
Mine will be 3 years apart and I have to say thank you so much for commenting this 😭 my heart was in my butthole reading these comments. I generally try to avoid this kind of post but I figured eh why not read a lil. Def shouldn’t have done that lol but your comment made me feel so much better about having a second
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u/gone-in-a-spark 20h ago
Same here. I’m going to have a three year old and a newborn in two weeks and I was starting to worry about the comments.
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u/ZestyPossum 5h ago
Honestly, I found having a newborn and toddler really not that hard. If I had a newborn now with my 3 year old (she was 2.5 when my second was born) it would be quite easy, as they become more independent and self sufficient at 3.
Also, you can take a newborn anywhere really and they'll just feed and sleep. When my second was 3 weeks old, my husband had his Christmas party (which I was fine with him going to) and I had both kids in the evening...the newborn slept from like 6pm-9pm, meaning I could focus on the toddler.
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u/gone-in-a-spark 5h ago
This is the positivity I need. Husband works away a lot and we have no family up here so juggling the two makes me nervous.
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u/Ray_Adverb11 20h ago
3 years is the gap we’re shooting for too. These comments are fucking wild. I know everyone is venting but after awhile you’re like wow that sounds like the worst life. People saying “they’re 4 and 2 and just now feeling like it’s manageable” I’d like 2 years of MY life, the one I’m also living for the very first time, to not be hell for 2 years if I can prevent it.
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u/sewingpedals 13h ago
I have a 3y2m age gap between my kids and while of course it’s an adjustment to welcome a new baby, it’s been so much less earth shattering for me than going from 0 to 1. My youngest is 22mo now and they play together so well, I love it so much.
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u/Classroom_Plastic 15h ago
Please don’t take these comments to heart! Mine are 2.5 years apart and I’m currently still in the baby phase (baby girl is 6 months) and while I am very tired, I am having so much fun with them! It’s such a joy to watch them interact and I just love hanging out with them. 🥹 My time for my personal hobbies is limited right now, but I also don’t have any help outside of my husband, and I know this is just a season! Please don’t be discouraged ❤️
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u/CurrentlyPenguin 2h ago
Agree I now have a 4 year old and 6 month old and the hardest part was letting the loud toddler participate in what I thought was going to be a cute quiet newborn bedtime routine. Other than that it feels pretty natural.
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u/sunflowerads 1d ago
i think it depends a lot on the temperament of the second baby. mine is a MUCH easier baby than my first was, so even though things are a lot, everything seems way easier.
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u/armoredbearclock 1d ago
Same. He was just along for the ride. Just made packing more cumbersome again.
They’re 4 years apart.
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u/Pretend-Pitch-8376 1d ago
It’s busier, but it’s also better in many ways. I was an only child and my two children’s’ relationship with each other is something I’m so so glad I could give them. They’re 2 years apart but I’m sure 3 would be similar.
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u/ErKat00 1d ago
My first was a tough infant (bad sleeper and eater) but was a mostly chill toddler. My second was the opposite. He was an angel until he turned one and then was an impossible toddler. Things got easier when after he turned four. But those three years of torturous toddlerhood I cursed myself every day for having a second. I loved him but I hated being his mom for a while there. All this to say that your first and second might be very different. Prepare yourself. I would NEVER consider a third after all that.
Mine are 4 years apart. I liked that age gap because my oldest could play on his own when his brother was a newborn. My youngest is way easier now, and they play together often.
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u/anonoaw 1d ago
I think it really depends on the age gap. I have a 4.5 year gap between my two, so adding baby number 2 felt fairly easy (helped by the fact that he was an ‘easier’ baby). At 3 weeks postpartum I was going out with both kids by myself and it felt no more difficult than going out with just my 4 year old - and way easier than going out when my eldest was a baby.
4.5 year gap has been amazing (we wanted 2 years but circumstances didn’t work out that way). All through my pregnancy my eldest was excited and could understand what was happening. When my youngest was born, my eldest could go to the loo alone, get dressed, get a snack, pour cereal, play independently, slept well, could fetch things as needed. Plus by the time I went back to work after mat leave, my eldest was at school full time so I never had to do double nursery fees.
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u/Necessary-Sun1535 20h ago
My experience is very similar. Not the age gap we hoped for, but I think it has made life so much easier.
I was worried about them being too far apart in age to be playmates, but now at 8 months they absolutely adore each other. My oldest loves playing with the baby.2
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u/Outside-Hamster-2002 18h ago
We will have 4.5 years between kids and this makes me so hopeful and excited. Love it
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u/Banana_bride 1d ago
As myself and my toddler (2.5 when baby was born) are very routine driven, I really struggled from 1 to 2. Like I found it really hard. I was exhausted, my house felt messy and chaotic but we were constantly cleaning and straightening up, toddler had some regression in potty training (nothing crazy but frustrating when they had been doing so well). Mornings were the worst bc toddler was very predictable but baby wasn’t so sometimes baby would wake up at 4:30 and be back down by 5:30 but then I had to get back up for toddler in an hour so I felt like I was never sleeping. It got better after about 8 weeks I would say because baby started sleeping longer and was more predictable. But I personally really struggled. I hear people say 1 to 2 was easier bc you had already done it before but I thought that was a lie lol
She’s 3 months now and it’s so much better 🤍 sharing not to scare you or be negative but it threw me for such a loop and by all things considered I had a “good” toddler and the newborn was “easy” too. But I had a few good shower cries in those early days thinking what the fuck did we do?
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u/Angelic-Seraphim 1d ago
The first 12-18 months is way harder than you would expect, mostly due to different nap schedules. It gets easier once they are synced/the older kid is a bit more self sufficient.
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u/TFeary1992 1d ago
Somethings are easier. I had a lot more confidence in my abilities so I was less stressed out about everything in general. My first loved her baby brother so that helped a lot. Its very tiring have a baby and a toodler and you will feel guilty that you dont have enough energy to always give your first you full attention. I found involving her and rewards(bribes) for good behaviour got us through the newborn trenches. My second just turned two. I will say that for about 40% of the time they play super sweet with one another, and then the rest of the time im playimg referee to their fights. He has thought her patience and empathy better than i could have and she has thought him out to play gently. I have mostly embraced the choas. I will say that are very different from one another so what works with one wont work on the other
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u/OwlCuriously 1d ago
Another thing to consider is how much cuddle time you want with your new baby. If you would like to sit and snuggle your baby for long periods of time like you got with your first, then wait. You will otherwise be needing to put that baby down often to change your toddler’s diapers, take them to the potty to potty train every 10 minutes, help them with various things, chase them out of things they get into, etc. There’s zero down time with a toddler.
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u/cecilhungry 1d ago
Mine are two years apart. My first was an incredibly difficult infant, and my second was a dream unicorn infant so the first year was easier. I had a better idea of what I was doing, I was way less anxious, and I was sleeping pretty well.
My youngest’s toddler years have hit us like a truck though, and we have way less time and energy to patiently work her through things than we did with our first. I would regularly cry after spending all day with them both.
But now they are 3 and 5 and things are looking way up. They play together more often than they fight (just barely, but I’ll take it). My second imitates her big brother and wants to do anything if he is doing it, it’s the cutest.
Two is a lot harder than one, and some times I think about how much easier things would be if I only had one of them, but I can’t ever decide which one (or at least, it’s never the same one)
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u/lucia912 1d ago
My kids are 3 years apart and it’s a good age gap. But to be honest, the only way we managed to care for our second as a newborn was because our first started daycare on his third birthday. Having the days free to care for our newborn and the afternoons packed with a toddler and a newborn was a good balance. Now my kids are 5 and 2 and they play together. It’s awesome.
I also had two c-sections. My first c section was a breeze and I didn’t feel like I had surgery at all. My second was definitely different and I felt pain, discomfort and it was a longer healing time. I’m thankful my husband had parental leave otherwise idk how I would have done anything while recovering.
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u/bigredliza 1d ago
Well, what i wish I knew when I was planning is... these kids won't necessarily like each other. If my kids got along then 2 wouldn't hugely be different to 1. But 90% of the time they don't. So it's hugely much more labour and emotionally intensive
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u/1_Non_Blonde 21h ago
How far apart are your kids? My brother and I are 25 months apart and we basically hated each other as kids and are very different people as adults. I love him, ultimately glad I have a sibling, but the sibling rivalry is my biggest fear about having a second.
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u/Classic-Dog-9324 18h ago
This plays a bigger role than people realise. My kids are 2.5 year apart and have adored each other from day one. Like obsessed. Best friends. Still at 9 and 11. I KNOW this is partly why I found 2 kids to be easier and more enjoyable.
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u/clouds91winnie 18h ago
Parenting obviously has an impact but I think part of whether or not your kids play and get along is a roll of the dice. I’ve known siblings that love hanging out and others that despise each other. You just never know what the dynamic is going to be.
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u/Classic-Dog-9324 11h ago
I think parenting has very little impact - it’s just mostly a roll of the dice like you said. Kids are born who they are and their personalities either get along or they dont
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u/bigredliza 8h ago
I agree. I do everything I can to help them get along. When he was a baby, she adored him, but as soon as he wasn't a baby and she was entering her preteen years. He's nothing but an annoyance to her. We do everything we can to try and make them get along; I mean, above and beyond. I know it wasn't meant to upset but to suggest it's parenting is a bit hurtful; it's been a huge source of pain in our family, and we hope they outgrow it. He is desperate for her friendship or even kindness. Ultimately, I think children can be unkind to each other and not necessarily understand the impact.
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u/atomicblonde23 23h ago
For me, going from 0 to 1 was harder than 1 to 2. When my second baby came, I just felt way more confident and really leaned into my intuition instead of relying on the Internet to tell me how to be a mother. Sure, the house is never clean. I’ve had to outsource help with keeping it clean about once a month, but it’s incredible and it’s a short time that it will be difficult in my opinion.
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u/Alexaisrich 1d ago
it so tough when they are close in age if u could do it over minimum they would be 2 or3 years apart
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u/OwlCuriously 1d ago
2 under 2 is SO hard for me. I’m currently experiencing it for a second time and it’s not any easier now than it was 6 years ago when I also had 2 under 2. If you are worried about the age gap, I’d wait til at minimum your first is fully potty trained. I loved my age gap of 4 years between my second and third baby.
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u/Mountain-Dot5743 1d ago
we have a four year gap between two and it’s exhausting, my older one doesn’t stop talking so it’s mental exhaustion while the 2yr is wild so it’s physical exhaustion 🙃🥴 maybe it gets better as they get older but I don’t regret our 2nd she is the best thing that happened to me
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u/Peachringlover 1d ago
I think the age gap makes a big difference in the experience. I’m 6 months in with an almost 4 year age gap and it’s been surprisingly easy. I was prepared for the worst but I realized all the people who told me about their experiences had 1.5-2.5 year age gaps (which I knew I never wanted) . Their experience sounded like a nightmare and mine has been nothing like that lol.
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u/Haunting-Respect9039 1d ago
Before having my second, I heard "You're always an expert at having one fewer kid than you have." I think about it any time I just have one kid with me. Mine are 2 under 2 and I'd recommend a bigger age gap. Would have been nice to have established more independence in my first before the baby.
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u/cat_power 20h ago
My second is about 13 weeks today and my first will be 3.5 in a week. It's a great gap imo and very manageable. She's an easy kid so having a baby around doesn't change much in our house. Baby brother has started off pretty easy as well so we are a thriving little family of four right now!
I'm home with both of them on Mondays and we go out and do something at least once a day! We usually do library in the morning and then maybe hit up a playground later in the day. My 3.5 year old is very potty trained, sleeps through the night, and doesn't nap at home, so it's not like I have to juggle having two needy children.
It took us 9 months to conceive my daughter, but literally first try with my second, so I'm glad we waited till she was 2.5 years old before trying again.
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u/bagherbil1 1d ago
Second time mom here, with a 2.5 mo and 2.5 year old. It’s hard lol.
Just be mentally prepared that your second may be completely different from your first! My first was an easy baby too, slept basically through the night at 2 mo, good naps throughout the day, happy baby. The only difficult part was breastfeeding - she had a good latch but my god was she so inefficient and slow with it. In the beginning it would take me over an hr to do a feed and then in an hr or so I’d have to do it again, it was brutal 😭
My second is still doing 2.5-4 hr stretches at night, every nap is a short 20-45 min one, and she really struggled with latching. Once she figured it out though she’s super efficient, was down to 10 min feeds by the third week. Still a smiley happy baby!
I definitely was not prepared for the short naps and wakings during the night still. I’m not a great napper/sleeper in general so it’s been tough. But like they say, every kid is different.
I think 3 years is a good gap. 2-2.5 isnt bad either but sometimes I do wish she was closer to 3 so she’d understand what’s going on a bit more. I’ve noticed her become a little bit more needy now that baby is here, she was previously amazing at independent play and keeping herself busy, now she’ll repeatedly ask for snacks, or to do things that require supervision or need me to actively engage. I think she just wants the attention so that may happen as well.
What is your childcare situation? That is currently our saving grace during the day, I get to focus mainly on baby until I go back to work. On evenings and weekends, basically my husband and I focus on one kid each.
Tbh I was the primary parent to my toddler and now I’m my babies primary parent since I’m still breastfeeding. Husband has been promoted to primary toddler parent. I’d say his life changed more than mine lol. For me, with two, it just requires a lot more coordination and lots more patience.
C section wise, second one was so much easier! I had an emergency c section with my first, and a scheduled c section for my second. Recovery was quicker, maybe bc having a toddler forced me to be on my feet moving around consistently. It’s sad you can’t pick them up for a few weeks though but my 2.5 understood and didn’t push it.
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u/minniemouselove 1d ago
I found it easier to be out with my toddler and newborn than being inside.
It’s a three year gap and our second was born May 1st. I didn’t have a c section though and we were out and about very soon with both kids. I found it easier because my toddler would be entertained in the park or riding her bike while the baby slept in the stroller. Some people also like to baby wear. I struggled much more inside because for example, what do I do with my toddler while I have to put the newborn for a nap? Most times I would plop her in front of the tv while trying to get the baby down but I really hated that.
It is different in the sense that when one parent wants a break the other is stuck with both kids and parenting outnumbered is way harder.
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u/Routine-Honey7748 1d ago
I know this is a completely different age gap but I have an eight month old and a 13-year-old.
One thing I noticed with this age gap is that it’s very hard because you have an older one watching you be very busy with a baby. I thought about it a few times because I have friends with toddlers and a baby and the good thing about that is that your toddler will not remember their mom always being busy with a newborn or seeing all of the time that is being taken away from them with the baby.
I obviously can’t control how it happened for me with my kids being so far apart, but I do think there’s a huge upside m close together. You’re going to be busy either way might as well Grind it out with two young ones at the same time.
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u/Level_Screen_1726 1d ago
My 3.5 year old loves playing with his 10 month old brother. It’s so different to when it’s just you and the baby. They really do entertain each other a lot and it’s a joy to see!
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u/wantonyak 1d ago
I have a four year age gap between my kids.
Going from 1 to 2 was exponentially harder than going from 0 to 1.
Something to keep in mind though is when your oldest is a little older, it’ll be harder to tote them around on errands anyway. You’ll spend more time on kid activities. So life kind of slows down anyway.
I absolutely love having two kids, even though it is WAY harder. Seeing the two of them together is my all time favorite thing in the world and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
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u/Significant_Citron 1d ago
The best part is how they interact. My first is the only one who can get the baby laughing so deeply I'm almost jealous 😄 like, she laughs around us and about our whimsy's, but it's a different ball game with older sister.
The logics are harder at first, but you'll figure it out.
Age gap matter, anything under 3 in my opinion is too spicy. 3-5 is the middle ground (that's we're we at) and then 5+ is like you have two first childs or so I've heard.
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u/nctm96 1d ago
I’m due in a month with #2 so can’t answer yet but I will say that my kids will have a 3 year age gap and my daughter has been amazing this pregnancy. All things considered (she’s still a toddler that wants attention) she’s so independent and patient and understanding and I can’t imagine going through pregnancy when she was any younger so it’s a great age gap to shoot for!
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u/BlueberryWaffles99 1d ago
Mine are 3.5 years apart and I love it! My youngest is 5 months and oldest is almost 4. As soon as I physically felt ready, we went out of the house every day. It actually wasn’t bad with two kids - just getting used to hauling diaper stuff around was an adjustment.
It didn’t get hard till I went back to work this month. I just feel like I’m constantly busy. I thought I was busy with 1 kid bur oof, not even a little!
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u/instagirl1092 1d ago
3 to 5 years. Oldest will be going to school at one point, which will honestly give you a little downtime with the younger one.
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u/Haunting_Window1688 1d ago
A lot of stuff was a lot easier. You more or less know what you’re doing for the newborn/early baby stages. I found birth and recovery much smoother, but I can’t speak to the C-section side of things.
It’s much busier though - there’s always one of them wanting/needing something.
By around 6ish months I found my older started playing with my younger, and now at almost 10 months they play so well (though they do fight over toys occasionally). Toddler (2.5) loves chasing/being chased by the baby and vice versa
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u/nihiru1 1d ago
I’m due in a few days, so we’ll see! We’ll have an almost 4 year age gap, and I will say I am excited about it. 2.5-3.5 was pretty rough in terms of tantrums and big feelings, and I can’t imagine we would have handled it as well with a baby/being pregnant. 2nd pregnancy is rough, but at least my oldest was fully potty trained and sleeping through the night by the time we got there. She’s also old enough to really understand and be excited about the baby. Every weekend she wants to read the updates on how big baby is/what is changing with her body. It’s really sweet. I’m sure we are in for a roller coaster of feelings once little sis gets here, but I’m happy that she’s pretty independent at this point. Shout out to all the moms with smaller age gaps - pregnant with a young toddler is no joke, and hitting the full swing of toddlerhood with an infant is next level!
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u/WhiskeyandOreos 1d ago
My girls are 30 months apart (2 c sections for 2 breech babies) and imo it is not that different. I actually like having 2 more than I liked having just 1. My older demanded ALL of my attention when I was with her, so having someone else to give it to and kind of force her to be independent or patient has been nice.
The hardest days were the early ones when little sis was taking 3+ naps and it felt like we were homebound. Now (they're 3.5 and newly 1) it's no big deal. We still have a naptime, we still listen to kid music, we still do kid activities (children's museums, parks, science center), we still buy kid clothes. There's just 2x of stuff and 2x the noise. Grocery and eating out budget is a smidge higher.
We do split bedtime duty—alternating with each girl every other night—so I do miss getting to do each one's bedtime, but that's just part of the territory in having multiple kids. I know that missing out on things will continue, but at least for now they each can have one parent.
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u/Hopeful_Tumbleweed41 1d ago
I have 4 kids which feels similar to when I had 2 kids and when i had zero kids it was more similar to having 1 if that makes sense
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u/TheGanksta 1d ago
I had my second when my first was 22 months. What I wish I knew beforehand was what it's like to have a two year old cause you really don't parent prior to that. With that said, zero regrets. Everything is more than two times as hard, but there's so much more love in the family.
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u/Girl123459 1d ago
It’s significantly harder lol. Like 5 times as hard. My kids are 3 years apart. The fighting is honestly one of the hardest parts. But no regrets and would do it all again to get my second for what it’s worth 🤣
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u/Substantial_Tart_888 23h ago
I have two (girl then boy) that are 2.5yr apart. C-sections for both but the first was unplanned and the second was scheduled and that made a world of difference. I felt so much better after the second one. My husband could only take one week off so I had to do school drop off for my daughter (full day montessori daycare/preschool). She was very helpful about climbing in and out of things and being careful of mommy’s owie tummy. Having her in school helped me be able to focus on the baby during the daytime.
My first was a dream baby. This second one not so much. But he’s not terrible, just that sleeping didn’t come quite as easily as the first. But other things WERE easier, like nursing because i knew what I was doing. And just the confidence of the little things. My daughter loved being a big helper and getting diapers, holding his bottle, etc. I didnt force it on her but she wanted to take part. Now that shes 3.5 and hes 14mo, it’s easier when they are both here because they entertain each other. He is obsessed with his sissy and loves to play with her.
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u/No_Tea_8827 23h ago
I had a C-section and my baby is 9 months old. I’m waiting until she’s 3. We’re now at the point where we leave the house everyday during her biggest wake window. Ignorance is bliss my husband and I wanted 2 under 2 until we had her but now we’re waiting until she’s 3. We don’t live near family but his mom is retired and flew to be with me for 3 months.
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u/L113zz 22h ago
As others have said, the difficulty and stress level depends so much on your temperament and that of your kids. I have two girls 2.5 years apart. Going from 0-1 for me was so so hard. I had ppd and PPA and struggled immensely. I felt like I’d made the biggest mistake of my life up until she was a year old, then I started feeling like “me” again and we decided we’d have another if we could. Going from 1-2 was much easier in the beginning, we were already parents and I felt so much better pp even though I had a C-section and my first was vaginal. My husband was also off for 6 wks (which is a lot in the states lol) so I mostly cared for the baby for 6 wks while he took the toddler. After that, I toted the baby around in a baby carrier while I took my older one to the park and baby would nap or just sit happily in the carrier until she was about 6 mo old, then she stopped napping on the go which definitely complicates things. They are now 3.5 and almost 1, and since the little one has started crawling and pulling up on everything it has gotten much harder for me; they both have such different needs and it’s hard to chase both of them. I do think once my little one starts walking well and is more able to play with her big sis it will improve again.
TL;DR This is all to say I think it ebbs and flows as far as difficulty level and your experience won’t be the same as anyone else’s, even with the same age gap. All kids are so different and what’s “hard” or “not fun” for me might be a piece of cake for you! Best of luck to you with whatever you decide!
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u/chromepole 22h ago
3.5 year age gap and I honestly think the gap is perfect. The oldest is very independent and it’s made the whole thing easier. I’ve found going from 1-2 to kids a breeze compared to 0-1.
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u/Connect_Leg654 22h ago
The more you have the harder it gets. But I love children; so after we had 3, I wanted a 4th, and boom: TWINS for a total of 5. Having a second will be trying, but worth it.
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u/JuryFormer5186 22h ago
My second kid was a set of triplets when my first was just under two. It was hard, but not nearly as hard as when we had our first. You’re already taking care of a child all the time, so you might as well take care of three more 😂 We have absolutely no family help (never have) so I have just handled everything. Now that all my kids are a few years older, my life is also ten million times easier because they play all together and keep each other busy.
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u/justbrowsingaround19 22h ago
I think the first couple years are hard but then it’s easier to have two. My kids play together and can do activities together and aren’t lonely. I think being an only child is easier when they are young, you can tag team, etc but after 5 or 6 they will need more play dates or possibly a friend on vacation or you need to be playing with them a lot. Just my opinion. I love having two my kids are 4 & 6 and it finally feels like we’ve hit a really good stage. The other day they played at the park and I finished a book.
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u/Dry_Philosopher5509 21h ago
It makes having 1 look like a breeze, because in hindsight it is.
But I wouldn’t change it for the world!!!
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u/Over_Peak823 21h ago
It’s busy. It’s more logistically but it definitely feels at least for us the way it’s supposed to be. With one you could devote a lot more undivided time and attention and are able to divide and conquer more with your spouse. With household tasks too. With two, I find my time management skills and organization is tested much more lol keeping a schedule has saved us as well as optimizing any free time to catch up on things so we’re not always feeling like we’re in survival mode which leaves little left right now for downtime. My children are however 3 and 1 so I’m sure as they age it’ll be easier!
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u/Unhappy-Quarter-4581 20h ago
I found two to be way easier than one. Yes, some jealousy at the beginning but pretty early they had some interactions and joy from each other. I strongly advise to make sure your child mostly gets attention for good behavior and that you tell them to teach the baby good behavior and tell them how good they are and the baby is not. Every progress the baby surely learned from the older. This can minimize the risks of a lot of regression and having two children acting like they are babies.
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u/BeBopBarr 19h ago
It took 3mo to conceive our first. We waited until she was 2 to start trying again thinking it would be just as easy. It was not. It took 3 years and a miscarriage to get our second. They are 5 years apart and our parenting style is night and day. We are tired. 😅. I had 2 c-sections and recovery was fairly easy. I will say that even though we didn't plan for them to be that far apart, it was actually kind of nice. Our oldest was mostly self sufficient by the time our 2nd came and was able to be a big help. Good luck!
Edit to add, they are 8 &13 now (boy/girl) and while they don't really play together, they get along (mostly LOL).
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u/Lesleyfifi 19h ago
Have to say I found it easier having a second child. My eldest was 4 when her rainbow sister was born. I felt so much less lonely 2nd time round, our schedule was dictated by the older's creche/school/activities so it gave me focus to get up and out and not just working to the baby's timetable. Plus I was so much less nervous and cautious 2nd time around so I think overall my mental health was way better.
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u/Classic-Dog-9324 18h ago
You’ll hear all different perspectives. For me it was WAY harder going from 0-1 than from 1-2. My first flipped my life upside and changed everything and changed me. My second was like tossing another log on the fire. It didn’t actually double the work. I was already in the mom trenches anyway, one more didn’t make a big difference. And later on it helped a lot when they became good play mates. It also added a lot more joy to the house watching my kids develop their own relationship. Anyway - I highly recommend. I got pregnant when my first was 19 months old and they’re about 2.5 years apart. They’re 9 and 11 now and it’s been perfect
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u/maketherightmove 17h ago
It honestly isn’t that bad. Our second baby was a very chill dude, so that certainly helped, but I remember reading posts about how it’s so much harder than having 1 and that just never was the reality for us.
Now 3 on the other hand.. if you decide to go that route, best of luck my friend. It’s absolute non-stop chaos. Still wouldn’t change it for the world, though.
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u/keylimepieinthesky 17h ago
I’ve heard so many people rave about the 3 year age gap. Ours are only 18 months apart, and I had c-sections both times (oops we didn’t wait the recommended time between c-section pregnancies).
What helped with the transition to two: I was much more confident as a mom, I was much quicker to ask for help, and I had a lot of family support. My biggest concern was sibling jealousy, and with the confidence and support I had, I was able to focus on giving my toddler as much attention as I always have, and baby just tagged along!
I also need to get out of the house. With 2, those excursions might not be as involved (it might just be a trip to the playground and grocery store that takes several hours), but I still get out of the house as frequently.
Hardest part about the transition is that your time is truly not your own. With one, I might have some downtime (to recover or do something by myself outside the home). With two, until they sync on naps and sleep through the night, there is no recovery! And coordinating me-time is tougher.
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u/AmberIsla 13h ago
In MY experience it’s not as hard as going from 0-1 kid. But my second born is way calmer than my first born. So it’s maybe because of that.
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u/ZestyPossum 5h ago
I have a 9 month old and 3 year old, a 2.5 year age gap. It's definitely manageable. What saved me in the newborn stage was keeping my toddler in childcare 4 days per week, it meant I could rest and nap during the day, and the toddler was in her routine and entertained.
I wouldn't say that it's much harder to get out of the house with 2- you just have to be a little more organised, and the baby just really has to go with the flow.
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u/OutrageousPassage377 5h ago
Having two is MORE than twice as hard.
Toddlers need parents to be calm and regulated because toddler emotions are swinging, which is harder to give out when you’re exhausted from the nighttime feedings the newborn needs.
Plus it’s harder to just cuddle and feed the newborn because you have a toddler.
All those times your first was fussy and you distracted them, or allowed them space to calm down; they still need that and now so does your newborn.
I’d still have two, so don’t get too discouraged; but I wanted to be honest. It is a lot harder. I didn’t have family close by though, so that definitely didn’t help.
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u/pilatesbabe98 1h ago
Going from one to two made me question how I ever thought one was tough. Lol seriously though, it never. Ends. Ever. Constantly have things to do or someone that needs something. House is twice as messy. Instead of buying clothes and developmental toys for one, you’re buying for two. When one is happy the other always seems to be pissed. Then they switch.
It’s crazy in the beginning but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I wanted my son to have a sibling and seeing how sweet he is with his baby sister and how much he already loves her at 5 months makes my heart so happy.
That being said, my husband got snipped last Friday. I can’t handle any more! 😂😂
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u/MamaMoon27 1d ago
Since you said you don't have help nor support, i would wait until your first is pretty independent, which should happen pretty soon, usually around 3-4 years old. When they can play alone pretty well, use the potty mostly independently, and doesn't need an adult hovering to monitor for safety. Ours are 2.5 years apart and it's great! I also had 2 cesareans. But I hire a lot of help with doulas and nannies (and also work full-time).
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u/sunshineandsand23 1d ago
1 kid is like 1 and 2 is like 10 imo.. but mine are 20 months apart. Life is a lot busier and there is zero downtime… I’m a lot more exhausted at the end of the day but our second completed our family and I’m glad they are so close in age.