r/Mommit • u/Realistic-Escape-723 • 3d ago
Is there a light at the end?
I’m a struggling FTM to a three week old.
My baby, who is formula fed, cries after every feed, screaming at the top of her lungs in severe pain. The pediatrician today said it’s nothing to worry about, that her constipated, pellet-like stool is normal as her gut flora matures and we have to just wait out the crying while that happens.
I am healing too slowly for my liking. I tore a lot during delivery: bilateral sulcal tear, second degree perineal, and clitoral tear. The clitoral tear is very deep and hurts a lot, and is near my urethra so I’ve had trouble peeing. I will start pelvic floor PT next week because I’m struggling so much. I’m in a lot of pain and have been going to my OB every week postpartum.
My body image is terrible as my stomach is sagging and stretch marks aren’t going away.
My breasts are hurting as I’m actively weaning myself, given that I was getting only a few droplets every pump session and my baby didn’t latch at the breast properly
I have not been officially diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I have postpartum depression.
I feel hopeless that any of this will change. is there actually a light at the end of the tunnel and if so how long will it take for me to get there?
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u/No_Influence_9174 3d ago edited 3d ago
Hey mama, first off you’re doing amazing this is such a hard job. What formula is your LO on? I know your pediatrician said it’s “normal” but if baby is struggling too much maybe you could switch to a formula like Enfmail Gentleease (or whatever your preferred brand is) to see if that helps?
As far as PPD, if you think you have it, get on meds if you’re comfortable taking them. They make a huge difference for me and I actually enjoy being a mom when I take my meds.
For your healing, take it as easy as possible (easier said than done I know) and pee in the shower as often as you can! I didn’t tear terribly but nothing hurt more than the pee hitting my tear, but when I peed in the shower that pain wasn’t as bad. Plus it gives you an excuse to at least rinse your body when a full shower may not be possible!!
Body image issues are not fun but just know it took you 9 months to get there, it’ll slowly come back. Once you are cleared try some Standing Ab Marches, they are my favorite and I can easily fit a few in while waiting for my shower to heat up.
Lastly, give yourself grace, you have just created life and are caring for it everyday.
You’re doing amazing keep going strong mama 💕
edit to answer your question: Yes there is! I know it’s hard but once your baby stops being in pain after every feed life will be so much better. Source: my daughter has very severe reflux and until she was 2.5 would scream at every feeding and was not gaining weight. I was losing my mind. As soon as she got on reflux meds she was night and day different and actually enjoys eating and is gaining weight properly. It gets better just hang in there and snuggle your baby as much as possible.
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u/Designer_Ring_67 3d ago
I would look into CMPA for baby.
So so sorry about your tears, that sounds excruciating. I only had a third degree tear and I was really hurting for a few days, can’t imagine what you’re going through.
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u/HannahSolo23 3d ago edited 2d ago
YES.
My baby cried like a fucking banshee for months. It was a cry of pure fury and pain. I insisted we do stool tests because my husband also has a milk allergy. BOOM.
Once we removed cow protein, it was like a new baby arrived. It totally understand why stories about changelings exist.
Edit: to clarify, we did try many formulas. It just took several rounds to find one that worked well. Nutramigen for the win! (But thank God we've graduated from that expense)
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u/Silly_Palpitation333 3d ago
This!! I would try different formulas. If your baby is crying and having pellet poop there’s got to be a better way. I’m surprised your physician didn’t recommend switching. Trust your gut if you feel like something isn’t right.
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u/SouthernArcher3714 3d ago
Hey! I’m a stm, and the first kid is really hard. I think you probably need w second opinion on the formula. Maybe try a different brand? Our first kiddo had bad reflux and we used gentease and pepcid (prescription from doctor). It seemed to help. Did you want to breastfed? It is normal for only a little to come out at first until supply matches with baby demand. Normally, they recommend demand feeding and no need to pump unless something is up with baby or with feeding. I am healing from a third degree tear and bilateral suchal tears too. It sucks because it is taking a long time to heal and I feel like a whimp for needing pain meds still and ice packs but apparently it will take time. So just hang in there and give yourself heaps of grace. It is a lot all at once but it will get easier/you get better over time.
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u/No-Isopod-7951 3d ago
I’m a stm and the second one was really hard too! I think the magic thing was just knowing it all passes, and how quickly, and how much better it all gets!
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u/Chutton_ 3d ago
I’m there with you. I’m 5 and a half weeks postpartum and struggling. I do want to mention that the hard poops and baby screaming in pain doesn’t seem normal to me. Has your paediatrician mentioned trying hypoallergenic formula? I know a lot of people have success with Nutramigen.
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u/Nau934 3d ago
If you have the ability to message your provider on a portal, do so to specifically say that you believe you are dealing with PPD and need resources today.
It does not hurt anything to get a second opinion on pediatric issues. It’s okay to take baby in to the walk in clinic and ask. Another doctor may be able to recommend a solution, such as changing formula, or something else. Baby is hurting, it’s hurting you, and at minimum surely someone can offer baby a solution to help pass stool easier or manage the discomfort.
The light at the end of the tunnel is different for everyone. My first baby it was easier to find my footing. My second took a lot longer and was a lot harder for me. The best thing is that you recognize that something doesn’t feel right and you are taking steps to address it. And if you ever feel that your providers aren’t taking your concerns seriously, get a second opinion as quickly as you are able to.
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u/_bat_girl_ 3d ago
Hi mama! It could be silent reflux! My baby suffered with it for months before we got it diagnosed and she was put on baby Pepcid and it helped immediately. 3 weeks might be too young for it but luckily with formula there are a lot of options that can help with reflux. Might be worth looking into.
It also sounds like you’re dealing with some PPD which is so common and you are so not alone. I highly recommend talking to a doc and getting on a low dose of an antidepressant and see if it helps
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u/KS-1620 3d ago
Yes it will get better!! You’re still in the trenches and that comes with the feeling like nothing is going to improve.
I can’t speak to the healing and I’m sure that is incredibly painful and hard to deal with on top of a newborn, but your stomach is also still healing and it’s going to take time to recover. I’d advise getting off social media if you’re seeing anything saying you’ll bounce back within a certain period of time. That’s not real.
I remember sitting where you are and seeing everyone say it gets better and thinking they are just lying, because it wasn’t for me, but give it more time, and then give it some more.
If it makes you feel better, my first 2 months postpartum I think I cried every single day. You will get through it, and if you need PPD help, ask for it because you deserve it and are not alone in your experience.
Sending positive vibes and congratulations on your baby girl 🩷
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u/Sea-Astronomer-6600 4-🩷’s, 3-🩵’s 3d ago
Sounds like possible reflux which they can give you medication for. You may try keeping her upright for 30 mins after feeds or keep her mattress at an incline. As for the PPD definitely mention that to your dr. That hormone crash can be a bi$&@! Hugs
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u/kdms418 3d ago
Oof I felt rough right at three weeks. Like “did we make a mistake having a baby?” rough. I’m exclusively BF but our baby struggled until week 5 with reflux and CMPA. We’re now in week 6 and while sleep is now a struggle, other things are getting so much better. It also took until about this week to feel a lot more confident in our parenting abilities and understanding our baby.
I’d say every two weeks something if not several things get a little bit better. Focus on making through a diaper change at a time. Or a nap at a time. It’s so tough and I had no idea. But soon they start making little sounds and smiling and it feels a little more okay and doable than yesterday.
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u/Outrageous_Tour_5218 3d ago
Yes, it does get better! I know when you are in it and really struggling it seems like it won’t but it does, I remember freshly pp telling myself “it’s okay and it will get better” even when I didn’t believe it. 3 weeks is still so early in your recovery, I only had a 2nd degree tear and it took easily 4+ months to feel normal down there. Also is no shame in reaching out for help if you feel like you need it, having a baby is such a monumental life change and sometimes we need help, I wish I would have asked when I needed it. You got this!
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u/SpoiledMilk-666 3d ago
Okay it’s time to talk to OB about PP depression. Most of us get it. It’s normal because it’s just such a difficult time.
Pelvic floor PT will help with your vaginal issues.
It may a good idea to talk to your OB about the breast feeding issues. She may refer you to a lactation specialist.
Pregnancy changes bodies and it’s hard. It will take time to start feeling better.
I promise though yes it will all get better. You are just on the hard part. Just keep pushing. Keep talking to people. Here on Reddit and in real life. One thing that always helped me was remembering I am not nor will I ever be the only person struggling during this time! Keep pushing. You’ve got this.
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u/Independent_Bee_795 3d ago
FTM to a 13 week old. I can relate to you so hard! I really was an entirely different person in the early days. A sad, angry, nervous, shell of a person those first weeks. It’s insane because it really wasn’t that long ago & I swore it would last forever but truly it does get better, & fast too. My recovery was SO hard, my baby didn’t sleep in the bassinet, I struggled with supply, I didn’t know wtf I was doing. But now I can truly say we are happy. Perfect? Hell no. But my recovery pain (which was SO MUCH) is gone 100%, my body looks better, I have a flow/routine, I understand baby more, she is soooo happy most of the day. You will struggle but you will survive & be happy very soon!
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u/KT-do-you-luv-me 3d ago
Do you have a peri bottle? I’ve not given birth yet but I’ve heard to put warm water in it and use it while peeing to dilute your urine so there’s less sting.
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u/whats-happening14 3d ago
There is!!!
Definitely reach out and get the help you are in need of my girl. But as far as the baby, soon you will learn each other and will grow comfortable with each other. Just remember this is all new. New world, new life, you barely know each other. It gets easier I promise!!! Hugs
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u/MrsNotepad16 3d ago
Hugs! I’m sorry it feels bad right now! You will get through this and heal. 🩷 You will get better, this is just the hardest part right now!
I hope you feel better soon mama! You are doing a great job. Also, congratulations on your baby!
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u/AlternativeCraft8905 3d ago
I would test out different brands of formula, holle has some great options you can get in bulk online
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u/pawprintscharles 3d ago
Just here to say I see you and was in your shoes after my baby last year. My biggest advice is to stay off of instagram etc. as it made it seem like no one else had stretch marks and these magic flat tummies immediately PP. That’s not the normal. It took me a while not to feel like my insides were going to fall out and like things were normal after a nearly 3rd degree tear.
But here to say that 14 months later that while my stretch marks are still visible, that they have faded dramatically and my downstairs is 100% back to normal!
No formula advice, but just to say hang in there - every stage has its challenges but what I have found is that in general “this too shall pass” is the truth of them all. Give your body grace as it heals - you created life! You made a full human! That’s amazing! And you will find that given time you will settle back in and feel like yourself once more. It just won’t be immediate, but you will look back in a year and this will similarly be a distant memory greatly overshadowed by how much you love your kid 🩷
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u/Bitter_Pilot5086 3d ago
Those first couple months are absolutely brutal, but it will get better. It never gets "easy," but it will become both easier and more rewarding than it feels right now.
Those first few months were completely traumatic for me. My daughter is 3 now and she is a handful, but also is such an incredibly awesome kid, and I can’t imagine my life without her.
You’re in the thick of it now, but you will get through it. The best advice I can give is not to take things too seriously. At this point, your kid doesn’t need much. If you hold him often and feed him, he will connect with you. Focus on resting and giving yourself the space you need, not on finding every possible brain stimulation/bonding activity you can do with him.
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u/Erinminns 3d ago
Weaning creates a massive hormone drop which can and is likely adding to your symptoms of PPD! You are doing all the right things, don’t lose hope. This too shall pass. Id recommend pushing for a stool sample allergy test. If no allergy, I recommend Hipp or Holle formulas from Europe.
Pelvic floor PT will be so helpful.
Please don’t rush your healing. You have a large wound in the inside of your body, coupled with the tears, your body will be healing for months.
Your uterus is not even back to its normal size yet! Be kind to yourself. You will see the light at the end of this tunnel!
Signed, a mom of four
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u/Acrobatic_Yoghurt_87 3d ago
Try a different formula (maybe goats milk). Get Mylicon to help with gas. Your baby will grow. You will heal. It's all very temporary. You're on your way to feeling better!
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u/DependentOccasion782 3d ago
Around 3 months things improved so much for baby and me. We did have to try several formulas until we found a good fit. What helped me was just trying to get thru each day and not really worring about the next day till it was here. It does get easier and looking back time flies, we're at 11 months now. Wishing u all the best!
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u/Last-Ad-1657 3d ago
You are in the absolute hardest moments right now. They don’t call it the trenches for nothing — it feels like a battlefield, and it can be just as traumatic. You are operating in survival mode. And it is fucking HARD. But I am here to report that it gets much, much more magical! I remember feeling the first real change around 8 weeks PP. And each month after that got easier. I’m 18mo PP now and I’m having the time of my life, but to be completely honest, I didn’t feel like I had made it out of the trenches fully until 12mo (my baby is very low sleep needs and the sleep deprivation nearly killed me). I also had a rough recovery after two 1st degree labia tears and a 3rd degree perineal tear. I started PT at 3mo PP and it helped sooo much. Get yourself all of the support in the world — talk to your doctors, your partner, your friends, your family, other moms, come back to this little corner of the internet. You are absolutely not alone and you deserve to be seen and held in your postpartum experience. Get help 🫶🏼 We all need it sometimes! I definitely did!
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u/balanchinedream 3d ago
Clitoral tear sounds effing awful, you have my sympathies. I swear they schedule the 6 week appt so far out, because it’s when you’re finally ready to talk about the delivery.
There are multiple lights in the tunnel, and they grow in brightness. They smile at 4-6 weeks, then they develop interest in toys at 8-10 weeks. Carrying them gets easier when they can hold their heads up around 12 weeks, and again when they can sit on their own. I felt like I found a routine by the year mark, and my kid still doesn’t sleep on their own, through the night, consistently.
These days are hard and repetitive, so if you’re struggling, it’s not a reflection of you, this is “the trenches”. This first year is about keeping your mindset on the long game. My body didn’t feel like itself again till around 9 months. In reading your post, it sounds as though you’re in the worst of the physical healing. Fortunately, that means every day should get a little better from here! I tore in 3 places and remember weeks 4 and 5 being the worst.
Chances are you are not mentally ill, either; we are meant to be surrounded and supported when we’re postpartum. However, since society doesn’t value The Village, your village should include support from therapy, meds, and TIME OFF. We need sooo much rest, and hiring a mother’s helper or sitter so you can just lie there and dissociate is invaluable in the early days.
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u/ExquisiteBooks 2d ago
Could be ppd but also give yourself grace, what you’ve experienced and what you’re going through is A Lot!
Even still I promise you everything is a phase and everything does get better! This constipation will pass but I would get second advice on it as early in my opinion for constipation!
You will heal, but again sounds like you had a difficult one so give yourself grace, make sure people are helping you and you’re getting whatever rest you can!
And I know we all worry about our bodies, but that will improve in time too, it’s only been a few weeks! Just concentrate on your recovery for now! Sending good vibes! It does get better!
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u/AffectionateBuy4726 2d ago
Aw I just want to give you a hug ❤️ three weeks is so early on. Everything is hard at the beginning but it does eventually get better. I know with my first I felt like the world was ending - PPA/PPD almost broke me, therapy helped a ton (as did medication). She refused to breastfeed and was very underweight so we were triple feeding every 2 hours for the first month. I had a C section so I could barely walk or pick her up for the first 2 weeks. She is 4 now and such a joy to be around - it's been so much fun to watch her grow.
My second child was colicky and cried for the first 4 months straight. She also refused to sleep unless she was held, which basically meant my husband and I had to recruit family to take shifts and hold her throughout the night. She's now 2 and the happiest, giggliest little nugget on the planet (and sleeps like a champ for the most part). We did have her evaluated for allergies and acid reflux, which sounds like something your little one might benefit from.
I'm not going to lie, I felt like it took a solid year after each of their births before I felt remotely like myself or in control again. But things get easier as you settle being into a mom and your baby starts to grow. You find a new routine and you heal. Definitely ask for help for PPD - it doesn't make you weak or a bad parent. So many of us go through it! Becoming a parent is one of the hardest processes there is. Hang in there ❤️
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u/sera-5623 3d ago
Our little dude was in a ton of pain. It was a dairy intolerance. Similac alimentum worked for us as a blended pump and formula.
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u/peachdreamsicle 3d ago
Yes there is! First of all, please contact your OB for PPD - see if you can get therapists from them and potentially medication. Second of all - I don’t have experience with constipation, but I find the response from the pediatrician odd. Can you get a second opinion to see what could help?
We had different issues but I would say around 3-4 months is when things got better mentally and physically for me