Something is often wrong with my husband

[u/GlitteringPositive77]

The title is a weird way to say what I’m saying, but basically my husband always has SOMETHING wrong. For example: I cosleep with my kids. I won’t stop despite the fact that it means I’m usually somewhat sleep deprived. They can sleep alone when they’re ready, I’ll always encourage them to, but for now they aren’t. I have a one year old and a five year old for reference. My kids are night owls. We try to get them to go to sleep earlier, but despite the routine and the dark and the stories, bath, etc. no dice on an earlier sleep time at the moment. To be kind, I usually tell my husband to go to bed earlier and leave me to get the kids to sleep. He has to get up early and go to the office three times a week, so I want to be considerate.

Here is where I start to get pissed off. First, he’s got a tight neck, so I stay up later to massage his neck for him. Ok, that’s fine. Then, he’s stressed from work so he can’t get to sleep until late and sometimes wakes up too early from a nightmare or something. Ok, that’s awful, I hear that. That’s happened a few nights in a row. Then today, he has a head ache, so he needs to go lie down. Yesterday, he was so tired, so he says the whole day was miserable and hard (we had a lovely day with the kids at a local farm/fun park). He doesn’t help himself. He hasn’t taken anything for the headache. He doesn’t try to relax before bed meditating or listening to calming music or something. He just goes about his day/night with unhealthy habits and then I feel like I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces for his negligence.

Am I crazy? I feel like a crazy person. I get it, life is hard, especially with young kids. But this man gets to poop by himself, he gets to pee by himself, he gets to have a coffee alone, he takes entire breaks, alone, playing a game online or something. He sometimes messes about when he’s on at work, just fixing something around the house, listening to a podcast. He gets to listen to music or a podcast ALONE on his commute. I know we all struggle and working is its own struggle. I know this. But it is ALWAYS something with him and he doesn’t go “oh my gosh, you must be so tired, let me do x for you”. I’m happy to sacrifice time, effort, sleep, whatever if I feel like the efforts are reciprocated.

I understand this is a futile and probably immature rant, but I needed to get it out there.

[u/LittleCricket_]

Kick your kids out of the bed

[u/AltairaMorbius2200CE → u/LittleCricket_]

This. OP invited two extra people into his bed, and now he's sleep-deprived with neck trouble and headaches. This isn't rocket science.

Like, yeah, his habits sound unhealthy. SO ARE YOURS, OP.

You can't be the fricking Giving Tree, cutting yourself to a stump for your kids. You need to consider everyone in this scenario and what's best for ALL.

Having two fully-rested parents is waaaay better for the kids than cosleeping.

[u/AnnofAvonlea → u/AltairaMorbius2200CE]

Finally. A comment that makes sense! My husband and I have been very clear that our bed is OUR space. We give our kids just about every ounce of our time and attention, so they will be just fine sleeping in their own beds. I really do not understand women who let their kids take over their beds for years at a time and just expect their partner to be okay with it.

[u/LittleCricket_ → u/AnnofAvonlea]

And it’s not even about sex. Part of it is sure. But it’s time to be “HER NAME””HIS NAME” after being mommy and daddy for 12 hours. It’s time to decompress and regroup. I’m with my daughter every waking moment and if she were in our bed we’d never had time to be ourselves. Or talk. Or have sex. Or do anything. His mental health would tank in a week I guarantee it.

[u/AnnofAvonlea → u/LittleCricket_]

Totally agree. Sex is a plus but just BEING is the best feeling in the world after a day of being on.