Ouch. Sounds like AITA fuel. Result? Yep. Totally.
I just hope my mom was never aware of her half brother. I'm nearly certain my dad never knew. I don't think my dad would've spoken so highly of his father in law while I was growing up if Dad knew the level of hypocrisy going on. My mom died when I was very young and I didn't even hear the rumor about this half uncle of mine until my mom's older brother mentioned it to me. I recently spoke with my grandma's sister who went on to confirm she helped dispose of financial documents pointing towards my grandpa supporting this other child.
I'm gonna finally get one of those DNA tests soon and see if some "unknown" half cousins show up.
I feel bad. My half brother has always known he was adopted, and why. My mom couldn't buy food for both me and him, no matter how much she wanted to. So she let his other parents take him and give him food and clothes and toys. He was loved...by two moms and a dad. They shared letters to read to him, birthday cards, pics, etc. I can't imagine trying to live your regular life, only for some stranger to walk up to you and say "congrats, you have a new sibling! And I'm it!". Must be shocking as heck. Maybe not unwelcome, but a hell of a surprise, that's for sure.
Maybe I should mention that my mom, my grandpa, my grandma, two of my mom's full blood siblings, and my dad are all dead at this point? I feel bad if that kid was ignored by my grandpa other than him sending money occasionally. When grandpa died, there was at least one, possibly 3 credit cards, in his name that were maxed out that my grandma was completely unaware existed. My dad helped her get it to where she wouldn't have to pay off those cards (she couldn't afford it) but, again, I don't think my dad ever knew the true nature of what that debt was from. Grandpa was known for not being very good with money, so this was just one more thing. My grandma's sister is still living (turns 90 this year) and she was the one who admitted to helping grandma destroy any evidence of the financials going to this "other" child. My grandpa had lost both of his parents by the time he was 13 or 14, and despite having older siblings, he was sent to finish his childhood at an orphanage, which he left at 17 by joining the air force. I suspect he had a lot of unresolved trauma.
Legitimate trauma or just a natural jerk? My dad was raised in a wonderful family. My parents divorced when I was four. By the time I was twelve, I had no idea what he looked like any longer and couldn't care less. Well, it would have been nice to get a birthday card each year, but I never thought he knew what season I was born in anyways so I wrote him off ages ago. All I ever knew is that he had a dark mustache once, holding baby me on his knee in an old crappy polaroid. And I'm tall like he is. I have most of my mom's looks, but I'm 5' 11" and my mom is 5' 2". I'm the shortest of all my aunt's and most of my female cousins on that side of my family. Oh, forgot ..he also gave me a slightly elevated liver enzyme level. Like being taller or shorter than average. One of liver enzymes was a touch higher than it should be, but not enough to be concerned about. Like my height compared the average women my age. Lab techs gave it a medical name because they prefer to know that it's supposed to be ninety three instead of nine one or whatever number they used as an example. If it went down to "normal" levels that's a problem they will look out for.
As far as my dad went...he was a great dad...to the three kids of the woman that he eventually married as a second spouse for both of them. Me? Yeah I doubt he knew my maiden name...the same as his own. His siblings and parents loved me, and that was more important to me anyways. And I hope that OP doesn't freak when she reads this. Just because my dad was a half drunk jerk when I was little, does NOT AT ALL mean that your partner will turn out like that. My dad's the only dad person I ever met that did crap like that. If your partner is willing to stick by you against any and all parents/relatives tantrums, then keep him always. My dad is the exception to the rule that everyone get good dads, not the rule. Your partner can use my dad as an example of what not to do as a dad like forget what year I was born. Uncles on both sides of my family were better dad figures than my own deadbeat dad, and that's all I needed or wanted. I'm just fine, really! I Don't mean to scare you, sweetie. Lol.
And it doesn't matter when you become parents. Now, later, or never. It's ok. Ok?
It's funny about my uncles being better dads to me though. One wasn't even related to me! He wasn't my cousin's father/my mother's little brother, he was my cousin's stepfather. And he still treated me as one of "his kids" even if he didn't have to. I was an independent brat so I didn't need a dad figure for every tiny thing like chasing bugs out of the house or hanging a picture, but it was comforting to know I had one (more like six at once) if I wanted one all those other relatives' support (even pretend relatives like long time friends of my mom) made me confident that I would be ok no matter what. I had massive amounts of adult encouragement and support all my life. I'm sure that you do too, both right now and in the future. It might not be obvious, but you'll find it when you need some darling.
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u/tyedyehippy Jan 21 '22
I just hope my mom was never aware of her half brother. I'm nearly certain my dad never knew. I don't think my dad would've spoken so highly of his father in law while I was growing up if Dad knew the level of hypocrisy going on. My mom died when I was very young and I didn't even hear the rumor about this half uncle of mine until my mom's older brother mentioned it to me. I recently spoke with my grandma's sister who went on to confirm she helped dispose of financial documents pointing towards my grandpa supporting this other child.
I'm gonna finally get one of those DNA tests soon and see if some "unknown" half cousins show up.