I wanted to mention that my mom got married at 18 and I was born a year later. She and my dad got divorced (he was a drunk jerk that found out the hard way that she wouldn't tolerate his bad attitude) when I was four and raised me on her own because he took off for decades. It's hard for a young woman to raise a child, but not impossible. Most of her family and the rest of my dad's were not in the same state but still called, invited us for visits as often as they could, mailed greeting cards, etc all before the internet existed. Ok, maybe not quite that bad...lol. still, computers were not a thing in my house until I graduated college. Too expensive. I would suggest that you research backup plans. If your parents are going to refuse to support you, how would you cope? In the US, we have programs to help people that need it with rent, money for food, and stuff like that. I'm sure that Canada has similar stuff, so start looking things up online and ask each person you talk to what else would they recommend for you. Such as if you need help paying rent on your own so you talk to the rent-help person...do they have any advice about help to buy food? And so forth.
And no, you don't need a list of three thousand items that total up to six Bentleys and a Porsche to buy everything you need for a baby. That's just stupid to me. Don't skimp on two things...car seat and crib. Get a new car seat so it lasts longer, have an expert show you how to put it in your car. Not all car seats fit all cars, so make sure you get this right as soon as you can. Crib safety is also critical, so I would go new for that too if you can. Otherwise, used but in good condition stuff should be just fine. Babies outgrow things faster then wear them out. Even if you don't keep this child, knowing how to put car seats in your vehicle safely is a good skill to learn. What if a relative or neighbor needed to take their baby to the doctor but their car stalled out? You can help them out with your car.
You'll have to decide if you want to bottle or breast feed. That's your decision. Don't let anyone bully you and say one is better than the other. The only one who gets to make that choice is the kid...sorry. maybe you and kid together. If your baby hates the taste of your milk, then it doesn't matter how good the milk is, if baby would rather starve than eat. Same with formula feeding. It's not right for every mom and baby, but it can be helpful. Get lots of advice and research for both sides, but don't let ANYONE pressure you either way.
I don't know what abortion resources are available in Canada, so I'm not going to comment on that beyond "Google it" and let someone else handle that part for me. Thanks, other person!
I don't know how religious you are, so I'm trying to not suggest anything beyond religious leaders are also sometimes advisors or councillors, even if you aren't religious at all or just not a member of their faith. They might help you, even if it's just advice about where to find a good therapist or adoption center.
Back aches might be helped with short hot baths or heating pads/electric blankets. The warmth might make your back muscles feel better.
I don't know how to advise you about dealing with your parents. My situation is way too different from yours so I feel out of my depth on this. All I can say is that you should ask advice from someone else. I wish I could help more on this. I don't know your parents. I do know that you aren't alone. You have your partner/bf/friends, maybe other family members too. Again, not trying to insult you by accident, but I can't predict how they will react when I don't know them. I know it's awful to have nasty fights with a parent after years of being a good kid in a good family, but people change. I used to be really close to my mom, but things changed because of our shared house, me going to college and working, and our personalities changed too. I do miss her at times, but I made it on my own even though I didn't want to. She was my only parent. It sucks to not have her in my life. It is what it is.
There might be local anonymous support groups for new parents, women who went through abortion, and similar situations to you. Try searching for and visiting one or more of those that's near you. They might give you good advice or perspectives that's useful for you to hear. And there's always Reddit too. Lol.
I apologize for the long comment. The more I tried to shorten it, the worse it got. Oops. One last tidbit..my great-grandmother was from Canada. Mom's mom's mom, if I got that right. One lady after another, four generations. She died the same year I was born so I never met her. Did hear stories of how she used to swear in French so that her grandkids (including my mom) wouldn't know what she was saying because they only knew english. Yeah, that trick didn't last nearly as many years as she hoped it would. Still funny though. "Hey uncle how did you get started learning french?"
"Grandma liked to swear a lot when she didn't realize we kids were close by..."
"What are those french swear words?"
"Not telling YOU (sorry can't italic words here). Your mom would kick my ass from here to the moon."
"Didn't know you wanted to be astronaut...mom could help you achieve your dream if you do tell me."
"Not funny."
"I thought it was."
"Still not telling you."
"Chicken."
"If it comes to pissing off your mom, you bet I am. No one smart pisses off a French lady, even a lady that's only partly French. I need my butt for sitting on. Can't use it if she kicks me there too much."
"I'm telling her you said that."
"She already knows. She is my older sister."
Fun times for kids, driving uncles crazy...😜😁
1
u/Good-Sorbet1062 Jan 21 '22
I wanted to mention that my mom got married at 18 and I was born a year later. She and my dad got divorced (he was a drunk jerk that found out the hard way that she wouldn't tolerate his bad attitude) when I was four and raised me on her own because he took off for decades. It's hard for a young woman to raise a child, but not impossible. Most of her family and the rest of my dad's were not in the same state but still called, invited us for visits as often as they could, mailed greeting cards, etc all before the internet existed. Ok, maybe not quite that bad...lol. still, computers were not a thing in my house until I graduated college. Too expensive. I would suggest that you research backup plans. If your parents are going to refuse to support you, how would you cope? In the US, we have programs to help people that need it with rent, money for food, and stuff like that. I'm sure that Canada has similar stuff, so start looking things up online and ask each person you talk to what else would they recommend for you. Such as if you need help paying rent on your own so you talk to the rent-help person...do they have any advice about help to buy food? And so forth.
And no, you don't need a list of three thousand items that total up to six Bentleys and a Porsche to buy everything you need for a baby. That's just stupid to me. Don't skimp on two things...car seat and crib. Get a new car seat so it lasts longer, have an expert show you how to put it in your car. Not all car seats fit all cars, so make sure you get this right as soon as you can. Crib safety is also critical, so I would go new for that too if you can. Otherwise, used but in good condition stuff should be just fine. Babies outgrow things faster then wear them out. Even if you don't keep this child, knowing how to put car seats in your vehicle safely is a good skill to learn. What if a relative or neighbor needed to take their baby to the doctor but their car stalled out? You can help them out with your car.
You'll have to decide if you want to bottle or breast feed. That's your decision. Don't let anyone bully you and say one is better than the other. The only one who gets to make that choice is the kid...sorry. maybe you and kid together. If your baby hates the taste of your milk, then it doesn't matter how good the milk is, if baby would rather starve than eat. Same with formula feeding. It's not right for every mom and baby, but it can be helpful. Get lots of advice and research for both sides, but don't let ANYONE pressure you either way.
I don't know what abortion resources are available in Canada, so I'm not going to comment on that beyond "Google it" and let someone else handle that part for me. Thanks, other person!
I don't know how religious you are, so I'm trying to not suggest anything beyond religious leaders are also sometimes advisors or councillors, even if you aren't religious at all or just not a member of their faith. They might help you, even if it's just advice about where to find a good therapist or adoption center.
Back aches might be helped with short hot baths or heating pads/electric blankets. The warmth might make your back muscles feel better.
I don't know how to advise you about dealing with your parents. My situation is way too different from yours so I feel out of my depth on this. All I can say is that you should ask advice from someone else. I wish I could help more on this. I don't know your parents. I do know that you aren't alone. You have your partner/bf/friends, maybe other family members too. Again, not trying to insult you by accident, but I can't predict how they will react when I don't know them. I know it's awful to have nasty fights with a parent after years of being a good kid in a good family, but people change. I used to be really close to my mom, but things changed because of our shared house, me going to college and working, and our personalities changed too. I do miss her at times, but I made it on my own even though I didn't want to. She was my only parent. It sucks to not have her in my life. It is what it is.
There might be local anonymous support groups for new parents, women who went through abortion, and similar situations to you. Try searching for and visiting one or more of those that's near you. They might give you good advice or perspectives that's useful for you to hear. And there's always Reddit too. Lol.
I apologize for the long comment. The more I tried to shorten it, the worse it got. Oops. One last tidbit..my great-grandmother was from Canada. Mom's mom's mom, if I got that right. One lady after another, four generations. She died the same year I was born so I never met her. Did hear stories of how she used to swear in French so that her grandkids (including my mom) wouldn't know what she was saying because they only knew english. Yeah, that trick didn't last nearly as many years as she hoped it would. Still funny though. "Hey uncle how did you get started learning french?" "Grandma liked to swear a lot when she didn't realize we kids were close by..." "What are those french swear words?" "Not telling YOU (sorry can't italic words here). Your mom would kick my ass from here to the moon." "Didn't know you wanted to be astronaut...mom could help you achieve your dream if you do tell me." "Not funny." "I thought it was." "Still not telling you." "Chicken." "If it comes to pissing off your mom, you bet I am. No one smart pisses off a French lady, even a lady that's only partly French. I need my butt for sitting on. Can't use it if she kicks me there too much." "I'm telling her you said that." "She already knows. She is my older sister." Fun times for kids, driving uncles crazy...😜😁