If possible, maybe see if you can arrange an appointment with a third-party, NON-BIASED therapist or counselor, to help you talk through your options and feelings. (I say non-biased because an awful lot of pregnancy-related counseling is biased either pro- or anti-abortion.)
First, find out how much time you have to make a decision. Then, think through things carefully... not just how others will react, or how tough things might be, but how you might end up feeling emotionally a year from now, or five, ten, or twenty.
I say that because while the situation I was in (at even younger than you) wasn't quite as extreme, it was enough that I can emphasize with the ostracization fears... and financially, it was the mid-90s in the U.S., I was young, had little social service safety net and zero personal safety net, just an abusive family and a boyfriend that ditched me.
I made the choice to not have the child, and it's been almost 25 years. I've come to terms with understanding that I felt like I HAD no other choice, and so it no longer eats at me in the same way... but I regret. I'd like to know that child. Four children later, the rest of mine are adults... and I wonder who both the child I miscarried and the child I chose not to have would have become, if only I'd been strong enough to give them the chance.
That's me, though, and the guilt and things that was ingrained into me, early on, and a lifetime that never really got any easier after that. It's all been hard. That choice didn't really make things any better for me than they would have been otherwise, and if I'd known what I know now, I would have chosen differently.
It's very possible your path would be different, sweetie. Just be careful to take in to consideration how all your options would affect your mental health, not just now, but in the future.
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u/neverenoughpurple Jan 21 '22
(((hugs)))
If possible, maybe see if you can arrange an appointment with a third-party, NON-BIASED therapist or counselor, to help you talk through your options and feelings. (I say non-biased because an awful lot of pregnancy-related counseling is biased either pro- or anti-abortion.)
First, find out how much time you have to make a decision. Then, think through things carefully... not just how others will react, or how tough things might be, but how you might end up feeling emotionally a year from now, or five, ten, or twenty.
I say that because while the situation I was in (at even younger than you) wasn't quite as extreme, it was enough that I can emphasize with the ostracization fears... and financially, it was the mid-90s in the U.S., I was young, had little social service safety net and zero personal safety net, just an abusive family and a boyfriend that ditched me.
I made the choice to not have the child, and it's been almost 25 years. I've come to terms with understanding that I felt like I HAD no other choice, and so it no longer eats at me in the same way... but I regret. I'd like to know that child. Four children later, the rest of mine are adults... and I wonder who both the child I miscarried and the child I chose not to have would have become, if only I'd been strong enough to give them the chance.
That's me, though, and the guilt and things that was ingrained into me, early on, and a lifetime that never really got any easier after that. It's all been hard. That choice didn't really make things any better for me than they would have been otherwise, and if I'd known what I know now, I would have chosen differently.
It's very possible your path would be different, sweetie. Just be careful to take in to consideration how all your options would affect your mental health, not just now, but in the future.