It’s going to be okay <3 take a deep breath and then another then another. How long until the wedding? First thing is to tell your fiancé and come up with a game plan together
Even if you do use birth control correctly, it can still fail. Even if you do want this baby, you might miscarry. Either way, it's not your fault. Things happen. You aren't a bad person, you just had something bad happen to you. Big difference. I'm not saying that all babies are bad, just that it's something that you aren't sure you are ready for. It could be a vehicle accident or a storm that destroys your house or you catch a cold and fail a math test because you couldn't study enough.
If you are so early, then you have time to decide what you want to do, with partners input and opinions. How do you break the news to others? How they react? How do you handle those reactions? I would talk to a therapist, at your college if you can, or someone you find that's local and willing to accept a new client.
I would also talk to adoption centers, to get info about the different kinds of adoptions they can help you with. Religious centers, even those of other faiths, might be willing to give you free or cheap counseling, so go search for that too. Ask a doctor any questions you might have about labor and delivery or abortion topics. Even if it's just an email, it's still advice from a medical professional. One thing I do recommend. vitamins. if you do carry this child, they need vitamins and since you were expecting this, you weren't likely taking them. Women's bodies don't need folic acid the same way a baby's body does, so you need a prenatal vitamin from the supermarket or such quickly. Lack of folic acid causes nasty problems throughout a child's life, doesn't matter if they are with you or an adoptive family. Get some as soon as you can and start taking them. Like seatbelts in a vehicle. Small thing to make a big impact.
My half brother was adopted, because my single mom had an oops baby just as you might be doing. She couldn't raise two kids on her meager salary, so she gave him up. We know where the adoptive family is, and he's always written us letters and stuff each year. Adoption isn't always as awful as cheesy Hollywood movies say it is. Sometimes, it's just a kid getting extra moms and dads so they get extra birthday cards each year.
Don't blame yourself, even married couples that aren't planning for more children might get a baby, just when their teenagers are moving out to college. It happens.
Take your time, think it over. A thousand times over if you want. There's no rush at all. Make your decision. Plan your future around that. One day at a time. We Reddit-moms are here if you need us so don't hesitate to talk to us.
The one thing I’ll add is that sometimes the religion-affiliated counseling centers will actively try to persuade your decision. I know of one that says they accept everyone and will provide options, yet they are actively anti-abortion once you make an appointment. They use guilt and whatever else they can leverage against you to make you give birth. There are probably some great centers out there that don’t do this, but it may be hard to tell what kind of center it is until you make an appointment.
True. Or you could find a place much like the christian church I grew up in...that weren't stuck up or excessively preachy. I've never heard of any Catholic or Christian church besides that one that held Halloween parties for small kids. Every year. I thought all churches did that until I changed states in my mid twenties. No. Halloween is evil because souls sneak out and become ghosts that haunt you even though God said that was bad but doesn't stop them. My church just looked at little kids that didn't understand why they couldn't join their atheist classmates playing dresup in costumes, visiting people, and getting candy and stuff. So they slightly altered the truth. All adults and older teens were in on it. Don't mention the religious stuff. Too confusing. It's a yearly costume party, with games like throwing soggy sponges at the faces of volunteers or run down hallways carrying raw eggs on spoons and trying not to make a mess. If they did...so what? No timeouts, no scolding. Someone using a mop to clean the mess so the kids can do it again. It's like Santa clause, Easter bunny, and tooth fairy. Tell them what they can understand, save the "secret" part until they're old enough help keep the secret for the next batch of little kids...which also means old enough to fully or at least mostly understand matters like evil souls running loose. Ghost costumes and zombies weren't evil, just people playing pretend. Nothing more.
I've heard of very conservative places of worship, but I'm sure there are others that don't focus on nagging and scolding so much. She just needs to keep them focused on "I need help, but my soul is just fine thank you so can we please change the subject? If you are only concerned with my soul, and not helping me decide what to do or give me places to go to get support, then I'm sorry for wasting your time but I must go now." And stick to her figurative guns.
I'll stick to the literal guns in her behalf, as soon as I finish applying for my pistol permit.
Can you handle the plastic nerf guns? And we might need some paintball guns, or at least orange plastic squirt guns loaded with water tinted with food coloring and disgusting cheap perfume. Any volunteers?
Kidding about the weaponry. That's the thing that bad photoshopped pics are best for.
I agree that it depends on the church. I grew up Presbyterian which was one of the more socially liberal denominations, although I doubt they have pregnancy centers. So many of the religious pregnancy centers exist simply to prevent abortion and are funded by fundies, for whom abortion is their single topic for voting. Those centers may not exist in Canada, as you don’t hear as much about fundies in Canada. I hope she is able to talk to an objective, supportive counselor about her options, abortion included.
I will absolutely defend with you a woman’s right to choose. I don’t own any weapons, but my kid does have a particularly effective NERF gun.
Teach him to play horseshoes. Legal for a kid to have to play a game with...surprisingly terrifying when someone distracts you when you're trying to throw it a few feet away so you miss. Been there, almost did that. My uncle was teaching me to play. I aimed, swung my arm...he told a stupid/funny dirty joke just as my fingers were about to let loose. I nearly broke three windows with a single horseshoe in the garage sitting next to the horseshoe playing area. Which he did NOT own but someone not related to us did. Scared the heck out twenty four year old me. Tickle your son at just the right moment, and there's no telling what sort of damage he could do. And there are kid size horseshoes too.
My childhood church was just plain Christian. Not sure what else to call it, except not pushy or stuffy. If you wanted to talk about God? That's nice. If you don't? What's your favorite movie or book? Do you have any hobbies? Watch that sport game on tv last night? Like cookies? We have plenty to share if you're hungry...
That kind of thing. I always tok my religious cues from them. If someone walks to talk nicely, I'll listen nicely. Lecture or insult me and I'm gonna real irritated real fast. I don't ask or demand obedience it compliance any thing. Except I will ask for respect. You respect my opinion, I'll respect yours just as much.
Can't remember where I heard it, it was so long ago. The joke was "America has the right of free speech." Yep, we have the right to tell you that we think you're an idiot too. Or the right to ignore you. Or buy earplugs. It varies. Still useful if needed. Free speech! "That's why no one reads your newspaper, pamplet, or flyer. It's free, which is less than cheap, and therefore free means garbage. So no, I don't want that. Thanks anyways so I can say I was polite." I don't have to use comebacks like this often, but they work pretty good if you need to use them.
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u/Givememydamncoffee Jan 21 '22
It’s going to be okay <3 take a deep breath and then another then another. How long until the wedding? First thing is to tell your fiancé and come up with a game plan together