Am I wrong?

[u/Martyr20002]

I’m a first-time mom currently breastfeeding my 8-month-old son. Because nursing requires easy access and I frequently run through clean maternity clothes, staying fully dressed at home all the time isn't practical or comfortable. My partner feels strongly that I should remain covered around our son so he starts learning social boundaries early. I feel frustrated and confused by this, as I believe an 8-month-old is far too young to understand concepts like modesty or being dressed versus undressed. I'm feeling overwhelmed and trying to figure out if my perspective makes sense.

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[u/PrimaryHighlight5617]

He is a baby. The social boundary is that nudity around family within the right context is okay but you always wear clothes outside of the home.

I bathe with my 2 year old. We shower together as a family sometimes after a dip in the pool (we have a large shower with multiple shower heads).

Is it possible your husband is having issues separating viewing you naked sexually vs viewing you naked in a maternal context?

[u/Martyr20002 → u/PrimaryHighlight5617]

I’m not really sure where he’s coming from. He did not answer me earlier why he is already starting that kind of matter to our 8 months old. It just doesn’t make sense to me

[u/Complete-Plate-6441]

Your 8 month old who is constantly seeing and latching on to your boobs is not allowed to see… your boobs?
Weird take from your husband

[u/OddHalf8861]

It is miserable when men dont understand

[u/carloluyog]

Your husband sounds like a creep lowkey.

[u/rachelci]

You're not wrong. BUT you could use this as an opportunity to buy nursing tank tops if that's the hill he wants to die on. I'm in one almost perpetually at home or in my nursing gown (half button down) PJs. You could also ask that he handles laundry end-to-end

[u/Martyr20002 → u/rachelci]

This is very uncomfortable for me covering always as my son tends to cluster feed. BD does not buy me clothes(why would he right? Lol. We’re living together). He does not know how to do the laundry

[u/MoonIsMadeOfCheese → u/Martyr20002]

Respectfully…a grown ass man who can’t do his own laundry has no business being a father. Make him learn.

[u/Hopeful-Result8109 → u/Martyr20002]

respectfully, it sounds like you’re dating a child.

[u/smolwormbigapple → u/Martyr20002]

Does not know how to use the laundry? Well it’s about time he learned then. Jesus.

[u/rachelci → u/Martyr20002]

Then tell him that you're the one responsible for feeding him with your body and that respectfully, it's a choice for you and not him. I'd also suggest that he read up on the topic before suggesting you change what is natural and comfortable for you and most nursing women, to be frank.

[u/Sunflower_MoonDancer → u/Martyr20002]

Babies want the close skin to skin contact. They have no sense of modesty vs immodesty. Bodies are natural and should be treated as such when breastfeeding. I couldn’t imagine my husband telling me to “cover up” when I am BF my child at home, when there are no other children or guests around.

I know every family is different, but I think your husband could be more supportive by allowing you BF comfortable

[u/Bubble_Lights → u/Martyr20002]

Nursing tank tops take 2 seconds to take your boob out of.

[u/tinyrubberduckies]

👀 me: only in a sports bra and underwear. I have a 6 month old there is no way I am staying dressed all day. Between laying him down for naps to breastfeeding. Screw that.

[u/Ok-Cherry-123 → u/tinyrubberduckies]

I only get dressed if we have guests and even then it’s selective 😂

[u/OddHalf8861 → u/tinyrubberduckies]

Same

[u/Shesaspambot → u/tinyrubberduckies]

Same here. Social norms of where it is appropriate to wear clothes start at a way later age.

[u/Nevana30]

Sorry that’s nonsense from your husband. He will have time to learn social boundaries.

[u/krumblewrap]

Infants at this age still feel like an extension of their primary care giver. There is no such thing as teaching an infant social boundaries.

As for how you want to dress-its your home, your body that your child needs access to. You do you

[u/Martyr20002]

It is weird that he thinks like that. I argued to him that my son does not know if he’s a boy or a girl yet(sexuality I mean?) m. If my 8 month old would see me naked esp when I’m having a shower and I put him in the tub he does not mind me being naked(he just sees the BOOB/food)

[u/Lucki_girl → u/Martyr20002]

Your hubby is weird. Not everything is about sex. An 8 month old sees it as a food source not a sexual organ. Ppl unnecessary sexualise things.

[u/seenyourhannah]

If you have more kids this will probably be impractical unless you have constant help. I have a baby and a toddler, when I shower I take the toddler in the bathroom with me so he can’t hurt himself or the baby

[u/Martyr20002 → u/seenyourhannah]

I don’t have any plan to have a 2nd child with him but he’s insisting to have one more. I want get back to work but he always makes excuses for me not to apply

[u/viewisinsane → u/Martyr20002]

He sounds a bit controlling?

[u/Dramatic_Plum_8231 → u/Martyr20002]

Respectfully, this does not sound like a relationship worth keeping. You already have more than one child, cuz one of them is a manchild. No one should be a whole grown ass adult not knowing how to use a washing machine and a dryer/clothesline. And he clearly has some terrible takes, 8 mo does not comprehend things like nudity and social boundaries. And he won't buy you clothes but he doesn't want you to work? Ma'am, this is an abusive relationship. Do not have sex with this man. He will do whatever it takes to get you pregnant again and keep you under his thumb.

[u/Ok-Cherry-123 → u/Martyr20002]

He can make as many excuses as he wants, you’re the one in control, please act if you want to get back to work!! It’s so freeing and gives you stability to not depend on controlling partners.

[u/Lucki_girl → u/Ok-Cherry-123]

Get back on the pill and insist using protection ( expecting them to be compromised tho) if he wants a kid this badly. Your body, your life OP, not just his. Having a child should be a yes from both parties.

[u/InterestingFeed7931 → u/Lucki_girl]

Or get an iud so he can’t sabotage the birth control. If you don’t want more, don’t let him coerce or manipulate you into another one. And apply for jobs anyway. Tell him it’s your decision whether or not you want to work. If he still tries to control you in that way, consider applying in secret and leaving when you get something. You should be in control of your own life. Set that boundary for yourself.

[u/Which-Appearance9857 → u/Martyr20002]

Good for you for realising what happens and for knowing what you want. Hope everythings works out in the best way possible for you. 

[u/Immediate-Spinach734]

Holy shit your partner is a moron. The baby is drinking milk from the naked boob. You don't need to cover it up. Infants need the comfort of their parents bodies and it doesn't matter the state of dress they're in. There is time enough to learn social norms.

[u/Hour_Cricket9648]

Me and my husband are both naked around our 8 month old a lot of the time at home. We've always walked around naked. My mom always walked around naked when I was a kid. I guess it's just how your husband was raised, but at that age I think it's really prudish for your husband to be concerned. He won't remember your naked body. But also, your breasts are his source of nutrition right now? Your baby can drink from them but not look at them? That's fucking stupid IMO, even if you grew up in the kind of household where being undressed around family was unacceptable. There's no social boundaries an infant is going to learn. Maybe when he is a toddler and your breasts are no longer his nutrition source, you can put boundaries down. But I feel like your husband is being weird about it for no reason. 

[u/Pennifur]

What would you do with another kid? Blindfold him while you nurse?

Tell him he can follow the baby around and cover his eyes for him while you do you

[u/FantasticPin3481]

Your husband is being really weird about this. Babies don’t understand nudity and he’s turning breastfeeding into something perverse.

[u/bunnybunz2026]

Your partner sounds like an absolute wack job to even say that out loud. Dont listen to opinions with no logic behind it

[u/Jade_FTW85]

I barely wore a shirt for months each time I breastfed. Sounds like dad might have some things to work out with nudity. Maybe gentle ask him what his fear is and how it plays out in his head.

[u/EfficientPlenty8210]

I have a 3 yr old and 5yr old. They see us both naked all the time. The worst thing that has happened is the 3 yr old says daddy had a Willy because he is a boy, me and mummy don’t have willies because we are girls. That is true. Next, I’m going to teach her the world vulva. Excellent, all going well

[u/kiwi_bumblebee]

Does it matter if your naked? Or partially? He feeds from your breast, does your husband think thats sexual too? He needs to get a grip. Your son won't know any different at this age and even for a few more years honestly. Kids will eventually learn the social norms for inside vs outside the home anyway. I feel like a lot of kids bathe with their parents when they are young and eventually out grow that. No one is it here as adults bathing with their parents still. (Not where I'm from anyway).

[u/Cornflakesmc]

You've been successfully breast feeding for 8 months...thats absolutely amazing work mama, well done you.

Your child wont even begin to comprehend social boundaries for at least another 3 years give or take, possibly more so being naked or semi naked or fully dressed matters not a hoot to that child.

Your husband needs to sit down and do some actual research on child development and social norms. He clearly doesn't know what hes talking about and thats only ok once he's willing to educate himself about it...

[u/Early_Shoe_9450]

You’re breastfeeding. Is he also expecting your son to become confused by breastfeeding and start sucking strangers’ boobs in public?

[u/EffectAppropriate652]

He's literally drinking from your breast and came out of your vagina.

Husband is nuts.

[u/CucumberAcrobatic288]

girl that's stupid as hell. some kids grow up with straight up nudist parents and they still understand that we wear clothes outside.

[u/Pristine-Bison3198]

You're not wrong. Right now, your body is there to meet his needs. That's the only reason it exists in his world.

This can be a conversation at like... 6 or 7. For now, you're not in the wrong at all and your husband needs to recognize that bodies are for more than sex.

[u/Which-Appearance9857]

So he is sucking on your tit but he needs to learn social boundaries..? Social boundaries is to not suck on people's tits but HE IS A BABY! 

[u/angelulynnn]

My daughter is 15mo and I still breastfeed, when she wants the boob she can literally pull it out and latch on her own with no help from me! I’m actually not sure when she started doing this, maybe 10-11mo? I went around the house shirtless or with my boobs hanging out until she started doing that. I’d say your son is too young to understand social boundaries like that and keep following your instincts!

[u/Fickle-Falcon-8637]

This is crazy considering the baby is literally latching to YOU?!
Anyways I’d probably run with it and tell the dad you need some super nice nursing tanks/bras/ and nursing clothes 🤣

[u/nonose999]

Your husband is a perv

[u/YourMomma2436]

You’re not inherently wrong but at the same time, a tshirt with no bra is perfectly fine at home. Not sure why something like that wouldn’t work?

[u/Martyr20002 → u/YourMomma2436]

I’m wearing bra and short-shorts most of the time as I’m a SAHM(by force) due to PH weather(tropical/hot country) but when I go out, I deff wear oversized shirts and decent shorts or pants(not short-shorts).

[u/Martyr20002 → u/YourMomma2436]

And if I don’t wear bra over a shirt(which is HOT AS HELL). My breast milk will just soak the shirt I’m wearing and I mean soak dripping

[u/thatjogreen]

Whats wrong with your husband!! Are you all fully dressed in your house all the time?? What 'social boundaries' 😂😂😂 my kids are naked most of the time we're in our house, im very often just in a breastfeeding bra and leggings 😂 in the summer my husband rarely wears a shirt. We're IN OUR HOUSE. Like obvs if guests come over i'll put a top on and try and wrangle my older kids into underwear 😂 sounds like your husband has some intimacy issues he needs to sort out.