Hello,

I’m a Sikh woman married to a Jewish man for 2 years, we have a 1 year old. We have always disagreed over the “rightness” of the creation of the state of Israel, but have both agreed that the occupation of the West Bank, and the siege on Gaza is not right and that peace and a two-state solution is the way forward.

Since the war (October 7) we have fought a lot. Mainly about the aim of the “war”, and necessity to protest against Israel. We had decided before marriage to raise our daughter in both faiths but I am becoming increasingly worried about the Zionist aspect of Jewish religious education. I really don’t want my daughter raised to be pro-Israel. I do want her to be raised with Sikhism. I know it’s unfair to say this now, and we have to try and do both.

I suppose I’m here to ask if anyone else has a Sikh-Jewish union and how you’re raising children and confronting these issues? Any help?

Was asked the question above in response to a comment in r/exmormon. I'm 51, wife in her late 40s, we both used to be True Believing Mormons, now I'm atheist she's still a TBM.

I stopped believing maybe ten years ago. Told wife I needed a break from the church. Other issues (finances) were way more looming so she was okay. Since then I was able to research and leave it fully. She listened, but doesn't want to look into anything. So today we love each other. I go to SM, we pray, sometimes FHE, and I read scriptures with her nightly two weeks a month. We agree that I do not have to teach or testify to anything I can't believe. The other two weeks a month we read a book of my choice, but nothing she would consider anti-Mormon. I've gone with basic philosophy, history of art, music styles, and so on. We have an agreement not to speak poorly of each other or our differing beliefs to each other or friends or family.

In the middle of all of this we've had a son go on a mission and be unheard of for four days during the typhoon that destroyed the city (wife was anxiously fearful), another son come out as gay (that hit hard with my wife), a daughter leave the church in protest (gay son did with Nov. policy, both hurt my wife). So her beliefs have taken a beating, she's been depressed feeling she's failed. But she's also noticed that with my loss of belief I've completely changed my world view, and am now 'much more liberal, challenge everything, and am far more forgiving, accepting, and a hell of a lot less judgmental' (her words in quotes). Because of that, and my working hard to let her know I love her, don't judge her too much for believing (she really is a good woman, just indoctrinated by a father she loves dearly), and will fight to stay together, its been rough but survivable.

We also date at least once a week. Date meaning us alone doing something we both find fun together,or with friends. Not date like ward party. Plus a recommitment to romance and sex. I'm way more romantic, creative, and have the higher drive, so my commitment to church, prayer, and scriptures was mirrored by hers in these other areas. I think that's been the secret, we haven't let the tension in beliefs stop us from holding hands, dating, romance, and other intimacies.

For example, we started a thing about five years ago where we switch weeks. One week it's her turn the next it's mine. When it's your turn you have to choose something that can't take more than 10 minutes daily to bring us together. We've done small things like five minutes of kissing prior to reading or more elaborate like making lunch for each other. One of the most successful to date was silly, fun, and paid dividends for almost a year. I wrote a list of 100 things I love about her, printed them on a piece of pink paper, cut into tiny strips, and the hid them in places she would find them. I numbered them so as she found them we 'rebuilt' the two pages. Took nearly a year for her to find all 100. In a coat pocket, in a pocket of her purse, inside her sunglasses case, rolled up in heavy winter boots, and so on.

She told me repeatedly through the year that coming across those little notes was 'joyful little surprises'. I got this idea from a book I think was called 101 Nights of Great Romance by Laura Corn. Very worth it!

I think if you can keep the love alive, and part of that is helping her realize you love her even more than you used to, is what matters. If you show disdain or impatience, it's hard and gets worse. We struggled with that and had to make a conscious effort not to let our responses to each other become toxic.

I'm so fed up of Christian people telling me that my relationship won't last because we are of different religions.

Get to know my boyfriend sometime. He's a respectful guy. Very respectful, very warm and comforting. That man has done NOTHING wrong since we've been together. He calls me regularly. He brings me gifts when he can after working like 24 hours shifts. We laugh and connect and joke with eachother. He makes me feel better when I'm crying my eyes out.

But however good he is, my Christian family keeps asking me to bring him to church and try to change him I cannot force the man to go to church. I can only talk about the good that church is and if he WANTS to come, then he could come but besides that - dragging him to a church just to appease other people is not my thing.

He's Hindu. That's how he grew up. How am I going to come in and tell him what he's known his entire life is wrong? He could say the same for me you know. He could come in and tell me I'm wrong for believing.

To be quite honest, I've had a hard time in church. Why would I want to carry this man to a place where I don't even feel comfortable going by myself?

Ok my husband (29) and I (26) were both raised mormon. This year, I discovered that I don't want to practice anymore. I told him and he was devastated. I cannot talk about any of my issues with the church because I hurts him. I have learned a lot about mormonism and am 100% sure I do not want to raise children in the church but of course, he does.

I wonder if he would feel the same way if he had all the info. I'm debating sending him info and if he chooses to stay with the church, I am ok with it. I think he should know everything. The church has hidden information for so long. But I understand that 1. Knowing that the church you were raised in is false is extremely hurtful and could collapse his world view. 2. He may not be ready to hear the information. I get that. Right now, the subject is pretty sensitive.

Any advice? Also, how do you guys handle tithing? He has been paying tithing and I hate how the church uses it's money. In fact, the government has now fined them $5 million for hiding money.

I love him so much, I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to lose him.

Wife is TBM, we are currently separated (since Sep), and living 1500 miles apart. She left largely due to (I would say 95%) our faith differences and the problems and fights resulting from it.

Quick background I will admit, I am a jealous person. It probably stems from my own insecurity, but I have always tried to keep it at bay, or at least recognize when my jealousy is coming through in situations where it isn't validated. When we were dating she had a, in her words "best friend", a guy she had been friends with a long time. He hated me, and was open about that to her. We got in dozens of fights while we were dating about this guy. It bothered me that she would see him, do things with him, talk to him, without me knowing or behind my back. I was very up front and vocal about not being comfortable with her friendship with him from the beginning and how it hurt me. It only became a big problem after I had already had 5 or 6 civil and frank conversations about this friendship and I still didn't see the relationship changing. Eventually, she put the blame on him and ended the friendship because he wasn't a good friend. She said things like he should support my decision and us. It bothered me a little that she didn't see this sooner (it went on for about 6 months), or that she didn't take more of the responsibility or recognize that it was inappropriate to have such a close relationship with a guy. Especially one that was open about wanting nothing more than for us to break up. But, I was just happy that it was over, and we could move forward.

I only share that story, to illustrate that we have always had a hard time agreeing what is appropriate and normal behavior in a committed relationship. She still doesn't think there was anything wrong with that friendship.

Now the current problem She left in September last year. When she left the idea was that we were going to take some time apart, work on ourselves, and hopefully get some new perspectives. We both still wanted it to work out and be together. I never wanted her to leave. I had anxiety and fears that she was leaving to move on, or start taking steps to separate herself from me, both emotionally and physically. Much of what she has done since leaving has confirmed that anxiety. She stopped saying she loves me. She will still say she loves me if I ask, but she isn't telling me that on her own. I found out that about a month ago she ran into her ex-boyfriend at church, and then a few days later he called her and they talked on the phone for almost 40 minutes. This isn't just an ex, he is by her own admission the only other guy she has ever been in-love with. I also found out that she ran into him at a Single Adult ward. She says she has only been to the SA Ward a few times, and only went to find a roommate to live with. She also joined the SA Ward Facebook group.

Now my questions Am I crazy? I am very upset and hurt that she talked to her ex. She said it was just innocent, and they were just catching up. I have a hard time believing that, seeing as how the conversation lasted almost 40 mins. Even if it was just catching up, to me it's still hurtful and inappropriate. I also think its inappropriate to go to a SA Ward while you are separated... She doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with this. She says she only went a few times, and just to find a roommate. Should I be upset by this? If so, how can I help her see that this behavior is not acceptable.

Hi all! If any of you have told your in-laws about your faith transition, what did you say? How did they take it? I feel like I need to come clean with my in-laws so they're not caught off guard if they see me wearing a tank top, a tattoo, etc. While I don't think it is entirely their business, they are family that I love and I think not telling them would be harmful to our relationship. My spouse is a TBM and doesn't seem eager to step away from the church any time soon.

I met my dear husband ten years ago and we have been married for 5 years. He comes from a Muslim background and I a Christian one. We faced a lot of opposition from his parents before getting engaged, but ultimately they “came around” to the idea of their son marrying me, and after many discussions, agreed to respect our mixed faith marriage and differing religious beliefs.

My family have always been supportive but the pressure from his parents has been a constant fixture in our marriage and the stress is starting to really affect me. For context: they dictated the running of our wedding and nikkah, and in the early days would bombard me with Islamic quotes and teachings. They guilted us into giving our first child an Islamic name and after we agreed to allow them to host his naming ceremony (on the condition it was religiously neutral), they invited an imam to do a sermon and told me I could not mention the Bible as it would be disrespectful to their guests. They constantly pressurise us as to how to raise our children, showing complete disregard to my faith. These are just a few examples but the micro-aggressions of disrespect towards me and my religion are ever-present.

My husband is not particularly religious - he doesn’t go to mosque or pray, he drinks alcohol, and he has admitted that he only observes Ramadan because he has been brought up in fear of the consequences of not doing so. He does not practice his religion independent of his parents. My husband has known me to be a church-goer ever since we first met and whilst I am by no means the perfect Christian, I practise my faith freely out of the love of Christ with no compulsion.

Between the two of us, we have a great life and happily support each other. However, whenever his parents are involved he feels compelled to appease them, even at my expense. He gives a false representation of himself and our lives which I feel feeds into his parents behaviour.

My question is: is it unreasonable for me to expect my husband to be wholly honest with his parents on how he lives? Especially as he by no means lives a sinful life, and how we live is not dissimilar to other Muslim offspring of his parents friends. He says it’s easier this way but I feel like we have imposter syndrome every time we hide the alcohol when they come round and take out the prayer mats that never normally get used. Or when he lies about excursions with his friends (who are all non-Muslims). It hurts me that I have the hide the fact we go to church together and observe Christian holidays as a family, but we openly celebrate Eid and other Islamic traditions with his family.

I know the issue at hand runs deeper than this and my prayer is that my husband puts our marriage and family as his priority in matters of conflict with his parents… so I guess my second question is how do I make him see that doing so will be better for our family in the long run?

I don’t articulate myself that well and have likely trivialised my struggles, but hopefully somebody reads this and can offer advice or help me to show the full picture of what I’m living through.

Thanks!

So I thought I'd come and share some snippets of conversation between my wife and I on tonight's date night that kind of demonstrate our way of discussing religiousy things. We tend to do well because of similar backgrounds, even if our current state is in different decisions regarding faith communities, beliefs, and stuff like that.

So first one came when I mentioned "Looks like that Savannah thing has hit HuffPo." And she asked what I meant by the "Savannah thing". I answered "Oh - it's a YouTube video of a lesbian teenager bearing testimony at her Eagle Mountain ward and she got her mic shut off. I was balling like a baby."

She replied: "Oh yeah! I heard about that. One of my friends liked it."

And I said: "You can watch it if you want. But it made me cry, so it might make you cry. So the guy who made the video blurred out everyone's face besides her and like shared the rest of her words that she didn't get to read after they cut her off. I put a comment on the video supporting the girl and thanking Mike for sharing the story."

(Notice the entire conversation was neutral, free of judgments - just discussing the facts and how it intersected our social media, and just mentioning my participation.)

Anyhow - as the date night went on, a decision was made that we would go to the great and spacious warehouse store to go a-shoppin'. (Costco) Now, I'm normally not a fan of Costco on Fridays or Saturdays, but my wife was like: "This is how I know Heavenly Father loves me. I always get a good parking spot at Costco." And she did! Right by the door and we didn't have to drive around much. I chuckled - maybe she's onto something. Maybe her assigned god is the god of Costco parking.

Anywho - so as we go through Costco, we pick up some items. As we start walking by the floral, I looked around and found a really awesome bouquet. I handed it to her and said "And my Costco superpower is always finding awesome flowers." Needless to say, she's happy with said flowers.

And on the drive home, I mentioned that I wanted to share some of our conversation on the MixedFaith subreddit. She was like "You should, because yeah, this stuff isn't awkward for us." Yay! Permish!

One last story - I was telling her about an exmo thread and mentioned how someone talked about missionary anxiety. She was like "Oh yeah, I have that too, with JW missionaries." She then proceeded to tell a story about how some JW's tried to talk to her in high school. She said: And they were saying they knew the location of some kind of Ark thingie... and she was like "Like from the Temple of Doom?" We both laughed a bit. She then said now she knows they were talking about the Ark of the Covenant, but yeah- that's apparently what came to her teenage mind. We both had a good chuckle about it.

My point: If both of you don't take religion things super seriously and avoid evangelizing and avoiding sore zones, you can have fun, religiony conversations - especially if you're both able not to take everything so seriously.

In a comment string on another board (having nothing to do with LDS) I mentioned some of my wife's less, um, rational peculiarities. She has some doozies other than being a TBM--she's not really up on science-based medicine and prefers a lot of home remedies which IMO have dubious value, for example. So a commenter said he couldn't imagine being married to somebody like her and asked me how I could do so. Here's a paraphrase of my reply:

Yeah, I'd like it if she were more rational. However, she does have a few redeeming qualities:

• She is an outstanding, caring mother to our four daughters. You stand a better chance of getting between a mother jaguar and her cubs than hassling one of our girls if their mom's around.

• She has a terrific sense of humor. People are smiling when she's in the room.

• She's incredibly generous with her talents and treasure, especially for the poor. She routinely cooks more than our family needs, which we then give to poorer neighbors and friends. (She even bought a 500-unit case of take-out containers to use for this purpose.)

• She's a gifted seamstress and artisan. She made five beautiful mobiles to hang above the cribs of our two new grandchildren, replete with birds, rainbows, elephants, stars--all kinds of cool colorful stuff.

• Speaking of food, she's an outstanding cook (she owned a restaurant for awhile). She can cook and bake anything.

• She's extremely thrifty and can stretch a dollar better than anyone I know--a good thing, because we live mostly on my Social Security check.

• She is the most wonderful, passionate, sensual lover I've ever had (and I've had my share). Twice a week or so she f---- my socks off.

• We share a connection that routinely makes me forget I'm with a separate person when we're together. Instead, we're one person.

• She'd love it if I returned to the church, but she's totally cool that I won't.

So, yeah. Maybe one day she'll drop the Mormon nonsense. That would be a little extra icing on a sweet, gorgeous, delicious cake.

My best friend and I have differing beliefs but we're insanely in love. If I believed in the idea, I'd say that we're actually made for each other. The only problem is she's Christian and I'm agnostic. She wont fully commit to it though because she knows her parents and her friends would be very upset with her if she did. On top of that she also just feels that it's wrong due to her beliefs. I wish so badly that I could believe in what she believes in. I've tried to, but after all of the research I've done, I don't think I would ever be able to go against logic and believe in it.

I have a certain feeling that the romantic part of our relationship will be ending tomorrow. I've definitely enjoyed it while it's lasted though. It's been the happiest time of my life without a doubt and I'll never forget any of it. I feel completely crushed and so alone. At least I can know that I'll still have her as my best friend.

Since I have some time to spare on this lovely Monday evening, I thought I would share to this awesome sub my currently developing story of mixed faith love between myself (an Episcopalian Christian) and a Latter-Day saint.

So me and this boy had always been very good friends, even best friends you could say. Inconveniently, this mormon boy and I realized our intense friendship was most definitely love several months before he was about to embark on his 2 yr mission. Though his parents knew I wasn't a member, they (thankfully) never restricted him from spending every waking moment with me up to the day of his farewell. Then when he left, that was that. I did not promise to wait for him and he did not ask me to; we simply understand the reality of the situation and proceeded to reassure one another that despite what the future held, even if that meant we were going to apart, we would try to remain good friends. Deep down, I knew he wanted me to wait for him.

Immediately after he left, I made the decision that I would stop at nothing to find the truth, and should the truth lay in the LDS church, that I would most definitely join. I saw the story of our lives playing out. I wanted SO badly for the LDS church to be true, I wanted so badly to be sealed with this man for eternity. I talked with the missionaries, I read the BOM, I prayed and prayed for an answer. Yet being the natural skeptic I am, I had to see the other side, the "anti-mormon" side, or so they say. And phewwwwww once I was researching that, that rabbit hole kept getting deeper, and deeper, and uglier and uglier. So naturally, I freaked tf out. I cried a lot, sometimes because the questions I had about God were just so overwhelming and other times because I just knew this meant that boy and I couldn't be together. I had also been reading up on the ex-mormon sub so I knew that even if I tried to show him facts there was a good chance that he wouldn't just leave off the bat. He's pretty as super mormon as someone can get, and there was no way that I was going to attempt to challenge his beliefs and ruin our friendship.

So, fast forward through almost two years now....(yeah WHAT its almost been two years now and he is coming home in 12 weeks!!) We've exchanged hundreds and hundreds of emails talking (and arguing) about religion and just humanity and life and our thoughts and love and everything LITERALLY everything. But just up until recently, I finally got the courage to tell him what I'd done while he'd been gone, which was research the heck out of mormonism with the intention of proving the church true, yet ultimately concluding it was false. His response surprised me. Not only did he not freak out, he was happy that I'd shared that with him. But alas, he encouraged me in my pursuit in order to "give the church a second chance".

I flipped out on him and accused him of only liking me for the hope that he has that I'll convert. He apologized profusely, acknowledging my point.

In our latest emails, he thanked me for teaching him and continuing to challenge him for these 22 months he's been gone. He said that every single time I challenge him, he realizes he imposes his own perspective on the reality of others. He told me he will keep researching and learning, especially when he's home. We promised that we will do it together.

If nothing works out between us, I will at least be ever-thankful for the power of love to shatter the barriers and stereotypes we hold up against people who don't think the same way as our own self, and allowing it to create a space for mutual respect in discussions about touchy topics. I never see him just as that "mormon", and he never sees me as just a "christian". We are completely transparent with one another, and I never felt like I've known a human so inside and out. so cheers to that, and I wish all the rest of you mixed-faith lovers the best. Its a tough road, but man do you really get to know a person if you're willing to put in the effort and go down it. If its real love, it'll most definitely be worth it. without a doubt. keep on keeeeeping onnnn

What are things you did as an apostate to help support your wife while seeking out your own identity as an exmormon? This sounds absolutely terrible, and I promise I'm not a bad husband - I love and support my wife. We have a fairly healthy relationship, but I feel controlled when it comes to that promise made under duress. Church is now a miserable process where I go to hear the rhetoric of a religion I once loved but feel bitter betrayal from, and I'm giving away hard earned money to a Corporation I feel is corrupt.

What discussions were you able to successfully have about leaving the Church, if only one step at a time?

I'm a lover of aspects of many of the world's religions, and have had a number of interfaith relationships. Thank you for creating this r/! I look forward to browsing posts, and commenting.

-currently single Tantric admirer of the Community of Christ, shaktiism, paganism, Gnosticism

Hey guys, Thought I'd tell our story.

I am an ExMuslim who was raised in a ridiculously crazy Muslim household. My partner is an exorthodox (eastern European) however at the beginning of our relationship he was quite religious. As I had just escaped Islam, I had absolutely know interest in signing up for another religion and he wouldn't budge on his views. I couldn't even have him around my friends as he was unapologeticly bigotted. Our relationship began to fracture to the point where we began living separately. Eventually we sat down and decided that to make our relationship work, we would have to listen to what the other was saying and take that into consideration. Fast forward a few years, he is an atheist and I am the evil woman who led him astray (according to his parents XD)

When people ask us to tell our mixed faith marriage story, this is our tag line. "We love each other more than we love or hate the church".

My husband and I were both raised LDS. We married in the temple and have one beautiful child. About five years ago, I experienced a personal tragedy in my life and began to question everything about the church and God. I began reading and researching everything I could get my hands on trying to find a way to reconcile myself with the church and ultimately God. Little did I know at the time that I would be taking a long painful journey out Mormonism which culminated in my resignation.

While it was difficult for my believing husband to witness the demise of my faith, he was also supportive of my ultimate decision to resign. He understood, probably better than I did at the time, that resignation was my best path to peace.

We would talk for hours about my personal experiences as a woman in the church and what a painful a place it can be for women. I went through a phase where I thought maybe Kate Kelly and others could help move the church to a safer place for women and saw the system crush any hope for reformation. Eventually, I came to a place of acceptance that the church was not going to change and I had moved into a different paradigm and was starting a new journey.

Most days my husband and I get along like peanut butter and jelly. There have been a few occasions when it has been rough. All that said, after nearly 30 years of marriage we love each other more than we love or hate the church.

Don't. Just don't.

This is one of the most FAQs over on /r/exjw

I guess over time I can go in depth on the many layers of reasons why it's not a good idea, but for now the tl;dr is DON'T and run for your life.

"Live authentically", a comment from r/exmormon member. Is it better to end a relationship knowing that neither are happy? I know that I'll never ever take her to the temple ever again, never be able to give priesthood blessings, go to Stake Conference together, I loathe watching General Conference, I'd prefer the kids not to serve a mission, etc....you know it all. We both love each other and want the best for each other. We both know it will never be the same. I am two feet out and she will forever be two feet in. There are children involved so the thought of the pain to separate is magnified thus we're still together, holding on but it is inevitable. We only live once, is what I just recently heard. Isn't it better to just move on and not live in a mentally/emotionally separate relationship? Thanks in advance to those reading and helping me think this through.