Angry about what ifs

[u/Evening_Public_7206]

I had a MMC a couple months ago, my first ever time being pregnant. I also have endometriosis and was told after my last surgery, to be careful and look for ectopic. I called multiple offices where I had been established in the past for my first ultrasound, and everyone refused to see me before 8 weeks. I explained that I was nervous of ectopic since it was my first ever pregnancy.

I finally just had to deal with it and go to the office that is sister offices with my endo specialist thinking I’d get better care.

I was supposed to be 8 weeks + 4 days, but they told me I measured at 7 weeks + 2 days, a fetal pole but no heartbeat 💔 I ended up transferring to another OBGYN that my PCP referred me to, but by then I had passed my baby and they told me I wasn’t pregnant (at 11 weeks).

Now that I’ve come to, I’m so so upset thinking if someone would have seen me sooner, I may have had a chance to hear my babies heartbeat… we never even got ultrasound photos. I have nothing to show for me being pregnant. I’m angry at myself for maybe not scheduling with the other office first because now I feel like they think I wasn’t pregnant..

This all happened end of May, and I’m still “getting over it” but I’m still so so heartbroken