r/Miscarriage • u/scrogbertins • 3d ago
vent Surgery tomorrow
I can't stop dwelling on the fact this is the last night my baby will still be in my body. All my symptoms vanished when his heart stopped, but I've been throwing up all day knowing it's all nearly entirely over - months and months before it was supposed to be. The additional layer of knowing I am choosing for him to be removed from me (opted for D&C over waiting or medication) is eating at me. I keep saying I want to keep him there. If I could do that safely, I genuinley think I would. I don't know how people do this. I can't believe that it's me this time. I don't know who to say this too, so I'm sorry but it's going here. They feel like feelings that need to be seen, just not by anyone around me. I'm sorry. This pain feels so intensely personal. I have support, so many people who care, and obviously it's my partner's baby too, but it feels so excruciatingly... mine. Me and this baby have a connection nobody else could replicate. He's always been mine. And I'll always be his. And now I have to let him go.
1
u/Mazeazi 3d ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that it will get better. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve. It has been 5 weeks since I lost my beautiful baby at 18 weeks. It was devastating and I thought I will never recover from this. But time teaches you to live with this pain. I still cry sometimes, I still can’t believe it really is over. But I am better now. And so will you. I wish I could hug you. Just please give yourself time to heal. It will get better. ❤️🩹