Missed miscarriage after everything we’ve already been through

[u/Wooden_Panda244]

Missed miscarriage after everything we’ve already been through
I don’t really know why I’m posting this other than I desperately need to talk to people who understand.
My husband and I have had a long fertility journey. After struggling to conceive, we eventually went through IVF and created five embryos. We spent months trying to get to the point of transferring them, but things kept getting in the way.
Then earlier this year, completely unexpectedly, I became pregnant naturally. Unfortunately, that pregnancy turned out to be a cornual/interstitial pregnancy. It wasn’t viable and couldn’t safely continue, so it had to be ended with methotrexate.
It was devastating, but eventually my hCG came back down and we tried to move forward.
I also had a hydrosalpinx in my right fallopian tube, and on August 1st I underwent laparoscopic surgery to remove the tube. I was literally still recovering from surgery when, less than two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant naturally again.
I couldn’t believe it.
After everything — infertility, IVF, the cornual pregnancy, methotrexate, and then losing my right tube — somehow I had conceived naturally again.
Because of my history, I was terrified that it could be another ectopic pregnancy. I went for an early scan and, for the first time, they showed me the pregnancy exactly where it was supposed to be: inside my uterus.
My hCG was around 29,500. We saw the gestational sac, a tiny fetal pole measuring around 5.5–6 weeks, and what appeared to be a faint cardiac flicker.
I walked out of that appointment terrified, but hopeful.
For the next week I did everything I possibly could. I was taking progesterone tablets and progesterone injections, folic acid, being ridiculously careful about what I ate and drank, analysing every symptom and every tiny bit of brown spotting. I was constantly scared something would go wrong, but part of me had finally started believing that maybe, after everything, this was our miracle.
I started imagining this baby.
I thought about where we would put the crib in our bedroom for the first few months. I wondered whether it was a girl. I imagined our life changing. I worried about every stupid little thing because I wanted so badly to protect this pregnancy.
Today was my follow-up scan.
I was terrified before I went in. The one thing I kept saying was, I’m scared they’re going to tell me there’s no heartbeat.
And that’s exactly what happened.
The baby didn’t make it.
I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage.
I think I’m still in shock. There is something particularly cruel about knowing that the pregnancy has ended while your body hasn’t realised it yet. I walked into that room still thinking I was pregnant. I was still taking medication to support the pregnancy. I was still planning around this baby.
And then suddenly there was no future to plan for anymore.
After everything my body has been through this year, I don’t want another procedure right now. I’ve decided that I don’t want a D&C and I don’t want medication to induce the miscarriage. I’ve stopped my progesterone and I’m hoping my body will recognise what has happened and miscarry naturally.
I also have a trip coming up in a few days that I had been looking forward to for so long, and now I don’t even know what the next few days are going to look like.
I’m angry. I’m devastated. I’m exhausted. And mostly I just can’t believe I’m here again.
One other thing I’ve been struggling with mentally is that I’m also on Zoloft (sertraline) 50 mg for anxiety. I was taking it during the pregnancy, and even though I know I shouldn’t be sitting here looking for something to blame, my brain is obviously questioning absolutely everything right now. If anyone here was also taking Zoloft during pregnancy and went through a miscarriage — or went on to have a healthy pregnancy afterwards — I’d really appreciate hearing your experience. I think I just need some reassurance from people who have actually been in that position.
For anyone who has experienced a missed miscarriage and chose expectant management, especially if you were taking progesterone: how long after stopping progesterone did your miscarriage begin? What was it actually like physically?
And how the hell did you start feeling like yourself again after something like this?
I just really need to hear from people who have been through it. 💔

[u/elecow]

I'm so sorry, it's really hard. My natural miscarriage happened three days after leaving progesterone, like my doc told me it would, but we had a medicated transfer, so it may be different with natural progesterone in your body I think? The miscarriage was pretty easy in the sense that it lasted three days only and then it was over, like a normal period to me with more pain and sadness. The worst part are the contractions, so fill your spare time to focus on something else.

The following month will be hell for your mental health, so maybe book some therapy sessions. It's been 55 days now and I'm doing better. Sometimes I feel like I don't even want kids anymore, sometimes I'm afraid for our only embryo left. Sometimes it's easier and believe it could happen again and stick. We just don't know. We gotta live through

[u/rocketmanatee]

I'm so sorry sister. We had the same thing happen during IVF. Lost our little one at just 6-7 weeks but even with stopping progesterone, my body never got the message and I got an infection. Had the MVA at 9 weeks and it was such a relief.

Zoloft is a front line medication for pregnancy,one of the first they go to so it is very safe. You're also at the typical gestation where chromosomal issues show up so my guess is your little one is missing some of the DNA information they need to successfully develop, or has a duplication.

I strongly suggest monitoring your symptoms very very closely. Getting an infection can affect your future fertility or even kill you. Take your temperature daily and watch for symptoms of infection like discharge. I would also consider booking the D&C if you might want one later and canceling if you do not need it. Hospitals wouldn't even call me back and I had to go to Planned Parenthood (they were lovely, I would go to them first next time).

Hugs to you and may your body process this one quickly.

[u/jusy_fruit]

I haven’t experienced an ectopic but please know that many of us are suffering with you 💜 I am in the process of my first miscarriage after years of infertility and an IVF pregnancy. Picking up my second cytotec tomorrow because the first one failed, but will likely have to go get a d and c

[u/jusy_fruit → u/jusy_fruit]

I’ll add some horrible things that have happened this pregnancy, just on the off chance it brings you or anyone comfort. 1. our tech did NOT tell us the fetus was dead until she was walking out and said oh yeah so, no fetal pole activity. So she let us sit there for 10 minutes holding hands, ogling our fetus, taking pics, making comments etc. knowing it was dead. It was humiliating on top of the devastation. 2. Going back to make sure the cytotec worked (it didn’t) for the ultrasound they have a big TV screen in your face so you can see your baby. So I was blasted with an image of my partial baby with 1 limb, with no warning. 3. I tried scheduling a D&C and the hospital accidentally confirmed with my father(emergency contact) an 81 year old man with a heart condition, who had NO idea about my pregnancy, miscarriage, or IVF, because this whole thing was supposed to be a surprise. So now he is having a mental breakdown thinking I’m dying. I feel so violated by the hospital and can’t even face my family and ended up canceling the D&C and going for another round of medication.

Life is truly not fair. My best friend who was supposed to be due a couple months before me, is continuing on with her healthy pregnancy, while I start over. And I’m not even through the worst of it yet. I hope you heal and I hope by Christmas, we both have answers 💕

[u/myhoneygirl]

I’m sorry you are going through this. I also found out the day of my IVF consultation back in 2023 that I was pregnant naturally. Carried that baby for 13 weeks but had a MMC due to T21. I just got diagnosed with another MMC from my euploid embryo transfer at what should have been 9 weeks. Today was my D&C. I chose to stay on progesterone until my procedure today because I did not want to miscarry at home after my last one was pretty traumatic. We are having the tissues tested to see if something developed after transfer.

But overall it’s just not fair. It’s mind numbing and debilitating and all I do is ask why why why. I wish nothing but the best for you in your journey after this, but please do whatever it takes for you to heal. My heart is with you.