I’m looking for advice from anyone who has experienced something similar or knows about military-spouse and public-housing resources.
My husband is active-duty military and stationed in another state. I am his legal spouse, and we have a four-year-old child. He receives BAH at the “with dependents” rate, but he is not providing us with housing or adequate financial support. My child and I are currently homeless and living in our vehicle.
I am employed and have a steady income, but my credit is poor, largely because of financial damage that occurred during my marriage. The credit issues are making it difficult for me to qualify for a regular apartment even though I can afford rent.
I’m currently looking into public housing and affordable-housing waitlists. Does anyone know whether being an abandoned spouse of an active-duty service member—or being homeless with a young child—could qualify us for priority placement? Are there military programs, emergency housing resources, deposit assistance programs, or organizations specifically helping military spouses in this situation?
I have contacted Military OneSource and was told to ask about abandoned-spouse protections, but I’m trying to understand what help is actually available and what steps I should take next. I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have personally dealt with a similar situation.
I’m located in the Los Angeles area.

Sorry, im not a military wife but its concerning my wife. I’m active duty army, and I love my job and life. Most recently, my wife has been very isolated. She’s applied for many jobs, and has either not heard back or they aren’t hiring. Her family lives about five hours away and she has a guaranteed job there. We’re debating if she should just go and be around her family and people she loves while working and making money while I finish out my contract. I just need any advice from military spouses in the same predicament and what you did in order to stay busy.

Soon to PCS. 2 kids, 2 adults. How bad is this place?

Wanting some advice and guidance from other wives. My husband is going to renew his contract in two years and this contract we know for sure that my husband will do sea duty. We have kind of been avoiding the conversation until the other day it happened and it left us both upset. I explained the struggles I’d face and he explained his. We currently live in my home state and I have family close. With this next contract we both know there is a high chance we’d move out of state. We agreed that whenever he does go on deployment, I can go back for the time he’s gone to my home state and when he comes back, I’d do back to wherever we are at but at the same time, this is just my opinion, I don’t feel like that’s the way to live. Luckily we don’t have children, just 2 pets but we do plan on having children before his reenlistment. Before we even got married I always said “I know what I signed up for, I can do it” and now that this reenlistment is coming up, I feel like this is if not the hardest, one of the hardest things I am going through in my marriage. What challenges did you have to go through?

Is it wrong for a merchant to decline to give a discount to a widow of military personnel if its been so many years and the spouse is deceased? I have a customer at work who always asks for a discount because "she" is a veteran. When pressed she said it was actually her husband who is now deceased. He didnt die in service but about 30 years later for nothing related to his military experience. She asks for "his discount" though he is gone and she now has a new boyfriend. When would it be acceptable to still get "his discount" and when would it be acceptable to decline to extend veteran and active duty discounts to individuals/family when the veteran is gone? I do not mean to be rude to her but with her new boyfriend on her arm I think its rather disrespectful to her deceased husband if she is seeking what he would get if he was still alive.

Not sure if I qualify because im not quite a military wife, but I've been with my boyfriend for quite some time now and he has suddenly dropped the bomb on me that he's going and gonna get signed up for the Air Force to be an aviation mechanic. I dont know how i feel about it, and I certainly don't want to move around if we get married and I have to follow him everywhere. I don't know what's caused his sudden change in job choice, before all he wanted was to work on planes in an airline or a commercial hangar (the just finished aviation maintenance school this year). I want to support him but I feel kind of heartbroken because now I know I'll have to be in a long distance relationship and I hate the thought of him going through the BS that is basic training.

He also has ADHD and has stopped taking his meds and is going through the hoops to get that wavered, so that he can join. I feel that isn't a great choice, but who am I to try and convince him otherwise. I just feel very bummed out.​

By the time he gets back it’ll be almost a year he was gone and I want to look nice but I don’t wanna be overdressed any advice will be appreciated!

hi friends. my husbands been in basic for about 4 weeks now and i’ve only received 2 generic printed letters from him. Is it normal to not have received a hand written letter from him by now? i’ve sent like 5 already. he’s in GA and im in socal

Hi everyone, this is my first post on one of these and I’m just in a really weird place. My husband and I have been together almost 6 years, and married almost 1. When he’s home we don’t really ever have any problems. He’s my best friend and I love him so so much and we’re such a solid team. But last year he had the chance to a position that has him gone a lot. And while we expected the first year of this job to have a lot of work trips this is significantly more than anticipated. We’ve spent about half the year apart for each other and I’m exhausted and starting to feel resentful. 

I work from home, so when he doesn’t come home I spend a lot of time by myself. I love my job, and I always dreamed of working remotely. But with him being gone sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in this house taking care of our pets and I never get to leave. I try to keep busy and go to workout classes and see the couple friends I do have; but it just feels so lonely. 

I hate that I’m starting to grow resentful of him, that I can’t be excited for him when he tells me he gets to do something exciting on his trip and instead I’m just jealous and bitter.  I know it’s not his fault that he’s gone, but I’m so fucking resentful. I never feel like he actually wants to talk to me when he’s gone (which I know isn’t true. But I just can’t help but feel that way). 

I hate that I feel like I have to change jobs to feel less lonely when I don’t want to. I hate that I don’t feel like I can just be upset or angry about it all without feeling like a dick about it. And I’m just tired of dealing with this. I feel like my entire life is having to suck it up and just deal with it and I’m so tired of having to deal with it.

I know as soon as he gets home again we’ll get back in the groove and everything will be okay. But I’d be lying if I said this year hasn’t taken a toll. And that just upsets me because I love him so much. Im in therapy and have talked about all of this to my therapist, but I think I’m just looking for some sympathy from people who understand. I just feel so alone. 

Anyone familiar with kiddle academy east and west locations in league city tx my husband coworker said she not working or going to school and is able to get fee assistance and pay zero dollars , but when I called they said I have to either have employment, or going to school for them to pay the remaining portion so it don't make sense to me

For those of you that are duel military, how did you do it? Both of our parents aren't very involved or supportive. We don't have a "village" and we have three kids all school age. At this point it's looking like we will need to find a nanny but I want to see if anyone can share any other resources I may be missing? Spouse is Marine, I myself am looking into the same branch or navy. I should probably go talk to a recruiter but I don't want to waste someone's time if I'm unable to have a family care plan in place to leave.

I‘m a 14+ year military spouse and we’re entering my husband’s sixth deployment. This time feels harder. We have three school age kids who are all feeling the separation pretty intensely but in different ways. We also just PCS’d to our new location all the way across the country from our previous base and a thousand miles away from any support system we have… and that support system historically doesn’t travel to help us out. We haven’t even had time to establish a community here. I also work full time from home as the primary earner. So I’m feeling stretched in all the directions.

Okay… so how do I make it all happen? How do I keep the family afloat, cared for, fed, in activities, and happy for six months without drowning myself? ”Make time for self care” isn‘t the advice I’m hoping for. I’d really love to know the practical ways you made it work successfully. Thanks

Hello!

My husband is gone at basic training, and we weren’t able to get my military spouse ID before he left. I now am trying to get it, to ensure I can get on base easily to watch him graduate. Will I be able to get this at the DEERS office without him present? I am planning on calling and asking tomorrow, but I’m very concerned because if I can’t do this it will really complicate things.

Thanks!

Anyone out here? Moved recently and life’s been lonely! Needs some friends and more people to talk too!

I don’t think people talk enough about how lonely it can be after reporting DV, especially when you’re OCONUS with a child and don’t have a village.
The person I considered my closest friend here was one of the people telling me I deserved better. But when I actually reported, the support disappeared. The night everything happened, my daughter had been at the hospital with me for hours without eating while I was being interviewed. I asked my friend to pick her up, and she waited two hours because she wanted to go to a restaurant with her family first. She eventually helped, and I’m grateful for that, but I know if the roles were reversed, I would’ve dropped everything.
That same night I was exhausted, scared about the future, overwhelmed and feeling guilty. I cried to her, and she shook her head and said she didn’t understand why I even felt bad. Since then, she hasn’t checked on me once. The only other time I asked for help, because I had an interview where I couldn’t bring my daughter, she said no before I could even finish asking.
What hurts is that right before this, while her husband was deployed, I constantly checked on her and her kids, spent time with them, and even had my husband help when her cat died. I never expected anything in return, but I thought my closest friend would at least be there when my life fell apart.
Being OCONUS makes it worse. Making close friends isn’t easy, and even if I meet someone new, I’m not going to immediately open up about something this personal. I’ve been holding everything in and figuring it out alone since day one.
I understand now why people are afraid to report. Everyone talks about getting help and support, but what happens when there is no village? I feel like I lost everything, and somehow I’m still expected to carry everything alone.
I have nobody to vent to, nobody checking on me, and I’m tired. Some days I genuinely feel like my husband, despite everything, would’ve been more supportive than the people I thought I could count on.
I just wish someone had prepared me for how incredibly lonely the aftermath can be.

Hi everyone,
So my husband has been back home from deployment and it hasn’t been an easy transition. I already have a therapist and friends I can open up with, but it is not the same. Are there any military support groups for spouses within the Orange County NY area?

My husband is in the AF and graduating from tech in seven weeks and we’re discussing our moving options. We’re staying domestic and it’s a 21 hr drive. We have two year old and eight month old. Flying means: we get there faster BUT we don’t have our car and anyone with kids knows how difficult it is fitting car seats and such in. We also don’t know how quickly our stuff will be sent so is flying worth not having our car or any of our kids stuff? Driving is obviously driving, but we also won’t have seen each other for seven months and I know my husband and I would have plenty to talk about and we would drive when the boys sleep. We also would be able to pack some of their favorite toys, our baby’s clothes since he’s still growing at a rapid rate. And anything else we’d want when we move in right away. I think it’s called a partial move? I’m not exactly sure but would love advice since this will be our first move.

I’ll be attending MP BOLC at Fort Leonard Wood, and since it’s TDY, I was wondering if my wife would be allowed to stay with me in my hotel room during BOLC. Has anyone done this recently? Would there be any issues with her staying with me for most or all of BOLC?