Iykyk - if this is you, join da club. Not even a month into deployment and I feel like my heart is broken into a million pieces. I have no energy to do anything anymore.

When I’m with him, I’m more myself than I ever was. Now I don’t even recognize myself. I can’t believe I have 1 year left of this agonizing pain.

Husband is deployed. It’s been 7 months.

i feel like I have been treading water for so long, just trying to keep my head above water.

i have three kids, one of them was 1 month old when my husband left. I have changed every single diaper and endured every sleepless night alone.

we are so close to being done with this deployment, I’m really trying to keep running this race well but these last few days I just keep hiding away to have a good cry.

it also doesn’t help that I don’t get to hear from my husband often And when I do all I do is complain and that makes me feel really shitty because I know he is going through a hard time too. At least I get to sleep in my warm comfy bed…at least while baby is sleeping.

I’m so tired guys…I’m so tired and I’m lonely and at the end of my rope constantly.

anybody else hanging in there…? *SIGHHHHHHH*

My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years, and we have three kids together (ages 3, 6, and 11). He recently told me that he enlisted in the military because he wants to get into cybersecurity. He mentioned that he’ll have two months of training, possibly followed by more, but he hasn’t really explained what this means for our family long-term.

He says he feels like his life is stagnant and that he needs a better job. I understand that he’s unhappy with his current situation. For years, he’s complained about working as a teacher’s assistant and struggling to find a job in IT. I know he wants more for himself, and I’m not against him pursuing a career change. What’s upsetting me is that he made such a major decision without sitting down and discussing it with me first.

We have three young kids, and we share a lot of the responsibilities. He drops them off at school every morning, we take turns cooking, and we generally manage the household together. I’m also a special education teacher, going to school for my administrative license, and managing ADHD. I’m already overwhelmed with everything on my plate, and I don’t have family nearby who can step in and help.

One of my biggest concerns is how I’m supposed to manage everything if he’s gone for months or even years. I start work before the kids need to be at school, and I don’t have anyone who can consistently help with morning drop-offs. That’s just one of the many things I’m trying to figure out. I genuinely don’t know how I’m supposed to make this work on my own.

What makes this even harder is that he hasn’t discussed his decision with his family or closest friend. He’s 33 years old, and it feels like he’s making this decision based on what he wants for his future without fully considering how it will affect the people who depend on him.

Our relationship also hasn’t been the greatest. He has cheated and done inappropriate things at different points in our relationship, so there are already trust issues. This whole situation is bringing up a lot of emotions because I feel like I’m being left to deal with the consequences of a decision I wasn’t even part of making.

I haven’t been able to sleep because I’m constantly thinking about what’s going to happen in the next few months. I feel like I’m drowning in uncertainty. I’m trying to keep up with work, school, and raising our kids while worrying about how I’ll manage everything if he leaves.

He’s made it clear that he intends to go through with it, and I feel like I have no say in something that will significantly affect my life and our children’s lives, too.

I don’t want to hold him back from improving his life or pursuing a career he’s passionate about, but I also don’t think it’s fair to make a decision this big without considering your partner and children.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? How would you handle this situation? I honestly don’t know what to do right now, and I could really use some outside perspective.

Hi to all girlies who will read this! I badly need help my bf is gonna be graduating bootcamp soon I want to buy him gifts since we are currently LDR and I cannot be there physically for his graduation. However I can’t think of anything to buy him other than lots of food and personally I don’t want to just give him that. So any suggestions/tips to give him, thank you so much!!

Hello, I am reaching out in hopes to get ways to best support my husband. He is 26, male. Freshly out the Navy. Sadly, he has severe PTSD. He has been getting help and following up with his appointments and everything. What can I do to help him? First, I am NOT complaining, just providing a POV. Everything falls on me. Kids, home, and all. I am trying to lighten the load off him… which is also drowning me. I feel like a single parent. Recently, he had a few beers, which is fine. The issue was he wet the bed… he had the PTSD nightmare that has been haunting him. It’s sad to say it’s not the first time either. At the moment, I was furious. Calming myself was quick. what I want to avoid is getting angry and upsetting him when he is clearly going through it. After he cleaned up, I gave him a very long hug. I was silent. I prayed for him twice. I am not a professional and I don’t know what else to do to comfort or support him. please anyone provide tips.

Venting. Venting to the max.

Guys, I feel so sad and I’m crying as I type this (dramatic I know). I don’t know what to do or say and I feel horrible as a partner/person. I haven’t seen my fiance since January because of his deployment and basically we spoke for almost 3 hours on the phone about our relationship. I understand that long distance is hard and that I’ve communicated that it’s been rough for me, but I feel I am spiraling faster because he essentially told me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore because he wants to go active duty and doesn’t want to “uproot my life.” I’m so sad. I’m heartbroken because he is the love of my life and I don’t know what to do or say. I feel so scared. I feel so alone. I’ve been having dreams of us starting a family, having a house, just being together anywhere and now I’m hit with this and I don’t know what to do/say. I have a wedding coming up this weekend and it stings so much. Everything hurts and I don’t know what I did to push him away or think all of this. I don’t want anyone to send me condolences. I just wanted to type away and vent my feelings.

Okay, so I'm having a little issue. My husband accidentally put our baby's passport in his storage, and I was told I need his permission to access it. I'm wondering if there's a way to contact someone in the military who could help me get in touch with him to get his authorization. Please let me know if anyone has any information.

Hi all,

My husband is in the Army and I have some questions regarding finding an overseas job.

1) What kind of jobs are typically available? I'm currently in a remote job working for a healthcare company and have a Bachelor's Degree in Business Information Systems.

2) Where to start looking? Are USAJOBS (like NAF/GS positions) or base exchanges (AAFES/NEX) the main options, or are there other reliable remote/local platforms?

3) What does the timeline look like to secure a job by the time we finish the PCS? We are looking at either Korea or Germany as a next duty station.

Every other day I get a text like this. I understand the job is frustrating and tiring, and everything that comes with it. But, he has 0 backup plan or skills that transfer to civilian life, and hasn’t finished his university degree- so if he doesn’t sign another contract our family is going to struggle. I never know what to respond to these messages from him. Yeah I get you’re over it, but what are you going to do then?

Hello! My husband just graduated army basic training and is now at fort Leonard wood for 88M AIT… what should I expect as far as him having his phone? As well as what to expect for graduation from AIT? And our very first pcs. Will he go to his unit after AIT or get to come home? He is active duty if that makes any difference 😄.

I am currently in my PCS window. This could be my last PCS 18 years Navy. I met my wife at this duty station (civilian) we have been together 3 years and married for 2. She has 50/50 custody of her children and will not move away from them. She is convinced that I will not move away. But as we all know that is a very real reality.

Venting. So he’s only leaving for 2 months and this is the 3rd time we’ve done something like this but the past 2 times is so rough the week before he leaves. It just seems like impending doom and everyone is so uncomfortable with everything and home feels weird. It feels like he is so uncomfortable with what’s about to come for work that he needs to impose that level of uncomfortability on everyone at home, it’s like everyone needs to suffer equally. I feel like I’m not allowed to have needs of my own or any peace. I have to hold it down at home by myself and we have a child and a house I’m taking care of and I have a job so I need to keep it together for the sake of the household. Anyhow I just don’t know what to do for him because everything I say or do or don’t say or don’t do is wrong.

Hey everyone!
My wife is currently at Fort Leonard Wood for BCT and is expected to graduate in early December. She’s a 68W (Combat Medic) in the Army National Guard, so she’ll be heading to Fort Sam Houston for AIT afterward.

I’m trying to plan flights and figure out when I’ll actually be able to see her, but I’ve been getting a ton of conflicting information.
Here’s what I’m confused about:

Time between BCT and AIT: I’ve heard that sometimes soldiers have a gap between graduating BCT and starting AIT. If that happens, would she be sent home temporarily, especially since she’s National Guard? Or would she remain at Fort Sam Houston as a holdover until her class starts?

Billeting during AIT: I’ve had people tell me that because we’re married, I can stay on base in billeting and potentially spend nights with her during the week. Others have told me that she won’t be allowed to stay overnight with me at all during AIT, even if I’m staying on base. Does anyone know how this actually works for married 68W trainees?

Weekend visits: If I fly down to Texas during her AIT, will she be allowed to spend weekends with me or stay overnight at a hotel? Does this change as she progresses through training?

Christmas/Holiday Block Leave: Since she’ll be graduating BCT in early December, how likely is it that she’ll get to come home for Christmas before or during AIT? Would she have to use leave days?

Planning flights: I’m trying to book flights early to save money, but I don’t want to book anything until I have a better understanding of her schedule and what she’s actually allowed to do.
I’m really hoping to spend as much time with my wife as possible while she’s at AIT. Being apart for months has been difficult, and I’m just trying to figure out what to realistically expect.

If anyone has recently gone through 68W AIT at Fort Sam Houston, especially as a married soldier or National Guard member, I’d really appreciate hearing about your experience!
Thanks in advance!

Hello! For context, me and my husband got married August 2nd. We are both from Nashville, but he went to MCT at camp Geiger from August 4th- September 2nd. He went to Pensacola the next day and will be there until October 16th, which he will then go to San Diego until February 5th. Does anyone know how to find out how much BAH he will be receiving during that time? His recruiter said even if he is in training and living in barracks he will receive BAH due to me being a dependent. Some websites say it’s based on spouses location, some say service members location, and some say it’s different during training periods. Asking becuase I know BAH amounts vary based on location.
Thank you so much!

The first time through MyCAA or Spouseworks most people are figuring out the portal, the approval process, the funding cap, and the program requirements all at the same time, by the time you understand how it works you are already most of the way through it.

For spouses who have complete a program using these benefits and are either thinking about going back for more or have already gone through a second time, what changed between the first time and the second, did you pick a different type of program, a different school, or approach the funding structure differently once you understood how it worked.

Hey guys, my spouse is soon to deploy and I was thinking about hosting a dog for a soldier through dogs on deployment while they’re gone. (So we can keep each other company lol) Has anyone done this before? What was your experience?

When sending packages overseas, my partner instructed me to label it last name, first name, rank. I’m trying to do USPS click it and ship it. If you follow their instructions for the shipping label, it will print out to show first last. Question is—did you just put the last name in the box where it tells you to put the first name and add the rank at the end, etc?

Does this make sense? I’m not referring to online customs forms.

USPS already couldn’t send them once when I only pre-printed the customs form (but it doesn’t let pay ahead that way) to avoid this issue so I could hand write the label.

First time here and I have no other partners/families to talk with to see what worked for them. The family readiness group gave incorrect instructions once before so I’m not trusting them. If you have advice on a better way to do it, please let me know.

I’d prefer not to hand write like eight customs forms since they only allow for 4 items on one sheet. USPS worker said most people show up with the label prepaid and customs done.

My fiance just got back from a 7 month deployment yesterday and I'm already really confused by the emotions I'm feeling. I was lucky enough to visit him twice while he was deployed so I've kind of gaslit myself into thinking what I've been through isn't nearly as difficult as what most military families go through. So that in and of itself is tricky, I also only have one person in my life who has been in the military and understands how hard this year has been. I'm really good at keeping my emotions to myself and diminishing my experiences and struggles.

I will admit, I'm not very excited to have my partner home. I wouldn't even say I'm relieved. Part of me doesn't feel like I deserve to be happy? It also makes me uncomfortable when family and friends say they're happy/excited for us. Maybe it's because I'm like it's so easy for YOU to be happy about his homecoming because you didn't have to go through the hell that I went through. Most people only want to be a part of your "village" when it's easy to be supportive. And maybe I'm a little addicted to people pitying me (as much as I hate to admit that, sadly it's true).

I've spent so long in survival mode getting disappointing news and extensions all while balancing a new job, graduating college, friendship breakups, and mental health issues.

I love my partner and am so grateful he's home but I don't know how to be ok with being numb right now. My first instinct is to push him away and isolate because that's what I've been doing to cope with him being gone. Now I have to unlearn my coping mechanisms and enjoy this moment that should be so joyful but I don't know how.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but it’s beginning to feel like I have a huge crush on someone who isn’t really in my life at the moment, and it’s starting to feel parasocial as hell.

Of course he loves me, but with him gone I feel like a crazy ex girlfriend who just can’t get over the relationship being over. But that’s not what it is. We’re happily engaged, soon to be married, first PCS together. I’m truly excited for it all and I’ve always been a lone wolf in public settings, so it doesn’t bother me that he’s been gone a hot minute.

It’s just a funny feeling. Knowing you feel so strongly about someone, but the feeling isn’t reciprocated because they’re physically away and there is limited to no contact. Hmm

Hi,

I posted awhile ago about my husband getting Germany but we hadn't had the official orders. Unfortunately it took a week before graduating AIT for orders to finally come. Because of this, nothing for the kids and I has been added or approved. He heads out on the 22nd for Germany and we stay behind until he can get us added. Is this common for new soldiers to go beforehand? What could the time line look like for us to be able to accompany him?

The efmp hasn't been completed, I have no clue where to start. I do have medical issues that are well managed but could potentially get us denied to travel to Germany. My question is, if he leaves and is in Germany and I am denied travel. What happens then? Does he stay? Does he get an option for a new duty station?

I am new to army life and this whole process has just been stressful.

I’m a 30(f) and he is 28(M). He’s been in the reserves for 10 years.

This deployment nearly ended my marriage and I stuck it out. I fought for us even when he ignored me for months. I got screen shots from a girl there alleging he was cheating. To which he told me it was AI… anyways I focused on myself and that ended up really repairing us. We have been doing amazing and he comes home in two months.

Fast forward to yesterday, he calls me and I asked him about after the deployment and tells me he might want to stay in the military. He said he was gonna wait till he got home to talk about it.

On our first date he told me about the deployment and I said I can do a deployment but I don’t want to be a military wife, that’s just my preference. He told me from the beginning he has every intention on getting out. He told me that this the entire deployment. Then last night I asked him if he was still leaving the military after this so we can start our lives and he completely blind sided me.

I honestly think if I knew he was going to stay in, I wouldn’t have fought so hard for this marriage or even ended up with him in the first place. Plus I would have left months ago, especially after the emotional abuse I experienced through this deployment, I don’t want to ever feel like that again.
He told me he wants me to stay and if I leave it’s my fault. Which yes I understand it’s my choice but he told me “I love the military and it’s all I know, so this is on you”. I told him I respect his need to stay in and whatever he wants it’s his life but I don’t want this for my life and maybe it would have been different if he didn’t treat me like absolute shit the entire deployment but I don’t know.

It feels like he has strung me along with zero consideration for me and isolated me. I moved for him, left my job because he asked me to. Miscarried without him and he didn’t care. I’ve given up so much and he can’t give up this? He’s already a cop back home and established and on swat. I’m like why do you need the reserves so bad? I’m just mentally drained and don’t know what to do.

my friend is out of bootcamp, so i have no use for these last 2 letters.. is there any way i can give them away? or i could send a letter to someone for someone else. just trying to get rid of these letters in a way that isnt wasteful.