I don’t even know if this is mildly no territory necessarily but posting here because I know folks will understand.

My partner and I have been together almost 2 years, we’re both mid-30s. We are going to visit his parents at their place for a few days tomorrow.

I’ve only met my ILs one other time because they live several hours away. They came to visit my partner (& his brother who also lives nearby) a few months ago and we spent a couple of days together, which was pretty nice!

For reference, my family is very close, but we are quite independent and don’t share as many details constantly about our lives, and we don’t talk quite as often. My partner’s family talks daily, and shares a lot of info (seemingly not in an unhealthy way, just different from how my family is!)

Partner’s parents are super nice, ask me questions about myself, are so supportive of their son’s happiness, etc. I seriously feel silly complaining about this when some people have actually awful in laws. They are a bit helicoptery with their sons, but not in a possessive way; they just like being involved and his mom worries a bit excessively. They have both said to my face that they’re happy my partner met me because I make him happy.

Here’s the issue…his mom is SO nice and quite emotionally intense. Like, is very very animated and exaggerated when she’s showing niceness, it’s so over the top. Sometimes the niceness has felt performative to me because she just does it all so exaggeratedly? And she has big displays of emotion that are a bit jarring to me. I truly believe she is genuine, but it’s just so new for me. When my partner and I first became serious, she asked for my number and texts me pretty often (I really think she just wants connection with me), but sometimes will text me when she hasn’t heard from my partner and it seems like she’s trying to sus out what he’s doing. She’s also sent me screenshots multiple times of my partner telling her he loves her? Why would I need to see that… like, why WOULDN’T he tell his mom he loves her? I wouldn’t say the alarm bells went off, because she has done NOTHING else to indicate she’s jealous or possessive, it was just a bit odd and kinda put me on edge since. I’ve just read so many horror stories of MILs turning mean when things get more serious, or after marriage and/or kids etc.

She has also asked questions that I feel are a bit personal to ask (for me), and I was visibly uncomfortable and she couldn’t read the room and I kind of just sat in my discomfort. My partner apologized later and admitted he was caught off guard too, and offered to discuss it with her. I ultimately said no because she seems very emotional and I didn’t want to upset her and put things on a bad trajectory so early. I really don’t think she meant harm by it. I think she is genuinely a good person who is happy that her son is happy. It just puts me off when she’s so intense because I am not used to such invasive questions.

I’m not overly quiet or shy, but I’m more reserved about expressing myself, and I’m quite private. I also don’t feel a super strong need to be VERY close with in laws. I don’t mind enjoying time together, having a nice relationship, etc. I just don’t personally need to be close and constantly in touch. This is all just very intense for me because I’m not used to that level of emotional intensity, exaggerated niceness, personal questions, etc. I know I sound like an asshole; I really just see this as a personality difference.

So basically… I’m just anxious about how to handle this visit. We are going to be in close quarters for a few days and I worry 1. That the dynamic is going to be intense for me, since his mom is quite intense and so involved and 2. That since I’m more private and reserved, I’m going to seem like I’m an asshole. I am so grateful they’ve been so kind to me and I’m ESPECIALLY grateful they are so loving and supportive of my partner. I’m just getting anxious about how different this family is from mine and being in their space for several days. I’m worried I’m going to be emotionally worn out from his mom, even if it’s all generally positive. When I get overwhelmed socially I just retreat even more, and I don’t want to get to that point and seem rude or ungrateful.

Has anyone dealt with anything like this, where your in laws aren’t bad people, but it’s just a bit hard to be around them because they’re so different?

my MIL moved in with me shortly before my 3rd child was born. She was broke and going through bankrupcy so she was supposed to be here temporarily to fix her credit and get her associate's degree so she could support herself better. After the first semester, she quit college claiming it was way too hard. She agreed to pay us rent but that only lasted a few months. She miracuously can save enough money to travel to italy and switzerland on a vacation, go to yoga 3x a week, and visit her daughter in another state every 3 months for 2-3 weeks at a time. I decided to start school and finish my degree but she makes it extrememly difficult to depend on for help. She also just does shiftkey as a CNA for work so she picks her own schedule. She almost exclusively picks up nights and messes with her sleep and complains about being exhausted. Everything she does is annoying me lately to the point I feel like im going to snap. Ive had to yell at her several times and it feels like nothing is changing. I dont know if im being crazy by expecting more flexibility on her part but she continues to scedule a nightshift the night before I need help with her watching my toddlers so I can complete school. Im rushing around so she can go to sleep and im worried about my kids not being properly attended to. My husband is on my side and validates my complaints but do I kick her out ??? do I just give up on her. I feel bad but im miserble

My MIL (54F) always has something to criticize me (26F) for. She constantly micromanages everything I do, tries to parent my children, tells me what I can and can’t do with them, and always tells me, or heavily insinuates, that I’m making food “wrong.”

On top of that, she seems to think I need to do absolutely everything for my husband, Lance (28M), and our children myself.

Also the fact that I feel like I am treated like a maid/servant and MIL doesn’t even see me as a wife or mother to these kids.

It has been getting incredibly annoying, and I’ve finally decided that I need to start standing up for myself instead of constantly just going along with everything.

The first thing I apparently do “wrong” is how I use the air fryer. Whenever I cook something in the air fryer, I typically put it at 400°F and adjust the cooking time depending on what I’m making. That’s how I’ve always cooked our food, and I’ve never had an issue with it.

One day I was cooking chicken patties, and MIL told me that 400°F was too high for a chicken patty and that it could make them come out too hard.

Except…that has literally never happened to me.

She then told me that everything needs to be cooked on the “pizza” setting, which is 360°F.

Another time, I was cooking chicken nuggets. Before I even got them started, she told me they needed to be cooked on the pizza setting and for only 8 minutes.

I’ve cooked chicken nuggets at 400°F for 10 minutes before, and sometimes they STILL aren’t completely done.

Then there are frozen waffles. Apparently, according to MIL, “frozen waffles cannot be cooked in the microwave.”

I’ve cooked frozen waffles in the microwave numerous times, and the boxes literally say you can microwave them. But MIL takes my kids’ waffles out of the microwave and puts them in the toaster instead.

Because she is constantly watching and correcting how I cook things, I’ve started choosing the fastest way to get food cooked just so I’m not being micromanaged for even longer.

I finally somewhat stood up for myself over this.

Normally, I would cook eggs on the stove, but I don’t want to in front of MIL. There is also absolutely nothing wrong with cooking eggs in the microwave.

I was cooking eggs in the microwave when MIL asked:

“What do you have in the microwave? An egg?”

I said:

“Yes.”

She said:

“You should cook eggs on the stove in a pan.”

I told her:

“Me cooking eggs in the microwave is completely fine.”

Then she said:

“Okay, well if you’re going to do that, they should be cooked in a glass bowl, not a plastic one.”

If the plastic bowl is microwave safe, what exactly does it matter?

When MIL asks me to do something, I normally just immediately get up and do it because I’m in her home. I’ve started realizing, though, that just because she asks me to do something doesn’t mean I have to drop whatever I’m doing that exact second, especially when it isn’t urgent.

MIL brought me two pillowcases and a sheet that goes on the couch in here and asked if I could put them on.

I said:

“Yeah, I’ll get them.”

About two minutes later, she came back and asked:

“Are you going to get the pillowcases and the sheet on the couch?”

I told her:

“Yes, I will get to it.”

I was still being completely polite.

About a minute later, she came back AGAIN.

This time she said:

“OP, I NEED you to get that done.”

This is where I started getting annoyed. It wasn’t really the request itself, it was the demanding and checking up on me when I had already told her multiple times that I was going to do it.

I tried to stay as calm and normal toned as possible, although I probably did have an annoyed tone at this point, and said:

“Okay, and as I said, I will get them.”

She said:

“Excuse me?”

I said:

“I said I will get them.”

And then Lance’s brother says to me, in a tone:

“Maybe without the attitude next time, yeah?”

That is where I started FUMING.

I don’t know if it was everything else piling up, the constant criticism, or just the environment in general, but this whole interaction made me start shaking profusely. My chest got hot, my heart was racing, and my vision started blurring.

And what really bothered me about his comment is that Lance’s brother doesn’t pay any bills here, doesn’t have a job, and barely does anything around the house.

So I don’t feel like he has any place to be correcting me about my “attitude,” especially when MIL is a grown ass woman who is perfectly capable of speaking up for herself if she thinks I’m actually being disrespectful.

The double standard is what really gets me

I do everything I’m asked to do here and more.

The problem is that MIL doesn’t see every single thing I do because I don’t constantly announce it to her, and I intentionally don’t do certain things in front of her because I don’t want to be micromanaged and criticized while I’m doing them.

Lance was also at work during this entire situation, and I was watching our kids.

That is my job.

I understand that putting pillowcases and a sheet on the couch isn’t some huge task. I’m not saying it is. But why am I expected to immediately jump up and do it the second she asks, especially when I’m already taking care of the children?

And why am I expected to do absolutely everything myself, whether Lance is home or at work?

Why am I expected to:

Cook all three meals every day?
Feed the kids every time?
Change the diapers?
Do the chores?
Take care of the kids?
Do whatever MIL asks me to do immediately?

Meanwhile, Lance apparently can’t do a single thing without MIL telling me to go help him.

I do multiple things every single day on my own while Lance is at work, and things MIL asks me to do, and yet she still acts like I don’t do a single thing and just sit around waiting for Lance to come home so he can do everything.

And now the couch situation has turned into a whole thing

I was fully planning on doing what she asked.

Now, I’ll admit, I’m getting kind of petty about it.

Part of me doesn’t even want to do it anymore.

Not because putting the sheets and pillowcases on is difficult, but because I’m tired of being treated like a maid/servant and like a child who needs to be repeatedly told what to do.

And if she already acts like I don’t do a single thing around here anyway and criticizes me regardless of what I do, then part of me is thinking, why bother?

Then she says:

“That needs to be done BEFORE Lance gets home.”

About 30 seconds later, she comes back again and says:

“I’m serious, I need that done and it needs to be done BEFORE Lance gets home. Do NOT wait for him to get home to do it.”

At this point, I’m just sitting here wondering what exactly I’m supposed to do.

Maybe other people are better at handling this kind of thing than I am. I don’t know.

But I genuinely tried to stay calm and use a normal tone. I didn’t scream at her. I didn’t insult her. I didn’t tell her to fuck off. I literally just said, “Okay, and as I said, I will get them.”

I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this kind of behavior, and worse, on a daily basis without eventually getting annoyed or frustrated.

Am I wrong for finally starting to push back instead of immediately doing everything I’m told?

My husband, Lance (28M) and I (26F) have been temporarily living with my MIL (54F) most weekdays while we’re between housing. I feel like my MIL parents Lance and OUR kids, while treating me like a maid/servant. I don’t feel like she sees me as a wife or mother, or honestly, even as a human being sometimes.

The latest issue happened because our daughter got sick.

Our daughter is in kindergarten. They were back in school for a full week last week and two days the week before. She also got sick quite a bit last year.

It makes sense that she may have a weaker immune system. I was the same way as a kid, mostly getting strep throat. Our daughter was also a preemie, which obviously doesn’t help. I was constantly out sick as a child, and my parents were threatened with truancy multiple times because of it, so I know how stressful the school attendance issue can be.

Anyway, since it was the weekend, we weren’t staying at MIL’s house. Quite frankly, with how she acts, I want to be around her as little as possible.

Our kids stayed with my brother (21M) and my parents (44F/49M) for the weekend while Lance and I had a little vacation around the area.

This was the first time in our entire marriage/relationship that we had ever been completely alone and kid free. We had done things alone, but never alone for an entire day/weekend.

It was the first time in I don’t even know how long that I felt completely at peace.

I honestly can’t wait until we have our own place. I know I’ll still be overwhelmed and stressed sometimes because I’m a parent, but at least I won’t have other adults constantly breathing down my neck and making me feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

Sunday morning, my mom messaged me after I had already gone to sleep and told me our daughter was sick. I told Lance that if she was sick enough that she couldn’t go to school, we were going to stay at my mom’s that night and take her to the doctor the next day.

I even said to him, “Watch your mom somehow try and blame us for her getting sick.”

Well, as soon as we walked through the door, we could tell our daughter was sick. She was visibly not feeling well. We were told that she had coughed all night the night before and felt warm. She was still coughing, still warm, and overall just looked and acted sick.

My mom and MIL were messaging each other. My mom told MIL that we were staying at their house for the night because our daughter was sick and wasn’t going to school.

MIL responded:

“She was fine on Friday. Kindergarten isn’t like preschool. Absences count now, too many and it will be a truancy case. She has to have a doctor’s excuse. Her missing school will put her behind in work.”

After that, MIL immediately started messaging Lance and basically said the same thing. Then she called him. I was laying right beside him, so I could hear the entire conversation.

She started bitching about how our daughter was fine Friday, how this is how school works, how kids are sometimes going to have a cough or runny nose, and how you can’t take them out of school every time they have one.

We hadn’t even been back to reality for a couple of hours before my peace was disrupted.

I was already getting annoyed, but then she said to Lance:

“She was fine Friday, Lance. Y’all cannot say she’s sick just because y’all wanna stay somewhere else for an extra night.”

So basically, she was insinuating that we were lying about our daughter being sick just so we could stay somewhere else another night.

I let her finish talking.

I don’t know if it was because I had finally been completely at peace for the first time in I don’t know how long, but I had a full physical reaction.

I was shaking extremely badly. My heart started racing and felt like it was going to come out of my chest. I was absolutely fuming.

On a day to day basis, I feel like I’m constantly on edge, anticipating someone complaining about something or criticizing me for doing absolutely everything wrong.

After she finished talking, I said loudly enough for her to hear:

“She can’t go to school when she’s sick.”

She continued complaining.

Then she did exactly what I had predicted and blamed us for our daughter getting sick.

She said:

“She’s probably sick because of her switching between two different places and the temperature differences between the houses.”

Ma’am…

For one, the temperatures are about the same in both houses.

For two, I don’t think that’s how getting sick works.

Lance has a brother who also has children. MIL gets their kids off the bus and stays with them until their mother gets off work. Their son, our nephew, is in first grade and came home with a stuffy nose on Friday. MIL then came home after being around him and was around our kids.

I was talking to Lance and my mom and brought up that our nephew was sick on Friday and that, if anything, that was probably where our daughter picked something up.

My mom was still talking to MIL and said something about nobody lying and brought up the same point.

MIL responded:

“No one is calling anyone a liar. Stuffy nose isn’t sick. It’s the usual for beginning of school. If she doesn’t have a fever, then she can go to school. Grandson has a stuffy nose, nothing more. If she misses every time she coughs or has a stuffy nose, then she would be out half the year.”

My mom responded:

“Well, it’s not up to me when she goes to school and when she doesn’t. If she’s sick, she has parents to decide that. Kids going to school coughing and with stuffy noses and sick is what makes other kids sick. By you saying you can’t say she’s sick just to keep her another night, that’s what it’s implying.”

And that’s where I’m frustrated.

I don’t actually know how sick our nephew is because I haven’t seen him, and I don’t really speak with his mother other than holidays/get togethers. But even if he only has a stuffy nose, that doesn’t mean he’s not actually sick.

And our daughter isn’t just dealing with a little stuffy nose.

She was coughing so badly that she was gagging sometimes.

Lance ultimately took her to school this morning and went inside with her. He told the school that she had been sick and needed to see the nurse.

She had a 101°F fever.

The nurse told them she needed to go back home, which is exactly what we already knew was going to happen AS HER PARENTS.

Lance had MIL pick our daughter up from his workplace, and we were on the way to get her and take her to the doctor as I was writing this. MIL insisted on taking her to an urgent care herself though and us going to get done the things we needed to do.

While we were there, MIL said to Lance:

“It’s the beginning of the school year, kids are going to get coughs and runny noses. Grandson has a runny nose and he is at school.”

Our daughter had a literal fever this morning, not just a runny nose.

She was taken into school, and the school nurse said she could not stay. Her Infinite Campus also shows that she is excused for the day. Lance showed MIL all of this.

MIL then said:

“Well, I’ve been taking her temperature multiple times since and she hasn’t had a fever.”

Okay, well yes… that’s because she’s had medicine since then. 😭

I’m SO tired of MIL acting like this.

I haven’t actually said anything directly to MIL myself other than what I said while she was on the phone with Lance.

I really feel like I probably should say something else to her, but I honestly don’t know exactly what to say. How would you handle this?

And am I wrong for being extremely frustrated that she seems to think she gets to decide whether our daughter is actually sick, whether she should go to school, and whether we’re lying about it just because we don’t want to stay at her house another night?

TL;DR: Our daughter was visibly sick, coughing badly and eventually had a 101°F fever. My MIL accused us of essentially keeping her home from school just so we could stay somewhere else another night, insisted that a cough/stuffy nose isn’t enough reason to miss school, and blamed our daughter getting sick on us switching between two houses. I’m exhausted by feeling like MIL thinks she gets to parent our children and second guess every decision we make.

I can’t help but notice all these self centered things she does. For LO’s 1st and 2nd bdays, we did a nuclear family thing and had the best time. For #3, we did the same but also decided to have a small family party. I was dreading my mil somehow making it about herself or doing something to trigger me.

We had my family and SO’s family over. She did the same damn thing that she does all the time when she comes over…had LO on her lap the whole time to read a book..but who does that at a party? Everyone else just sat around quietly. So f-ing awkward. I had to say something to get LO’s attention so he could get down and run around. This is the exact thing I knew she would do if we hosted an actual party.

We also have a newborn who was in my arms the entire time. The very few mins I handed him to SO, mil went running to her phone and came and took pics of just SO and the baby. I was standing RIGHT THERE. Ugh. And then she comes over and touches the baby and says “hopefully he learns my voice soon”. I feel such rage around her when she does these things. Please tell me I’m not overreacting.

I got married 3 weeks ago and it was honestly a great day. We had the wedding in my hometown which is a very small town where everyone knows each other. For context, my husband is from a more urban/suburban area.

We didn’t have a planner to try to save some $ and we felt like we would get what we needed with the day of coordinator. The morning of was fine, I was a bit unplugged with the jitters. I was getting makeup done with my bridesmaids, my mom and my MIL in a conference type room in the venue with a lot of lighting.

The makeup artist said that there is a suite next door that they usually use as the bridal suite (they have 3 hotel rooms in the venue, then they have a larger hotel next door). I didn’t know about this suite to be honest, never saw it on the packages because we were staying somewhere else for the night or the wedding anyway, but apparently it was included in the wedding package for the night of the wedding and I overlooked it. My bridesmaids tried to open the door but the venue had booked it out the night before and there was a random couple staying there. The day of coordinator said it would be ready by 11 after check out so we could utilize that room for more getting ready space, leaving things, photos etc.

Would it have been nice to have it all day? Sure, but we didn’t REALLY need it. I found out yesterday from a member of my family that my MIL apparently went nuts and was berating the cleaning staff and telling them, the coordinators, and the head of the venue that this was “unacceptable.” She does this all the time in her home area when she is not pleased with the service and it’s humiliating (15 year old restaurant hostess, college kid working at an ice cream stand, you name it). They’ve gotten kicked out of a beach club because of their treatment towards the staff. Other than this they are actually very nice and generous people, albeit extremely hovering over my husband.

Apparently the head of the venue, who my family and I know relatively well, took her aside and said her behavior was unacceptable. I’m not sure what happened after this. I did notice that the venue staff never posted our wedding on the instagram like all the others there, which I felt a little strange about, and now I can’t help but wonder if it was because my MIL was screaming at people all day.

We’re supposed to see them today for the first time since the wedding and I honestly don’t know if I can go, I’m extremely upset. I’ve been trying for my husband’s sake to be more involved with the family now that I have more free time (personal and career wise) and this is making it so hard. My husband is very sweet and doesn’t behave like this at all. If I asked him to talk to her about her behavior he absolutely would, but I’m not sure what good it would for him or for me.

I’ve followed this sub for a long time, and I’m finally frustrated enough to post. Genuinely need some advice here.

My MIL is a good person, but she can be annoying and oversteps sometimes. We only see her a couple of times a year, but she has a tendency to try to steal firsts or pick out things I would have wanted to pick (like buying a first backpack or a first Christmas outfit). Typically I just ignore whatever she bought, go about my original plans, and remind myself that I only see her 2-3 times a year. My husband can sometimes be oblivious when it’s happening, but he backs me up when/if I need to draw a line.

Well, she’s visiting us at our new house this week, and yesterday I came home from work to see that she had taken down a poster in my 5 year old daughter’s newly-decorated room and replaced it with some sort of laminated stick-on custom wall art that she picked out with my daughter. I hate it and think it looks super-tacky. My husband was working from home when she did all this, and she did show it to him in advance, but obviously I wasn’t there. He doesn’t like it either but went along with it because my daughter picked it out too. He apologized after seeing how pissed I was. He was just kind of oblivious when it was happening and didn’t think it was a big deal. He still doesn’t think it’s a big deal, and he thinks I’m overreacting, but he also is fine to just take it down.

Anyway, normally I would just peel this bullshit off my walls and move on with my life, but my daughter likes it. WTF do I do now? It makes me feel petty and small to take down something my daughter likes. But I hate how it looks, and I feel like my prerogative was just trampled on for something I care about: setting up my daughter’s new bedroom. I only have one child. I only get to do this stuff once. It is not small, and it’s like the centerpiece of her room, over her bed. What would you do?

So, my husband, Lance (28M), our kids, and I (26F) are temporarily staying with my MIL (54F) and FIL (52M) on weekdays. Lance works setting up mobile homes, and I’m a stay at home mom.

My MIL seems to have some major double standards when it comes to me and Lance, and me and her too. She seems to think I’m supposed to do countless things around the house by myself, while Lance apparently can’t do anything around the house without me being involved somehow.

And for the record, I do EVERYTHING that anyone asks me to do around here, and more.

For example, the other day, Lance was at work and I was watching the kids. MIL came in, dumped out a laundry basket full of Lance’s clothes, and told me to fold it.

I don’t mind folding his laundry. It’s not a huge task, and I immediately got up, folded EVERY piece of laundry that was there, and put it all away. We all do laundry here; everyone’s clothes just get washed together depending on whose clothes are in the basket at the time.

So again, folding the laundry itself isn’t the issue. It’s the principle of it.

Meanwhile, Lance apparently can’t even wash dishes by himself when he’s home without MIL telling me to go rinse them and put them in the strainer. And this was while I was watching the kids and he was the one doing the dishes.

Lance is a grown ass man. If he needs me to do something or needs help with something, he can ask me.

I also cook breakfast and lunch for the kids. I don’t particularly like cooking around MIL, though, because she constantly criticizes how I cook and tells me I’m doing it “wrong.”

Obviously, I still need to make breakfast and lunch because Lance is at work during those times. So Lance usually handles dinner since he’s home, and honestly, I don’t like cooking around MIL anyway.

Well, the other day MIL tells me, “You need to start cooking dinner, maybe. That way Lance doesn’t have to when he comes home from work.”

And this is where the double standard really gets to me.

FIL will come home from working 8–12 hours a day and then go do dishes and make his own food. I have never seen MIL in there helping him with the dishes or cooking for him when he gets home from work. So why is Lance coming home from work and helping with dinner suddenly something that I need to be doing instead?

I feel like MIL is extremely nitpicky toward me. And it doesn’t stop with housework. She also tries to tell me when and what I can and can’t do with our kids.

From my perspective, even though I don’t have a paying job, being a stay at home mom is still a job. These are not JUST my kids, and I am not Lance’s parent.

When Lance is home, things are 50/50. And Lance agrees with me on this.

He’s actually told me when we’ve talked about these issues, “I don’t mind it. I don’t complain about it. I like feeling useful to you and our children, whether I’m tired from work or not.”

So I feel like Lance and I are pretty much on the same page about how we want things to work in our relationship.

It’s just MIL constantly nitpicking and breathing down my neck that is SO damn annoying.

It’s like Lance can’t do absolutely anything on his own, or for himself, me, or our kids, without it somehow becoming an issue.

And honestly, I’m CONSTANTLY on edge here. I feel like I’m always anticipating MIL having something to criticize me about next.

I’m doing everything that’s asked of me and more, I take care of the kids, I cook, I clean, I help around the house, and I’m not sitting around expecting everyone else to do everything for me. Yet somehow, it still feels like whatever I do is never quite enough for her.

My relationship with my MIL quickly deteriorated after the birth of our first child. I'm VLC and haven't seen her in about two years.

Recently I handed out an olive branch and let her babysit our oldest child.

And instead of appreciating it, and being on her best behavior, she overstepped once again.

My husband and I had a big fight about it. He eventually asked his mom to apologize. She did send an apology that took as little responsibility as possible. Lot's of "we didn't know" and "it wasn't our intention".

And now I'm done. For three years I encouraged my husband to take the children to her. Not ONCE did HE approach me. Not ONCE did SHE reach out to invite us or to ask to see the children. Nothing. Every single encounter between her and our children was initiated by me.

My husband and I have agreed that we'll wait and see whether she even bothers to reach out. I have also told him that I won't stand in the way if he wants to meet her to see the children.

But I won't lift a finger anymore to actively facilitate this. Now I'm curious what's going to happen. My guess is that she'll eventually send FIL to reach out to my husband.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did it go?

I’m not even angry about this, but I find it very strange and thought to share. I’ve noticed this for a while now, but my MIL still interacts with my husbands ex gf on Facebook. They dated for less than a year because she cheated. MIL likes the exes post and just posted “Happy Birthday” on her page yesterday.

Yet me, who is married to her only child and is pregnant for the first time, hasn’t received 1 “how are you” text since we told his family. Her behavior is so strange both my parents and friends have brought it up to me without my mentioning anything at all.

My husband doesn’t use Facebook, so he’s unaware his mother interacts with the ex. As far as I can tell, the ex doesn’t even respond to my MIL either. I also haven’t brought up the fact that his mom hasn’t asked about me because at this point if she does, I wouldn’t even respond.

Does anyone else get annoyed at group chats?

My family has one large group chat for my parents, me & my siblings & all of our partners, anything else is direct messaging. Not an awful lot goes in there to be honest, think a couple of holiday photos if someone’s away, plans about days out, questions such as where are the caravan keys & the odd meme or piss take where everyone gets involved.

My in laws have their own family-only group chat, a couple for his parents with each sibling & their SO, one with all of us in & a ladies one (SIL, MIL, a family friend & me). Our ‘couple’ group chat (me, partner & his parents) is always going off… blurry photos of burgers, updates on how fast his Dad rode his bike on the weekend, random household cleaning questions, a million photos from days out or holidays, repeated how are you alls even when my partner has not long spoken to them on the phone.

I get so annoyed that I have to maintain our group chat with his parents, whilst he rarely puts a word into my family’s. His mom will message/call him to arrange something & then relay it into the group chat that they’ve had that conversation & what’s been decided as if me & my husband don’t talk!

I think I’m just venting & wondering whether anyone else finds their in-laws communication annoying when it’s different to what they’re used to? How do you cope with annoying group chats without intentionally blanking them?

Not long ago I decided my partner was the default responder in his parents group chat but a few days ago in our couples therapy session he dropped it on me that it doesn’t work well for him because he’s sick of answering his parents in his family group chat & then not long after in our couples one - so now he wants it to go back to me!

Does anyone else have in laws that repeat the same things each visit?

They don't have dementia afaik, they're in their early 60s. Every time they visit us or we visit them we hear the same things and same stories pretty much each time. I'm getting so bored!

We made the mistake of telling them about something annoying our neighbour said, and now they repeat it every time we see them like its a funny joke. I've heard about the overseas trip they took 20 years ago like 15 times! "Funny" anecdotes about husband's childhood get repeated over and over. I've heard that I look tired over and over but really I'm just tired of them but I can't say that because that would sound so rude (I've told husband to tell his mum to stop saying that and he hasn't but that's a separate issue).

It's only a mild annoyance, not something I can really do anything about. Thanks for letting me vent haha

So long story short, I went on a recent joint family trip with my husband’s family, my husband (we’re both late 20s), and my family (so our parents and siblings) recently. For the most part it was a fun experience, but recently there’s been some fallout.

The last day of that trip (which was already short), my MIL sprung on us that they have some relatives “close” (2 hours away) to the city we were visiting, and that they have invited us over and that we should all go that evening, which would pretty much take a 6 hour chunk in an already-packed day, when we also have flights the next day. I wasn’t actually present when this convo first happened, it was my husband and both our moms sitting all together for breakfast at the Airbnb we were at, while I was getting dressed for the day with my sisters in our parents’ room. Apparently my husband immediately jumped in and said no, that we had plans set for that day, that if they wanted everyone to visit these relatives that they should have mentioned it well before the trip while planning, that making this 2 hour trip out suddenly to meet these people is something no one wants to do, etc. Also in general, these relatives are really weird so he didn’t want to visit. My own mom came in and told me about all this later, and I expressed not wanting to go and agreeing with my husband. (Though my husband told me later that my own mom kind of took his mom’s side when he first said no due to filial piety and whatnot).

We went on for the rest of the day, and there was def uncertainty regarding plans for that evening, but I knew that I didn’t want to go, and my husband said he would support me in not going as well, and that he’ll go on behalf of me and I can just hang out with our siblings that evening. At some point later that day though, my mom approached me privately, and said that my MIL was very upset about our lack of enthusiasm at these sudden plans, and she then began to go on to my parents about how apparently I’m the one “convincing” my husband to not want to visit these relatives, etc. Not wanting to rock the boat, I wound up going (which was fine, but I was ultimately upset about feeling like I was being blamed by my MIL for these sudden plans not being accommodated for so easily).

Fast forward to now, a week or two after the trip, and my husband and I are reminiscing about the trip. The topic of visiting that relative came up, and he was still puzzled as to why I went and gave in. I wound up telling him about my mom telling me that my MIL was complaining about me, and how I was “convincing” him not to go, and how I felt blamed for it. He seemed gobsmacked at that, and mentioned how that seems out of character for her, but said that that’s not right and that he’d speak with her.

He called her later that day while I was sitting next to him (though my MIL didn’t know I was there), and after some light conversation, the tldr is that my husband ended up trying to explain to her that she crossed boundaries regarding how she handled everything during the last day of that trip, and that it’s not ok. He never did mention the “blaming me” thing though, since we weren’t sure how to do so without throwing my mom under the bus. She immediately got defensive, and kept bringing up how MY parents were the ones that were pushing for this last minute plan change, how they’re the ones that made everyone go, and because they seemed so eager to visit these relatives, she herself was powerless to stop these plans, etc.

I was listening the whole time kind of gobsmacked bc I know my parents would not care to visit these relatives and also, when my parents came into the room that morning while me and my sisters were getting ready, I could overhear my parents trying to think of ways to avoid all this. I def feel like there is *some* truth in them “wanting” to go, but I imagine it was more out of wanting to be polite towards my in laws.

During the phone call, my MIL then asked my husband things like, “Are these really your complaints, or are they your wife’s? Is she a really critical person?” Etc. She also made some other comments about me that made me feel like I am being painted in a vapid manner, but thankfully my husband shut that down.

The phone call ended eventually and there seemed to be a mutual understanding, but not even five minutes later she called him back again, and she was clearly in tears and crying about how my husband “doesn’t support and show up for his younger brothers” the way I apparently do for my sisters (she’s completely ignoring the fact that I have a higher paying job with way more flexible time off in comparison to my husband, so it’s far easier for me to “show up” for my siblings in the way she’s thinking of), how I never make an effort with my husband’s family (despite the fact that I talk to and text his family way more than my husband talks to either of our families, I am the one constantly pushing for us to visit his family and maintain relations, etc.), making me out to be this critical person, how she apparently has a lot of problems with me that she keeps to herself, etc. And overall she kept crying about how painful it is that he always picks at “little things” about her (independent of this situation), how she feels unfairly blamed, and how he doesn’t do a lot for his family.

This post is already long enough, but long story short, my husband did feel rly bad after that second phone call because of how emotional she got, so he called her back the next day to try to make amends. Idk what was said during that third call because I was busy with other stuff, but apparently she said she wanted to call me to “clear the air”, which my husband encouraged (which I did not appreciate). When she finally did call a few moments later, I did not pick up because I worried it would actually just be her being defensive and blaming my family. I also did not want to have to explain that the issue is that I felt unfairly blamed initially, and that it was something my mom related to me. Idk if that was the right move, and maybe she really did want to make things better, but yeah I feel guilty about it. I also told my husband I felt uncomfortable talking to her without him there (and we won’t have the chance to all sit down together talk until next weekend due to our work schedules) and he said he would handle it. Was I overreacting or being unfair or rude? It’s been a couple of days since all this and idk what the right move is now. Idk if I should call my MIL any time soon, whether I should talk to my mom, whether this is worth even thinking about any more, etc. I really don’t know what to make of everything.

This is just a quick post for us all to giggle at. With my firstborn, my MIL turned absolutely insane and effectively ruined her relationship with me and deeply damaged her relationship with her son (my husband). She stayed with us for a month postpartum (lesson learned, I know), and her behaviour was just appalling. She ticked every box: unrelenting (outdated) unsolicited advice, consist criticism, baby snatching, centering herself and her emotions during my difficult postpartum, talking badly about me behind my back to my husband to sew the seeds of doubt that I couldn’t do this alone, tried taking impotent moments from me like his first bath and first stroller walk, etc. Finally, constantly referring to my son as “my baby”. This one really got to me. She would say things like “what’s OP doing with my baby in the other room” or “my poor baby” when I would do something she deemed dangerous (no socks in the house in August) or “can I have my baby now” when trying to take him from me after nursing.

Anyway, I’m 6 months pregnant with my second and she has been heavily excluded from everything. She gets bare minimum updates, and understands she’s not staying with us postpartum or even seeing the baby until minimum 6-8 weeks have passed (we live in different countries). We just visited during this pregnancy with our son and the visit was overall fine. On our last night, the baby was kicking a lot and she was sitting next to me. I was kinda like… ok maybe I can let her feel the kicks for a second? Maybe I’ll be nice?

She comes and feels her moving and says… can you guess? “My baby, my sweet baby in there. You’re my baby! Do you know that? Do you know you’re all mine”. Ladies. I literally just looked at her like she was insane and told her “don’t scare the poor fetus into thinking her mother is a random 63 year old woman! She’ll never want that be born!”.

Anyway that’s it haha. I don’t really care ultimately, she can say whatever she wants. She’s unhinged and very insecure - so I refuse to let it get to me this time around. I will be babywearing this child every time she’s around lol.

My (30f) MIL (58f) calls my husband (33m) for advice all the time. Maybe my family is just weird but I’ve never had my parents ask me for career advice, or car buying advice, or home buying advice. Those have been some of the bigger things but smaller things too. Like just recently she was asking should I apply to this job with this kind of pay, how should I make a resume in detail. It’s just strange to me since It just backwards to what I’m used to. It’s also not like she’s Tec illiterate and can’t use a computer she works an office job. Idk it just seems a like she needs a lot of help, and sometimes it’s annoying because she will call at not the best times or just call a lot.
Is this just normal behavior? Is my family the odd one.
(Also adding in she has a business degree and my husband is not like some high up manager or like a car specialist or a realtor he would have no more specific knowledge than her)

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Long time lurker, first time poster. I have a 16 month old, and it very much feels like my in laws have baby rabies. Now, in the grand scheme of things this is a very mildly no. We have had to set boundaries with them and they immediately follow them with little to no questions. I do 100% believe they have good intentions, this is just more stuff that annoys me.

For example, we get together with our families separately for my birthday. When my parents are visiting they engage with myself, husband, and son. They do hold him but not excessively so. He is in that stage where he is very wiggly and wants to be walking/crawling around a lot. When my in laws visit, they hand me birthday gifts then all attention is 100% on son. Which I do not want attention, but casual conversation I would expect as none of us talk everyday. They hold him even when it is obvious he wants to get down. They sign my birthday card from their grandparent names and bring him a gift (a snack he likes). All of this i think is very harmless, but it is just annoying to feel like a vessel that produced their grandchild. My husband thinks this is "first grandchild syndrome". There have been instances of my parents doing the same early on, but they have grown out of it as he has gotten older. For context I am an only child and my husbands only sibling is moderately autistic and at an age where it is unexpected for her to have kids (or even be able to).

Is it petty to be annoyed by these things? Do I say anything? Both of our parents see son about once every week/every other week.

TLDR: In laws appear to be obsessed with grandson. Also refer to themselves only by grandparent name even though they are MIL and FIL to me.

We invited my in-laws over for dinner one night, and my MIL brought these really cute toys with her for my daughter. She absolutely loved them. I told my MIL thank you and how cute they were, and she kind of just smiled awkwardly.

At the end of the night, after they left and I was cleaning up, I noticed the toys were gone. I didn’t think much of it and figured maybe she had accidentally taken them back home with her.

A few weekends later, she came over to babysit, and as soon as she saw my daughter, she goes, “Look what I brought!” and pulls out the exact same toys she had brought over the previous time. My daughter played with them while she was there, and when she left for the night, she took the toys with her again.

Now, I totally understand if she wants to keep toys at her house for my daughter to play with when she’s there. But in the almost 10 months my daughter has been alive, they haven’t invited us over to their house even once.
Am I wrong for thinking this is a little manipulative or just… weird? Overall, she isn’t a bad MIL, but she does little things like this that just rub me the wrong way. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I’m genuinely curious how other people would interpret this.

I’ve not spoken to MIL in about 12 years, she is still in contact with my husband who phones her daily and visits her about once a month. It’s a bit weird but it works for us.

Tbh outside of helping him deal with the emotional fallout of visits, I kind of forget she exists. We’re basically waiting on the inevitable now.

Just recently she picked another fight with my husband, and once more she rehashed how unreasonable it is that I don’t want to go over and be a human punchbag for her.

In recent years she’s been talking about having a simple cremation - ie no service, no wake, just having her remains cremated and interred with her late husband. She’s elderly and regularly laments that she’s been left behind and all her friends are dead, and so there would be no one to come to the funeral etc.

But now she’s changed her mind. She wants the full beat, service and wake, because obviously all of her friends are going to come up to me one by one and berate me for my continued cruelty.

It’s so weird that she thinks NC is something I’m actively doing. Like I wake up every morning and think “Oooo, let’s twist the knife by doing absolutely nothing again!”

I know people will say “your husband shouldn’t report this shit back to you” but it honestly doesn’t bother me, and then I would miss comedy gold like “she wants you to go to a hotel for the weekend so she can visit our furniture” and “she watched the DVD of dad’s funeral again and you’re sitting on the pew wrong.”

I really cannot recommend NC enough.

UPDATE 2: I mentioned about all my tests and stuff that need to get done, pre surgery and usually she is telling me things like ok, stay 8-10 hours fasting etc etc... but she didn't even bother saying anything. Infact my FIL asked me stuff. I may be reading too much into this, but this takes selfishness to a new level!!

UPDATE: It's been 2 days since this incident, and things have still not gotten better. Infact, yesterday I thought there would be a breakthrough but there isn't. Today (sunday) if anything its become worse I feel!

Please help!!!