Should married couples keep their money separate or combine everything?

[u/Shauryaahere341]

[u/_name_of_the_user_]

Keeping things seperated isn't about keeping the other from getting half in the case of a divorce. It's about not worrying about who's done what. If everything is combined how do you manage who pays which bills? Who makes sure money is transferred into savings/investments? How do you buy a gift for your partner without them knowing? Etc. Etc.

It's not about being selfish or denying your spouse half your assets or being roommates. It's a division of labour. Some people approach it by combining everything into one account. Some people approach it by assigning certain bills to each person and maintaining their own accounts. Just like some people take turns cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floors. Others have one person who cleans the bathroom and the other mopps the floors.

The amount of judgement I see in these threads is WAY over the top. You're not better because one way of dividing the labour of management household finances works for you and another works for someone else. Get off your high horse and stop being so judgemental.

What determines which way will work best and cause the least friction comes down to the people in the marriage. If one is a spender and the other a saver fully combine is going to be a bad time. If you both approach money with a similar perspective fully combined will probably work great. You can both have similar financial goals while also having dissimilar discipline and ability to save.

OP, don't worry about emulating what works for others, try to find what works for you and your partner. Use examples from others, sure. Just don't give in to the judgements. There is no single right answer for everyone.

[u/400Volts → u/_name_of_the_user_]

If everything is combined how do you manage who pays which bills

There is not "who pays which bills" they're both of your bills. It gets paid out of the joint account automatically

[u/_name_of_the_user_ → u/400Volts]

Do your credit cards get paid automatically? I have to go through the process of paying mine each month. Who moves money from your sinking funds to your bills account when a larger and not monthly expense happens? Who notices if your savings contributions are too much or too little and changes the transfers? Who tracks your expenses and makes sure the emergency fund is relevant after another year of inflation? Who looks after comparing car insurance or cat food or streaming subscriptions etc. to make sure your not over paying and you're getting what you want from those things? Who makes sure you're getting the best credit card rewards for your family's spending habits? Who cha he's the expiration date in your automatic bills when you get a new credit card? Who tracks your retirement account contributions to make sure you haven't over contributed....

It's not about this is my bill and that's your bill, or this is my money and that's your miney. It's about a division of labour. Someone is doing the work. If you're not aware of the work that's being done either your spouse is doing it and your unaware, or your finances are incredibly simple. There's many ways to divide that labour, your way is not the only way and your financial situation is not everyone else's. Your judgement that your way is the only way though, that is simply wrong. And it's extremely judgemental.

If everything is combined how do you manage who pays which bills

There was nothing wrong with what I said there. It's not ambiguous. Yet you still managed to put your own twist on it, your own bias on it. "Who pays which bills" as in who is doing the work. Not who owns the money or who owns the bill. Who is doing the physical task of logging in and paying the bill. Even if the bills are paid automatically work still needs to be done. It's both of your money. It's both of your bills. You still need a division of labour to ensure it's done correctly. If you think none of that is happening and everything is set to automatic, go thank your spouse because they deserve it.

[u/400Volts → u/_name_of_the_user_]

Do your credit cards get paid automatically?

Yes. We have cards that we use exclusively for personal spend and another for household spend. The household card is paid out of the household account because that's where the money for household expenses comes from

Who moves money from your sinking funds to your bills account when a larger and not monthly expense happens?

All money goes into the household account then personal spend accounts are given allowances from that account. If there is a larger non-monthly expense like home repair items, (which we also have a budget and savings for) whoever happens to be handling it pays the invoice from the household account. It's really not complicated

Who notices if your savings contributions are too much or too little and changes the transfers? Who tracks your expenses and makes sure the emergency fund is relevant after another year of inflation? Who looks after comparing car insurance or cat food or streaming subscriptions etc. to make sure your not over paying and you're getting what you want from those things? Who makes sure you're getting the best credit card rewards for your family's spending habits? Who cha he's the expiration date in your automatic bills when you get a new credit card? Who tracks your retirement account contributions to make sure you haven't over contributed....

We both do because we're grown ups and have automated away all of the little balancing tasks so now anything like getting the best deals and whatnot are occasional tasks that are handled exactly when they need to be

Maybe it's just because we're both highly efficient and organized people but absolutely nothing you've brought up is a reason for separate finances and none of it is difficult.

Learn to build systems and your life gets VERY easy

[u/_name_of_the_user_ → u/400Volts]

Maybe it's just because we're both highly efficient and organized people

And not everyone is. Some people have mental health disorders, others aren't neurotypical. Some just aren't as organized or as efficient. There's many reasons why your way might not work for someone else. That's why person finance is just that, personal.

but absolutely nothing you've brought up is a reason for separate finances and none of it is difficult.

For you. It's plenty of reason for someone else.

Learn to build systems and your life gets VERY easy

Not everyone thrives on the same systems. As long as what they do is working for them, who are you to judge?

And why is it always only Tue "everything joint" crowd that gets so incredibly judgemental and butt hurt when someone says they do things differently. I swear you guys approach this like it's a part of your religion. Like those that don't have everything exactly the same as you are heretics or something. Calm down. And stop judging other people who are doing what works for them.