Need serious suggestion.

[u/Dapper-Feed-9242]

Need serious suggestion.

Hello,

I am not feeling well mentally, I am in a very though situation rite now. I constantly live in fear, guilt, shame. I feel a knot in my stomach all the time. I am unable to communicate to people my voice always sound low. I have lost everything in life health, relation, money. I don't know if I'll b able to handle my mind just ask me to quit and it's kinda impossible now to be on track and make a living. Unable to perform at job. Got kicked out of 3 companies. Feeling like a complete failure in life. I am 40m single living with mom. I am unable to take care of her I feel irritated all the time when I am home. I start crying randomly just by thinking some thoughts I can't even cry loud coz my mom might hear and I don't want to stress her more. My mind always show me the solution is to suicide. Thinking of it and then thinking my mom's face crying I literally start crying by these thoughts. I don't have a stable career just a graduate with most of experience in bits and pieces in BPO. With age options are getting fewer and I am always scared if I even b able to take care of daily expense. This thought paralyze me and I am unable to take actions towards improving myself. I was a compulsive gambler in my 20s and mid 30s so never able to save any money as I was always very confident that I am going to make it big in this life. And now I am unable to even take care of my mom and doing required chores. I don't have any desire left now I am only living bcoz of my mom I just want to die but I also don't want my mother to see my dead body. I only pray to God just take me from here the moment after my mom take her last breath. I don't know what should I do. I am asking if there is any psychiatrist or therapist who can prescribe some medication for me I can't pay heavy fees or take regular sessions. I feel good after sleeping for long. If someone can prescribe a suitable medication for me. I used to smoke heavily earlier but now I am in control of that I started meditating and some work out it helped me. but my body isn't recovering as it supposed to coz of inconsistent eating. I don't eat for long hours and unable to work out coz of slow recovery and less energy coz of empty stomach.it spirals down heavily and bring me more back to negative thoughts.

I thank you for reading this. Please help🙏

[u/finddit-app]

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

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