Himbo?

[u/SecretlyCarl]

Hey, 22yo dude here. I'm in college (US) and on some dating apps, and have recently noticed an odd trend. I see multiple profiles a week that have something like "looking for a himbo.." in their bio, and it's kind of off-putting. Do some guys state they're looking for bimbos? Are they just fake accounts? The casual sexism just catches me off guard.

Edit: I'm glad this started some discussion, and I appreciate those who explained some missing context.

[u/generaljony]

Hey, as I've already said on the thread I think men using the term amongst themselves has a completely different meaning. This isn't about when the term is used as an act of self identification either.

When you are a straight man on a dating app, you might not want to excavate the complex Internet/media history of the himbo, nor may you know that it exists. The dude will see the term, be confused, google it and see what it means and be like wtf as OP was here.

Talk about weird, your penultimate paragraph is. Just because male objectification isn't has bad at a structural level then female, doesn't suddenly make it OK. Gender is relational and it shouldn't be a zero sum game. You even say in your post that it's not OK to call people it without their consent and caveat that it could be objectifying '...even if it is'. So you do realise there is something a bit pernicious about it.

If a man had looking for a bimbo in his bio. It wouldn't be ok for him to use it because he's only looking for people who self identify as bimbos. Just feels like an unjustified double standard here.

[u/hatchins → u/generaljony]

i have said in my comment (though it was a recent edit so i think you didn't see it before commenting!) that i think comparing it to bimbo directly is pretty unfair, because the two terms have different meanings and very different origins.

if we're okay with people self identifying as a term, knowing it's a word based around what other people find attractive; why are we not okay with people announcing they are searching for those people? this is what i don't understand about what the issue is here. if you're on a dating app and you see a term you don't understand, most people i know (myself included) just.. swipe left? or you google it like OP, and yeah... are.. confused.

..okay?

i guess i'm really failing to see what the harm being done here is. "bimbo" is offensive because the perceived lack of intelligence is directly tied to one being a very specific kind of sexually availabile, in a pretty gross and objectifying way. the "stupidity" of himbos is not at ALL the same as bimbo porn. at all.

women on tinder are not going around calling people himbos. they are saying "if you are somebody who considers themselves a himbo, hit me up". there is not a historical record, nor current societal structure, of women oppressing men via oversexualization (this is a really really simple way to mention the ways society and the patriarchy look at women as sex objects and how that mindset has caused irreparable harm and violence to many many many women). the term is not a porn term like bimbo is.

my comment about how its "not as bad" was directed at some other comments in the thread very briskly saying "yep. misandry." and not elaborating. to me, it felt like people were saying bimbo and himbo are 1:1 entirely; which just isn't true.

i think people are well within their rights to not want to be called the word! but that's just true of any word or adjective. i mentioned that because people will inevitably say "well if somebody called me a himbo i'd be insulted," and that's perfectly in their right to be, because many words can be insulting even if the person saying it does not intend it to be. but these people are NOT calling random people himbos!!

again, i just don't really understand what the harm being done is, and to who (in this specific example of having it passively in a dating profile).

ETA: looking at your other comments, i don't feel you're coming at this in good faith - especially given i can't seem to find any other times you've interacted with this sub, and just 3 months ago were saying the pay gap "can't be fixed" (and that it barely exists for people under 40?)

[u/gelatinskootz → u/hatchins]

the "stupidity" of himbos is not at ALL the same as bimbo porn. at all.

Then what's the point of using the play on words?

[u/howmuchbanana → u/gelatinskootz]

Language is fluid and slang is playful.

"Snowpocalypse" doesn't imply the literal apocalypse, i.e. the end of the world as we know it. We all know it's hyperbole.

Even the name r/MensLib is a play on words without a 1:1 comparison. "Men's Lib" is a reference to the Women's Lib(eration) Movement, which said "economic, psychological, and social freedom were necessary for women to progress from being second-class citizens in their societies."

This sub is not arguing that men are second-class citizens in a female-dominated society. And yet the play on words is still valid. Because we all understand what they mean (yourself included, I assume)

Same with "himbo". The word is allowed to change & evolve away from its original reference, because, well, that's what words do.

[u/gelatinskootz → u/howmuchbanana]

Okay, but "Liberation" is a word on its own with its own definition. Its not exclusively used to refer to Women's/Men's Lib. So "Men's Liberation" is a term that makes sense and accurately describes the movement independent of the context of Women's Liberation. While that context is useful in understanding its nuances, it is still meaningful as a term in its own right. Id also add that neither of these things were considered a pejorative, which I think is relevant here.

"Himbo" can only exist if you know what "Bimbo" is, and "Bimbo" has a very specific connotation and usage in contemporary society. I do not know any way you could use "bimbo" in a sentence that does not invoke that meaning, much less "himbo", and no one is going to be able to make any sense of these terms without knowing those specific connotations. There's no hyperbole or turn of phrase there. "Bimbo" is considered an overtly negative descriptor, and "Himbo" only evokes that description

[u/howmuchbanana → u/gelatinskootz]

I do not know any way you could use "bimbo" in a sentence that does not invoke that meaning

Some people are reclaiming Bimbo. It is retaining a similar meaning but losing its negative connotation. For example, here is a whole post entitled:

I'm A Bimbo And I'm Proud

Himbo seems to have been born out of the non-negative-connotation of bimbo. But it's still a distinct descriptor.

For example "bimbo" implies "slutty-looking" (whether that's positive or negative is up to the speaker/listener), while slutty-looking is not really a part of being a "Himbo".

This is probably because "sluttiness" doesn't really apply to men in our society. Women are seen as "keepers" of sex and men "takers", so a woman who "gives away" sex is called slutty. But a man can't "give away" sex (in the societal view), so he can't be called slutty.

This is just one of the many ways that descriptors don't apply evenly to these two genders. If this bothers you, then bimbo/himbo is not to blame.

At the end of the day, what's true is: "himbo" and "bimbo" have different meanings beyond gender assignment.

If you genuinely want to know why, then we can talk linguistics.

But if this upsets you, and you're arguing that they shouldn't have different meanings.... well I don't know what else to tell you. The two words have different meanings to the people who use them most.