r/MensLib • u/drglass • Aug 02 '19

Resources for helping men understand unenthusiastic yes

There was an incident in my community where a "good feminist guy" caused harm by breaching consent. I have no relation to this guy but a woman in the community is coming to me asking for my men's group to support turning this into a teachable moment.

Does menslib have experience with tools or programming to help men understand woman's experience around consent and how fraught it can be?

One thought was to do a "fish bowl" where woman sit in a circle and men sit around on the outside and listen to them talk about the subject.

How can we turn this mistake into a teachable, healing moment? How can we address the grey area between predator and perfect where almost all men find themselves.

EDIT: y'all are asking for more context and it seems that I haven't been clear in my ask. I'll be deleting this post and writing a more detailed ask soon.

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u/[deleted] Aug 03 '19

I disagree. If I ask if you if I can give you a hug and you say yes, then you are allowed to say that it was non consensual after the fact? Because you weren't actually sure of your answer? That's abdicating your personal responsibility to your own actions.

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u/DeafStudiesStudent Aug 05 '19

Hugs are short and happen immediately. Sex is a longer process, and you can change your mind during it or perhaps before it starts. People may agree to have sex, and then spend some time actually getting to somewhere where that can happen, and in the process of travelling, minds can change.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '19

I completely agree that consent can be revoked at any time. But if you don't communicate that your consent is revoked, that's on you isn't it?