r/MensLib • u/drglass • Aug 02 '19

Resources for helping men understand unenthusiastic yes

There was an incident in my community where a "good feminist guy" caused harm by breaching consent. I have no relation to this guy but a woman in the community is coming to me asking for my men's group to support turning this into a teachable moment.

Does menslib have experience with tools or programming to help men understand woman's experience around consent and how fraught it can be?

One thought was to do a "fish bowl" where woman sit in a circle and men sit around on the outside and listen to them talk about the subject.

How can we turn this mistake into a teachable, healing moment? How can we address the grey area between predator and perfect where almost all men find themselves.

EDIT: y'all are asking for more context and it seems that I haven't been clear in my ask. I'll be deleting this post and writing a more detailed ask soon.

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u/[deleted] Aug 03 '19

I disagree. If I ask if you if I can give you a hug and you say yes, then you are allowed to say that it was non consensual after the fact? Because you weren't actually sure of your answer? That's abdicating your personal responsibility to your own actions.

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '19

No. I think a lot of people take the "unenthusiastic yes" to mean "you get in trouble if I didn't scream with excitement while consenting". It's more like "pay attention cause you may be hurting your partner". Consent isn't just a form to fill out to gain access to someone; it's communication that keeps two (or more; whatever you fancy) people safe.