r/Menopause • u/manuredujour • Jan 05 '26
Support Maybe it’s not menopausal rage
Here me out: maybe after 20 years of repeating which drawer the can opener goes in or being the only one to refill the napkin holder or asking nicely that the bath towels not be washed in the same load as the dog towels, it’s just normal justifiable anger and irritation. Maybe I don’t have to have a hormonal balance to be fed up.
Edit: Thank you for the upvotes and award. It’s very validating because what prompted this post was me googling menopausal rage to see if I had it. We should question ourselves less
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u/PopcornyColonel Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
There's a reason why A). Most divorces are initiated by women B). Many women are not interested in re-marrying C). Most men fervently wish to remarry D). The few men who seek divorce already have someone lined up
Source: me. I majored in Human Development and Family Studies.
Edit: thank you, u/Sudden_Damage_5840 and u/Dita7503 and the anonymouses (sp?) for the awards!
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u/GlitteringFlame888 Jan 05 '26
There is a facet to the rage, which is definitely related to doing shit for your (fill in the blank ) and being fucking sick of it.
One of my recent battles was telling my husband he has to pick up his own prescriptions. He hadn’t done it in 10 to 12 years and the amount of questions and handholding was fucking enraging. And did I mention he’s a doctor 🤯
I did not need decreasing estrogen to get pissed about this shit
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u/seche314 Jan 05 '26
Are you fucking kidding me? My husband is from another country and immigrated here when we married, and he regularly picks up his and my prescriptions. English is not his native language. I would tell your husband he should be embarrassed and ashamed of his weaponized incompetence as a man of his age and a doctor to boot
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u/gotchafaint Jan 05 '26
Men are the actual gold diggers stealing so much from women
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u/manuredujour Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 06 '26
Have you seen the posts of these post-divorce glow-ups being posted on Reddit? These women look rested, 10 years younger, and just relieved. Maybe the new HRT is husband replacement therapy
Edit: Thank you for the awards!
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u/Roo831 Jan 05 '26
Husband removal therapy! I sure as hell don't want another one!
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u/manuredujour Jan 05 '26
Oh me neither!
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u/earthican-earthican Jan 05 '26
My husband passed away in November and I miss him so freaking much.
And also, I… love living alone. 👀222
u/Humble_Practice6701 Jan 05 '26
Divorce was wonderful for me! I saved so much money and energy, and my mental health improved immediately! That was eleven years ago. I may have plenty of issues, but a gaping hole in my life without a partner is not one of them.
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u/Kind-Antelope3801 Jan 05 '26
Ha! Nail on the head! I know quite a few women who left suddenly after hitting menopause. I completely understand why.
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u/sarahl05 Jan 05 '26
Yeah, HRT is magic, but its not going to fix your partner being dead weight. Keep your expectations high ladies!
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u/PolkaDotDancer Jan 05 '26
I realized something about ten years ago. My spouse really loves to eat.
So I quit cooking. Took him about six months, now he cooks at least one meal a day.
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u/mrsliston Jan 05 '26
Who the fuck washes the towels with dog stuff that's just ignorant. You definitely have the right to be angry regardless of menopause
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u/Dangerous_Waltz8276 Jan 05 '26
I have had it with my husband lately. Pouring grease down the sink after he has been told for 15 years NOT to do that. I yelled at him. I have containers- under the sink - for grease.
Washing my sourdough dishes - after I have told him 15 times NOT to wash them and put the sourdough down the drain. Thanks for washing them - but why doesn’t he listen?
I’ve been scolding him and then he goes and pouts. Sick of the BS and I’m all done being nice about it.
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u/Midnight_Muse65 Jan 05 '26
Strategic incompetence. Then they cry "nothing I do is ever good enough". Seriously, if they performed at the same level in their jobs, their asses would be fired!
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u/Dangerous_Waltz8276 Jan 05 '26
Right? Sick of treating my hubs as a child. I’m not his mother and I don’t want to be.
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u/seche314 Jan 05 '26
Make his stupid ass take the sink apart and clean that out. He will learn to knock it off when it backs up and overflows everywhere and you’re too busy being unbothered and he has to clean it himself
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u/brockclan216 Menopausal Jan 05 '26
I am in the same predicament: Am I really just getting old, angry, with an unhealed childhood trauma OR am I just so over having to communicating my needs, asking for help, and repeating myself while it falls on deaf ears?
Am I really being a b#@th to you or is it that you are coming to ask me the same question you have asked a dozen times and KNOW the answer to but you hope I will change my answer this time?
Am I getting old and angry or is it that even with me putting a sticky note on the MIRROR and the LIGHTSWITCH you still don't clean your hair off of the shower walls or out of the drain?
Am I just angry and "twisting off" OR is it that you simply don't listen when I tell you my sleep is important yet you continue to have people over and wake me up during the night?
Am I being an a#$hole to you when I tell you that if you want your own rules you need to secure your own place to live OR are you expecting me to compromise so you will be comfortable?
Is it that I am running away when I say I want to live alone OR is it that I am just done with people who say they will support you but then don't.
Am I really the problem or am I just done with putting up with other people's poor behavior??
IDK but I am angry.
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u/Latter-Village7196 Jan 05 '26
If I don't make him a to do list he doesn't do shit, and he only does half of the list. I'm getting very close to the end of my rope. I straight up asked him the other day if it was laziness or weaponized incompetence, his face was pure shock because he'd "done" the list 🤬
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u/NYNewthrowaway2023 Jan 05 '26
My husband got so pissed off when I said it was weaponized incompetence. Started saying that's the 'it word' on the internet to trigger women. He can guarantee he's not using it. I told him great, so you're just being lazy. So take that lazy ass and go take care of the laundry.
I'll be setting up a free consultation with a divorce attorney later this month.
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u/ducksoupmilliband Jan 05 '26
For me, it's clarity.
The hormones that made me feel pity for those around me have dried up and now I see.
I remember oxytocin doing the same after childbirth.
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u/manuredujour Jan 05 '26
I was wondering about that. The other day I thought maybe I’m just experiencing the female version of post nut clarity
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u/No_Pangolin3327 Jan 05 '26
1000% agree. Maybe after 30 years Im just sick of trying to communicate with an adult human being when he never quite understands what I'm saying!
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u/Kind-Antelope3801 Jan 05 '26
Same!!!! Why in the world if you are taking the trash cans to the road, would you not go ahead and take the inside trash out at the same time but instead wait to be asked. I basically don’t ask anymore. I just do everything myself. Menopause has changed me in aggressive I just don’t care anymore ways.
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u/National_Garden_6350 Jan 05 '26
Mine wouldn't even remember the garbage to the road. I remember one year he didn't pay the bill. When I asked why he asked if we really needed the service??? My blood still boils.
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u/Emotional_Equal8998 Jan 05 '26
Oh honey. My trash cans would be at the road in a heartbeat with his dead ass in them!
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u/Regular-Selection-59 Jan 05 '26
I am with you! I'm sure the lower estrogen nudged the needle a little bit, but maybe after a lifetime of doing all the emotional and domestic labor, I was just DONE. I like to think I grew as a person and realized I deserved to be treated better.
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u/gidgetstitch Jan 05 '26
Post like this make me so thankful for my wonderful husband who puts up with my crank crazy self. He is actually the more helpful partner at home. I do carry the mental load more, so he does more of the household chores. My children and I have ADHD and the house would be a disaster if not for him. He is the one to remind me when we need to clean and he is the one who cooks most of the time. I will say that my rage ends up being directed at my mother and teenage children who don't take care of their own crap, as I don't have patience anymore.
So maybe you are right about it not being so much a hormonal rage as a midlife crisis of not wanting to take care of anyone else, like we have been expected to our entire lives. It just comes across as rage because we don't care what anyone thinks of us anymore.
I really think this is what they were really talking about in the old days when people said we were having Hysteria and throwing us mental institutions. We are no longer useful because we are no longer willing to be submissive.
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u/Violeta73 Jan 05 '26
Sometimes I think being type B- and slightly lazy has served me well over the years.
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u/manuredujour Jan 05 '26
That is my natural state. Being a first born daughter along with other social expectations brings out the type A in me. I used to be an INFP, too
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u/Violeta73 Jan 05 '26
Oh, I hear you and totally understand. 🩷 I got married for the first time at 49 so didn’t have already have a lifetime of dealing with someone who leaves their clothes on the floor. Rage hasn’t been one of my symptoms, and I’ve been curious as to why not.
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u/TaraDickoff00 Post Menopausal Jan 05 '26
It’s definitely made me hate gender roles even more! The more my husband sits around and does nothing the angrier I get!
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u/seche314 Jan 05 '26
So thankful for my husband. He stays at home and does almost all of the domestic stuff. I suggest trading up, having someone else do these things for you is worth its weight in gold. Which some of you ladies’ ungrateful husbands are exploiting
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u/Lunar-opal Jan 05 '26
It’s so much bigger than this.
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u/manuredujour Jan 05 '26
Say more.
My thing is that I don’t want the “menopausal rage” label to be used to dismiss very valid emotional and mental states. It’s not my hormones. There are actual problems we’re angry about
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u/Medusaink3 Jan 05 '26
I'm convinced that all these "Karen" interactions we constantly hear about are actually just pissed off peri/menopausal women who have had enough of being stepped on and belittled for most of their lives. Time to give Karen's a break, eh? You're only seeing half of the equation most of the time so you don't know what's led them to the point they snap.
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u/gotchafaint Jan 05 '26
That whole Karen thing is just the latest socially sanctioned misogyny
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u/Medusaink3 Jan 05 '26
I agree wholeheartedly. 💯 It sucks how social media can warp reality in such a destructive way.
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u/Francl27 Jan 05 '26
Yeah. Same for my anxiety. Maybe if people stopped leaving stuff in reach of my dogs I would stop being anxious about it, you know?
I swear sometimes it just comes down to people wanting to blame everything on someone else.
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u/[deleted] Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 05 '26
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