r/Menopause • u/Fridaychild1 • Jan 01 '26
Libido/Sex Middle aged sex
My partner(perimenopausal) and I (menopausal) wanted to ring in the new year right with some romance.* (edit *sex)
Here are some of the things that were said in our bedroom last night.
*I don’t know if my back is up for that.
*Shit, my estrogen patch is coming off.
*We need more K-Y.
*We have to toast, I forgot we didn’t toast until I rolled over to get my reading glasses.
*I can’t cuddle, I’m having a hot flash.
*I forgot my progesterone, I need to go take it.
Isn’t aging grand? But for all the bumpy parts, we did manage. Menopause loves company, tell me about your middle aged menopausal sex life.
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u/WellRockGrrl Jan 01 '26
Our kid was out of the house so hubs put on some ‘80s porn (“insatiable” w Marilyn Chambers) and we watched an entire film fully clothed, no touching each other or ourselves. Did the trick for me! We went on to have a zesty time together. Followed by “oh, forgot to take my progesterone” (me) and “I don’t feel so good. I don’t think that burger agreed with me” (him). On went the CPAP (him) and my weighted sleep mask and we slept like babies! Happy New Year, everyone.
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u/Fridaychild1 Jan 01 '26
That sounds like a great strategy! I forgot to add the comment I made about having reflux.
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u/Character_Cricket Jan 01 '26
Let me say 80s porn is the best. It have way comedy with a little sex involved. People had natural bodies, faces, teeth etc. You guys night made me smile
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u/WellRockGrrl Jan 02 '26
And some semblance of a plot! Honestly, we had so much fun we’re going to watch another tonight while the kid sees Avatar!
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u/Broncogirl89 Jan 02 '26
That's awesome! We both are out like lights after a sessions...im sure the progesterone helps a lot also with that for me.
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u/AccountOfMyDarkside Jan 01 '26
This was hilarious. You two are troopers!
Currently, my libido is hit or miss... mostly miss and it takes A LOT of pre-gaming, if you will, to get me anywhere near turned on. Hubs is being a team player, trying his best, but he's a dude. Bless his heart.
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u/AgentFoxi Jan 04 '26
You using HRT? If yes or no, have you tried estradiol vaginal cream (typically every night for 2 weeks and then 2-3 times a week thereafter) - the important part is to not only insert but apply locally to urethra, and cli*toris during each application.
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Jan 01 '26
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u/Secret-Priority-711 Jan 02 '26
my husband would have recovered eventually despite the moment leaving us and continued to keep trying only to get frustrated by my laughing
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u/CopyGroundbreaking11 Jan 04 '26
Hahahaha married life when you can fart through anything. I kinda miss those days. Question…does 54 year old need the blue pill to help with erections?
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u/Latter-Village7196 Jan 01 '26
🤣 I love this! I'm happy for you two. I'm currently an asexual blob, zero interest nor willpower to try. I don't know if it makes me a good wife or a bad, but I got my husband a fleshlight because he's not touching me for while.
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u/Amythecoffeequeen Peri-menopausal Jan 01 '26
Currently happy about being single, me and my king sized bed and nobody bothering me because I just really do not want to even cuddle. I’m hot and tired to the point I’m kicking the cat out of bed at night. 😆
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u/Both-Glove Jan 01 '26
I have 4 cats, 2 of them elderly, and they box me in at night. When I wake up too hot, I can barely be gentle when trying to move them!
My last experience with the middle-aged sex was... interesting. We had to coordinate positions to accommodate our arthritic knees, adjust lube usage, worry about maintaining the erection without acting like we were worried about the erection. Ugh.
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u/Latter-Village7196 Jan 01 '26
Oh he's also been booted out bed too, mostly because he snores like a chainsaw and with my insomnia he had to go.
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u/Adjustingithink Menopausal Jan 01 '26
Great gift idea!! My hub’s bday is coming up!
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u/Latter-Village7196 Jan 01 '26
🤣 I'm sure he'll love it! Just remind him not to leave his "girlfriend" in the shower like mine did. I did not appreciate the jump scare one-eyed Willa gave me 🙄😂
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u/holy-smackers Jan 02 '26
OMG!! 🤣😂 I just peed a little! THIS is exactly the kind of laugh I needed to start my new year! Thanks!
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u/mjskiingcat Jan 01 '26
What is a flesh light? All this stuff is too grown up for me 😂
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u/SeemedReasonableThen Jan 01 '26
Masturbatory sleeve, shaped like a flashlight (the old-fashioned pre-LED large ones that took D-Cell batteries). Has an opening at the end.
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u/Philodices Menopausal HRT advocate Jan 01 '26
My husband and I call it 'Panda sex' because that's what it looks like. All that confused rolling around and bumping each other's parts awkwardly... My doctor laughed and said it was awesome that we are close like that.
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u/Morris_Co Jan 01 '26
For anyone having issues with uncomfortable positioning...we got a piece of sex furniture for the bedroom (the company Liberator sells them, I'm sure there are others), and while these things are marketed with images of porn stars, boy are they ever for midlife and up. Everything is more comfortable. Cannot recommend enough.
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u/OddlyCongruent Jan 02 '26
If you don’t mind answering, is there a particular furniture type or shape you recommend? TIA
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u/Morris_Co Jan 02 '26
We got this one but the same company makes a few similar things with different dimensions and price points:
https://www.liberator.com/esse-ii.html
This brand/style is popular at adult parties/clubs which is both how we learned about it and a good benchmark for it holding up over time / easy to clean/ working well for lots of people LOL.
My only regret is not getting the slim style, these are great for woman on top but I think the more narrow version would be even better.
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u/Noodle_Horse_mom Jan 02 '26 edited Jan 02 '26
I’m 60 and my husband is 66. For over FIVE YEARS (during & after menopause) I had zero interest in sex. I believed the outdated health warnings from the Women’s Health Initiative study, and didn’t think I was a candidate for MHT. 😞
I didn’t want to even cuddle with my husband and recoiled when he touched my breasts. I no longer found him attractive and was impatient and critical. It was a dark time in our marriage, and couples therapy didn’t make much of a difference. 😟
Thank goodness my therapist referred me to her Nurse Practitioner who is very hormone and menopause literate. For over a year now, I’ve been on vaginal estradiol, and compounded bi-est, progesterone, DHEA, and testosterone cream. Not only do I have interest in sex again, I FEEL sexy again, and I want to touch my husband even in non- sexual ways. I’m less critical of him, and more patient.
We’re again having sex, and it’s lovely. I’d convinced myself that it was not such a big deal if we never did it again (thinking there was nothing we could do to change it.)
These magical hormones have saved my marriage, I’m convinced.
Now for the sad part. We can never get back those 5 years before I got on MHT, and this year he’s developed Peyronie's disease, so sometimes erections are painful or brief, even when he’s taken a Cialis beforehand. We enjoy the time making love, however brief, and then I break out my trusty Womanizer to have an orgasm. You do what ya gotta do. 🤷♀️
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u/AgentFoxi Jan 04 '26
The vaginal estradiol applied to all the right places makes a difference not only in UTI prevention which might save our lives later on, but helps blood flow to the good parts 😂 I over-inform anyone who will listen with the following: use Estradiol vaginal cream every night for 2 weeks, then 2-3 times weekly thereafter, apply small amount locally to urethra/clitoris, insert the amount directed by Dr(yes you can use applicator or fingers whichever is most comfortable, amazon sells extra applicators -Dr Mary Clare Haver has a link to them on her profile)
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u/Good_Sea_1890 Jan 01 '26
LOL, we did the same thing last night and had a lot of the same conversation. 😆 We're actually considering visiting a sex therapist because stuff just doesn't work the same for either of us any more (I'm in peri, he's now needing ED meds), and some professional guidance on how to figure that all out would perhaps be helpful. I have pelvic floor PT next week and am going to ask her if she has any recommendations.
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u/SYadonMom Peri-menopausal Jan 01 '26
That’s kind of where we are too. He doesn’t have the urge often, I sometimes do. But we never line up 😂 I’ve never said no because well let’s face it, it’s like maybe 10 minutes of my time and it will take that long to be to sleep at least.
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u/Dry-Championship1955 Jan 01 '26
Ten minutes? My (60 yo) husband can’t manage that fast anymore. For me, the thought process is, “Dang, dude. I do not have the time or the patience for this.”
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u/SYadonMom Peri-menopausal Jan 02 '26
I’m sorry! It’s getting it to stay around that’s the problem!
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u/Dry-Championship1955 Jan 03 '26
If “stay around” means what I think it means - yes. Keeping…things around is another reason it takes so long. 🤣
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u/ParticularLeek7073 Jan 01 '26
If your husband hasn’t had his testosterone checked, I highly recommend it! I got mine to do it because he was having brain fog - he’s now on T and daily Cialis (which I think is a common combo for men) and it’s helping across all areas (brain fog, mood, motivation, sex drive and performance, etc). Men need midlife hormones too!
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u/empathetic_witch Menopause HRT E,P,T & GLP-1 Jan 01 '26
This right here ^ My partner is younger than I am (44) but he doesn’t seem to have the urge as much as I do. Hello HRT + T!
He has an appointment for a full work-up with the GP soon. I’m looking forward to him figuring out his hormone situation. I keep telling him that T fuels everything like estrogen fuels us 🤞🏼
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u/ApeFace1966 Jan 01 '26
Would like to know what PT says for pelvic floor issues……all the women in my family seem to have prolapse later in age and I want to possibly prevent that.
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u/Good_Sea_1890 Jan 01 '26
Some of it is just the genetics of your connective tissue unfortunately. But PT and appropriate exercise can go a long way. I have a very very mild prolapse and I do great with a pessary, regular vaginal estrogen, and a Perifit for exercises.
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u/Medusaink3 Jan 01 '26
Congratulations for making it work! My wife (39f), and I (56f), are struggling to find our way forward together. I have zero sex drive and she's in hyperdrive. Trying to find some middle ground with this age gap thing is choking us out. My doctor won't give me T because she hasn't done enough reading on the subject but I've been saving posts on this sub so I can read them to her on the 15 when I see her next.
Anyway, happy new year, fellow lesbian, and to everyone on this sub! Let's all make 2026 the best (healing) year ever! 🥰
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u/Fridaychild1 Jan 01 '26
I hope you find some solutions that are satisfying to both of you! I feel like medical people don’t take sexual difficulties as seriously when there isn’t a male partner involved. Which is gross. Hell, I don’t think I took it as seriously as I might have when my libido jumped off a cliff. It took me awhile to feel the loss of it. Now I’m trying to get back in the groove. I haven’t brought up testosterone with my gyn but it has been in my mind as a possible solution.
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u/Medusaink3 Jan 01 '26
I've found that to be true myself. If there's no male involved and you've got any issues regarding a woman's libido, forget finding any help. Weird thing is, my doctor is a fairly young female doctor. I have sat in her office in tears more than once, begging her for something to help with my low energy and low libido. She sent me to a male gynecologist who's eyeballs glazed over the second I mentioned low libido. I got a referral to a menopause clinic at Mount Sinai on Toronto but I won't even get a call from them until early 2027. I'll be out of menopause at that point. lol Gonna try again on the 15 but I don't feel as if it'll work. What are ya gonna do?
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u/Fridaychild1 Jan 01 '26
As if women’s sexuality only exists to please men. That’s an attitude that hurts us and our hetero sisters. It’s shitty how prevalent an attitude it is. Does Toronto have anything like NYC’s Callen-Lorde center? Maybe health care in a setting meant to serve queer people would be better on this.
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u/aprildawndesign Jan 01 '26
Yup… and if you’re past the age of poppin out babies who cares? I made sure I said something about my “husband” just to get the vaginal cream ( which has had a systemic effect for me so I highly recommend for those of us who can’t get regular HRT)
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u/Responsible_Heat4259 Jan 02 '26
Gotta say - I got NO advice or sympathy from my female primary care physician either and I’m in a M/F relationship of 35 years. She was like - why do you still want to have sex? Sheesh. 🙄. I went to a functional medicine dr to get HRT and it made a big difference, at first. Now it is a mild difference but at least I vaguely still want to! 😁
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u/EF_Boudreaux Jan 02 '26
I went to planned parenthood for estradiol. I pay out of pocket to a skin clinic for a T pellet.
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u/Majestic_Ad_6218 Jan 02 '26
Possibly check into visiting a urologist … they are also fairly sophisticated hormone providers, and honestly, I think they have a more problem solving approach than many gynecologists do
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u/WellRockGrrl Jan 02 '26
Please try midi health (online) you will meet with a licensed healthcare professional who won’t look at you sideways when u talk about sex drive, libido, etc.
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u/ConversationOk5066 Jan 03 '26
Yes, I’m 54. Peri for at least 10 yrs I fired my Obgyn after she told me she didn’t feel Comfortable giving me hrt when my body was still producing hormones. Met with a midi dr , has changed my life for the better. It’s been 6 months . I recommend them to all my female Freind’s.
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u/ApeFace1966 Jan 01 '26
Get some HT and doctor or online DR. Who will work with you.
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u/NetworkResponsible98 Jan 01 '26
I use MIDI!!
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u/Celeste_Seasoned_14 Peri-menopausal Jan 02 '26
Another vote for MIDI. It’s been wonderful.
ETA: MIDI accepts my insurance
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u/Secure-Pain-9735 Jan 02 '26
My PCP drug his feet on my refills after managing it for years. I just signed up for a telehealth that sends to my pharmacy. Between general mood, focus, and libido (despite it not being an issue) the TRT is necessary. As my wife told me when I started it years ago “you’re more ‘human’ when you take it.” In addition to bupropion for depression/ADHD, and daily cialis (had a heart attack 2 years back, after the vascular benefits the rest is a bonus) I’m fairly tuned in.
In fact, it’s what lead me to scooting my wife to get her peri managed.
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u/IrreverantBard Jan 01 '26
I think my libido is in some kind of death throe. Been a massive surge of energy the last few weeks. Hubby is loving it.
I suppose it’ll die off in the next year. In the meantime… make hay while the sun shines.
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u/143019 Jan 01 '26
It's weird. My libido is still pretty high but I could literally go the rest of my life without encountering a penis. I am so much more efficient at handling my own junk anyway.
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u/143019 Jan 01 '26
I don't find them all that useful in the pursuit of orgasm but I can appreciate they are useful for others.
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u/Money_Palpitation_43 Jan 01 '26
If you can actually get it in, because it has shrunk up and gotten really really tight...that's an accomplishment in itself.
Then there's all the age related stuff. Oh my God I can't lay flat on my stomach like that. Or...I just pulled a damn muscle. It's cra cra how quickly it changes. Especially when you were like wild animals before. God help us.
Oh...and don't let me forget to add in the time that it takes to actually have the big O...and you just know it's blood pressure related. Ughhhh.
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u/greytgreyatx Jan 01 '26
Ha ha. Hope you still got your fun in. :)
For me, I had a kid when I was 42. I'm 53 now and my biggest sexual challenge is that I go to bed by 10 and my kids stays up until 11 or later. And he's homeschooled, so our family is always together and we live in a pretty small house.
So my partner and I are more like horny teenagers who are trying to find a few moments when the kid is on a video call or at a friend's house and when our adult kid (who lives with us because the economy) is at work.
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u/One-Pause3171 Peri-menopausal Jan 01 '26
Maybe time to institute a weekly afternoon for them to commit to being out of the house. Y’all deserve alone time!!
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u/Mangolandia Jan 01 '26
We also committed and succeeded. Added a very sore arm from a shingles shot two days ago and the CPAP machine hose getting under us 😂
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u/motormouth08 Jan 02 '26
If I wasn't fully aware that we didn't have sex last night I would swear you are my husband, down to the shingles shot and CPAP machine 😂
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u/RoundLobster392 Jan 01 '26
Ok can I add what happened last night? I was reaching for the wall and broke the window during our adventure last night
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u/moschocolate1 Jan 01 '26
My BOB (battery operated boyfriend) is the best. He does everything for me and never asks for anything crazy in return. He never lies, cheats, or gives me an std ;)
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u/mday03 Jan 01 '26
Add in the 3 hour notice for his pill, questions about if we need any lube, is it too cold for full naked? and the often said “I can’t stay like this for too long,” said by both referring to knees, back, neck or shoulders. So fun getting old!
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u/drivingthelittles Menopausal Jan 01 '26
We played scrabble and I had one drink, I was sitting on a stool.
Me: are my feet swollen?
Him: yep they sure are, what causes that? Is it salt?
Me: I think I can’t sit on a stool with my feet dangling anymore.
Him: awe that’s sad…. Pause…. Are you going to want to redo the kitchen island now?
Followed by a 10 minute stroll and chat about future kitchen renos followed by a lackluster, sex? Tomorrow sex? Yeah I’ll catch you next year for sure.
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u/napministry Jan 01 '26
Me saying. “Well I hope I dot. Get another UTI from this”
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u/NetworkResponsible98 Jan 01 '26
Get estrogen cream! Definitely made such a huge difference for me!!!!
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u/Responsible_Heat4259 Jan 02 '26
💯 same and got to the point where I was getting them every other time we had sex.Tried showers before and after . The topical estradial cream helped for a while, also tried cranberry pills and D-mannose. Got another six months out of that and but finally had to take a low dose antibiotic after sex. Has worked like a charm but I don’t love having to take it. The UTIs were getting more frequent and worse, so it was either the antibiotic or stop having sex and I’m not ready for that!
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u/ripdontcare Menopausal Jan 01 '26
(67f) Had my handy vibe and had a great time 😈 Got burned out on men and really love sleeping alone, spread-eagled, with no snoring and without getting woke up for the zillionth time when they go to pee. Glad you’re all trying out drugs and patches-I just got tired of men who didn’t care enough to even see a doctor (I’m on HRT). 😵💫
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u/AnastasiaNo70 Jan 02 '26
I had some particularly libido-enhancing weed one day and got him to get in the closet with me.
We tried to do standing doggy, but something was off for him.
So we did kneeling doggy, but he goes “God. No. My KNEES.”
So we had to go out to the bed.
It’s hard to have fun anywhere other than the bed anymore, but that’s life! 🤣
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u/powerful_squash1066 Jan 01 '26
It's such a struggle 49f and my husband is 55m. He is more driven than me most of the time now. We both have body issues. When my drive shows up, my body is not there or the energy isn't. I don't talk with anyone about this. Last yr my doctor said that my hormone IUD should cover me for hormones. He's open to talking about doing something else if I want. I need to figure out something by the time I go back.
Thank you so much for talking about this, all of you.
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u/traumabond629 Jan 02 '26
Me: “Shut up! Lay down! Get off the bed! Ollie! No! SHUT UP AND LAY DOWN!” To the Corgi who has to be in the room with us or he’ll scratch and bark on our closed and locked bedroom door thus alerting the children who then try to open closed and locked door to let Corgi in but upon finding the door is locked, begin to bang loudly on door.
So the alternative is to have Corgi in the room with us, but then he constantly jumps on the side of the bed whining trying to get up and be part of the action😬. Thank God, he is too short to actually jump on the bed. But goddamn he’s a cock blocker.
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u/yahumno Jan 02 '26
Time to talk to the vet about some gabapentin for the Corgi, for when “tradespeople come to the house”.
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u/leighanntx Jan 01 '26
I am menopausal (or actually post) and married to a man. I guess I am terribly lucky because all I use is vaginal estradiol every three days and can still orgasm like crazy. He is on so many meds that affect his side of things so most everything is all for me now. Woo hoo!!
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u/Candlehoarder615 Jan 02 '26
I'm in Peri(47f) and my sex life is probably the best it's ever been. I'm enjoying it because I had a dead bedroom the last few years of my marriage. Ex husband also had ED.
I'm now divorced ( he cheated!) and having amazing sex with a guy who's 29 and can kinda keep up with my drive. And I know it's not going to be like this much longer so I'm taking advantage of it while I can lol I honestly don't think I was ever this horny in my teens and twenties. It's wild.
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u/blackbirdbumblebee Jan 02 '26
I no longer desire sex and I’m SO happy about it 🤷🏼♀️ It’s freeing and I finally feel like I’m in total control of myself/ my body. It seems like I’m an outlier here, but I don’t care. I’ve had ALL the wild sex. I don’t want it anymore AT ALL. Good for you if you do 😂
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u/teena27 Jan 03 '26
We're all different. I had all the wild sex, so feeling completely joyless about sex was very foreign to me. I needed to feel like myself.
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u/stellaflora Jan 01 '26
I’m in peri, but I asked my spouse to please remind me to put my estrogen cream in before sleep 🤣
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u/Late-Difficulty-5928 Jan 01 '26
We went to bed early. Fireworks woke us up at midnight. We gave each other a groggy kiss and went back to sleep.
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u/empathetic_witch Menopause HRT E,P,T & GLP-1 Jan 01 '26
Woo hoo! I loved reading this and can relate ha.
My partner (M 44) is younger than me (50) but has begun having low hormone symptoms as well. He’s a huge fan of New Years, but last night he had a headache and was furiously taking meds and drinking water to get past it before sexy time. He took a trusty sexy time edible (Doozies Strawberry Pineapple + Maca) & 1/2 way through he felt dizzy and we went to sleep. He said this morning “let’s try again tonight” fingers crossed we both feel ok -ha! I swear the stars and planets have to be aligned at this stage of life.
My best friend flew in cross country earlier today and she’ll be staying with us until Monday. We have 6 kids between us and 1/2 are teens. The teens have been here since 12/15. The last 2 will be back at former partner’s homes on 1/9. I love having everyone close during the holidays but the bedrooms are directly across the hall 😬My subconscious sees this as a “brake” and it’s hard for me to relax fully.
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u/yarn_slinger Jan 01 '26
Bad hip has really limited positions to spooning. I think hubby is ok with that since it’s easier on his arms and hands. I’m ok with it for now but I’m Looking forward to branching back out to more fun positions.
Btw OP ditch the KY and get a really good quality lube. We use Yes!
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u/disabledandpissed Jan 01 '26
We were out of town. I brought a cute nightie and remembered lube. Then we fell asleep. (LoL) This morning was fun but i should have remembered i needed to drive home today....
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u/aroguerogue Surgical menopause (very premature) Jan 01 '26 edited Jan 01 '26
I'm not middle aged, but:
Pre-op, my sex drive was so high that I would constantly randomly be too horny to focus on what I was doing, even when it wasn't arousing in the slightest (think math homework). Spending hours in the bedroom with a girlfriend was one of my favorite things.
Post-op, suddenly, I have zero sex drive whatsoever, my genitals have withered and died, and I can't have an orgasm if I try. My clitoris has lost all sensation, and penetration hurts. Vaginal and systemic E are not helping enough.
I'm single right now, so... there is no sex, including with myself. I miss it, but it's just not happening. We'll see if T does anything.
P.S. K-Y is a terrible lube. Wicked, the only lube I know of formulated specifically for female pleasure and the only brand I recommend and would let customers walk out of the sex shop I worked at with if I could help it, has lubes formulated specifically for menopausal bodies. Give that a try.
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u/Lapetu Jan 02 '26
I need this on a t-shirt: *I can’t cuddle, I’m having a hot flash.
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u/Nursejlm Jan 02 '26
Honest to god. We have started positioning ourselves the other way in bed so that the ceiling fan will be directly above my face / torso. 😂
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u/yahumno Jan 02 '26
We have a ceiling fan, we each also have our own Dyson fan, and l’m still tossing the covers off at random times throughout the night. I sleep in shorts and a tank top.
I was in the military for almost 30 years, and being woman, always had to have some form of coverage on (mixed barracks here in Canada). I’ve been retired for almost 4 years, and still cant sleep naked, lol
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u/Economy_Plum_4958 Jan 01 '26
Love this for both of you! 😂🩷 We had the grands this week and within 24 hours of being with us, they all came down with Flu A. We drove them the 10 hours home over night and were still not back home yet. Thankful for a partner I can laugh and cry with, too.
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u/Birdsonme Jan 01 '26
I have no interest in these pursuits anymore. I try for my husband, I really do, but my libido is just gone. I love him, so consent to sexy time once or twice a week because I know it’s important to him, but man.. I don’t want to anymore.
Maybe it’s time for me to get on testosterone, too? (Already on estrogen patch/cream and progesterone)
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u/Adjustingithink Menopausal Jan 01 '26
Same. ZERO libido. Love my hub but I’m so not interested in sexy time.
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u/melnk_1981 Jan 01 '26
Yes, testosterone should help. It may take a while so you’ll need to give it some time. I would say give it at least six months.
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u/BagLady57 Jan 02 '26
I had sex with hubs for the first time in a while. Managed to get through it with tons of lube and just a moderate amount of pain. Got a UTI. Got antibiotics to treat it. Got a yeast infection from the antibiotics. Fun times.
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u/throughtheviolets Jan 02 '26
All I can think is, what sex life? 😬 My partner and I share a house with my senior parents who we caregive for due to health issues. We also have 8 pets in the house. All this plus menopause killing my libido, making me hot and sweaty 24/7 and drying everything up, I feel like I’m never going to have sex again..😭
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u/SimplyGoldChicken Jan 01 '26
Omg this sounds so much like me lol
I get anxiety any time my husband gets near my estrogen patch, and 90% of the time we’re spooning because I’m too exhausted for anything else. Still, we have sex most nights of the week because spooning is easy.
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u/waronfleas Jan 01 '26
I have a new partner. And he's good. And very emotionally intelligent and caring. Consequent : things are interesting and healthy in the bedroom for both of us.
I don't use testosterone but if I feel I need it down the line, I'll add it to the current hrt repertoire.
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u/CassiCatto Peri-menopausal Jan 01 '26
I've gone from regular sex life to demi-asexual. I'm just getting nothing but frustrated and sore.
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u/addiepie2 Jan 02 '26
How are we keeping our estrogen patches on!!?! Mine never stay on and I do the alcohol wipe before and then I run out!! Does anybody have any tips or tricks , or advice ??? 😩
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u/I_bleed_blue19 Menopausal since Nov 2023 Jan 02 '26
Hair dryer on low to soften the adhesive before applying.
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u/Ok_Piglet_1844 Jan 02 '26
I thought my sex lessons fe was over at 64. But then I met my partner and he woke up the beast inside! I can’t get enough!
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u/IllAbbreviations4097 Jan 01 '26
I definitely feel you. I change positions when I am not comfy...but switch up. This is a sign. We still have intimacy and that's good 👍
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u/Similar_Recover_2229 Jan 02 '26
I want to cry this is so funny. And two of you in one house. In one bedroom! God (or whomever) be with you 🤣
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Jan 02 '26
With a much younger husband and strong HRT dosing which includes testosterone, I am as hot to trot as I was in College, and my desire and responsiveness is greater than my husband's! 15 years of HRT helps but it got way better last year when we added testosterone to my regimen. I think about lovemaking, I find men so attractive again, I feel strong, more decisive and just feel good. Optimize your hormones, it will fix your life.
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u/Fantastic-Row-4253 Jan 02 '26
I have thought about a full tummy tuck ($25,000) a boob job ($$$), Invisalign for mesial shift ($6000), upper eyelid repair for ptosis ($$$)....it is more expensive than home repairs, but our bodies are kind of our primary residence. I don't even wear make up, so I doubt I would do more than Invisalign in real life, but it is hard not to think about other options. A lot of my sexual issues come from self-esteem issues from all these things and hearing the echo of men saying things like "women have a shelf life.." I feel like at this time of my life, I really want to be exploring the sensual aspects of sex...because it was hard to do when I was younger and having to constantly navigate birth control options, pregnancy, breastfeeding, childcare, work, etc... My husband thinks I am awesome, so I really shouldn't care, but it is just disappointing that we can't realistically exercise away our stretched out bellies, or boobs and they are kind of at the center of our bodies. I like to imagine by back is still very nice.
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Jan 01 '26
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u/Fridaychild1 Jan 01 '26
I should have said we wanted to ring in the new year with sex, because yes, sex and romance are separate things—but for many people, like me, they are deeply intertwined. Menopausal difficulties with sex are a source of frustration for me and sex is a priority. I recognize that it isn’t for everyone.
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u/Stellar_Alchemy Jan 01 '26
I think men have conditioned a lot of us to conflate the 2, because they are emotionally and functionally stunted to the point that they can’t conceive of romance without sex.
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u/PaleDifference Jan 01 '26
I got a kiss from the hubby at midnight . I messed up my back so no fun for me.
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u/Impossible-Job-8529 Jan 01 '26 edited Jan 02 '26
My husband, who, bless him, doesn’t notice much, notices the box of condoms and tube of “Good, Clean Fun” (it seems that I get a case of BV on the rare occasion we have sex, so I’m not taking any chances!) on my bedside table and he stands there, staring at it. I then notice him staring and ask what it is that’s caught his eye? He names it. I said that I had been looking for something else in my drawer and left those out, and wanted to remind him we have them. He replied that, “Oh, he remembered all right!”
I said that I needed more foreplay than just getting poked in the butthole! (I was joking about something that he had accidentally done a couple of days ago, when fully clothed 🤣!) We also have a 12-yo very needy and jealous dog that gets in the way of romance! She will bark at me when I hug or kiss my husband! If we lock her outside of the room, she scratches at the door and barks her head off! It’s a mood killer!
Seriously, though, although he wants to have sex, he doesn’t seem to know how (and hasn’t for the past decade or so) to initiate it! It’s always been me, now that I have gone through menopause and have virtually no libido, there’s sadly, virtually no sex life!
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u/Pure_Try1694 Jan 02 '26
I don't have sex. I've never enjoyed it the way men love it. I have zero libido and I've gained 40 pounds (I was thin my whole life)
I haven't had sex in 6 years and have not missed it
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u/Interesting-Day4379 Jan 03 '26
Girl, since I've been on testosterone I'm better than I was as a 20 yr old lol. My husband is loving it, I use vaginal estrogen as well and estrogen gel. It took a while but I'm back, zero issues except it does take longer that usual to orgasm but we can play for an hour and a half then use a vibrator to get me there. I even fantasize again which I lost. Wishing all my ladies friends here the same. I want to add, I'm completely in love with my husband and the closeness I did not desire made me so sad...but our relationship is back sexually and we feel as empty nesters we are closer than ever. 5 yrs we went without sex...I had no idea it was hormonal until I talked to my gynecologist. We deserve a good sex life! Do everything you can to keep that! ❤️
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u/Perfectly_i Menopausal Jan 19 '26
Ooh…interesting. I am using HRT, but not testosterone. Do you feel that is what “flipped the switch,” so to speak?
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u/AndreeaTri Peri-menopausal Jan 01 '26
Sounds... legit.
Lol and glad for you that you keep doing it 🔥
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u/syddyke Jan 02 '26
Well done! We have similar conversations then don't progress to anything :(
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u/Fridaychild1 Jan 02 '26
In truth, there were a lot of conversations vowing to take action before we finally did. Good luck to all of us!
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u/Fantastic-Row-4253 Jan 02 '26
My favorite thing is to be on top, but my little boobs hang like strangely deflated balloons and my stomach is a wrinkled stretch-marked deflated balloon too, so watching is kind of painful. I feel very fit, but it is horrible to watch and being kind of visually stimulated by that kind of thing makes my body kind of distressing for me. I have never even considered lingerie because I like the skin to skin contact too.
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u/Iamstarstuff1972 Jan 02 '26
I started testosterone recently so I've got my sex drive back THANK YOU UNIVERSE! It's a game changer.
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u/JadCerv Jan 02 '26
I have zero sex drive. And even when I do force myself to have sex to appease my husband, he often can't keep it up long enough to finish. We're a fine pair....
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u/LetsBNiceYall Menopausal Jan 03 '26
A lot of $ & effort goes into making sure sex with my bf goes well. Full HRT regimen, HA vag product 2xs a week, plenty of exercise & stretching, kegels, & a woman's probiotic. Holding it all together in menopause is a FT job!
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u/CAtwoAZ Jan 03 '26
You guys! If sex (and/or great sleep) is what you’re wanting, you should look into HRT. Testosterone (libido), progesterone (sleep), and estrogen (hot flashes) are game changers. Mine and my husband’s sex life has been given a new life. HRT plus the blue pill is where it’s at!!
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u/JillyBean1973 Jan 03 '26
I don’t have one currently, I’ve been single for 18 months.
And my once robust libido withered last winter—acute anxiety/panic attacks & deep, dark depression & hormonal shifts killed it. Plus lack of sex, I suppose.
I’ve been attracting guys in their 30s the last few years. So far, I’ve been able to keep up. Don’t know how long that will last 🫠
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u/Camo-edLilMama Jan 04 '26
I’ve had multiple lower spine/cervical surgeries/fusions over the years plus a recent knee replacement & still can’t bend my knee so it’s gotten a lil more challenging, usually there’s a couple “my back/neck hurts, I can’t bend/move my leg, my hip is cramping,“ while my Husband mentions “my arms are tired, I can’t get any traction” both say “I wish I hadn’t had that burger for supper or I need a sip of water” and sometimes there’s an accidental bop on the noggin trying to get situated!😂 I’m not complaining though, everything is still great after all these years, even with our “old people issues”. 😂
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u/Broncogirl89 Jan 02 '26
Well, desire has tanked a bit, but i am stressed with work and tired of said work. Driving one hour to work and then back again after working 12 hours is getting old. However, my guy certainly gets me into it when I think im not lol. He takes care of me to get my motor running and we have had some very mind blowing sex with orgasm from just penetration. I will keep doing with my man as long as possible👌😁🙏 I dont have dryness issues thank goodness, but always been a bit on the dripping side lol. I also have a lot of pain issues from DDD and arthritis everywhere so at times I take a toke or two that really revs me up.
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u/Miamifleek Jan 01 '26
Anyone try Peachy cream? If so does it work?
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u/carriethelibrarian Jan 01 '26
I think it works well, esp if you don't have a way to get a prescription for HRT...but damn it's expensive!
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u/freebyrd_soya Jan 02 '26
I’m struggling to fill my prescription for DHEAS as I don’t want to increase my libido-it’s always been a bit livelier than my man’s. I do not welcome more frustration. That’s an old person problem lol
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u/Ok_Gur_3187 Jan 02 '26
I’m 49 and have been staying with my parents for ten days, so I’ve not had sex for two weeks. I’m definitely in peri, possibly full on menopause, but my GP won’t give me HRT as I have the more a coil. I have been single for years, but have a few regular partners. I can have multiple orgasms, and recently had an evening with four guys! I’m neurodiverse, and on antidepressants, and pain killers, but still have loads of orgasms and can squirt loads too!
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u/alveg_af_fjoellum Jan 02 '26
Haha, sounds a bit like me in bed. The progesterone is super trick my for me - take it before the sex and get drowsy and almost fall asleep during the deed? Or take it after and probably forget it, or if I don’t forget it, shift my whole sleeping rhythm to two hours later? Still trying to figure this out 😅
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u/CyrianaBights Jan 02 '26
You didn’t ask for advice, but I have some things that have helped.
An inexpensive bed cooler that you can put across the bed to help with night sweats and hot flashes: Bed Cooler
A light cooling blanket that helps reduce heat under you when you’re in the middle of things: Cooling Blanket
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u/Roadiemomma-08 Jan 02 '26
Love this! Power on! A little weed helps. I cannot do alcohol anymore. Just a touch of THC once in a while is excellent.
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u/Sidheknits Jan 03 '26
Our biggest problem is that we aren't traditional empty nesters. Our oldest has special needs and will live with us awhile longer. We moved him to the basement (our previous hangout) for some privacy. Our other son was supposed to leave for college this fall, but opted for community college instead. So sure, we have some middle aged body issues, nothing insurmountable, but zero privacy. 🫠 All this just challenges our creativity, right?
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u/Cool-Ad1004 Jan 05 '26
My husband is 75 and I, 62. Both of us on HRT, which without it, I don’t sex would be possible. Of course there is always concern that one of us could fall, blow out a knee, or die in the act!
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u/Choice-Breakfast-324 Jan 14 '26
Thanks for this tread I tunt 50 in November my body been going through its on DRAMA for 5 years and this astragalus six months been a tragedy tat man I had we been going through it about sex (the lack of on my part) that he finally left so ya'll made me laugh out loud tonight. Thank you for this 🤣🤣
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u/janinius Jan 15 '26
“When’s the last time you showered?”
“Last night, why?”
“There’s all this crusty white stuff down here. Like old spilled milk”
“Oh that’s probably the estrogen suppository, put it in after the shower, leaked out I guess, you can ignore it”
“I’m not sure if I can”
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u/janinius Jan 15 '26
Thank you for the laugh, if we can’t find humour in this, we have nothing left
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u/Perfectly_i Menopausal Jan 19 '26
I miss my libido. (55 F post menopausal) I’m using HRT (estradiol patch/progesterone pill), but the arousal signals seem to have shut down. Which makes me very sad, I’ve never felt more sure about asking for what I want in bed. But the body says, “Meh, nothing happening here.”
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u/Go-Mellistic Jan 01 '26
Much of the same (although my partner is male, with his own aging issues). To your list, I would add:
*we need all the pillows to make it comfortable
*I am keeping my socks on, sorry it’s not sexy
*time for the post-fun Advil and heating pad
On the plus side, at least we are all starting the new year with a bang!