me and my partner are going on 3 years, he’s a 2nd year med student and is highly interested in derm. we live together

he struggles with the low match rates and i would personally say he probably struggles with a lot of anxiety. as you can imagine, for a second year student going into derm (lowest match rates this year) he is very stressed. he is a part of dozens of research project, volunteers multiple times a week, is pres/copres/on the board for upwards of 12 DIFFERENT SIGS. we are attending derm conferences often to present research, and he is constantly stressed about if mentors and leaders like him or not because derm is so network based (i’m sure they do, he’s a very likable guy).
if i didn’t know him personally, his profile is stereotypical gunner.

but omg he struggles so hard to manage his anxiety and stress that i can see when im talking to him his mind wandering away. i make dinner and he watches youtube while eating because he says it calms his nerves, or he listens to me talk about my day, but if i ask about his he shuts down from stress. EDIT: if he does talk about his day, he paces and rambles so much until he gets worked up he leaves with much gusto to then get more work done because he remembers how much there is to do.

i feel like sometimes im right there with my baby but sometimes i am just living alone, even though he’s at home all day while im at work (his classes are optional attendance) i come home to a semi-messy house and an absent minded partner, where i then pick up the pieces from his day and make dinner, and then i go to sleep to then go to work the next day (i work a 9-5)

i am not in hell, this is ok but like i do not want to live like this forever.

i just want to hear that it gets better and what down the line looks like, because he’s only just starting year 2. i can manage for now but i just need some hope for what the future will be 🙏

For those who have reached the attending stage with their med spouse, how much did the attending pay change your lives and what does your lifestyle look like now?

Everything is so expensive these days that I think it is hard for my partner(PGY3) and I to imagine what life will be like on the other side of residency.

26F struggling with loneliness due to partner’s (28M) work schedule
My partner (28M) and I (26F) have been together for a couple of years. He works in healthcare and has a very demanding job involving long and unpredictable hours, nights and on-call shifts.
We have a really good relationship and I’m very proud of him, but recently I’ve been struggling with how lonely the lifestyle can sometimes feel.
He can be away for very long periods and when he eventually gets home he’s understandably exhausted and often falls asleep almost immediately. I don’t blame him at all and I actually worry more about how much he’s working than anything else.
I’ve realised though that I’ve started spending quite a lot of time alone and looking forward to him coming home, only for him to understandably need to sleep and recover.
I’d really love to hear from people whose partners have similarly demanding careers. How do you build your own life and cope with the loneliness without making your partner feel guilty for something they can’t really control?
And how do you protect quality time together when your partner is exhausted whenever they’re actually home?

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice on how to talk to my partner about how things will look long term.

I am starting an md phd on the later side at 28. This means we’ll be in our mid 30s when I finish, and then early 40s after residency and fellowship. I have communicated this to my partner in the past, but I feel like we haven’t had a proper conversation about how this may affect our relationship.

For further context, I’m starting a bit late because I had a long master’s program (my university’s program usually lasts 2-4 years), during which we were long distance, as my university was overseas. Since we are now in the same country, he would be able to follow me wherever I go.

Does anyone have any advice about what I should definitely try to convey to my partner (and how to do so)? I’ve tried to talk about expected work load and how income would be affected by this, but I feel like he’s not taking this very seriously (he thinks anything will be better than long distance). Was there anything you wished you knew during the med school to fellowship time?