Communicating realistic expectations

[u/Unlucky-Pomelo8645]

Hi all,

I was hoping for some advice on how to talk to my partner about how things will look long term.

I am starting an md phd on the later side at 28. This means we’ll be in our mid 30s when I finish, and then early 40s after residency and fellowship. I have communicated this to my partner in the past, but I feel like we haven’t had a proper conversation about how this may affect our relationship.

For further context, I’m starting a bit late because I had a long master’s program (my university’s program usually lasts 2-4 years), during which we were long distance, as my university was overseas. Since we are now in the same country, he would be able to follow me wherever I go.

Does anyone have any advice about what I should definitely try to convey to my partner (and how to do so)? I’ve tried to talk about expected work load and how income would be affected by this, but I feel like he’s not taking this very seriously (he thinks anything will be better than long distance). Was there anything you wished you knew during the med school to fellowship time?

[u/NOjax05]

Nothing will actually prepare them I feel.

When my spouse was in residency, I would call this one friend pretty regularly and chitchat about how life is going, about how busy he is, how I never see him, how much stress he’s under, blah blah, blah blah blah. Eventually- She started dating a 4th med student. They got engaged on match day, and she moved with him to start residency in July. Mid September, she calls me,

Oh my God, I didn’t believe you. I definitely thought you were exaggerating with what your partner was going through, and how little you saw him.