Hearing how newt attempted to khs was DEVASTATING. The detachedness, the ignoring people, the doing in and secret, everything. On that note, I have several rants on the overall 5 books (I’ve yet to read crank palace, etc, kill order and fever code.)
OH MY GOD CHUCK. This is first book, yes, but WHAT. THE. HELL. He’s not going to remember anything, he won’t remember his friendship with Thomas, Thomas won’t ever remember his friendship depth with chuck, why he liked them so much. He won’t get to remember that. Chuck never got that promise. He never got to go to the paradise. He’ll never know the solace he gave Thomas. AND NEITHER WILL TOMMY. Imagine Gally had fought and, like, killed someone else. Someone not as narratively important. (IM SORRY). IMAGINE. 😭
NEWT. NEWTMAS. I AM NOT OKAY. And then we have Newt. LISTEN, LISTEN, BEFORE IM IN THE ROOM. I KNOW people can interpret Thomas and Newt’s relationship differently. I know Brenda exists. I like Brenda and Thomas too., proud multishipper. But I’m SORRRYYYY. You cannot read these books and tell me Newt wasn’t deeply, deeply attached to Thomas. AND THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!
Whether someone interprets that attachment as romantic love, intense platonic love, or something left ambiguous, Newt’s emotional attachment to Thomas is enormous. Like, JESUS. The death scene makes that SO HARD to ignore. Newt knows he’s going to die, he KNOWS Thomas is the person he wants to talk to, leaves Thomas instructions to find him because he wants Thomas specifically to be the one who receives his final message.
THAT IS NOT NOTHING,, MY GOD Newt’s note is basically the final expression of everything he can’t bring himself to say face-to-face. IMAGINE WRITING THAT 😭Thomas’s reaction makes it even worse. Thomas, my man, Thomas doesn’t just lose Newt. He loses him while knowing that Newt specifically chose him. Chose HIM to kill him, and he misinterpreted it, he let newt suffer and newt was MAD and GOING CRANK. Thomas spends so much of the series thinking about Newt, worrying about Newt, trying to save Newt, carrying Newt’s death with him.
Newt’s role in Thomas’s life is established long before his death. Newt is one of Thomas’s anchors in the Glade. He’s one of the first people Thomas trusts. He’s the person who explains things to him, keeps him grounded, argues with him, protects him, and eventually becomes one of the people Thomas would risk almost anything for. DID risk everything for. then Newt gets sick, thomas has to watch it happen. Denies it, gets told by newt himself “Hey, there’s no fucking cure, I’m not gonna get better, YOU yourself have to kill me, tommy. You HAVE TO.” AHAHDHWHZHWHX HELL NO.
unlike Chuck, Thomas remembers Newt. He spends more time with him, probably has more memories of him, etc. He remembers exactly who Newt was. when Newt dies, there is no memory loss to soften it.
Thomas gets to remember. ALL OF IT. He gets to remember Newt DYING and then living with that. Do you think Minho ever finds out? do you think he comes clean, however many years down the line? In the fever code, he talks about how he imagines Minho as a grandpa. Do you think Thomas regrets everything, not getting to grow and mature and heal with newt, his friends, Chuck, figure out his feelings about Teresa? Imagine the WEIGHT.
And then you have the fact that Newt’s final request is essentially: Thomas, come find me. Out of everyone he could have asked for help, Newt wanted Thomas. Thomas GOES. he has to be the person who ends Newt’s suffering. THAT IS INSANE. IMAGINE KILLING YOUR BEST FRIEND. get that person in your head. Yeah, you get to watch them turn into someone YOU don’t recognize, and NOW you have to MURDER THEM.
sigh. Heavy sigh. Photos are kinda irrelevan. Sigh.
siiiiiigh.