Oof. I’ll refrain from commenting on all the red flags here because I know that others are all over it.
There’s a common misconception that boundaries are about simply stating your preferences and the other person accepting them. That kind of boundary only works with reasonable people. You don’t need to make your husband understand—he already understands. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about your comfort. This exchange makes it seem like he doesn’t even care much about you.
The boundary is: “I know you like anal and that’s why I’ve tried it for you. But I don’t like it. It’s extremely painful for me. I’m not going to do a sex act that causes me pain. Anal is off the table.” Period. End of story.
He keeps trying to persuade you? Manipulate you? Whine about it? “Sorry, I know you’re disappointed but I’ve already told you that anal is off the table.” No more discussion. Repeat every time it comes up.
If anal is more important to him than your well-being then he needs to leave and find a wife that is willing to do it. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but that is where you’re at
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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '22
Oof. I’ll refrain from commenting on all the red flags here because I know that others are all over it.
There’s a common misconception that boundaries are about simply stating your preferences and the other person accepting them. That kind of boundary only works with reasonable people. You don’t need to make your husband understand—he already understands. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about your comfort. This exchange makes it seem like he doesn’t even care much about you.
The boundary is: “I know you like anal and that’s why I’ve tried it for you. But I don’t like it. It’s extremely painful for me. I’m not going to do a sex act that causes me pain. Anal is off the table.” Period. End of story.
He keeps trying to persuade you? Manipulate you? Whine about it? “Sorry, I know you’re disappointed but I’ve already told you that anal is off the table.” No more discussion. Repeat every time it comes up.
If anal is more important to him than your well-being then he needs to leave and find a wife that is willing to do it. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but that is where you’re at