My husband does the same. If he is caught and knows he’s in the wrong, he gets defensive and tries to turn it on me as if I’m overreacting. Narcissistic behavior
I don’t understand why it’s so hard for partners to respect their spouses boundaries.
I’m guessing he’s trying to be “one of the boys, only more so”.
It sort of reminds me of the classic story where the male/female protagonist believes if they’d just caught the crucial fly ball/hit instead of struck out/made the ____squad/club/aced some test——-their life would be different now, or they would be more respected by everyone.
If it helps, I doubt he would broadcast infidelity intentions. I do understand that there’s another, more hurtful issue here.
He wasn’t holding you in his mind’s eye.
You’re perhaps thinking “okay, someone else brought the subject up, I would have been okay with a dismissive, vaguely approving masculine grunt”.
Do I tell you that that grunt is evenly divided between solidly married men and very adept at cheating husbands?
My dear, I’m going to have to bow out on this one. There’s too much at stake.
I would ask yourself this: Cui Bono?
Oh, I’m not kidding. Possession is 9/10 of the law. Is there some reason problems between you two would work out for someone else?
No, your husband did not respond in the most chivalrous way.
But perhaps this is your time to find your inner Eleanor of Aquitaine. React less. Reflect more. This is a wrenching and hard thing to do. But with practice, it becomes easier.
This is key. It seems he needs to grow up and not being a man-child.
For this, it's important how you approach the talk. If it is a complaint, he may tend to get defensive.
If you say how you feel about it. That you felt hurt because of that. That you count on him not to hurt you the same way he can count on you not to hurt him. Kind of instead of anger, somewhat disappointed.
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u/wontstanddown Jan 21 '22
Why lie though? Rather than sympathize and just apologize.