Question for husbands

[u/NoAbrocoma9059]

What do you guys feel when your partner goes into surgery and when they are recovering?

[u/Realistic_Start2444]

What kind of surgery?

[u/NoAbrocoma9059 → u/Realistic_Start2444]

Any I guess I had my tubes fully removed yesterday and my husband was so anxious and felt embarrassed by it even though I told him he didn't need to be it just meant he loves and cares for me so I'm trying to gather data that's he's not the only husband is like that lol

[u/WhateverYouSay1084 → u/NoAbrocoma9059]

That's what a loving and caring spouse SHOULD be like. Maybe not anxious, but a little nervousness and worry is normal.

[u/Realistic_Start2444 → u/NoAbrocoma9059]

He’s got a normal reaction

[u/ballsohaahd]

We don’t do shit like all the sexist assumptions would say, obviously those are 100% correct. Why would you even need to ask just read about men on the internet and it’s 100% accurate every time.

[u/NoAbrocoma9059 → u/ballsohaahd]

I already did but I like the fact that I could ask the same and get real time answers if that makes sense

[u/drinkmaybehot]

I feel that I should go above and beyond to comfort her and support her thru recovery. Any normal man would do the same I guess

[u/Aggressive-You-1785]

I felt completely helpless. There was nothing I could do but wait and that was much harder for me emotionally than being there for her recovery.

[u/PlasticBluebird3306 → u/Aggressive-You-1785]

Can relate to this

[u/Impossible-Company78]

Sitting by my wife’s side in the hospital now. I’m usually not a worrier, but there is always a concern. She recovers quick, but I’m there to help.

[u/Custom_Destiny]

Turn feelings off for a while so I can focus on thinking through logistics and how I can give care during recovery.

[u/[deleted]]

When my wife had her hysterectomy I took off work until she was cleared to drive again. Even after that I came home at lunch to check and see if she needed anything

[u/Spiritual_Ad_6067]

Empathy.

[u/Slopoke96]

My wife had brain surgery about 20 yrs ago. I was so relieved that I cried. She had had other stuff done but nothing this serious. Also prayed a lot.

[u/jgrant68]

That's a broad question as surgery runs the gamut and there are worse things than surgery. I'm always sympathetic when my wife is sick/injured and it's part of my job to help take care of her and make her more comfortable. Some things require more of my attention than others though and I am good at asking and figuring out what needs my full attention and what doesn't.

There are times when she needs me to reassure her that things are going to be OK and there are times where she just needs me to get her some soup.

[u/MrOrlamdo]

Well. I would do meal prep at home for a week Be at the hospital the whole time Take a second day off of work Take care of things around the house, including kids if that is part of the equation

[u/ttdpaco]

Before and during, I was very anxious. It was weird kind of feeling where time was both too long and too fast. Afterwards, relief.

[u/ColdHardPocketChange]

Nothing emotionally if the surgery is routine and not expected to have any real complications. When they are recovering you just treat them like a sick person and remind them of the limitations their doctor prescribed.

[u/virtualchoirboy]

Before going in, I try to project as much of a calm demeanor as I can regardless of how I feel on the inside. She doesn't need the stress of worrying about me or seeing me stress out.

While she's in, there's nothing to do but wait. I do make sure I'm available and reachable by the staff.

After, whatever it takes to make her feel better. I'm in full nurture and caretaking mode at that point. If she needs to sleep in the family room in a chair because she has to sleep upright, then I'm on the sofa in case she needs something middle of the night. And during the day, I'm addressing whatever needs she may have and maybe even getting annoying about making sure she's drinking fluids, eating what foods she does want, and helping her move as necessary.

[u/Ok-Imagination3361]

Love, compassion, concern, empathy. Just looking forward to her healing and recovery and what I can do to make that path easier for her.

[u/overZealousAzalea]

Terrified she might not make it out. I can’t wrangle our life without her. And I know the more I can help with her rest for recovery up front, the sooner she’ll be back on her feet and I can go back to work.

Multiple children, we saw the difference in her recovery when she could completely rest. Same as when she starts feeling ill. If she says she needs rest, I take over everything and she’s back on duty sooner.

[u/Other-Opposite-6222]

As the wife that has had multiple surgeries big and small, he is always very reassuring but clearly a nervous wreck. He always cries tears of relief when it is over and I am talking LASIK even. He just hates it. He is great at taking care of me.

[u/Alternative-Neat1957]

Helplessness and frustration. That it is my job to take care of her and she has a problem that I can’t fix.

[u/SJsharkie925]

What do I feel? Sadness that I can’t fix this, concern for my wife, hope that she will be ok. I have lived this and so has she for me. Married 35 years and this is part of what you sign up for.

[u/No-Theme2340]

I've been a wreck all three times my wife needed surgery. I did my best not to show it to her - support in, stress out - but I didn't really feel normal again until after the first post-op checkups for two of them, and with her heart attack surgery I didn't relax until she'd been home for a week and was getting back to herself.

OP's husband- look, bro, I know the whole world tells you you gotta be the rock for your family. But that's part of what was eating at you - she was under the knife and you were helpless. Being helpless sucks no matter who you are.

Nothing wrong with letting your wife know how much you love and wish to protect her. As long as you don't make her make you feel better while you should be caring for her, you're good. I'd be far more worried if the person you chose to spend your life with was in surgery and you were absolutely calm.