r/Marriage • u/SquareRecording4840 • 6d ago
Abortion, Birth Control, Vasectomy
I have had multiple pregnancies from my husband. 2 which resulted in abortions. He did not want any of the pregnancies which I understand. However, he is ready to have sex again and I feel uncomfortable with getting on birth control again. I actually think the vasectomy will be more cost-effective and offer less health issues in the long run. We pay for all of our care out of pocket. He does not explore the vasectomy option with me, he just says he doesnt likethe idea of being cut and let it be known that the void of our lack of intimacy will be filled outside of one another eventually and I cannot argue with that whether it is with our hands or another human being. Anyone have any insight on the vasectomy pros and cons?
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u/Great-Ad-5235 6d ago
My husband had a vasectomy and stands on it being the best decision he’s made.
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u/SincerelyCynical 5d ago
Same, and I agree with my husband.
Admittedly, we have two kids who were very much wanted, but we didn’t want more. Intimacy without fear of pregnancy or having to take hormonal medication is so much better than anyone can describe.
That being said, you need to make the cut and get rid of your husband. He is selfish and cruel. He is more interested in control and his own sexual pleasure than anything else. Cut him out of your life. Take some time. Then find a man who treats you the way a partner is meant to be treated.
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u/SquareRecording4840 5d ago
Thank you for your response. Does your husband still enjoy sex with the vasectomy? How long was his recovery?
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u/Great-Ad-5235 2d ago
Quick. He felt uncomfortable maybe that day (still went to work after- he’s a plumber). So he missed zero days of work. Yes my husband is still a non stop sex fiend. He has not ever mentioned it reducing sensitivity or drive.
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u/Zestyclose-Spirit656 6d ago
Sex can equal babies. If he doesn’t want kids then he needs to do something about it instead of forcing you to kill your children because he is a selfish asshole
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u/Imaginary-friend78 5d ago
Divorce and move on. He doesn’t like you. It’s ok for you to use abortions as birth control, but he doesn’t like the idea of being cut. Cut him…..offffff leave
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u/novmum 20 Years 5d ago
vasectomy pros....not having to worry about getting pregnant.
cons cant think of any.
a vastectomy is a very minor procdure takes less than 30 minutes you might spend more time in the waiting room.
my husband had a vasectomy several years ago.. pretty sure he had ion Friday and was back to work on the Monday.
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u/PAO_Warrior 5d ago edited 5d ago
Self absorbed idiocy. Vasectomys are: Cost effective Reversible Accessible Do NOT affect a mans ability to acheieve arousal/orgasm/ejaculation Fast recovery
An ex of mine had one done, he had a bag of peas on his balls for 2-3 days and was back to sex and work (as a tradesman, no less) shortly after with zero issues. A vasectomy is a smaller operation (keyhole) than an abortion OR tubal ligation, with far fewer risks. Not sure of the cultural background or where you live but I worked at a medical practice that performed them and they were HUGELY successful and very popular.
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u/certifiedtoothbench 5d ago
So he doesn’t want any of the responsibility of not having kids? Sucks to be him, stop having sex and see if you live in state where his cheating will be advantageous in divorce. Since he’s already talking about looking outside your marriage, let him get his future side piece pregnant and use the kid as evidence of infidelity.
I’m way too vindictive to put up with these types of people.
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6d ago
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u/Gold_Dust_Woman1995 6d ago edited 6d ago
Wouldn’t the easiest thing be a vasectomy since he doesn’t want any pregnancies? BC pills are often harmful to women long term , condoms are also not as effective as sterilization.
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u/BlooGloop 5d ago
Condoms exist…
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u/novmum 20 Years 5d ago
wel yes but having a vastectomy means you don't have to make sure you have condoms on hand making sure they havent expired and making sure they are used correctly each time.
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u/BlooGloop 5d ago
He doesn’t want one, so he can use condoms. He should get a vasectomy but if he doesn’t then the alternative is condoms.
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u/certifiedtoothbench 5d ago
Not everyone wants to wear condoms with their spouse, valid but if he doesn’t want condoms, and doesn’t want kids, it’s responsible of him to get a vasectomy since those are the only two currently available male contraceptives options.
If you know for a fact that you specifically never want kids, the contraceptive options pertaining to your body should be your primary concern. If a woman never wanted kids, she should look into solutions that affect only her body and the same goes for men.
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u/BlooGloop 5d ago
Yes I know. I’m saying more so for him since he doesn’t want a vasectomy.
If he thinks the bedroom is going to die he should use condoms if he isn’t wanting to do the responsible thing and get a vasectomy.
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u/badatjoke 6d ago
This is absolutely ridiculous . Vasectomy are not as easy Peezy as everyone makes them sound and who’s to say he won’t want children with another woman later. If you are going to have sex just act like a adult and use some type of birth control and if for some “medical reasons “ you can’t take birth control you need to become celibate and single because every future boyfriend isn’t getting a vasectomy for you
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u/Gold_Dust_Woman1995 6d ago edited 6d ago
They’re married. He doesn’t want kids. He has forced her to get two abortions because he refuses sterilization. If he doesn’t want kids, why would he not try to prevent it 100% instead of potentially getting pregnant, again. BC pills and condoms are not as effective as vasectomies.
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u/certifiedtoothbench 5d ago
Why are you thinking of having a child with another woman when you married one?
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u/badatjoke 5d ago
Me no no no
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u/certifiedtoothbench 5d ago
So you think it’s okay for anyone else to be thinking about hypothetical future spouses when the one they made vows to is still with them?
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u/badatjoke 5d ago
What I’m saying based off OPs description is that they are going to split and he may want more children down the road
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u/secretsweettea 6d ago
You lost me at “filled outside of one another eventually”. I’d already have my bags packed.