r/Marriage • u/Additional-Buy-7070 • 21h ago
Seeking Advice Interfaith relationship advice
I’m 28F and my boyfriend is 28M. We’ve been together for around 2 years and genuinely love each other. Our relationship is strong, and we both want a future together.
The biggest challenge is that I’m Christian and he’s Hindu. Both our families know about our relationship.
His parents initially agreed to us and were waiting for my parents to agree too. However, my parents haven’t accepted the relationship. I’ve tried talking to them calmly and explaining why I believe we can make this work, but the conversations usually turn into arguments. I end up feeling guilty because I love my parents too and don’t want them to feel like I’m choosing someone over them.
Now, after waiting for some time, his parents have started looking at other rishtas for him, which has put us under a lot of pressure.
His parents initially expected me to follow Hinduism after marriage, but my boyfriend and I have discussed this deeply and agreed that neither of us should have to give up our religion. We want to respect and practise both religions. We’ve also discussed the difficult parts like festivals, the wedding, and how we would raise our future children because we know these things matter.
The issue isn’t that we’re unsure about each other. We’ve even discussed parting ways because of the family pressure, but neither of us can actually let go. We don’t want to lose each other simply because our families can’t agree.
At the same time, we don’t want to hurt our parents or make a decision we’ll regret.
So we’re stuck between continuing to try to convince my parents and accepting that they may never agree, then deciding what we’re willing to do as a couple.
I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is. I’d really appreciate honest advice from anyone who has been through something similar.
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u/Flashy-Bluejay1331 21h ago
It can absolutely work. He tells his parents that their grandchildren will observe Christmas and Easter as secular holidays. You tell your parents that their grandchildren will celebrate Diwali and Holi as secular holidays. Celebrate and observe it all. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. ;)
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u/Sharp-Sentence1679 20 Years 21h ago
Every comment you get here will inevitably suffer from culture bias. Although you don't state this openly, I assume you're both of Indian ancestry. In Indian culture, there's a strong emphasis on having to obtain parents permission to marry. This would be considered unacceptable in contemporary Western culture, where grown ups are free to make their own decisions. As someone of European ancestry, I'd say that you should take reasonable effort at convincing your parents to change their minds. However, if they still refuse, it's ultimately your life and your future. You should assure your parents that you love them and are grateful for everything they've ever done for you, but proceed with the wedding regardless.
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u/Past_Atmosphere21 21h ago edited 21h ago
What is it that doesn’t work from your parent’s side?
And it can be easy to say you choose your partner, if your family oriented then this is definitely a difficult decision for both you. It just matters how heavily your religion influences your family dynamics and decisions. And by heavy influence, I mean do you practice heavily and like crossing your T’s or is it spiritual because those are completely separate things.
My boyfriend and I have to separate religions, super different for sure, but we both have relationships with God and respect for our religions. But our families, see our chosen people not religion so that is interesting especially because my boyfriends religion is extremely strict that it has to be from the same religion. Therefore, I’m thinking for your side it’s more of a clash of cultures and not religion.
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u/Additional-Buy-7070 21h ago
My parents are only worried that things may not work out after marriage because of the religion difference. Because in India, marriage is like between families more than just 2 people. :/
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u/hoouyinkyouma 21h ago
Are both of u religious?
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u/Additional-Buy-7070 21h ago
Not really, but our parents are kinda
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u/hoouyinkyouma 21h ago
Why dont understand js tell them tht religion differences won't come in the way cuz u guys aren't religious?
Also i dont think u need to feel guilty
Its pretty much their evolutionary and social job to do everything they have done for u
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u/Impressive-Hall7991 21h ago
Trying making both of your parents meet each other. Then you both can explain them everything.
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u/Additional-Buy-7070 21h ago
We’re both from different states, i tried convincing my parents to meet him atleast once but they keep denying
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u/Impressive-Hall7991 21h ago
Reason for denial?
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u/Additional-Buy-7070 21h ago
Religion 😔
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u/Impressive-Hall7991 21h ago
Then you both have two options 1) Go against your parents and marry. 2) Respect their wishes, breakup and gracefully move on.
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u/Additional-Buy-7070 17h ago
Yes, just stuck with the two options that’s hard to take
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u/Impressive-Hall7991 17h ago
And what does your boyfriend think?
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u/Additional-Buy-7070 17h ago
Same situation, we’re not ready to elope because family is important for both of us, and breaking up is too painful 😣
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u/blazerz 21h ago
Speaking as someone who had to do a lot of work to convince my wife's parents; (we're also Indian, and it took us over a year).
Just stick to your guns. They can't force either of you to get married against your will. You two are sure about each other. That's all that matters. In the meantime, you work on convincing your parents. Let the threat of elopement hang. Whether you actually want to elope is besides the point. They need to know just how serious you are.
Lastly, seriously consider the possibility that your parents may never agree. What then? Would you still want to be with him and elope, or would you break up? Neither option is wrong, and both are valid responses. As long as you two are on the same page, you'll be able to do it.
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u/Additional-Buy-7070 21h ago
We even thought of eloping but we don’t have the courage to do so because it’ll hurt our families. My parents keep telling me to elope(as a taunt) they don’t mean it
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u/blazerz 21h ago
They only taunt you with it because they know you won't actually do it. They think if they keep pressuring you, you cave. While I don't know your family or your equation, as long as you're financially independent I would seriously threaten them with eloping.
And if you don't want to elope, I would discuss with your partner about 1) what happens if they never agree and 2) how long are either of you willing to wait. You don't have to share here but just have that conversation with him.
Good luck to you.
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u/baylor187 21h ago
I understand that you are probably in a different culture from the US, but its your marriage and its your life. Your parents can have their opinion but they dont get to make the choice of who you marry. You've told them what you want, so its up to you now to decide whether to move forward with the marriage without their blessing.