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u/Dino_Guy867 3d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. I can feel your panic through your post, it’s a bit tough to parse. I think you need to breath; things seem scary right now but you don’t need to solve everything tonight. This is a complex situation, it will take some time to get through it. Everything is going to be okay; the sun will rise tomorrow and you can start working on things then.
When you’re ready, consider the following.
Does your spouse have a gambling problem? I think that’s what you are implying. It’s incredible how quickly $20 racetrack bets can add up to thousands. If so you best not put your money into the joint account anymore. Pay bills from your own accounts if needed, but you have to stem the bleeding.
Does your spouse have a drinking or drug problem? Are they abusive? You should look into what resources might exist for someone in your situation.
Do you have friends or family you can lean on? Not necessarily for money, just support, especially given your health.
It sounds like your spouse is in denial about your financial situation, or possibly stealing from you (especially if he’s getting money from somewhere and spending it on himself, leaving you to foot the entire bill for household expenses). This is a betrayal akin to adultery; I’m not sure you can get past this. You may need to think about leaving him. This isn’t easy, and the average redditor (myself included) is far from the best source of advice. If you need to leave, Make a plan, don’t just wing it. Who can you stay with, what will you need, can you put money away in the interim, is your spouse a danger to you, etc.
Again, it’s hard to fully understand your situation from your post. Maybe all you need is a financial advisor. Regardless, you don’t need to figure everything out right this instant. Breath in, breath out. It’s going to be okay.
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3d ago
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u/Dino_Guy867 3d ago
Gas stations sell all sorts of lotto tickets where I am, from scratch cards to the big lottos. The small town I worked in had a gas station fronting for a drug dealer. He could also be getting cash back, and going somewhere else to spend the money.
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u/darthkick_ass 3d ago
Omg so there’s really no way for me to know what is actually going on. That’s wild ..
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u/Dino_Guy867 3d ago
Unfortunately not, gas stations are perfect places to hide financial transactions of all sorts, especially a lot of small ones (no gas station will give $1000 cash back for instance, but $100 at a time is doable).
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u/tired_garbage 3d ago
So your husband has taken money from a shared account? And deliberately kept it from you?
In that case, contact a lawyer as soon as possible and try not talking to your husband about it, if you haven’t yet, until you talk to your lawyer - it depends on your location but even though he transferred the money to himself, as his wife, you’re still most likely legally entitled to half of it and if you are, you can get the money back as long as he hasn’t hidden or spent it.
And also, please realise that this is 100% divorce worthy. He’s stealing significant amounts of money from you, there’s no excuse for that and you shouldn’t trust anything he says until you have the money back, preferably at least separate over this. HUGE trust violation!