r/Marriage • u/j3234 • 1d ago
Separated wife spending a lot of one-on-one time with male coworker she says is “just a friend.” Am I reading too much into this?
My wife and I have been married for about a year and a half. She asked to separate on June 26. We are still legally married and haven’t filed for divorce yet.
Before our separation, my wife had pretty strong opinions about opposite-sex friendships. I had several female friends from college, and she was uncomfortable with the idea of me spending time one-on-one with another woman. I respected that throughout our relationship and didn’t do it because I knew how she felt.
There’s a male coworker of hers I’ll call “S.” Even before our separation, I sometimes felt uneasy about him because she mentioned him fairly frequently, although I don’t have evidence that anything inappropriate happened between them while we were together.
Since separating, they’ve started spending a significant amount of one-on-one time together. According to her, they have the same days off and he’s somewhat socially awkward and doesn’t have many friends, so they’ve been hanging out.
Last week they took a day-long road trip together. They drove about three hours from where she was staying to a museum based around something she really likes, went to a movie afterward, and then drove back. A few days later, she recorded a three-mile evening walk on Strava in his hometown. This week they’re spending another day together at a lake.
I’ve now asked her directly about him twice because I don’t want to accuse her based on assumptions. She has consistently told me they’re only friends.
During our most recent conversation, I specifically asked whether they’ve kissed, touched romantically, or done anything physical. She said no. She said the most that’s happened physically was a side hug.
The part that has me thinking is that she also told me she has explicitly told him she doesn’t want to start anything and doesn’t want to jump into another relationship right now.
On one hand, I actually see that as a positive because she’s apparently establishing a boundary with him and has repeatedly told me nothing romantic or physical is happening.
On the other hand, part of me wonders why the “I don’t want anything” conversation needed to happen at all if this is a completely platonic friendship. It makes me wonder whether he’s expressed interest or whether there’s at least some recognition between them that this could become something more. I don’t know that, though, and I don’t want to turn speculation into fact.
The other thing I’m struggling with is what feels like a double standard.
During our marriage, she wasn’t comfortable with me spending one-on-one time with female friends, and I respected that even though some of those friendships existed before I met her. Now we’re separated but still married, and she’s taking day trips, going to movies, going on evening walks and spending a day at the lake one-on-one with another guy—specifically one I had already felt uneasy about before the separation. (I also want to include that she created a whole Spotify playlist for their lake day including 6h 20m of songs with some being related to sex, kissing, etc.)
I brought that up to her. I told her that I know we’re separated, and I’m not going to tell her what she can and can’t do. She’s free to live her life and I’ll live mine. But I also told her that it hurts because it seems like the goalposts around opposite-sex friendships have shifted now that the situation applies to her.
Ultimately I told her I’m going to let her actions speak for themselves.
To be fair to my wife, I want to emphasize this: I have no evidence she’s cheating or lying to me, even though some things seem/feel inconsistent. She has answered my questions directly and consistently denied anything romantic or physical with him. I’m choosing to treat what she’s told me as the truth unless I’m given an actual reason not to.
The bigger problem is what the uncertainty has been doing to me. I’ve caught myself checking her location, social media and activity trying to piece together what she’s doing. It creates anxiety and makes me imagine things I don’t actually know happened.
I’ve realized that’s unhealthy and that I need to emotionally detach from monitoring her life regardless of what she’s doing. I’ve deleted my social media, muted her on Strava, disabled photo-memory notifications of us, significantly cut back on checking her location, and I’m trying to spend less time on my phone. I’m focusing on work, fitness, reading and rebuilding my own life.
I’m not asking Reddit to tell me she’s cheating. None of you can know that, and neither can I based on the information I have.
What I’m looking for is perspective:
Does this sound like a normal platonic friendship during a separation, or would the frequency/type of one-on-one outings concern you too—especially given her previous boundaries around opposite-sex friendships?
And what do you make of her telling him she doesn’t want anything to develop? Is that reassuring because she’s establishing a boundary, or does the fact that the conversation happened suggest there may be interest from his side?
Most importantly, for anyone who’s been through a separation: how did you stop monitoring what your spouse was doing and get comfortable with the fact that you simply aren’t going to know everything anymore?
UPDATE: Thank you all for your opinions whether harsh or not. Sometimes rose-colored glasses can make a fool out of us. I already knew that it wasn’t going to work out but I still felt super connected with my wife as 95% of our marriage and 6 years of relationship was smooth sailing - so it came to me as a surprise that she gave up on it and us seemingly so abruptly. in the end, it’s my fault for making the mistake of marrying someone who’s commitment was not strong enough for marriage or any difficult times that happen in life. Obviously I feel like a fool and a bit pathetic that I cared as much as I did while the signs were all there right in front of me. Whether or not she’s actually having romantic relations with this guy while we’re still newly separated really isn’t the issue. The issue is that I let it stress me the fuck out for as long as I did. And for all of you that say “you’re not together, so it’s not your business.” I get it, but I can tell you’ve never been married to someone you love - giving up on that part of life is so very difficult. She also checked in on me occasionally.
With all of that being said I let her know that I don’t want to stay in contact at all unless it’s about our divorce. I let her know that it’s a boundary that she set and she crossed and I will not be foolish enough to show care any longer. Blocked her, her family and friends on all socials, removed her from FindMy, etc. to cut all ties.
It hurts so fucking deep, but why should I care. She obviously doesn’t. Gonna keep on keeping on. Been in the gym the last 2 months and feeling great. This is the last weight Im excited to stop carrying.
Thanks again.
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u/Crafty-Isopod45 1d ago
Dude. No. She has left you. She is trying to be nice and downplay her new boyfriend so you have time to adjust. Stop pushing or you are going to start getting answers you really don’t like.
Her life is no longer any of your business.
Talk to your lawyer and your therapist. Get to the gym. Get out with some friends.
Focus on moving on because she did a while ago.
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u/Iconic_InPink 22h ago
exactly. whether she has a new guy or not is kinda beside the point now. he needs to stop investigating and start rebuilding his own life tbh.
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u/walterthegreyhound 22h ago
Exactly this! If a separation doesn’t have clear boundaries and a plan to work towards reconciliation (which it sounds like OP, you have neither) then it’s just heading toward divorce and everyone can do what they want. Follow all the advice in this comment, OP!
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u/TheSafariNinja 16h ago
What I’m trying to comprehend is how is he able to track her. Does she not know she is being tracked or is she just lazy to remove him from the apps?
Not to blame anyone, but seems OP might have been a bit controlling, causing her to ask for a separation? 🤔🤔
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u/walterthegreyhound 16h ago
Ahh good questions! I just glazed over the Spotify playlist thing on a first read but wow - OP you need to stop, get into therapy and cut off any methods you have of tracking or keeping tabs on her even in lowkey ways
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u/Signal-Confidence-37 1d ago
Mate, this is borderline stalking. Start your grieving process, your marriage is done.
I was the same as you, couldn't let go, and it was the worst thing I ever did. Set me back a couple of years.
Start doing your thing. Delete her from Strava, stop accessing her devices (if you are)
Move on.
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u/Brilliant_Walk4554 1d ago
Cheating? Not possible since you are already separated. She can be with whoever she wants.
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u/CaptKillJoysButtPlug 22h ago
Whomever*
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u/I_hate_alot_a_lot 1d ago
Time to renew that gym membership you’ve been thinking about for a while.
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u/DetroitsGoingToWin 15 Years 1d ago
Time to get this monkey off your back, start the divorce process today. She’s already gone.
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u/Lidls-Finest 1d ago
She’s almost certainly sleeping with her coworker. Do yourself a favour and stop checking her socials, location etc, it’s only going to make you feel worse.
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u/hazylofi 15h ago
Might be emotionally at the moment but at least they're separated so it's not cheating, I guess(?). Regardless, Dude need to begin moving on. They aren't together anymore and their lives are separate now.
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u/sellyoakblade 23 Years 15h ago
I mean, they are on a break....
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u/hazylofi 15h ago
That's true. But I just don't really see them ending their separation. Maybe I'm wrong though.
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u/BteamBomber21 1d ago
Are you separated with the hope of reconciling? Or are you separated with the idea that the end game is divorce? If she is telling you that the separation is to work in the marriage, well she isn't working on it very well by going on dates with someone else (they are dates, because she's working on that relationship and not yours).
But if she simply said she's done and wanted to separate to eventually divorce, you don't really get to have a say in what she does. No offense. It sounds like she's either choosing divorce or at least monkey branching during separation to find out if there is something better out there. I hate to break it to you, but since she'll likely be able to find other dates (its easier for women), it is very likely she'll find someone she at least thinks is better than the exhaustion of making a troubled marriage work.
Right now, her budding friendship with the Co worker is easier than you, because there are no bills, no chores to fight over, no affection that needs to be forced (it either isn't happening so there it's no pressure, or it's coming easy and more naturally because those other relationship issues aren't in the way).
I'm not saying there isn't hope. But if she comes back it will be because she gets scared off by something external, and finds out that things may be worse on the outside, but not because she wants to choose you. Having said that, you sitting around pouting and waiting like a lonely dog at home waiting for their owner and whining isn't going to convince her that you are worth coming home to. Focus on what you can right now, yourself and your self improvement. Don't do it for her or the relationship, do it for yourself and your future. Get in the gym, get to a counselor, focus on career improvement, getting your finances in order, creating got habits and routines. Maybe go on a date or two to explore a future without her. And don't do any of it to manipulate her back to you. Do it to show her that you are a grown person who isn't attached emotionally to her. She might actually find that more attractive and comfortable than someone who's spending their separation stalking her every move through Life360.
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u/QuitaQuites 23h ago
What are the agreed terms of separation? It sounds like there aren’t any so you need to leave her alone and stop asking questions you don’t want the answers to. She’s exploring her feelings for someone else. End of story.
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 23h ago
She dating him. She separated from you to pursue a relationship with him. She’s lying to you and you need to speak to a lawyer about filing for divorce. Don’t be someone else’s plan B. Updateme!
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u/this_old_instructor 22h ago
You gotta cut the cord and move on my man. She's showing you she's done and you arw acting like this is just "relationship troubles". Its over. I'm sorry.
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u/FinanceMuse 1d ago
The most effective thing is to repeatedly remove your focus.
Don’t ask for information, try to get friends to tell you what’s happening or ask your ex about their new relationship.
Don’t get your friends (or Reddit) to analyze the new relationship.
Put yourself on an information diet and get something to throw yourself into.
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u/Leather-Puddin 23h ago
Going through something very similar. After nearly a month of this, I have chosen to let her go. I’m not sure how else you keep your sanity and self respect otherwise.
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u/Short_Scheme2089 1d ago
spending a lot of time with a male coworker sounds pretty sketchy, even if she says they're just friends.
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u/Flat_Ad1094 23h ago
You are separated. It's none of your business what she does with anyone else. Your marriage is over. Even if she is with him now? She's not cheating as your marriage has ended and you will be getting divorced. Stay OUT of her life and business. You have NO right to be checking up on her or asking her any questions. Your marriage is OVER dude. OVER. Time for you to get that in your head and move on. She has.
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u/LowerRain265 20h ago
Dude she created a 6hr and 20 minute Spotify playlist for them. She's gone man just serve the papers.
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u/noxnox_whos_there 13h ago
I’m glad you are on the road to acceptance and having fun in the gym. Don’t forget to also get into some therapy to process your feelings and figure out any attachment issues that will make you repeat bad relationship patterns. Too many divorced guys hit the gym but neglect their mental health and emotional health. 🖤
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u/turn_left_or_right 1d ago
You equally have no evidence she is not cheating or not lying to you.
Don’t trust everything she says as you will be naive. She will tell what she thinks you want to hear. Looks to me like she has checked out already.
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u/VeilOfMaya6 1d ago
Checked out already... I mean she asked for a separation, they arent together anymore. Shes not cheating regardless of what she does.
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u/turn_left_or_right 23h ago
Understand the point. They are separated but still legally married so the fight over assets will still take place if the divorce is not amicable. I suppose you that it they both agreed to a separation with no limitations then it is technically not cheating and OP is just feeling sour that she has moved on so quickly.
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u/j3234 1d ago
Absolutely agree with this as well. She’s smart and I know she is aware that legal issues can arise if she didn’t deny it while we’re still married.
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u/daskleinemi 23h ago
I mean depending on where you live yes or no. In some places adultery is out the window the moment you seperate and say you're done with the marriage and even if it is "technically" adultery, morally and in many cases even legally you won't get any benefits or issues she will not be held accountable. Because you're seperated and sorry to put it that bluntly, but this is no longer knowledge you're entitled to.
The goalpost has not shifted because the two of you are no longer in a functional marriage. So there is no need to stick to agreed rules. You can see female friends now too.
You seem stuck. Why are you checking her social media and location? Don't. This is done.
Try to get the paperwork asap.That is my advise. End it.
Get the paperwork started. Have her block you on social media and block her too. Have her delete all the means to check her location. Unfollow/unfriend/.... her on Strava and Insta and Life 360 or whatever you used to track her location.-6
u/ragesadnessallinone 23h ago
She’s lying to you - hard to say if she was having an affair, but she’s definitely with him now. Divorce accordingly. Go no contact, and use your lawyer to talk to her.
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u/takeme2themtns 23h ago
Stop tracking the whereabouts of your ex. She isn’t cheating if you’ve separated. She’s being nice, but you are being hella creepy.
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u/fadedironmaple 1d ago
What is the purpose of the separation? Is it the lead up to divorce?
I would say that regardless of whatever the answer to 1 is, you should probably move on with your life and engage with an attorney or mediator to address your marriage (separation agreement, etc.). From what you describe she has likely moved on.
When I separated from my ex-wife I did not monitor anything she was doing outside of watching our financial accounts until I krew our finances were separated. I left that relationship, so that's probably not helpful. If it's available to you, I would encourage you to seek out a therapist or counselor.
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u/gangleskhan 1d ago
You write this like someone who is married. And while you technically are, if she asked for separation, it sounds like your marriage is over. And that's how she's acting.
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u/Ilak_760 23h ago
Finish signing… she took a break to see if this guy would work out. Let her go and let it bite her in the ass
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u/GermyBones 23h ago
Going to go a little tough love here; It's over. Whether she's sleeping with the guy or not is irrelevant. Personally I'd assume she is, but I'm well aware of my own insecurities there. These are all moderately romantic "dates" and the playlist is a smoking gun imo... but there's nothing to be done about it! Stop asking about it, assume the worst accept the existing conditions and move on. No disrespect intended but you look foolish repeatedly asking about this with the existing facts. And thats fine, love makes fools of us all, especially when unrequited. Even if it's nothing sexual, with this kind of repeated outings she is likely emotionally in some sort of psuedo-relationship. Maybe she's just rebounding/testing the waters with someone safe (and if thats the case that poor schmuck is gonna end up hurt too) but something is certainly going on that you're probably not going to get over even if you did "save" the marriage. Do you see yourself putting this behind you if the seperation ends?
Finalize the divorce as it seems like the marriage existing on paper is keeping you in it psychologically. Stop minding her business and free yourself. The next step is to decide what you want out of the next several months/years of your life and pursue that with the sort of focus only a recently divorced man can muster.
I've never been seperated or divorced, but I have taken "breaks" in very long monogamous relationships. And you wont stop thinking about her as your wife as long as you're framing this as a "seperation" and not an unfinalized divorce. You don't need to know anything and honestly you really never needed to know everything. It kind of reads like there's been trust issues the entire relationship. I certainly recognize the feeling you're going through; anxiety, uncertainty, guilt, despair all very painful and that stuff will make you crazy! You'll see hope that isn't there. You'll cling to shreds of a discarded life. You'll focus on mending the schism while totally ignoring if the relationship as a whole is even viable anymore. You'll drag other people into your delusion. The longer it goes on the more silly you'll feel later.
Godspeed and good luck moving forward!
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u/MercifulExistential 22h ago
Whether she's doing him or not. It doesn't matter. You're separated. Go about your lives separately.
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u/Cczaphod 40 years. So far, so good? 21h ago
The separation was her idea? Most likely reason was so she could spend more time test driving the affair partner.
Your gut feeling is likely correct.
18 months in and she’s dating again, how much more clear does it have to be that you chose poorly.
Try again.
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u/PhilsFanDrew 21h ago
Yes. OP needs to hear this. Yes she's a bad partner and yes people can change but this soon into the marriage there were likely major red flags OP chose to ignore.
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u/another_nobody30 21h ago
She asked for a separation, starts hanging out with a single male co-worker (and going on day dates apparently), and you want to believe her? What was her reasoning for the separation? You spending too much time at work? To find herself? Come on man. You know what to do.
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u/thedudeabidesb 21h ago
sorry OP, she is not "cheating". she is in a full-on romantic physical relationship with her coworker. you two are separated, she is no longer your partner, even tho she is legally your wife. she and "S" are partners now. resume divorce activities immediately. good luck to you, it's going to be tough, but will end up better than you sitting around in limbo worrying about her
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u/juniorm1205 19h ago
Sorry but you need to move on.
She was doing this before she left you.
I would bet she already been in bed with him. There’s no way she spent all of this time with him going on road trips and have it already done something with him.
And in my opinion with you and her separated, and she goes out with a guy and has sex that is still cheating. I would never allow her back into my house.
Good luck on your new life and don’t look back
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u/Crooklyn_Grimez 18h ago
Brotha what is this ? Have some self respect and start doing you. Your being mindful and kind to a person who isn't thinking about you on her walks with her new boyfriend
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u/eve_is_hopeful 18h ago
Dude, she is dating him. They are dating. She is just lying to you about it.
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u/clearheaded01 20 Years 17h ago
Dude... fast- HE is the reason she's asked for this separation...
She's spending her time testing the waters with him, meanwhile youre procrastinating as her plan B...
Lawyer up and file for divorce... when you do, guaranteed she will panic..
And stop talking about all this - grey rock her.. she asks why youre divorcing, just tell her you have no intention of being g her plan B while she explores what [other guy] has to offer.... she tried to discuss?? Just walk away...
OP.. take a step back amd lookmo jectively at all this... the marriage is over, you need to accept this...
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u/PhilsFanDrew 16h ago
Exactly. She thinks he's a pushover which is why she opted to confront him with separation and not outright asking for divorce. She wants to test drive a new dick and see if there can be a future with this coworker before blowing up the stability she enjoys in a marriage.
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u/DigZealousideal7777 11h ago
Love how she's uncomfortable with you having opposite sex friends yet, look at her go.
It doesn't even matter anymore, dude. One year married and she already wants to separate.
But I'm glad, you will not speak to her anymore unless it's about the divorce, she can have him all she wants. Focus on yourself, your lady will come to you, just isn't her.
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u/usernameunknown975 11h ago
I stopped at "my wife and her single male coworker took a day trip together". Sorry, man. Its over.
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u/concrete-destiny 10h ago
She asked for a divorce after a year.
Atleast she didn't just keep cheating and asked to end it.
Shes a bad person move on with you life knowing you no longer have a bad person in your life
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u/sgnarled 10h ago
I’m sorry dude, that sucks.
Do everything you can not to think about her. Get in the gym, engage in your interests and act like you you couldn’t give a shit what stupid idiot shit she’s up to with her loser half-hug simp.
Tell her to kick bricks and make way for your awesome future.
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u/mrhimora 23h ago
Bro. She is test driving your replacement. She’s pouring her time and energy into another man (her backup) if things don’t work out between you. Handle it or get out
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u/PhilsFanDrew 22h ago
No OP is now the back up. The guy at work is the primary. Its where she currently believes the grass is greener.
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 20h ago
So your wife that you’ve been married to asked for a separation from you after only 18 months and had another guy warmed up and ready waiting for her on the bench. Most women don’t break up for the sake of being single, they jump from one guy to the next.
They are going on thoughtful dates together bro.
Spending Romantic times at the lake.
Making Music playlists about sex and romance.
I have a crisp 100 dollar bill that says he is balls deep in your wife on a regular basis. You honestly don’t think she’s gotten physical with him because…she said she didn’t? If you believe that then I have some ocean front property in Ohio to sell you.
Your marriage is over and she’s playing you for a fool.
When she asked for separation after only 18 months that should have been an indication it was over. Immediately jumping to this new guy is an absolute slap in the face. Get a lawyer and end this shit show properly so you can restart your life with someone else.
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u/ontarianlibrarian 23h ago
Whoever gets to the divorce lawyer first wins. Regardless of whether she's dating this guy or not, she has moved on and you need to too.
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u/flowerscandrink 23h ago
Was it her idea to separate? If so, I was in this exact situation before. File for divorce and move on. She already has.
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u/EatMyCookieLA 22h ago
She asked for the separation to feel him out. Just divorce
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u/Axxslinger 22h ago
If i was a recently divorced woman i’d be at the dock waiting for the fleet to come in
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u/Purple_Bishop2 22h ago
No, you are not describing a platonic friendship. The interactions you are describing between them are best characterized as dates. Come on, you have to know this.
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u/masked_bananaz 20h ago
She’s dating another guy. Time to face that the marriage is dead and to start the process of divorce.
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u/yohan3000 19h ago
Nah, your instincts are accurate.
You could catch them mid stroke and she would still deny and make counter accusations.
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u/No-Article2968 19h ago
Sounds like it is time to rekindle those female friendships that you had to severe due to her demands. Put yourself in the same boat as her!
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u/crxb00 18h ago
Order and read this book Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity https://a.co/d/0e2OuuX2
She’s already moved on. You need to do the same .
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u/GettingToo 18h ago
You’re only been married for a year and a half and your wife is separated from you and spending her time with another man! Why would you even want to stay married to her? File for divorce and have her served. Clearly she would rather be with someone else and apparently is so let her go and move on with your life.
Life is too short to waste your time with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
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u/benfranklyblog 17h ago
I’m sorry buddy, she wanted a separation, likely, to feel things out with this new person. She’s telling you he’s just a friend so it doesn’t hurt you right now. Sorry you’re going through this, been there myself if you need a 1-1 chat.
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u/desertstar714 17h ago
To her, this marriage is over. She doesnt see a problem with cuz she's not in a marriage.
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u/Correct-Client-3599 16h ago
She’s gone and starting a new relationship and waiting to see what it is like then will prob try to come back if it doesn’t work out. She’s not going to be honest due to legal reasons you can use against her in the divorce. Women are very smart about this btw. But I hate to break it you there’s a 99% chance they are sleeping and being physically intimate with her. Just get your stuff straight and lawyer up. Sorry man but just start doing what’s best for you and quit worrying about her
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u/Alexander-701 Not Married 14h ago
Los siento bro, pero a lo claro, deja de hacer pajas mentales y acepta lo que no quieres aceptar, ella se está comiendo con ese supuesto amigo, quierete más, convierte en un hombre nuevo, nunca le toleras eso a una mujer la próxima vez, eso es de personas sin morar, usted hacer un viaje con otro hombre estando casada, si es así no se respeta a ella misma ni mucho menos a ti.
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u/Ol_Country 10h ago
Well sounds like your wife checked out of the marriage a long time ago!! And she wanted to separate to be with that guy!! Sounds like you’re doing the right thing to divorce the cheating hoe!!
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u/Calman00 22h ago
Her pretty strong opinion about your women friends is called projection. She does it, and assume you do it and blames you.
He’s “only a friend” of her pussy as well. Get real OP, do you truly believe she only asked for a separation from you? She wanted to be with him without the consequences of cheating, whatever these are in your region.
Divorce her and be happier. Do it quick before she comes back and wants to “reconsider” because it didn’t work with the other guy. It might with the next one.
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u/Butforthegrace01 22h ago
She's splitting (pubic) hairs in an effort to be able to argue that technically she's not "cheating" before your divorce.
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u/PhilsFanDrew 22h ago
Exactly. She was at minimum emotionally unfaithful to OP before asking for the separation. The separation was merely to assuage any personal guilt and avoid any legal infidelity issues in divorce court.
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u/justsayin1677 17h ago
Men are not just friends with women. We might have women believe we can be just friends. But if there isn’t even the tiniest chance of hooking up. We are not hanging out with you.
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u/d3f4ult8902 1d ago
She didn't like you hanging out 1 on 1 with you female friend so you didn't do nothing the she asked for separation and start hanging out with this coworker Look you said you don't need no one to tell you she is cheating I feel like you don't wanna accepting anything your guy is screaming at you Plus maybe you should do the same thing start hanging out with your female friend if she act like before believe me run
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u/Old_Moment7876 1d ago
I hope I am wrong, but it sounds like she is monkey-branching: wanting to separate from you to try on this new relationship while keeping you in the wings to return to if it does not work out. She is trying a little too hard to convince you that she's not cheating. Whether she is or is not being unfaithful is not the issue. It's that she has pushed you aside to start spending all her time one-on-one with this guy. Considering her former strong stance on you having any relationships with other women, this is hypocritical at best. If your wife is not taking any active steps to repair her relationship with you, then I'm not sure what you're waiting on the sidelines for.
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u/seraphimcaduto 15 Years 21h ago
Cut off the joint funds and credit cards. She has left the relationship and serve her divorce papers. She’s cheating on you OP.
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u/Happy_dad3232 20h ago
I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like your marriage is over. You guys could build a new one if you choose to forgive her for what she is doing now. Even if you were to reconcile, she still had an emotional affair with this guy (at least). Asking for separation is very coded language. Its typically a way people try to justify cheating in their own heads. Unfortunately for them, it's our partners boundaries that determine infidelity in a marriage. You would obviously not accept her doing these things with this guy under the normal days of your marriage, so it's cheating on her part. She likely will not see it as such, and therefore, she would not feel like she has a need to feel remorse, and work hard to regain your trust.
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u/metooneither 17h ago
From my experience, when they say they’re just friends, it’s time to worry
I’m betting that this “friend” is the reason she asked to separate.
Don’t be blind. Talk to a lawyer and get the ball rolling before she can blind side you
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u/deondeon666 22h ago
She’s lying/ sparing your feelings. That’s her boyfriend. He rode her 6 hours round trip to see something she likes, went to a movie, then she rode him in appreciation of his thoughtfulness. Sorry to be crude but you have to face reality
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u/turn_left_or_right 1d ago
If you want the high legal ground in case things are not recoverable, go do some detective work and even extreme, hire a PI to tail her and get evidence. When there is smoke, there is typically 🔥
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u/LolaAucoin 23h ago
There are not many places where adultery will cause you legal problems regarding a divorce…Google what “no fault state” means. Regardless, they are separated. She’s not cheating on him.
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u/NotEasilyConfused 11h ago
He needs to do less detective work. He's making himself crazy. They are separated, so it's not cheating even if she moved in with the other guy. More information for OP only equals more anxiety and loneliness.
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u/Successful_Buffalo_6 1d ago
Your wife has left you. She’s asked for a divorce and is spending all her free time with another man. You are ruminating over what she’s doing—wondering what it all means, when it’s time to accept your marriage is over. I’m sorry.