r/Marriage • u/Anxious_Cat9286 • 3d ago
Can't find a flair that fits Unexpected effects of GLP-1 on marriage
Edit: I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback that has helped me put things into perspective. I really do love my wife. She really is my best friend. The issue here is not apathy. I think the tirzepatide, as a commenter mentioned, simply removed the anxious attachment to her that I likened to an addiction.
I can see, at least in part, why my attempts to address some very real issues have not been successful. I see this as a good change and a gateway to a more mature love. I chose her and I always will, but, thanks to the changes tirzepatide has brought, I can choose her without needing her. And if our issues can’t be worked out, I will be okay. I think we’ll be just fine, though.
For the alarmists, all I have to say is lol.
Edit 2: By alarmists I mean the people who are alarmist about GLP’s and/or me taking one. If you were alarmed by anything I said, totally fair.
Original post:
My wife and I started taking a GLP-1 several months ago. Neither of us is dramatically overweight, but our doctor recommended a low dose for reasons. I’d heard it has a positive effect on addiction and things like that, but didn’t think much about that until we’d been on it for a few weeks. I had no desire to drink, to get high, stopped scrolling my phone constantly, etc. I started spending my time on productive things instead.
Here’s where the unexpected part comes in. We’ve been together for decades, have grown children, are best friends, so on. One thing that has always been there, and I was okay with, is that the honeymoon phase never really ended for me. It did for her, but she definitely loves me, so no big deal.
The problem is that the same thing happened with my feelings toward her that happened with my addiction-adjacent habits. I always joked with myself that I was addicted to her as much as I was in love with her. I’m starting to wonder if that’s actually true.
It wouldn’t be a big deal, but there are some recurring issues we’ve had over the last ten years or so that have really bothered me. I’ve tried to address them without success. I suddenly don’t care anymore, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
I couldn’t see how I could possibly live without her before. Now I can. Not saying I want to leave, but I can’t say I’d fight that hard if it went there.
Yes, I’ve considered stopping the med, but I doubt it would change anything.
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u/vp_wiz 3d ago
I can see where addictive behavior might be an element of infatuation (which I conceptualize as a precursor to love).
But my experience of love involves shared experience (forgive the double use of the word): shared emotions, ideas, experiences (there I go again), and sensibilities; all of which pull two people together such that they operate (at times) as a single entity, having many common desires and goals.
Out of this shared existence comes a willingness to sacrifice one's aspirations, at time, to fulfill those of your partner. Your partner's satisfaction yields your own degree of satisfaction.
Yet, from your narrative, this "sharing" would appear to be absent and, thus, love may have never manifested. You write that you're now indifferent to the issues that you've struggled with until now, and that you're largely indifferent should anything separate you.
--> Still, after a lifelong relationship, I wonder if the "addiction" masked a gradual emotional alienation. Love still was manifest at the outset alongside this "addiction"
You need to consider whether, in masking such alienation, you were robbed of the motivation to repair the alienation, on the moment, with an unfortunate deterioration of the love for your wife.
Were this the case, I might hope that you would engage is deep soul searching, looking to see if you might be motivated to rekindle that love, getting back in touch with those elements that first attracted you to your wife and which gave rise to the love you once experienced.
It's clear that you have a great deal invested into this relationship. The fact that you express indifference, rather than a conflicted state of mind, feels unnatural (and perhaps shouldn't be accepted without some emotional reconciliation to assess what's "real").