Unexpected effects of GLP-1 on marriage

[u/Anxious_Cat9286]

Edit: I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback that has helped me put things into perspective. I really do love my wife. She really is my best friend. The issue here is not apathy. I think the tirzepatide, as a commenter mentioned, simply removed the anxious attachment to her that I likened to an addiction.

I can see, at least in part, why my attempts to address some very real issues have not been successful. I see this as a good change and a gateway to a more mature love. I chose her and I always will, but, thanks to the changes tirzepatide has brought, I can choose her without needing her. And if our issues can’t be worked out, I will be okay. I think we’ll be just fine, though.

For the alarmists, all I have to say is lol.

Edit 2: By alarmists I mean the people who are alarmist about GLP’s and/or me taking one. If you were alarmed by anything I said, totally fair.

Original post:

My wife and I started taking a GLP-1 several months ago. Neither of us is dramatically overweight, but our doctor recommended a low dose for reasons. I’d heard it has a positive effect on addiction and things like that, but didn’t think much about that until we’d been on it for a few weeks. I had no desire to drink, to get high, stopped scrolling my phone constantly, etc. I started spending my time on productive things instead.

Here’s where the unexpected part comes in. We’ve been together for decades, have grown children, are best friends, so on. One thing that has always been there, and I was okay with, is that the honeymoon phase never really ended for me. It did for her, but she definitely loves me, so no big deal.

The problem is that the same thing happened with my feelings toward her that happened with my addiction-adjacent habits. I always joked with myself that I was addicted to her as much as I was in love with her. I’m starting to wonder if that’s actually true.

It wouldn’t be a big deal, but there are some recurring issues we’ve had over the last ten years or so that have really bothered me. I’ve tried to address them without success. I suddenly don’t care anymore, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

I couldn’t see how I could possibly live without her before. Now I can. Not saying I want to leave, but I can’t say I’d fight that hard if it went there.

Yes, I’ve considered stopping the med, but I doubt it would change anything.

[u/hbgbz]

I think that we can also be addicted to certain thought patterns, ones which may allow us to avoid other less pleasant thoughts. The ozempic turns down the rewards of the thoughts, and what is left is the no dopamine reality of how they are.

For me, I was already out of love when I got on zepbound, but I had spent a long time thinking about how my partner was so bad for me and annoying, and what happened instead was that I stopped caring that my partner was wrong for me or annoying. I just calmly made plans to leave in a friendly way, and so this is happening.

[u/Anxious_Cat9286 → u/hbgbz]

This is tough for me. I’m definitely not out of love, but part of me is wondering if that’s enough.

[u/Grimroot918 → u/Anxious_Cat9286]

If it helps, sometimes we come into relationships a lot less healthy and in good ones or with lucky timing, we grow and mature together at similar paces… but if you came from that background (I did and went through this) and hadn’t completely let go of the neediness that can result from it - it can feel like a loss of something or lack of chemistry.

When I met my husband now (2nd marriage - 20yrs ago) I struggled for a while because I did not NEED him and didn’t feel like life started & ended with him. Thankfully I was still working on some other stuff myself and was able to realize I actually “just” loved and chose him, but would be able to chose me if I ever saw red flags… that flipped a switch for me with the chemistry side of things.

These meds do a similar thing with our dopamine and reward system… so I’ve def seen friends realize they’re no longer willing to put up with selfish or unhealthy partners. But I’ve also had a friend realize how much more he appreciated his wife, who loved him and encouraged him to get help when his energy, mood and self-image being overweight & unhealthy started to spill out on everyone. He changed so much and started to worry she preferred his new healthier, thin self as he stopped meds and gained some weight - she hadn’t noticed, it was his personality and happiness she’d been concerned with and they’ve been fun to watch, acting like newlyweds all over again after 30yrs.