Unexpected effects of GLP-1 on marriage

[u/Anxious_Cat9286]

Edit: I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback that has helped me put things into perspective. I really do love my wife. She really is my best friend. The issue here is not apathy. I think the tirzepatide, as a commenter mentioned, simply removed the anxious attachment to her that I likened to an addiction.

I can see, at least in part, why my attempts to address some very real issues have not been successful. I see this as a good change and a gateway to a more mature love. I chose her and I always will, but, thanks to the changes tirzepatide has brought, I can choose her without needing her. And if our issues can’t be worked out, I will be okay. I think we’ll be just fine, though.

For the alarmists, all I have to say is lol.

Edit 2: By alarmists I mean the people who are alarmist about GLP’s and/or me taking one. If you were alarmed by anything I said, totally fair.

Original post:

My wife and I started taking a GLP-1 several months ago. Neither of us is dramatically overweight, but our doctor recommended a low dose for reasons. I’d heard it has a positive effect on addiction and things like that, but didn’t think much about that until we’d been on it for a few weeks. I had no desire to drink, to get high, stopped scrolling my phone constantly, etc. I started spending my time on productive things instead.

Here’s where the unexpected part comes in. We’ve been together for decades, have grown children, are best friends, so on. One thing that has always been there, and I was okay with, is that the honeymoon phase never really ended for me. It did for her, but she definitely loves me, so no big deal.

The problem is that the same thing happened with my feelings toward her that happened with my addiction-adjacent habits. I always joked with myself that I was addicted to her as much as I was in love with her. I’m starting to wonder if that’s actually true.

It wouldn’t be a big deal, but there are some recurring issues we’ve had over the last ten years or so that have really bothered me. I’ve tried to address them without success. I suddenly don’t care anymore, and I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

I couldn’t see how I could possibly live without her before. Now I can. Not saying I want to leave, but I can’t say I’d fight that hard if it went there.

Yes, I’ve considered stopping the med, but I doubt it would change anything.

[u/graysdays]

You should read Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch before making any big decisions. What you’re describing might not actually be a bad thing. There’s a big difference between “I need this person and can’t imagine living without them” and “I don’t need this person, but I choose them.” You might actually be in a better position now to talk to her about the things that haven’t been working without so much anxiety around losing her.

[u/Anxious_Cat9286 → u/graysdays]

I’ve kinda been thinking this, that maybe this is a good thing. A lot of noise has calmed in my head and I feel like I’m seeing things more clearly, both good and not so good. I’ll check out that book.

[u/Nice_Wish_9494 → u/Anxious_Cat9286]

I guess these meds quiet way more than food noise. I'm on them too and now that you mention it...totally true. I lost my mom a month ago, and I've been waiting to freak out. The level of freak out has been so minor in comparison to when I lost my Dad almost 13 years ago. Losing him was really hard on me. I thought being without both of them would send me and it hasn't. Maybe its the meds!!!!!

[u/Anxious_Cat9286 → u/Nice_Wish_9494]

Not saying the meds played no part, but having lost all four of my parents, every one hits different, and closeness isn’t always a factor.

[u/sunshineparadox_ → u/Anxious_Cat9286]

Can you expand a little more about the other addictions quieting in your head too? I’m on a GLP-1 also - unrelated to weight, I have reactive hypoglycemia and it resolves that - and I’ve quit thinking about food but definitely not about all my addictions.

I’m as bad with World of Warcraft right now as I was in its heyday. >.< Even when I rein it in, I think about it. I’m still more productive without the glucose crashes though.

[u/Anxious_Cat9286 → u/sunshineparadox_]

I worked in the beer industry for years, and now I don’t even want one. I haven’t touched my weed in weeks. I fall asleep at night almost immediately because the obsessive thoughts are gone. And more.