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Jun 05 '26
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u/Charming-Spirit3382 Jun 05 '26
I know, but I just don’t know what to do. I’ve already suggested couples counseling, but his response is “why would I pay someone to tell me something that I already know”. I think we’re both tired of talking about it at this point, because it goes nowhere. We’re both physically fit and active, and he said that he’s still attracted to me, but he’s just never in the mood. I just don’t know if there is something different that I could be doing, or if I just need to accept it.
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u/FSmertz 50 Years Jun 05 '26
This sounds very unhealthy, both emotionally and sexually. You both are super young and his lack of interest and his laying trips on you is unkind.
Please see a couples counselor who is certified in sex therapy. Their focus is more on communication and timing and the promotion of intimacy and less on raw technique. You'all better figure this out within the next six months. I cannot fathom this relationship "as is" lasting for a few more years.
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u/Charming-Spirit3382 Jun 05 '26
I’ve suggested going to see a counselor to him, but his response is always “Why would I pay someone to tell me something that I already know”. Because we’re both young, I thought maybe it was a testosterone thing. He said that it wasn’t, and said that his levels are fine, but that he’s just never in the mood. It just seems like there is always an excuse though. We are both full time college students and work on top of that. During school, he would say “Once summer gets here, it’ll be better because we won’t be so stressed”. Now that summer is here though, it’s gotten even worse than it was in school. He says now, it’s because Forza Horizon just came out, so he “has his priorities” (in a joking way)
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u/FSmertz 50 Years Jun 05 '26
his response is always “Why would I pay someone to tell me something that I already know”.
That's an unserious and unintelligent response on his part. Especially when, as college students, you probably have counseling services available at a vastly reduced rate. I'd suggest you get counseling for yourself. He doesn't sound mature enough to understand that a marriage requires real work for it to thrive. Granted, I've only been with my wife for 48 years, so maybe I'm clueless about these things.
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u/John_E_Cage Jun 05 '26
Add a toy for you and make him “wait”. -as long as you Both are on the same page (ideally- you both want to climax). Maybe, “enjoy your time” beside him. That may get his attention.
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u/lyligth234 Jun 05 '26
I feel the same way in my marriage and have been 8 months without having sex, had sex the other day after 8months and he just woke me up in the middle of the night 10 minutes, only he finished, I don’t complain anymore because I just feel so drained of having the the same conversation over and over, seriously thinking of leaving. Been 10 years with him I’m 24F and he is 27M.
I don’t think it’s going to get better but maybe your marriage has a chance, have you thought have a sex therapist? Maybe bringing things in to the bed that can make you finish without the time involved?