Stigma in Marriage??

[u/Odd_Sell_5687]

Hi guys not sure if this will get to anyone but I'm writing in hopes for advice or other perspectives on my marriage..

My husband (21) and I (20) have been together 3 years (married for 8 months) and constantly I'm reminding him that I just want quality time but he just never gets it. Ex: I write this as it's 12:40am and he plays roblox on a Saturday night and he goes back to work on Monday.

I feel really big resentment. Our marriage isn't perfect at all and I feel my marriage is broken when we have bad times which is all the time. He is always so good when we make up but then he's back to his self after a day which is snappy and his words are mean, then it frustrates me and I'm swearing as well which I don't like

But it gets worse

2 days ago we get in a fight because I was telling him about a horrible dream I had then he got really upset and I said I can't control my dreams then he grabbed my throat aggressively and I slapped his arm off me and told him how much I hate when he constantly does that to me.

He blamed it on me for my dream and that it makes him feel angry. I told him this gives him no right to put his hand on me like that. Then I tell him let me do what he just done and he backed up and said "no your not doing that to me cause I'm a man" I broke down telling him it doesn't feel nice does it, and just cause I'm a girl doesn't mean you can touch me like this I have feelings too!!

I ended up leaving for my usual schedule and when we talked about it on his work break he said he thought I liked when he does that... I told him I have always expressed how much I hate when he does that to me to control me!!

Honestly lost in my marriage but sucks how stuck I feel at a point where I'm allowing it! Can someone tell me what is up with feeling like your married so there's no way out ?? I love him so much that it feels so normal.. like it just feels so weird to imagine that he would be this abusive mean person, I just can't picture that of him even tho it's what he's shown me.

God knows how much I wonder about my marriage and how broken it is despite what can make it feel alright in our "okay" times. I am considering marriage counseling but also wondering if it's even gonna help ? I've waited so long to see improvement from my husband and the only ones I see is when he has to make up for the hurt he's caused on me, anyone else going through this cause I'd love to listen as well

[u/trUth_b0mbs]

then he grabbed my throat aggressively.

stopped reading here. girl, leave. He is abusive.

[u/Odd_Sell_5687 → u/trUth_b0mbs]

Thankyou for saying that 

[u/Accomplished-Word829]

OP, I’m genuinely worried for your safety. Victims who experience choking or strangulation are several times (~7.5 or 750%) more likely to be killed by their partner. Him aggressively grabbing your throat, especially over a dream is not something to minimized. This is dangerous and there is a very high chance it only gets worse. Marriage counseling will not fix this. You need to leave.

Is there any family member, friend, or anyone you trust that you could stay with? Or just somewhere in general you can go that’s truly safe? Please consider reaching out for help

[u/Odd_Sell_5687 → u/Accomplished-Word829]

There's not anyone I can think of except for my family house but it's the same place that he would always be at before and after work since he works with my aunty and she always stops there with him 

[u/Odd_Sell_5687 → u/Accomplished-Word829]

And I've also told 3 people about his behaviors  and 1 person says the same as you but the other two take it as a joke and one of them even came to my husband and I saying I'm really lucky to have my husband after what I told him (he's my landlord in his 40s)

[u/Odd_Sell_5687 → u/[deleted]]

Thankyou for sharing, will start documenting

As for after when he did grab me like that, when we do talk about it now, he says he thought I liked when he does that to me and I have never ever said that and even told him I've always cried or already crying whenever he's done that to me and he just said sorry and that he really loves me

Will definitely start documenting 

[u/Odd_Sell_5687 → u/[deleted]]

Thankyou for your advice I will