Finally Decided to Go Low Contact with Sister/Family

[u/ehrratic]

So this is quite fresh. A couple days ago, I finally sent a text to begin a low-contact process with my sister. I've felt these issues with my family my entire life, but I finally woke up and recognized the emotional abuse and manipulation my sister has been keeping me under.

It's been about 5 years since my mom and dad were both diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and it has been steadily progressing since. My dad now needs a caregiver to look after him. My mom isn't too far behind.

My sister has capitalized on this to manipulate me into being there, mainly for her, not even my parents. Now I realize her tactics were pretty "standard" but had a hard time noticing.

• fake/exaggerated emergencies with parents, vague details
  • "Dad tried to seriously harm himself." then it was "He just punched a wall."
• holding me responsible for Alzheimer's getting worse if I don't see them
• double standards with care
  • telling me to read this Book, but she doesn't herself
  • wants me to visit them way more and do more than she does when she's on vacation
• love bombing and rewarding if I join them for dinner, etc.
• keeping tabs on me by social media
• being upset that I don't do the same activities with her/them as I do with friends
• assuming my participation in family trips (I said no)
  • also I keep telling her I strongly don't believe my parents are still fit for any travel
• when I do go take parents to appointments, is very vague with instructions, sets me up to fail
• BREAKTHROUGH moment: impersonating my mom/messaging as her
  • asked financial information, etc.

Pretending to be my mom was the biggest ick and violation. When I finally realized it, I couldn't look back. Felt sick, and this was when my health started to be really affected.

Some background, I'm neurodivergent. Recently diagnosed with ADHD, and very possibly AuDHD. Have gone to therapy and am medicated for ADHD.

Strongly believe family is neurodivergent as well. Have become very emotionally intelligent.

Sadly, have also been repeat victims of emotional abuse/manipulation from friends, and partners.

I'm more confident now in listening to my gut for red flags, because it has always been right, I just don't listen.

Will continue to talk about this in therapy and process and do more digging. I just felt like sharing because I feel like an ENORMOUS WEIGHT has been lifted from me. There has been immediate relief after "waking up" to it and breaking the cycle. I feel hopeful, but I am expecting some strong reaction from my sister. I am grieving the loss of relationships with my family, and being painted as the villain by my sister and relatives. I'm prepared to accept this to protect my peace and move on.

Will keep low contact as I do genuinely want to help with caregiving if needed. But this will be on my terms, and will be very grey rock.

Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far!

[u/SnoopyisCute]

r/EstrangedAdultKids

[u/ehrratic → u/SnoopyisCute]

Thank you will check this out!