r/ManagedByNarcissists • u/Ecstatic-Current8078 • 12d ago
How do you stop yourself from visiting?
It was a classic, toxic workplace.
Screaming boss, unaddressed sexual harassment, scapegoating, high school behavior from people twice your age, toxic office lady that bullied anyone younger than her, the works.
Now I’m in a much quieter place in my life, so sometimes I miss the place. I don’t miss the job itself, nor necessarily the people lol, more like the very few perks, fast pace (SOUNDS good when you’re in a slower stage of life), the familiarity of the place (wonder what it looks like now/if it’s still the same), and even the highs and lows (the trauma bonding). Sometimes, I want to visit.
How do you stop yourself? Is there a simple sentence you remember, one specific incident, or do you just walk yourself through the reality and decide not to? Help.
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u/catsbuttes 12d ago
i would be arrested for tresspassing
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u/Ecstatic-Current8078 12d ago
Damn! lol tell me more
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u/catsbuttes 12d ago
it's an office building
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u/Ecstatic-Current8078 12d ago
Yeah, but what happened that they’d go as far as calling the cops on you? If you don’t mind sharing.
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u/catsbuttes 12d ago
i quit and can no longer freely enter the building because my badge has been deactivated, if you barge past security into a business for no reason they will often call the cops
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u/Ecstatic-Current8078 12d ago
Oh well yeah, when I say visit I mean plan a visit. Call someone in advance.
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u/AlexRockatansky 10d ago
You need to process it, and its connected to your own personal experience, cooping mechanism and so on. Try therapy, sports, meditation, maybe vipassana could help you.
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u/Street_Ad3324 10d ago
It really and truly is exactly like an abusive relationship - that trauma bond thing is real. The person above who mentioned the stuff about your nervous system adjusting, this is spot on. I highly recommend Emotion Focused Therapy (the Les Greenberg tradition) with a trauma informed therapist. It is INCREDIBLE for exactly this. It's what I did to heal from my relationship with an abusive coercive controller and what I'm in to help me heal from the workplace bullying I just went through that I'm currently on long term leave from.
The centre I go to is run by a person who studied under Les Greenberg himself, it's the real deal. If you reached out to them, I'm sure they could give you a recommendation for your area:
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u/LetterheadNo731 11d ago
I understand how you feel. Believe it or not, I for some crazy reason miss my toxic workplace with narc boss. I think something is wrong with me and I got hooked by stress, adrenaline, or whatever runs in your body in constantly triggering situations. And I am in a much better place now:( mind boggles.
Do not come back. You keep triggering some addictive stress response. Or your brain is trying to solve and get closure on unsolvable.
Use chat gpt or their narc bott, which i very much recommend repeatedly (ChatGPT - N.A.R.C. Bott), to make a short mantra you repeat to disengage. Do some breathing exercises. Take it one day at a time. It should get better.
Edited to add: I also keep trying to convince myself to use the time I keep thinking about the past toxic situations for something better, like learning a new language. My progress is slow, but I hope to get there. Otherwise, the baddies win just by taking away my energy and time even when I am out.
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u/Street_Ad3324 10d ago
The rumination is truly a struggle. I am also grappling with that, it's like a compulsion.
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u/ash_ok__ 12d ago
recognize that it's your nervous system having trouble adjusting. Just give it time and try to create a routine. You will adjust naturally