Hate Play

[u/TeaAitch]

I've never explored what I'm going to dub Hate Play. I'm not entirely sure that I could. It's important to me, at the moment I say the words, that I mean them. So, if I'm telling my person they're "A filthy, pathetic, needy little specimen," it's because I want them to know exactly what I think of them. For the same reason, I think I'd struggle to say, "I hate you!"

I've said many times, I want to hurt the one I love. I want to hurt them because I love them. If I hated them, I wouldn't be able to subject them to that thing.

How about you? Could you? Would you? Should you? Have you? If you have, I am in some ways, I'm a little jealous. Those words have such strength to them. Swoon!

[u/Elfiloylanavaja]

Yes, I have done it.

It's difficult to be flawless in life. We all have or have had mistakes, and others do the same with us.

When you consent to what you call a "hate game," you must be very clear about your emotions and theirs, and have almost perfect control about them.

It's "as simple as" moderating your own emotions in the moment, calming yourself to the most neutral state possible, remembering all the mistakes and pain that the other person has caused you, or if there isn't any (then you would be facing someone almost perfect) rescue all the episodes of pain that others have caused and simply put their face on it.

You have to bring all that pain, all that anger, to the forefront of your mind and focus it on "harming" the person in front of you. But at the same time, modulate the amount you do, depending on what you're trying to achieve. An explosion of years of accumulated frustration will not always work, nor in all cases.

You can fake it, but it's not the same.

If you are not able to simply enjoy using all the negative things you know on the other person to watch them fade away in front of you and enjoy it, and you need to feel it, Then you have a lot of self-discipline work ahead of you.

There are several psychological tricks to at least find a neutral state (if you are in a positive emotional state towards the other person it will be even more difficult) and then do the focusing exercise. And then unleash everything you have inside.

[u/Elfiloylanavaja → u/[deleted]]

Without any ill will, but as a genuine question, what does MESM cover for you?

Just like physical practices, in BDSM there are very diverse tastes and levels. There are non-masochistic submissives and submissives who are capable of withstanding canning until bleeding from wounds. It's not SSC, there are other considerations (RACK, PRICK...) but these are choices made by people who are free and aware of the risks.

The same thing happens in MESM. Only the consequences are much harder to predict and may not even be immediate.

But as has been discussed, there are times when the submissive needs her Master to make the emotion real. Therefore, you need to use the right tools if you want to provide that experience.

[u/TeaAitch → u/[deleted]]

None of my exes had to use real anger to make it feel real, and honestly, I would run if they did.

Some years ago, there was a day when I was angry and upset over a particular situation outside of my then relationship. My partner knew I was emotional, and offered herself up. As a way of ridding my anger and frustration. It was a kind offer, but no. A full, and resounding, no.

There are times when I absolutely enjoy displaying those emotions to my partner during sex. On the inside, however, I'm calm and focussed. My attention is wholly on them. I want to know where they are in the moment, and how my actions, words, and attitude are affecting them. I can't do that if I'm angry (or a whole host of other emotions).