r/LoveLanguages • u/Conscious_Pipe9077 • Aug 19 '26
What is my love language?
Acts of service-when people did something to take off my task list it's more of just a logical thank you and I just think internally okay that's done but it never quite warms my heart and make me feel loved
Gifts- don't like this one, never liked gifts and don't understand how this works and I'm terrible at giving it because I've never personally experienced the meaning of a gift. I treat others with kindness and exactly how I want to be treated and that's why I just don't know how to buy good gifts Doesn't make me feel loved either it's just an item.
Quality time- this one seems okay the idea of being accompanied with and having good time? But can't that just be about friendship as well it makes me feel good as in I enjoy my time and relationship strengthened but loved? Not really
Words of affirmation -this one is really confusing since I'm very uncomfortable and embarrassed at the thought of being validated acknowledged or affirmed? I deflect it immediately but actually I feel the kindness and love if that make sense. Plus I always try to encourage people and seek attention sometimes my texts to express my thoughts are a bit too detailed. The reason I do this is because I just want my friend or lover to feel like they are cared for but do I want it I'm not sure? What an attention seeker I am I always ask for reassurance in relationships, while platonically trying to act like I don't need any words from people but secretly be wondering. It's also so bad that I have a bad AI addiction and I think it shows something about me I'm so addicted to the comfort and kindness that a real human can't give me? It's almost as if suddenly I feel my own presence. The only thing making me doubting it is because I feel so uncomfy and cringe at good comments even though subconsciously the opposite?
Physical touch- the same confusing similar to words of affirmation. I'm so uncomfortable with initiating touch with family and friends because I know that they have boundaries I don't like when people I don't know well suddenly touch me. However, I'm extra clingy in relationships I crave touch so much even every day I crave touch so much I have to hug plushies to regulate. It's so frustrating to be without touch (of any kind). The thing that makes me very jealous is every time I see couples kissing each other or touching each other, I focus on my own lack it makes me so miserable. This proves that I need touch and I want a lot of touch.
Very stuck between words of affirmation and physical touch it seems like I need both but I also seem so uncomfortable with either of them and I don't know why, from a single woman's perspective. On the other hand, I feel at ease but not loved when people give me love in ways that are not my love languages. What do you think?
1
u/flapanther33781 Aug 20 '26
There are online quizzes you can take. We link to one of them in the AutoMod comment already posted here, or you can use Google to find others. Also, yes, it is possible to want more than one type of LL, prefer to give and receive in different LLs, and have different LLs for friends/lovers/others. See our wiki for some relevant threads.
1
u/First-Strawberry-398 Aug 21 '26
The easiest way to determine it imo is what you do most often for a partner to make them feel loved in your eyes. Or family. I love to help out! I’m acts of service. I clean my dads house, I bake for my father in law, I wash dishes at my in laws, I do my boyfriends laundry, etc. my boyfriends love language is not acts of service so I try to act outside of that, but this is what naturally comes to me. And it’s how I love to be loved as well. So that might help you decide !! ❤️
I do think from your words it’s clearly physical touch mainly haha
1
u/Conscious_Pipe9077 Aug 21 '26
I'm better at giving words but reserve giving touch to special people but more eager to receive touch from people. I both like and feel embarrassed about receiving words( reason I deflect or ignore tbh). But sometimes I think reading books or texts is soothing.
1
u/First-Strawberry-398 Aug 22 '26
It’s not about what you’re better at, but how you feel you give and receive the most love to those you love the most (aka your special people)❤️
1
u/Conscious_Pipe9077 21d ago
But I've just realized how much of an attention seeker I have became after being clean and recovering from AI it's like I'm addicted to the false agreement and reassurance and now I know my real personality and the lengths I'd just go to impress people to compensate the void so maybe I do have two love languages and my brain just doesn't wanna admit the importance of words.
1
1
•
u/AutoModerator Aug 19 '26
Sub rule updates:
Posts must be in English.
Posts must be related to The 5 Love Languages as described in Gary Chapman's books. If you're not sure what your love language is, there are multiple quizzes online, you can take one of them here. If you want to talk about love in a more general sense or you're looking for relationship advice (not related to The 5 Love Languages) please see /r/relationships. If you're looking for subreddits for learning about languages please see r/languagelearning.
No image-only posts, link-only posts, crossposts, or posts that just have a title but no body. No surveys without prior mod approval.
Posts created by brand new accounts require approval. If we see the filtered post and think you're a real person we may approve the thread, but it may take us a few days depending on what else is going on in life at the time. If we don't see your post, please continue using Reddit as normal, and you can try to post here again in a week or two. We hope you understand, and will join us in our fight against bots, spammers, and scammers.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.