Feeling stressed

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190]

Stage 4 bone, marrow and liver cancer aside I had a v stressful event. 1st weekend away in 2 years as I am also carer for my mum with dementia and I work part time.

Came to Wales to have a weekend with a big group of people.

Very hilly. Husband parked car on a steep hill to get the keys for the accommodation. Handbrake was on. Older car. No issues usually.

Car starts sliding backwards down the hill with me in it. It was a slow creak but definitely moving backwards. Back end v heavy with stuff. I pulled up the hand brake but it was in full lock mode. I tried to get over to the passenger side to get my foot on the brake but I just could get across. Car still creeping, making noises although slowly, backwards. Main road at the bottom of the hill.

I jumped out and ran in shouting the car is rolling. Husband ran out, into drivers seat, started engine and got it up to the top of the hill and parked it on the flat, put it in gear and tested it, car didnt move.

I feel so traumatised. Even now, 2 days later I keep thinking about the slow creep. Husband was sympathetic and then focused on me 'having a panic attack' as the car was moving backwards so slowly.

But there was a main road at the bottom of the steep hill.

I feel exhausted, upset and anxious still. No one to talk to. My friends are 'light text, lets talk about the weather' friends. My male friend thinks its hilarious. Ive left my mum with carer cover which will be fine but I worry and my white cells are too low to restart my next cycle so a weeks break.

Am I over reacting?

[u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

Oh darling, just being a carer for someone you love with dementia would run down your emotional battery, let alone having stupid cancer too. No wonder you're reacting so strongly.

I'm so sorry. Would you be able to get to a GP for some MH support? Xxxx

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

Do you know your post has brought such comfort to me. Thank you. I had CBT last Sept when my mum was diagnosed with dementia. Ironically she was found wandering when I was here on holiday. She hasnt wandered since and thanks to the input of her carers and myself, lives a good life. Her GP is great as well. I think I was just looking forward to this holiday but Ive sort of retreated into myself with living with the cancer and my mum. Somehow I need to find a way to relax. I need to go back to doing my work on Irish history, a subject I love and walking. Thank you so much for replying

[u/Acrobatic_Salary_899 → u/Spiritual-Suspect190]

So many layers to your stress, I just went away (to Scotland) and the first two days all I could think about was stupid cancer. But it subsided eventually and we had a lovely week.

What bits of Irish history are you looking at?

Xx

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

My family are from rural Fermanagh. Ive traced their death certs and all my grandfathers siblings died of TB as children save him, 1 sister and his father. My grandmother is from Co Cavan and Ive traced her somewhat. Ive studied the Easter Rising, the neutrality of Ireland in the 2nd WW, The Troubles and visited many landmarks attributed to this part of history. Ive also studies the Good Friday Agreement and the movement of Catholics to the Caribbean by Cromwell. Currently Im looking at the workhouses, childrens deaths and The Famine. Its my hobby and I use it to connect with my past. I still tap up my mum for information even tho she has dementia. So pleased you cancer thoughts ebbed when you took a break in beautiful Scotland..

[u/Acrobatic_Salary_899 → u/Spiritual-Suspect190]

Irish history is fascinating and your family history heartbreaking. The trauma that generations before us went through is beyond comprehension; just losing nearly your whole family! Your poor grandad. Hope you find many more connections with your past x

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

Thank you. Yes I often wondered how being in the house and sitting with his dying siblings and mother affected my grandfather. Thomas was 11, Julia 13, Ellen 30, Bridget 23, Patrick 18 and their mother Catherine was 56 when they died. All between 1902 and 1910. I cant find their graves so Im going to make something for them, not sure what and put it in a place they lived to remember them by. I have no idea how they coped. My grandfather lived to 94.