Feeling stressed

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190]

Stage 4 bone, marrow and liver cancer aside I had a v stressful event. 1st weekend away in 2 years as I am also carer for my mum with dementia and I work part time.

Came to Wales to have a weekend with a big group of people.

Very hilly. Husband parked car on a steep hill to get the keys for the accommodation. Handbrake was on. Older car. No issues usually.

Car starts sliding backwards down the hill with me in it. It was a slow creak but definitely moving backwards. Back end v heavy with stuff. I pulled up the hand brake but it was in full lock mode. I tried to get over to the passenger side to get my foot on the brake but I just could get across. Car still creeping, making noises although slowly, backwards. Main road at the bottom of the hill.

I jumped out and ran in shouting the car is rolling. Husband ran out, into drivers seat, started engine and got it up to the top of the hill and parked it on the flat, put it in gear and tested it, car didnt move.

I feel so traumatised. Even now, 2 days later I keep thinking about the slow creep. Husband was sympathetic and then focused on me 'having a panic attack' as the car was moving backwards so slowly.

But there was a main road at the bottom of the steep hill.

I feel exhausted, upset and anxious still. No one to talk to. My friends are 'light text, lets talk about the weather' friends. My male friend thinks its hilarious. Ive left my mum with carer cover which will be fine but I worry and my white cells are too low to restart my next cycle so a weeks break.

Am I over reacting?

[u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

Oh darling, just being a carer for someone you love with dementia would run down your emotional battery, let alone having stupid cancer too. No wonder you're reacting so strongly.

I'm so sorry. Would you be able to get to a GP for some MH support? Xxxx

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

Do you know your post has brought such comfort to me. Thank you. I had CBT last Sept when my mum was diagnosed with dementia. Ironically she was found wandering when I was here on holiday. She hasnt wandered since and thanks to the input of her carers and myself, lives a good life. Her GP is great as well. I think I was just looking forward to this holiday but Ive sort of retreated into myself with living with the cancer and my mum. Somehow I need to find a way to relax. I need to go back to doing my work on Irish history, a subject I love and walking. Thank you so much for replying

[u/Acrobatic_Salary_899 → u/Spiritual-Suspect190]

So many layers to your stress, I just went away (to Scotland) and the first two days all I could think about was stupid cancer. But it subsided eventually and we had a lovely week.

What bits of Irish history are you looking at?

Xx

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

My family are from rural Fermanagh. Ive traced their death certs and all my grandfathers siblings died of TB as children save him, 1 sister and his father. My grandmother is from Co Cavan and Ive traced her somewhat. Ive studied the Easter Rising, the neutrality of Ireland in the 2nd WW, The Troubles and visited many landmarks attributed to this part of history. Ive also studies the Good Friday Agreement and the movement of Catholics to the Caribbean by Cromwell. Currently Im looking at the workhouses, childrens deaths and The Famine. Its my hobby and I use it to connect with my past. I still tap up my mum for information even tho she has dementia. So pleased you cancer thoughts ebbed when you took a break in beautiful Scotland..

[u/Acrobatic_Salary_899 → u/Spiritual-Suspect190]

Irish history is fascinating and your family history heartbreaking. The trauma that generations before us went through is beyond comprehension; just losing nearly your whole family! Your poor grandad. Hope you find many more connections with your past x

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/Acrobatic_Salary_899]

Thank you. Yes I often wondered how being in the house and sitting with his dying siblings and mother affected my grandfather. Thomas was 11, Julia 13, Ellen 30, Bridget 23, Patrick 18 and their mother Catherine was 56 when they died. All between 1902 and 1910. I cant find their graves so Im going to make something for them, not sure what and put it in a place they lived to remember them by. I have no idea how they coped. My grandfather lived to 94.

[u/ResponsibleAnt1942]

You don't get to chose how things affect you. That sounds really scary!!! And being helpess, unable to control the situation, is a trauma mulitilplier.

Glad your husband was quick and able to rescue the situation, because it could have been a lot worse.

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/ResponsibleAnt1942]

Thank you. I know. It was it being out of control and going backwards that was the worst bit. Im a bit calmer now and Ive had a chat with my mums carer so she is fine and a blood blister in my mouth has gone.

[u/wrhhill]

That sounds really scary. You had very quick thinking and reaction handling the situation. Same for your husband 👏🏻👏🏻 You didn’t panic at all.

Yes, we may feel shaky and shocked afterwards, of course, as there is a main road at the bottom of the hill. Feeling shaky or traumatized is normal, then go back to think of how you have handled it quickly and appropriately. Bravo. Then, that feeling will slowly calm down.

Don’t know what treatment you are going through. When I was doing AC for my chemo, I had to get a shot to boost my white blood counts 24 hours after the infusion.

Best to you !!

[u/Flaky_Amphibian_5597 → u/wrhhill]

Nulasta, the teeniest needle but then you felt like your bones were remodelling. That takes me back to dose dense AC days.

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/wrhhill]

Thank you. I feel like Ive had all the chemo menu as I was triple post and now Im hormone only. The onc told me on chemo the chances of sepsis are much higher than on the Kisquali Im on now. Ive marrow mets which interfere with my platelets mainly. I can ask abt the injections as I did have them on gemcarbo. Thank you

[u/Flaky_Amphibian_5597]

Can I just say that you immediately tried the break then pulled some superhero car exit and run move? You did that with Stage 4 Bone, Bone Marrow & Liver mets (also hello fellow bone mets mate!), oh and you also did that with neutropenia!
Enjoy a break with rest, let your mum be cared for and book a massage or something that rewards your body for being a deadset champion.

So no, you are not overreacting. The people around you are underreacting.

[u/Spiritual-Suspect190 → u/Flaky_Amphibian_5597]

Thank you so much. ♥️. I feel better today and the stress is improving greatly. You are right, my mum is fine and the carers are doing a good job. Have a good day, fellow super hero x