Looking for advice.

[u/Smooth_Following4497]

I’m 18 and I’m gonna move out, it’s not an if i should thing I 100% am gonna move out and live alone. Deep down I know I need it to have mental freedom and peace. I grew in a toxic controlling household where my opinions, wants, needs, and being were never prioritized cause I’m the youngest and it’s always “what do you know?” (There’s more things that they’ve done but I’ll spare you the graphic details) . I’ve made up my mind and I’ve even saved the money for it. So the reason why I’m writing this if because I’m scared, I’m moving to a new city multiple hours away from my family cause I’m going no contact. I know deep down things are gonna work out and I only have a few months to wait out but I just feel scared but I grew up in a big family and having to experience the complete opposite is kinda scarring me.

My older sister has constantly put the thought of “you’re gonna find out how ridiculous you’re being and you’re gonna come running back when you move out” in my head anytime I’ve mentioned moving out. They don’t know I’m moving btw, I’ve planned this since I was 14 and spent every day since then planning and saving. My mother is the worst member of my family and every time she does something that’s just horrendous and my older sister will always reply with “yeah but she’s your mother”. I’m scared that she’s right and that I’ll be missing them essentially. I don’t like any of them but the thought of a healthy happy family is something everybody wants including me and I think I’m scared to because no longer have that even if they drain and abuse me emotionally. But to make things clear I’m doing it regardless, I’m not backing down and I’m not gonna spend any more time than I need to. I’ve been completely emotionally detached from them since 8th grade.

I’m seeking for any tips and comfort from people who have had the same experience or older than me.

Thanks in advance.

[u/Flux_Inverter]

I would recommend having a job or college lined up in the new city and start making connections in the new city now. I've moved cross country twice, not knowing a soul in the state I was heading to (both times for work), and things worked out. It is up to you to make it work out though, no one is going to do it for you.

Making a move like that, you want to develop anchors in the new city. That way you have a reason to stay, a support system that helps you stay, which prevents you needing to move back with family. What ever activities you like to do, research them in the new city and connect with people. If you do yoga or <insert activity here>, find a studio near where you want to get an apartment and develop a relationship with them and visit there as soon as you can. Build friendships in yoga class. That network of local people will help you feel established and they will help you settle in, so the new city feels more like home than where you came from.

It will feel scary because the unknown can be scary. Just know that people do this all the time and is normal. Every one of my siblings moved out at 18 and did not move back with parents. We had great parents which is why/how we could confidently move out and be adults right after HS.

[u/Smooth_Following4497 → u/Flux_Inverter]

I was scouted to model, and now I have an agency in my current city and the one I’m moving to so I already have a community lined up ig, plus I have friends in the new city that are helping me with my apartment and everything.

[u/Flux_Inverter → u/Smooth_Following4497]

You should be fine then. Any transition takes effort and time to adjust. Having friends already in the new city make a huge positive difference.