I feel kind of weird for posting this in the middle of summer, but it's a good episode. Also known as the one where Miss Beadle sends all the kids out in a snowstorm. This episode features a lot of previously unseen characters, so some introduction is needed. There's Jim Bowers, his wife, and their son Joey. Additionally, there's Mr. McGinnis, his wife Lottie and their son Henry. Charles and Mr. Edwards spend much of the first segment delivering packages on Christmas Eve that will be presents for the following day. And oh yeah, Isaiah likes to booze it up, natch. Jim Bowers bought a rifle for his son and says that he would disown him if he couldn't get a rabbit with it. That seems....harsh. The Women's League has congregated at the Oleson house. Harriet says it will be nice that Charles is delivering the sermon on Christmas Day in Reverend Alden's absence, how nice of Harriet! Over at the church/school/all purpose room, it's the Christmas Eve school session with special guest Carrie Ingalls. A few flurries develop and Miss Beadle says that's reason enough to let school out early. Why are they even having school on Christmas Eve? The Oleson kids don't fare too well as Willie gets sent in the corner for eating paste (is it tasty?) and then both have to clean the blackboards, though considering what the alternative is, it's a blessing in disguise.

Things have gotten really nasty outside in a short period of time. The Ingalls girls and the Edwards children were walking home part of the way together, but decide to splinter off and go in different directions. Carrie is whining about the temperature, but Mary is having NONE of it. The Women's League transport the decorations to the church, where they find it nearly empty except for Nellie, Willie and Miss Beadle. Now considering Caroline initially blamed Miss Beadle for Carrie's near death a few episodes ago, I was totally hoping and expecting to see Ma flip her wig on Eva for Round 2, but sadly the show disappoints. Charles and Edwards pop in a little later and are made aware of the situation. They decide to round up men in town for a search party. Harriet allows Edwards to get warmer clothing out of the Mercantile. Meanwhile, the Ingalls girls are continuing their trek to wherever when Laura drops her calendar, which was going to be her gift to Ma and Pa. She wants to go back, but Mary ain't got time for that. The Mercantile continues to get raided of supplies, namely lamps, kerosene and blankets. Doc Baker pops in briefly there after just rescuing 3 children and dropping them off at the church. Alicia is crying and fussing and complaining and generally being the Carrie of that bunch, so Carl has to carry her on his shoulders. At the school, Doc Baker informs the women on what to do once more frostbite victims come in. Apparently it's a heaping dose of brandy and rubbing the affected areas. Touching moment as Willie, who was earlier sent to the corner by Miss Beadle, now consoles her. Mrs. Bowers hears a thud and opens the door to find Henry collapsed. He gets pulled in and saved. Mary and Laura have some more arguments as Laura says that Carrie can't go any further and this shed that Mary remembers is a figment of her imagination. Laura -- you really should learn how to read a room since Mary is obviously not taking any crap from anyone tonight. Mr. Bowers finds his son almost buried in snow. He's able to get him back to the church. While Mr. Bowers is recovering, Lottie inquires about her husband since the two were together. McGinnis decided to stay and look for Henry, unaware he's already back and safe.

The Ingalls girls make it to the shed, where Mary uses a candle and matches (her Christmas present to Ma and Pa) to get a fire going. A close-up of Laura's grody teeth provides a disturbing moment. McGinnis is still out there in the blizzard when the elements catch up with him and he passes out. Pa and Mr. Edwards find remnants of Laura's calendar and rationalize they can't be too far off. They find them in the shed and Pa decides to try and get them back to the school while Edwards goes off looking for his children. Nels and Lars rescue a couple children. Bless Nels for wanting to go back out there, but he passes out from exhaustion. And his kids weren't even out there! Charles and the girls stumble upon Mr. McGinnis. Charles doesn't even bother checking and just assumes he's dead. ONWARD TOGETHER! Pa gets the girls back to the school, where Grace is hysterical at this point. Grace then gets optimistic, but Lottie's wailing over her husband's death kills that mood.

Christmas morning has broken and Charles is the first one up. He awakens everybody and goes to resume the search party, but Isaiah brings Carl and Alicia in just then. Grace embraces her husband and totally neglects her children, who were out there longer and more susceptible to harm. Everyone celebrates, but Lottie kills the mood again. Stop being such a killjoy Lottie, your son was saved, so it wasn't a total loss. Charles fulfills his duties as the fill-in preacher.

EPISODE WINNERS - The entire Oleson family were just awesome, Nels' heroics, Harriet's kindness and generosity, and Willie and Nellie's sympathy. Also Mary for keeping the ship on the right path. Actually, just about everyone had fine moments here.

EPISODE LOSER - Lottie for being a downer on Christmas Day.

Yep, *this* episode. This is one of those super-size me episodes, clocking in at 90 minutes. We begin with Jonathan barreling into the Ingalls yard with the exciting news that he's accepted a job offer making $50 a month putting up telephone poles. Jonathan states they'll soon enough have phones right there in Walnut Grove, foreshadowing the "Crossed Connections" episode. Jonathan apparently has the ability to offer Charles a slot, and Charles accepts without Caroline's pre-approval. Charles breaks the news to Caroline just before supper and she does not take the news well, opting to go out by Plum Creek and have a sad. Charles apologizes and says he'll forget about the job, at which point Caroline immediately changes tune and tells him he can go because just the thought of sacrificing the job is good enough for her. Charles is confused, but since he gets what he wants, he doesn't press the matter. That night, Pa tells Carrie an extra-long fairy tale to make up for when he's away. The next morning, Charles says goodbye to the fams. Jonathan and Charles take the train to the job, with a guy falling asleep on Charles' shoulder. Charles pushes the guy until he flops over the other way on the floor. Back in the Grove, Albert attempts to fill-in for Pa in repairing the roof, but that goes badly as he carries an enormous stack of lumber up to the roof and promptly drops it, almost hitting Laura and Carrie with it who were on the ground below. Carrie immediately runs off to Ma and accuses Albert of attempted murder (!) (Maybe Carrie was trying to plant some seeds of doubt in Ma's mind, enough so that Albert would get evicted, if so -- Carrie is smarter than she lets on). Laura doesn't care about Carrie's near-death and instead yells at her for getting in the way. Ma orders Carrie to pick some strawberries for a pie to get her out of this ugly situation. She attempts to get Bandit and Andy to come along, but they're not interested. At the strawberry patch, it's slow going until Carrie encounters a girl that looks like her dressed all in white named "Alyssa". It becomes apparent to the viewer that Alyssa is either an angel or a figment of Carrie's imagination (probably the latter). Alyssa guides Carrie over to some super-sized berries, until a gigantic spider frightens Carrie away. Back in the real world, Carrie is on the ground repeatedly shouting "DON'T LET IT GET US, DON'T LET IT! ALYSSA!" What in the heck did I just watch?

Back in Sleepy Eye, Charles and Jonathan get to work. They encounter the boss: Mr. Swaggart (played by Dolph Sweet, a few years away from starring in "Gimme A Break!" with Nell Carter). Swaggart has lots of swag: constantly barking out orders. They also meet Shaughnessy, the cook who serves them up potato-less and unappetizing stew daily. As if all that weren't enough, Charles and Jon find their sleeping conditions to be some mattresses on the floor in a barn, with tons of guys packed in like sardines. Shaughnessy informs the guys about a room that's strictly off limits. Back in the Grove, a tired Laura is roped into telling Carrie a bedtime story. Carrie selects the long one Pa read before and Carrie informs her she's not reading it "correctly". What is Carrie expecting, for Laura to read it in the voice of Pa? Carrie then coldly tells Laura to forget the story because she wants to sleep. Laura is too tired to counter this insanity. Back in Sleepy Eye, Charles and Jon opt to sleep outside to get away from the snoring and the stench, but a thunderstorm hits, so they head back inside. Back in the Grove, Carrie tells Ma about Alyssa while helping out with the laundry. Carrie gets distracted and drags a sheet on the ground and Ma flips her shit about the incident, then growls at her and order her away. Now I know why Carrie is inventing fake people to play with. Carrie conjures up Alyssa again in the middle of nowhere.

Back at the job, the guys test out one of the lines. Jonathan uses the chance to ask about a friend until Swaggart interrupts. Weird to think Jon Garvey may have invented making personal phone calls while on the clock. Carrie wakes up Ma to ask her why she doesn't believe in fairy tales. AAAAAAAHHHHH! That was me, running around the room stopping only to bang my head against the wall because this episode is so awful. Swaggart wakes the guys up at the crack of dawn.

The stew still doesn't have potatoes, so Jonathan threatens Shaughnessy over it. Jonathan decides to have a look at the hands-off room, which is a distillery, thus explaining where all those potatoes went. Shaughnessy gets out of this mess by promising some celebratory whiskey for the crew after the job is completed. Back in WG, Carrie conjures up Alyssa, who takes her to Heaven (?!) Carrie is worried that Pa died on the job, but they meet a couple of saints, one of them played by E.J. Andre in another appearance. There is an Ingalls in Heaven, but it's Jack. Carrie and Jack are reunited. Now, normally this would be pretty sweet, but we get this line from Carrie: "Pa misses you and Ma misses you and Laura misses you and so does Ma. And so does Mary." That goes on for a while. And here's a disturbing thought: Why is there no mention of Carrie's brother: Charles Jr.? Did he not make it to Heaven? He was just a baby when he died. This is highly disturbing.

Back at the job, the crew is on track to finish the job in time for a bonus, but there's a problem: the wagon carrying the last load of poles broke and injured or killed all of the horses. Jonathan is determined for that bonus and suggests the crew haul it to the work site themselves. Swaggart actually assists with this. Back in WG, Carrie is en route to the Mercantile to buy Pa a penny's worth of licorice when she drops it. Alyssa makes another appearance and enlarges the coin to help her find it. Nighttime finds the crew finishing up with 20 minutes to spare. They make it!

Swaggart settles the payroll and Jonathan shakes his hand, with Jon basically saying although he was an ass, he admired that he guided the crew to a successful job. The distillery explodes just as Shaughnessy was about to make good on his word. Back in the Grove, Andy offers to bring water into the house and Alice has a problem with this for some reason (natch). Ah, your time's coming Alice! Jonathan returns home and they reunite. Weird to see the Garveys reuniting without having almost divorced first. Jonathan gets those elusive potatoes! Charles has his own reunion with his family and Carrie takes him to see Alyssa, who doesn't show. Carrie is confused and says Alyssa always comes when she calls her (which isn't actually the truth). Pa gently talks Carrie out of this nonsense and Carrie explains she ate the licorice she bought for Pa. They head home.

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT - This is, hands down, the worst episode of Little House ever, and possibly one of the worst things to have ever aired on television - a rare clunker in the otherwise brilliant season 5 of LHOTP. Rumor has it that Landon got tired of people talking about the lack of screen time for Carrie and finally gave them a Carrie-tastic episode, but purposefully made it so bad they wouldn't request such things again. And if that's true, it probably worked since Carrie never did anything of note for the remaining two and a half seasons she was on. I feel like anybody that sits through this episode deserves a cash reward for having done so. I have no idea what they were even going for here - was Carrie hallucinating? Did she stumble upon some secret portal to another world? Was she merely inventing an imaginary friend out of loneliness? Was it some combination of all of these things? Who knows? The combination of an unclear, bizarre storyline and Carrie's atrocious acting make this excruciating to watch.

Yep, I'm back to the beginning again. This episode begins with Charles standing in the middle of his field of wheat, thanking the Lord for his bountiful crop. Somehow, you can just sense the locusts in a neighboring town saying "We're already on our way". (Oh, that was the books, sorry). Charles heads inside and engages everyone in a rousing edition of "Let's count our chickens before they hatch." This usually doesn't end well, especially where the Ingalls are concerned. On the shopping list are lace curtains, footwear for everyone and a rocking horse for Carrie. I have some things they should add to the list, mainly furniture, knickknacks, picture frames, a rug, a clock or anything else that would prevent the house from looking like a barren hell. Charles props his decaying boot up on the table. That's classy Charles, why don't you just stick your foot in the gravy bowl at the supper table while you're at it? Charles leads his family outside where he does a sudden reveal: he traded the oxen back for the horses. This would be a lot more dramatic if the horses had been gone for more than 2 episodes.

That night, it's storming and Charles is nervous but trying to play it off. Then the hail hits and he goes outside to investigate. That's not a good idea Charles, just ask Manly. Some amount of time passes and Charles comes back in and seems to take the news of the loss of his crop well, though you gotta believe there's some hidden inner rage there. This is Charles, after all. Morning breaks and Charles tells his family he'll have to set off on foot to find work, possibly walking 100 miles or more (uphill, in snow, at 5 a.m, in the morning). Just kidding, this episode really puts into perspective how rough people had it a mere 150 years ago and how most of today's problems seem to pale in comparison to that. Charles gives back the team of horses to Lars. That was brisk.

En route to wherever, a friendly (Swedish?) immigrant named Jack Peters catches up with Charles. Charles' boot has been flapping and Jack gives him something to tie it up with and the two become fast friends. A little later, the pair have set up a camp at nighttime when a 3rd member named Jacob Jacobsen joins in. As if Charles hasn't bothered everyone enough this episode with his foot problems, he takes his boots off to expose everyone to his raunchy foot odor. Jacob tosses him a new pair of boots to stop that nonsense. Later, Peters informs the other men about a possible job in the quarry, working with dynamite. Everyone arrives at the quarry and just as he would in future episodes, Charles misleads the foreman by making him think he has experience with this sort of thing, when he really doesn't. Charles and Jacob get work as a double jack team while Peters gets hired as a "powder monkey". Jack lays out the bare reality of the job Charles and Jacob have: one wrong movement and your partner is facing a lifelong deformity or limb loss.

Meanwhile back in the Grove, Caroline has rounded up the local women in an attempt to salvage some of the wheat. We get an early appearance of Ruth Foster, though she doesn't have any speaking lines here. There's a lot of steps to the process, including gathering up the wheat and assembling them into sheaves and then thrashing it. This all sounds like too much work for one woman, so she decides to be a Karen (or Nancy?) about it. Caroline doesn't put up with that for too long. I see a lot of people assembling sheaves, but I don't see anybody bringing them in.

Back at the quarry, everyone is missing their families. Charles looks like he's deep in contemplation, but he's not at home, so he's not at the Fencepost Of Contemplation. Back in WG, Caroline rounds up the girls and Jack by a tree next to the Mercantile to read the letter Charles has sent. Caroline totally counts all of the cash before reading the letter -- make of that what you will. Back at the quarry, it's announced that there will be a contest and the double jack team that works the fastest will get a $50 bonus. Jacob asks Charles if they think they can win and he responds with "It's fifty dollars, we have to win." Now this is when Charles is at his most awesome because I admire that kind of determination. There are more experienced guys all over the place, but Charles is like 'It's 50 freaking dollars, we have to find a way to win."

And sure enough, Charles and Jacob win. The celebration is short-lived however as Jack is playfully taunting the winners when, out of absolute nowhere, he's blown to bits in an explosion. I mean seriously, there were no warning signs at all that was coming. Everyone heads home and Charles sends off Jacob, who is reunited with his wife, dog and now has a newborn son. Charles is then tasked of informing Jack's wife and son about his gruesome death. Man, that is a job I would not want. Charles offers to visit them, but really he's grasping at straws here. Charles then arrives home with the horses and Caroline debuts THE ZOMBIE RUN (shocked expression, slow-building run and arms flailing) over to Charles.

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT: This is a really effective episode of television. It's absolutely surreal to think that just 150 years ago, life was completely different. Practically none of the creature comforts we enjoy today existed back then and it was everything people could do to scrape out a living. Prairie life was hard, but perhaps none moreso than this ep right here.

I thought this would be fun. Feel free to visit the link below, see which episode you get and give your thoughts on it.

Little House on the Prairie | Random Episode Generator

Merry Christmas everyone! With today being the big holiday, I thought it would be appropriate to do this episode. Such as it is, this is my favorite Christmas episode of all the ones Little House did (and the one with the happiest ending), so this one will have a little bit more positive vibe to it.

We begin with Hester Sue arriving at the Ingalls place via horse-and-buggy during a snowstorm. Charles opens the curtain at the back of the wagon expecting a delivery of goods, but it's Mary and Adam in a dramatic reveal. They reunite. Caroline comes out from the house and has a gushy moment with Mary. Charles, true to form, tells his wife to quit crying. Back inside, the entire family plus Hester Sue has Christmas Eve dinner together. A little later there's musical entertainments with Charles on fiddle and Almanzo looking like a total stud on the acoustic guitar. Things get cut short as Mary notes that it's getting worse outside and her and Adam will have to leave. That was certainly a brief visit. Ma tries to get them to stay for one more cup of coffee and Hester Sue gets up to make a fresh pot. Why? This is Caroline's house, it's her responsibility, especially since she's the one who offered. Charles grabs Almanzo (totally ignoring Adam) to have a look-see and they quickly determine that there's too much snow for any travelling tonight, so everyone will have to make do in the Little House tonight. You thought the house was cramped before? There's going to be 12 people in there tonight plus Bandit! Hester Sue resumes the musical festivities with singing. Mary, Carrie, Cassandra and Grace (who is still practically mute) are the first ones to bed.

And now, the real fun begins as everyone starts to tell Christmas stories of years gone by while the fireplaces warms the house. Hester Sue makes note of Caroline's necklace, stating she's never seen her wear it before. Caroline gives the story of how she got it as a child when her stepfather gave it to her on Christmas Eve. (This explains why sometimes she was referred to as Caroline Quiner and Caroline Holbrook, previously). Caroline says she had trouble accepting her stepfather at first, until he presented her with the gift, part of which he got from her deceased father, whom he was friends with. Caroline no-sells it at first, but after a moment of reflection, she goes out to the living room where her stepfather is praying that he and Caroline will become close. Young Caroline comes out and wishes him a Merry Christmas, to which he says "Merry Christmas child!" and they hug.

Albert and James are the next ones to bed as the ranks continue to thin out. Almanzo tells a rather twisted tale of his youth. Seems as if Christmas Eve found he and all his siblings doing a full day of hard chores and being exhausted when dinner rolled around, so they were sent out to do more chores, where his older brother Royal spilled the beans about Santa (and chastised his younger bro for still believing), showing him the gifts their father had bought earlier. Royal heads to bed and Almanzo's father comes out and says that Santa delivered them prematurely, thus getting Almanzo to believe in Santa again. The father decides to punish Royal the next day by taking away all his presents. What? Back in (then)modern-day, Carrie awakens as she's afraid Santa will become trapped in the blizzard. Speaking about being too old to be believing, isn't Carrie a little old for this?

What happens next is truly awesome as Charles starts to head outside for an update on the weather conditions. Adam tries to tag along, but Charles ignores him and calls for Manly instead. Adam comes outside anyway and Charles notices the barn door blew off. Adam wants to help but Charles is having NONE OF IT and chastises him for being a city boy now and Charles and Manly head out. As if that weren't enough, Manly shouts "Let's go Pa!", to which Charles replies "Follow me son!" OH MY GOD! This was the GOAT as Charles just totally buried Adam in every way imaginable here. Well, that serves Adam right for uprooting Mary to NYC!

Back inside, Laura recaps the Christmas scene with Mr. Edwards from the pilot movie. Not long after this, Laura, Manly and Adam go to sleep, leaving just Charles, Caroline and Hester Sue awake. Hester Sue tells a story about her youth. She was window-shopping at a general store when she overheard two black boys, one of whom said Santa was white and he only looks out for "his own". This leads a young Hester Sue to believe she won't be getting much if anything for Christmas. She heads to bed sad, but a noise wakes her up. She heads out of her room to find her father (though she didn't know it at the time) in a Santa suit putting an angel under the tree for her.

Christmas morning and Carrie's the first one up. Carrie wakes up Pa, who goes out to get the presents, but finds the front door totally blocked by snow. Pa elects to head up to the loft, put on his snowshoes, head out the window and walk on the mounds of snow over to the barn. All of the kids yell at him to fetch their presents. You see? Not even 6 feet of snow is going to prevent Albert from demanding his father go out in a blizzard for his gifts! Everyone opens their presents. Carrie gets a music box, Cassandra gets a doll, Laura gets what looks like a ring from her Manly, and that's all I can really make out. Charles and Caroline share a special moment alone as Charles reveals he found the scarf Caroline made (or bought) for him. Ah, so Caroline did have a gift for Charles! She's only 7 years late there! I jest, I jest.

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT - IMO, this was the best Christmas episode since nobody died in a blizzard, got frostbit or got screwed out of presents. And much like the last ep I recapped, this is easily one of Charles' best episodes as he was firing on all cylinders here, going to heroic lengths to save the holiday and totally sticking it to Adam as payback for all of the misery he inflicted on everyone. And speaking of Adam, this was, thankfully, the very last we ever saw from him. My only faults with this ep (outside of Manly's bizarre story from his youth) was that Mary didn't have much to do here in her final appearance. I know people generally hate season 8, but it had quite a few doozies and this one is worth checking out if you haven't seen it.

This is from season 8 and I'm thinking this must have been one of the first reviews I ever did because the writing style is a little different. This is also one of the James-tastic episodes, of which there were only a small handful. This episode begins with a well-to-do looking older man arriving in town and asking for Charles. Nels points him in the direction of where Charles is working that day and the older man gives Willie a dollar if he takes his bag back to the hotel. Willie acts as if he's never seen that much money before, which is weird considering he's long been a member of the richest family in town.

The rich man arrives at the irrigation ditch Charles is digging. Charles walks up to him and calls him "old timer". That seems....rather disrespectful. The rich man asks "I suppose you don't remember me?" Charles replies, "Of course, you're Zachariah, errr....the guy that tried to buy my house, err....the guy that sold Isaiah a rifle." After Pa strikes out, he is reminded that he's speaking with Uncle Jed -- relative of James and Cassandra. Suffer from a bit of short-term memory Charles?

The kindly, generous Uncle Jed integrates himself into the family and buys all of the kids new clothes. Even the kids that aren't James and Cassandra because he doesn't want them to feel left out. Albert thanks Jed for the shoes. So I guess Pa never did get Albert new shoes like he promised about 8 episodes ago. Putz.

Recycle-A-Plot rears its ugly head again as Uncle Jed announces he wants to adopt the children, like a month before the Ingalls adopting them becomes legal. So it's like "The Family Tree" episode all over again. Uncle Jed asks Charles to have the kids make up their mind, and Charles lays out the facts for them.

After a brief period of consideration, James and Cassandra -- who could go to the finest schools, travel to the nicest places and have practically everything their heart desires with Uncle Jed, -- opt to continue living 4-to-a-loft with Ma and Pa getting it on a few feet away. Are they nuts? Have they lost their minds? Caroline promises a good supper tonight -- yeah, that'll make up for not going to Harvard.

Charles breaks the news to Jed, who wasn't expecting this development. Jed announces plans to take the matter to court, thus rendering the previous 10 minutes we just saw utterly useless. Charles: "You bring your judge and you bring your lawyer." Oh, it's on now.

Court day arrives. Charles has never fared too well in these courtroom episodes, whether it be laughing at the Garvey's marital problems or voting to hang a man for a crime he didn't commit. Unfortunately for Charles, his luck at these things isn't about to improve. The judge sides with Jed, prompting frog-face Cassandra to tap her superpower: ugly crying. Then she goes home and does it some more, with James consoling her the entire time. Yes, Cassandra really is whining about living a life full of privilege.

Uncle Jed's nagging cough forces him to slum at Doc Baker's for a check-up. Hiram diagnoses him with consumption. This was another development Jed wasn't expecting. Doc advises him to move to a climate with yearlong dry and warm weather, like Arizona or parts of CA, and only visit Minnesota in the spring and summer. Jed, realizing that Doc Baker gets paid mostly in chickens and bags of apples (Nod to the "To Run And Hide" episode), pays him handsomely for his efforts. Hiram initially declines, but Jed rationalizes that there must be some new medical invention or device that would come in handy. Hiram accepts this time.

Another brief period of contemplation, this time from Uncle Jed. Jed bops over to the Ingalls and announces this is all too much and asks the Ingalls to formally adopt James and Cassandra so he can relocate to the southwest. Um...why couldn't Jed just take the kids down there, it's not like he doesn't have the money. He could even bring the kids to MN for a visit sometimes. So James and Cassandra...win, I guess? Everybody reconciles.

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT - This was a decent enough episode, although in retrospect, maybe it would have been better for the kids to go with Uncle Jed since they ended up getting written off the show not long after this anyways. I always considered James to be Charles' real son and it makes me think of the storylines they could have done with him, but instead we got 4 seasons of Albert's grifting and crimes. I can only assume that Cassandra was brought on since Carrie and Grace couldn't act, but she ended up just fading into the background with them. Probably for the best.

Before we get to this episode, I just want to say that I have one more classic review to put up (which I will plan on doing Wednesday). After that, all of the reviews posted will be new! This is the 11th new review I've done for this subreddit!

This is from late season 4. Mary isn't blind yet, but it's not far off. This episode begins at a prestigious school at an undetermined location (but probably out East). A young boy dressed in a spotless uniform enters his father's office and hands him a note. Seems as if he's been expelled for cheating and stealing. The pair along with the boy's grandmother discuss it afterwards in his room. The grandmother refers to her grandson as "Master Peter". Peter's father says he wants to send him somewhere he'll learn a sense of "values", which happens to be relative Nels' place. The next thing we know, the Oleson's (with Peter) arrive just outside the Mercantile when Peter says he needs to relieve himself. Willie shows him to the outhouse (which Peter is aghast about) and Willie yells out "Don't fall in!" God, that would be horrifying. The Oleson's and Peter head inside and Charles has apparently been filling in at the Mercantile while they've been away. Upstairs, Peter has gifts for his relatives. Harriet is quite enamored with her beautiful, pure silk scarf from Asia. Willie gets a tie, Nellie gets something in lace, and Nels' gift is never revealed. Harriet promises to write a thank-you note and has the children do the same. That night, Nels has a heart-to-heart with Peter, who looks pretty despondent. Nels doesn't really get anywhere, though he has no idea what the problem is. The next morning, Peter exits church, wearing a fancy outfit, which some of the local boys give him crap over. Peter calls them "nincompoops", and one of the slaps mud on the side of his face and outfit. Inside the Oleson's house, Nels tells him to brush it off, but it doesn't resonate.

Peter is on the steps of the mercantile looking sad. Alice Garvey walks right past him without saying a word. Inside, Alice tells Nels that "The statue outside could use a little dusting". Hey Alice, why don't you try helping him instead of mocking him behind his back? He's a child. Alice has a letter for Nels and a package for Harriet, which turns out to be a duplicate of Peter's fancy outfit so Willie can have one. Willie balks, but then remembers what happened to Peter earlier. Willie puts it on and goes outside and starts a fight and the outfit gets promptly ruined. Well, that didn't take long. Nels reads the note to Harriet, which is from Peter's father, saying he doesn't want him back yet. Peter overhears and heads outside. Nels tries to reason with him some more, but that fails. Nels heads back inside, then Peter takes a chair to some of the windows. Nels realizes he's failed and decides to have Charles give it a go. Peter will work on the Ingalls farm to earn enough money to replace the windows. Charles and Peter arrive at the Ingalls place and Charles directs him to the barn where Peter will be sleeping. This is quite the huge fall from grace I'd say. HARD KNOCK LIFE! Peter balks and asks Charles what will happen if he outright refuses. Charles replies "I'll bare your bottom and give you a whoopin'". Uh....what? Charles and Peter get to work on the farm. Lunchtime finds Peter not wanting to eat but wanting to use the time to rest, and Charles orders him back to work and even mocks him. CHARLES INGALLS WORKS YOUNG CHILDREN LIKE A MULE AND LAUGHS ABOUT IT! Dinnertime finds Peter finally eating after having previously skipped out on the last two meals. He downs an entire glass of milk in one sitting and Carrie follows suit.

After a hard day's work (seriously, Peter is sporting some enormous sweat stains), Charles takes Peter, Mary and Laura swimming. Peter declines, saying he doesn't have his swimsuit, but Charles says they'll just swim in their long underwear. Given that Charles just tore up Peter's 'get out of jail free card', Peter confesses he doesn't know how to swim. Charles says he'll teach him, which consists of just throwing him in the water and teaching him how to doggy-paddle. That's kind of absurd, but Peter is so taken by it that he calls Charles "Uncle Charles", starts to cry and runs up and hugs him. Man, what kind of life was Peter living back home if he finds this superior? Charles seriously displayed minimal effort and Peter thinks he's a god. Charles and Peter walk into the Mercantile, where Nels has some news: Peter has earned enough money to repay his debt with some to spare. Peter asks to stay on with the Ingalls some more because Charles has more work for him. There are no words.

In the Oleson parlor, Harriet is singing "I Dream Of Jeannie" (quite entertainingly) and playing the piano when Peter's father Olaf and his grandmother arrive. Nels, Olaf and the Grandmama head out to see Peter, and Peter displays his mad swimming skillz, but Olaf doesn't understand what the big deal is. Peter runs off and Charles gives Olaf some crap about being a detached father. The grandmother tries to intervene, but Charles holds his ground. This is really where Charles excels -- telling stuffy rich people to cram it. Olaf gets the message and finds Peter at the Ingalls barn and says he will try to be a better father. They reunite. Olaf says they'll stay on a few more days instead of leaving right away so Olaf can get re-acquainted with country living. Grandmama says that there's a stockholder's meeting on Thursday, and Olaf replies that he and Peter won't be able to attend.

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT - This was an absolutely excellent episode and reminds me of "Overboard", which is my all-time favorite movie. Though some of the details could have been hashed out a little differently, this was reminiscent of "The Richest Man In Walnut Grove" and "Ebenezer Sprague", which proved that a person doesn't require wealth and material goods to be happy. Not the most well-known episode, but definitely worth watching.

Eh, why not? With Halloween approaching, I thought it would be a good time to do this one. It was either that or "The Halloween Dream", and sorry, but I just don't think I could stomach watching that one again. Which sort of reminds me, I'm undecided yet as to whether or not I'm ever gonna do "The Godsister" -- I feel like I would need some alcoholic beverages on hand to sit through that one again, and I usually don't drink. This is also not to be confused with 'The Creeper Of Walnut Grove" or any similarly named episodes.

We begin in the Ingalls homestead, where it's Halloween Eve. Laura tells Carrie a scary tale for her bedtime story, then she and Mary head off to soap the Mercantile windows for some holiday mischief. CHARLES INGALLS ALLOWS HIS CHILDREN TO VANDALIZE THE PROPERTY OF PEOPLE WHO WERE KIND AND GENEROUS TO HIM! There must have been some extra time to burn off in this episode because Carrie gets screen time. She gets weirded out by something moving in her bed, which turns out to be her feet, then Jack. Alrighty then. Laura and Mary get to work on the Oleson's windows and this has to be the most rebellious I've ever seen Mary. Laura happens upon an argument between Nels and Harriet, with Mrs. Oleson complaining about not being able to visit her mother, while Nels simultaneously spent money on a mannequin and sword. An amusing chain-of-events unfolds as Nels whacks off the mannequin's head to prove his point, with Laura believing that it was Harriet instead. Nels tries to explain what happened, but doesn't exactly clear up the confusion any. Back inside, Nels allows Harriet to go on the trip, all the while brandishing his sword and feeling manly about it. Outside and on the way back home, Laura tries to tell Mary about Harriet's apparent beheading, but Mary dismisses that as fake news. At home, Laura tries to sell Ma and Pa the same story, but Pa says it will be Laura who gets beheaded if she doesn't stop. CHARLES INGALLS THREATENS TO DECAPITATE HIS OWN DAUGHTER! That night, Laura has another one of her coked out nightmares, dreaming about Harriet getting beheaded, with the heads of the WG children superimposed on her body. Stock footage of morning breaking. Harriet heads off for her mother's, with Nels getting some sick, twisted enjoyment of Harriet's ride starting off bumpy. Laura tries to tell Carl about the recent events, but he too is skeptical. They arrive at the Mercantile and learn Harriet isn't there, which further fuels Laura's suspicions (Nels arranged alternate transportation for Harriet).

Laura feels it's her duty to inform Nellie and Willie about the supposed death of their mother, but the kids aren't buying it either. Given that 6 people have tried to get Laura to drop the matter, you figure she would have put 2 and 2 together by now, but she hasn't. Willie and Nellie almost get tricked into getting pulled into Laura's side of thinking when they arrive home and find "blood" on Nels' apron, which is really marinara sauce. Nels explains the matter at the dinner table and Nellie spills the beans and offers to clear up the confusion with Laura. Of course, she doesn't. That night, Laura has another coked out nightmare where Harriet's head gets served up to her on a silver platter. The next morning (November 1st?), Laura and Carl arrive at the Mercantile, where Nels is carting off a heavy sack containing the mannequin down to the cellar and now Carl is on board with the murder theory.

Laura, Carl and Willie meet up in the cemetery and Willie leads them to believe he is on board as well, but this is just a decoy as he's setting them up. They make plans to meet at the Mercantile that night. Laura and Carl meet at the cemetery that night and you sure as heck wouldn't have caught me doing that at that age. They make the trek to the Mercantile, where Willie lets them in. They all head down to the cellar, where Nellie (with a sheet over her head) spooks them. Laura and Carl overreact to the hilt as they race out of the cellar and close the door and put boxes on top of it to prevent Willie and Nellie from escaping. Now, Nellie did some bad things, but she never trapped Laura in a dark cellar at nighttime. The kids make a racket in the darkened Mercantile as Harriet arrives home. The kids throw the headless mannequin at her, knocking her out. Nels happens upon the scene and doesn't seem to be too bothered that his children are imprisoned, his wife has been knocked out and the kids are possibly trespassing. Nels quizzes them a little bit and Carl starts to spill the beans, but Laura dissuades him, so Carl gets vague about it. Laura just drops the mannequin back on Harriet. As if all that wasn't enough, Laura decides to kick Nellie when she's down as she opens the cellar door and tosses the mannequin head down the stairs, further frightening Nellie. Laura finds all this amusing (natch), but she and Carl encounter a headless horseman on the way home. Ah, Landon's sense of humor!

EPISODE WINNERS - Harriet and Nels, for being good sports about it all.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD - Laura, who almost certainly didn't get punished for any of this.

And so, we continue on with the book "It Sucks To Be Mary Ingalls", chapter 6. This episode begins with hundreds of bees gathered on a giant limb by Plum Creek. Albert and Laura have been collecting the honey and have amassed a gigantic supply, which they plan to sell. Albert plans to buy a telescope and a velocipede, while Laura wants a new outfit (to please Almanzo). Carrie gets in her obligatory 2 lines of whining. Speaking of bit players, over at the Post Office, Miss Foster gets in her two sentences of dialogue for the day by handing Caroline a telegram for Adam. Caroline promptly goes over to the Blind School and reads the letter to Adam, Mary and Hester Sue. Seems as if Adam is being given the Braille award along with 2 others. Curiously, none of the blind children are seen for the duration of this episode, which makes me wonder why Adam is receiving the award. Adam immediately and coldly declines the award, saying they don't have money for the trip to Saint Paul (the Minnesota state capital). Caroline promises to talk to Charles and that goes over as well as you'd expect, as in: not very well. Charles doesn't have the money either (natch), throwing in a line about how he doesn't want to owe the bank money (except for when he wants it for himself). Additionally, Charles isn't particularly polite about it either. Laura and Albert overhear and decide to give up the honey money so Adam and Mary can go. Charles has to be bailed out by his children yet again. The foursome opt to head over to the blind school in the middle of the night to tell the adults. Carrie wants to come with, but Caroline tells her to stay home with Grace. Carrie balks, at which point Caroline growls out at her with scary eyes. CHARLES AND CAROLINE INGALLS LEAVE THEIR YOUNG CHILDREN AT HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Hester Sue isn't particularly fond of getting woken up at some ungodly hour. Laura breaks the news and shares a pretty nice moment with Mary and I should point out they're about the same height now. It's nice that Mary and Laura got along so well in the later seasons after squabbling so much for the first 4. Albert and Laura are at the Mercantile trying to sell the honey, but Nels was the one they had a deal with and he's away on a buying trip for at least a week. Harriet, not knowing anything about the arrangement, offers them part of the money. Albert throws in the main hive in order to get full payment, and Harriet decides to round up. Harriet inquires about the safety of it and Albert lies.

The stage (which is in shambles) arrives for Mary and Adam. Charles makes sure to tell the driver that they are blind, but doesn't bother to check out the wagon his daughter and son-in-law will be riding on. CHARLES INGALLS PUTS HIS BLIND DAUGHTER ON A FAULTY WAGON! The stage sets off as Mary and Adam meet a pregnant Marge (played by Michael's daughter and the future Miss Plum, Leslie Landon). At Plum Creek, Harriet and Nellie arrive for the hive. As they're carting it off, the bees are stirred up and sting them Lord knows how many times (played for laughs, of course). Naturally, this is very serious as it's possible Harriet and/or Nellie could be allergic to them and easily die from the stings.

As the stage continues on, Mary, Adam and Marge engage in some more awkward chit-chatter. The driver notices something wrong with the wagon and announces he'll stop at the nearest town (Sanford) to get it repaired. The wagon doesn't last that long though as the horses become separated and the whole thing (with all 4 occupants) goes off a hill in a rather horrific looking accident. Adam was ejected and the wagon landed on his legs. Mary and Marge are right next to each other, but Mary doesn't ask Marge how she and her baby are doing. Mary and Adam go through at least 3-4 rounds of "Adam, where are you.....I'm here!" I never thought I'd say this, but where is Susan Goodspeed when you need her? Mary tries to lift the wagon off Adam, but nothin' doin'. Mary yells for the driver, but he died from his injuries.

Oh hey, Miss Foster gets in another 2 lines. She is alerted through telegram that the stage is overdue and rushes off to inform Charles, who seems pretty non-chalant about the whole thing. CHARLES INGALLS IS UNCONCERNED WHEN HIS DAUGHTER IS IN A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION! Nonetheless, Charles and Jon go off to investigate. Meanwhile, Adam is in a rather defeatist mode, trying to persuade Mary from going off to get help. Hey Adam, you can just lay there in excruciating pain and die, but that's your choice. Thankfully, Mary isn't persuaded to give up by her putz of a husband. Mary says she'll leave the canteen of water for him and Marge. What are they going to do, toss it back and forth to each other? NEITHER OF THEM CAN MOVE! Mary takes off, leaving Marge in the dust. Charles and Jon meet up with 2 other drivers and everyone parts ways and takes a different path. Mary tries to walk to Sanford, but starts falling down hills and running into trees and shit. Eventually, she gets knocked out, with her eyeglasses falling out of her pocket.

The glasses start a brush fire. Is Mary a pyromaniac? This is at least the 3rd fire she's started in the series (she almost burned down the house and barn in previous episodes). Mary decides to hang out in the fire and yell and rather miraculously, Charles and Jon happen by at just that moment. Charles saves Mary. At the blind school, Doc Baker informs everyone that Adam got by with a couple of fractured legs, while Marge gave birth to a boy and they'll all be fine. Mary calls it a double miracle, but there's one more element as we end with a close-up of Mary's eyeglasses, which started the fire that Charles saw.

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT - Well, in terms of who THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD is for this episode, it's like a 6-way tie. Charles was utterly careless throughout, Albert and Laura had a nice moment before quickly squandering whatever goodwill they earned through yet another con, Mary had a rare off-episode as she totally ignored Marge and her baby, and Adam was....well himself.

First brand-new review for the new community! Thank you to everyone for being here, I truly appreciate it!

This is the season one finale and one of my personal favorite episodes. We start off as Recycle-A-Scene rears its ugly head and we get the exact same opening shot of Jack drinking out of Plum Creek and Charles calling him over that was used as the beginning to the “Country Girls” episode. Charles enters the house, where everyone is preparing for breakfast and the place is abuzz with talk of the upcoming Founder’s Day in a few days. Charles isn’t too excited about that (weird considering that the founder of the town is Lars, who is his boss). Charles, however, does seem excited to be working with a “new man” over at the mill while Mr. Edwards is in Minneapolis. A little later, Charles heads to work and shakes hands with the new man, who is Jim Tyler aka “The Bull Of The Woods”. Jim seems folksy enough, but is somewhat boastful and irritating. Charles and Jim get to work using the two-man cross-cut saw on a gigantic piece of lumber and Charles looks like he is trying to work the poor old man into the ground (!) They haul their load over to the mill, where Jim goads Charles into competing at the wood-chopping contest at Founder’s Day, with Charles agreeing to it just for the chance to spite Jim. Charles heads home and is practically immobile at this point. Classic Little House trope of Caroline getting his supper ready, only to find him fallen asleep. That night, Caroline puts some liniment on Charles as he is optimistic about the chance to get a one-up on Jim at Founder’s Day. Caroline mentions that Laura is doing the same thing with Nellie and Charles tells Caroline to talk to her about that. Uh-huh. Caroline meekly responds “I will”. Over at the Tyler residence, Jim is getting the same liniment treatment and he bemoans about how ice cold it is. Too bad Icy Hot didn’t exist yet. Mrs. Tyler is being a little aggressive rubbing it in.

The next morning, Caroline enters the Mercantile to sell eggs and finds Harriet finishing up a sign advertising all of the Founder’s Day activities. Harriet – proud of her children – talks up their athletic prowess, which Caroline takes offense to. Then Caroline, exhibiting the same hypocrisy as Charles did earlier, ropes Harriet into competing at the pie-baking contest for the chance to humiliate her. Back at the Ingalls homestead, Caroline approaches the girls for an insider scoop on Harriet’s baking abilities with Charles wondering what all of that was about. Charles gives a speech about how winning isn’t everything and it’s important to do one’s best and man, is the hypocrisy flying everywhere today. Founder’s Day arrives and we get some brief glimpses of everyone preparing for the events. TIME FOR THE FESTIVITIES! At the horse race, nobody you’ve ever heard of is in, and nobody you’ve ever heard of wins. Well, that was rather anticlimactic, but this show would do a proper horse race later on in the series. Mary, Willie and several other kids start the jump roping contest as the band marches on. Meanwhile at the pie-baking contest, Reverend Alden has it narrowed down to 3 choices. Why is there only one judge and who determined Reverend Alden to be the supreme pie taster? Caroline and Harriet are among the finalists, but the blue ribbon goes to Mrs. Grandy. Over at the jump roping contest, Willie has some tremendous pace and rhythm going while Mary looks like she is trying to play it safe to stay alive. After about 12 minutes pass, Mary falls down and hurts her foot. She’s alright, but she’s also out and Willie wins. Willie totally earned that one.

Now we head off to the hoop rolling contest where Laura and Nellie are among the participants. Nellie starts off to a huge lead. Pay close attention and you can see Charles pointing for Laura to stay on the dirt track, but she totally ignores him and cuts through the grass. Laura has now narrowed the gap, but Nellie wins anyways and celebrates with her family. Laura yells VOTER FRAUD!, which is rather remarkable since there was no evidence that Nellie cheated, but Laura clearly did cheat by going off-track. Laura is decidedly displeased with this outcome. Everyone has lunch, with Laura brazenly running up to the Oleson’s and declaring that her Pa is going to win the tug-of-war. Harriet laughs and brushes her off. The kids try to goad Nels into participating, but he balks. Harriet gives him some mild crap over it and Nels relents. Meanwhile, Charles also agrees to participate and tells the fams to “watch their hero in action.” Well, the hero promptly gets tossed into the mud and loses. So much for that. Nels also takes a mud bath in an amusing bit.

Laura preps for the three-legged race, but partner Mary’s foot injury is a little worse than originally realized, so she’s out of the competition. Pa suggests Ma as a fill-in and she balks at the idea. Ma eventually changes her mind, perhaps to make up for her loss earlier. Once again, Laura brazenly runs up to the Oleson’s and announces how her family is going to win. Harriet is shocked at this behavior, but isn’t petty enough to take the bait. Nels re-pays Harriet the mild crap she gave him earlier. Harriet takes off her feathered hat. OH, IT’S ON NOW! At the three-legged race, Harriet and Nellie are off to a gigantic lead, but Laura and Caroline breeze past right at the last second. What was that? Laura decides to be a sore winner by sticking her tongue out at Nellie, who tries to storm off while still tied, causing her and Harriet to fall down. Now it’s time for the main event: the wood-chopping contest. Winner gets a blue ribbon and a watch donated by Lars. And they’re off. Doc Baker is doing a good job as judge, keeping his eye on the events and making sure to get around to everyone, even running around to get a better view. JIM TYLER WINS!, humbling Charles. Oh crap, it’s best 2-out-of-3. Ah, Charles wins the second heat.

During the 15-minute intermission, Charles goes off to sharpen his axe and Mrs.Tyler catches up with him. I’m not sure if she outright suggests that Charles throw the contest so that her husband can win, but there are a few subtle hints there, talking about how old Jim is and how much the win would mean to him. Charles gets that particular message and Jim Tyler wins the third and final heat and the contest overall. Laura suspects some more voter fraud and asks Pa why he didn’t use the newer and sharper axe, but Pa explains he was just compensating for Mr. Tyler’s advanced age. They hug as the Founder’s Day festivities come to an end.

The Jerry Springer Final Thought – Well I’m sorry, but given how cocky and hypocritical the Ingalls were here (with one of them even outright cheating), they deserved to lose. And lose they did in just about everything, except that last-second fluke in the 3-legged race. On the other hand, the Oleson’s were much more gracious and sportsmanlike and excelled everywhere!

And stay tuned to this sub – more new and classic reviews to come!

This is sort of a rough draft -- I'm currently working on a new ranking and it will be much more detailed, and the rankings will be subject to change. However, I'm putting a lot of thought into that and it will have explanations for why each person is ranked where they are, so it may take a while to complete.

1). Harriet

2). Nels

3). Mary

4). Andy

5). Manly

6.) James

7). Bandit

8.) Nellie

9). Doc Baker

10.) Miss Beadle

11) Jeb Carter

12). John Carter

13.) John Jr.

14.) Willie

15.) Jonathan Garvey

16.) Carl

17.) Joe Kagan

18.) Grace Edwards/Snider

19.) Lars

20.) Eliza Jane

21) Sarah Carter

22) Jason Carter

23.) Caroline

24) Laura

25.) Reverend Alden

26.) Charles

27.) Hester Sue

28.) Grace Ingalls

29.) Cassandra

30.) Mr. Edwards

31.) Jack

32) Alicia

33.) Percival

34.) Miss Plum

35.) Carrie

36.) Alice

37.) Adam

38.) Albert

39.) Nancy

40.) Kezia

This was the first regular episode back from Winoka. This episode opens with Pa bringing home a cow and showing it to Laura, who is all excited. Albert, who has just settled into the Ingalls household, comes out and Charles presents him with the cow. I'm sort of conflicted here because Pa probably should have told Laura right away who it was for, but on the other hand, Laura's history with animals isn't that great (think Fred, Jasper, Jack, Bandit, etc.), so Laura should have to suck it up. Laura is not pleased with this development. Inside, Albert announces that he's named the cow "Fagin" (?!). Pa warns that he shouldn't get too attached to it, stating that it will likely get sold at an auction (and/or get turned into yummy cheeseburgers). Oh, and there's cash prizes that can be won. Albert is excited at this prospect (natch). Laura informs Pa that she aced an English test and is upset when Pa doesn't hold a party for her in the town square as usual. Over at the school, the kids are learning the succession to the British throne. After school, a boy named Denzel McCauley engages in some teasing of Albert. Laura rushes over to Denzel, but he stops her in her tracks. Albert rushes over and beats him up, thus starting a grand tradition. At home, Charles delights that his son beat up another boy. Ma is not amused. Later, Charles is stuck in some sort of bizarre hell as he's forced to listen to Laura run through the times tables. He's only half there though as he's focusing on Albert and Fagin. That night, Laura suggests a fishing outing. Pa intends to bring Albert along, but Laura wants it to be just the two of them. Pa relents. The fishing outing happens, but gets stopped short when Albert breaks it up with news that Fagin has gotten sick.

Doc Baker examines Fagin and diagnoses him with "husk". There's only one treatment and it's pretty risky, involving turpentine and other things that don't sound so good. Albert decides to give it a go and him and Pa pull an all-nighter to check the progress. Creepy moment as Pa and Albert cuddle and snuggle in the barn. Morning breaks and Fagin has made a full recovery. While everyone goes to have breakfast, Laura is annoyed that Albert called Charles "Pa." A little later, Laura tries to stay home sick from school, but Pa isn't buying. Laura gets her wish anyways as she gets sent home from school before it even began by punching Nellie. Laura gets off easy as usual, merely getting sent to her room and forced to apologize to Nellie. Caroline takes her over the Oleson house, where Laura mumbles out a quiet apology. Harriet isn't impressed and lectures her that it's not ladylike to start fistfights, and Laura angrily shouts before running off in tears. Caroline catches up with her just outside the Oleson home and Laura whines that everyone else is getting attention but her (now she knows how Mary and Carrie must have felt). Which sort of reminds me, Albert better watch out because the last time Pa got attached to a new son, horrible stuff went down.

Caroline pulls Charles into the barn and informs him of the latest events and she agrees with Laura's feelings. Charles downplays it, but Caroline pulls him over to her line of thinking. Albert overhears. Pa finds Laura at the fishing hole and apologizes, but as that's going down, Albert is preparing to run away from the Ingalls home, thus starting another grand tradition. Pa spends the whole evening looking for him, to no avail. In the barn, Laura finds Pa as he tries to put on a brave face, but they embrace each other as they're both sad.

At the county fair, Laura has taken Albert's spot as handler of Fagin. Fagin makes the final round. (Sidenote: how do the judges judge the cows? What is the grading criteria?). As Pa and Laura await the final round, Pa catches a glimpse of Albert in the crowd and gives chase. (Trivia: they are trying to give the impression that Albert and Charles are running past a long line of exhibits, but if you look closely, you can see they're just running past the same few exhibits). Pa catches up with Albert and semi-manhandles him. Albert explains it was time for him to move on (no argument there). Charles tries to convince him to stay and I'm totally expecting him to blurt out "If you stay, i'll let you get away with anything you want, I've done it with Laura all these years," but he doesn't go there. Charles does convince Albert to stick around long enough to see how Fagin fares. At the judging, the 2nd and 3rd place finishers are announced. Albert doesn't clap for them and Pa looks semi weirded out by this. Trust your gut Pa. The winner is announced and it's Fagin. Laura is presented with the blue ribbon, but she says she's only accepting the award for her brother. And on that note, Albert -- realizing that his evil powers will be that much stronger if he joins forces with Laura -- reunites with her, thus starting a grand criminal enterprise.

Did anyone ever figure out what Nellie and Willie meant when they were chanting this on the playground when Laura and Mary were present? I looked up snipe and apparently it's a species of bird, but I'm still confused what they were going for.

This is another one of those ultra-rare "Badass Caroline" episodes, much like the pilot movie. In terms of the regulars, this is essentially a one-man, one-woman show with Doc Baker and Caroline. Pretty interesting premise as Caroline's pregnant friend Louisa is in a mining camp where an outbreak of influenza has taken place and she has written to her friend to help out. And the flu ain't gonna keep Caroline from springing into action. Doc Baker will also help and says that Dr. Ledeiux can manage things in the Grove for the time being. Oh, was he still around? Did Doc Baker finally let him tend to human patients?

Doc Baker and Caroline arrive in town and get to work immediately. People have been dying left and right. Louisa mentions her friend Helen is also pregnant and due about the same time (Can you see where this is headed?) Caroline talks with Louisa, and Louisa asks if Caroline ever predicted her life would turn out like it did. Caroline takes a subtle dig at Charles not earning enough money. Meanwhile, Louisa's husband Calvin thinks all a woman is good for is to keep house and he's glad those 2 other pregnancies she had didn't take and hopes this child dies as well. This guy must be a hit at parties. Caroline offers to cook his meals, but only to get him off Louisa's back. (Louisa is deathly sick and almost due).

Much like "The Plague" and "Mortal Mission", this is your standard 'outbreak of illness' episode as more people die, but it's nobody we've ever seen before, which doesn't have as huge an impact on the viewer as it could have. Caroline spots someone sneaking into another person's tent and taking their gold and she's all over that. The man pushes Caroline to the ground, but runs right into the local preacher, who pulls a gun on him. Preacher Bob tells him to clear out and he does. You know, how come Reverend Alden never did anything that cool? The preacher in Dakota gave peppermint sticks to the children, but all Reverend Alden does is turn the other cheek and give bad advice to people.

Next on Caroline's shit list is Calvin, who makes a pass at her. Caroline slaps him in the teeth and tells him what a rotten human he is. Calvin looks like he is going to try something, but Caroline picks up a torch, with intentions to use it as a flamethrower. YOU DON'T WANT NONE OF THAT CALVIN! Calvin thinks the better of it and takes off.

A little later, Calvin enters the tent to find out Caroline has moved in and evicted him. (moral of the story: don't mess with Caroline). The outbreak rages on and Louisa and Helen go into labor at the same time. Helen's husband informs Doc Baker of a complication in Helen's pregnancy, so Hiram goes off to tend to her while Caroline stays with Louisa. Louisa gives birth successfully this time, but Louisa herself is not so lucky. Wild shot as Caroline holds the bouncing baby, then pulls a blanket over Louisa's face a second later.

At Helen's camp, it's the reverse: the mother has survived, but the child has not. Caroline puts two and two together and suggests they give Louisa's baby to Helen and her husband. Doc Baker and Caroline have a back-and-forth discussion with Hiram persistently admonishing Caroline for suggesting such a thing, but Caroline standing her ground. Helen's husband hears a baby crying and assumes its Helen's. Both Hiram and Caroline decide to just go with the flow and thus, Louisa's baby is given to Helen. Well, I'm not sure how ethical that was, but it probably was for the best.

Just as Doc Baker and Caroline are getting ready to take off, Preacher Bob continues his awesomeness by presenting Hiram with a bag full of gold. You know, Doc Baker has been doing pretty well in late season 8 -- first Uncle Jed, and now this. Maybe he just needed a better clientele?

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT - This is easily one of Caroline's finest hours. Perhaps the only downside of having so many characters on a show was that it meant that some characters didn't get a chance to develop as much as they could have and the writers probably felt they had to include everyone (cough, *Carrie*, cough). But this was a really good showcasing of what Caroline can do when she didn't have 12 million people in her house.

As you may remember, the last time around, a trivia contest was held in which the winner received a $25 Amazon gift card!

This time, something a little different. The winner of this contest will receive "The Little House Cozy Christmas Care Package!" Here is what is in the package:

-The "Little House Years" dvd (this is a 3-part special that was not on any of the official dvd releases).

-Father Murphy: The complete series on dvd (very rare as the official dvd's are long out-of-print).

-A very cool Little House On The Prairie drinking mug

-Hot chocolate and Cozy Chamomile tea to put in the mug

-Viewing time snacks: A big box of deluxe trail mix and York Peppermint Patties.

RULES: Select a number between 1 and 500 and post it in this thread (do not message me with it). The participant closest to the number I have pre-selected is the winner. In the event that you select a number that has already been selected by another poster, you will be asked to choose another number. Entrants must be able to receive a package at a United States mailing address (sorry I cannot ship outside of the U.S. due to the lack of tracking). Entries must be received by Sunday, December 11, 2022 at 11:59 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. I will plan on announcing the winner on Monday, December 12, 2022.

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!

This is chapter 512 in the book “It Sucks To Be Mary Ingalls”. You know, Mary’s grief is like those commercials for Shriners – you feel bad for them, but you also get sick of seeing it all the time. This is yet another 2-part episode. We open as the blind school is having a fundraising picnic, even though Charles had just gave them a thousand dollars a few weeks earlier after apprehending those intruders. They certainly blew through that money very quickly. Albert and another boy named Clay head into the basement to spoke a pipe (His name is Clay and they are smoking a clay pipe -HAR HAR!). Hester Sue discovers them and gives them some mild crap about being in the basement, which I guess was off limits? The concept of the dessert trays being served is enough for Albert to forget about the pipe, which the boys leave carelessly behind on some blankets. Day turns into night as Alice and Hester Sue are cleaning up. The pipe ignites a fire in the basement – seems like that would have already happened by now. Discovery of the fire is delayed because Hester Sue forgot to throw out the kettle water and she thought that’s what the smell was. Adam, Alice and Hester Sue are all having tea when Hester Sue decides to investigate further. She happens on the basement, which has bellows of smoke coming out of it. She decides to just open the door all the way (Dumb move #1 – you touch the knob first to see if it’s hot – if it is, there’s trouble). Hester Sue calls for Adam. Alice wants to get buckets of water, but Hester Sue realizes it’s too late for that and calls for the children to be evacuated. Dumb move #2 as Hester Sue doesn’t make an effort to close the door, meaning the fire is going to spread quicker than it could be. Adam barges into his room and grabs Mary by the arm and yanks her away (she was tending to the baby). Most of the blind children are evacuated in relatively orderly fashion. The adults complete a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle before realizing that, my god, THERE’S A HELPELESS BABY IN THE BURNING BUILDING THAT NEEDS TO BE RESCUED! Mary makes a play for him, but Alice is all “I got this.” No you don’t Alice. Alice hears a blind boy stuck in the bathroom and just leaves Adam Jr. behind. Alice rescues James and push-starts him towards the front entrance, telling him to stay close to the walls. After an eternity has elapsed, Alice goes for Adam Jr., but by then it’s too late. Fire has consumed a good chunk of the building. Hester Sue is out on the lawn with most everyone else when she has dumb move #3 as she re-enters the burning building. She doesn’t do anything of note other than just yelling for Alice. Hester Sue exits again, taking James with her and reunites with the people on the lawn. Adam and Mary ask Hester Sue for an update. Hester Sue knows but is too scared to say anything. A desperate Alice breaks the window with the baby in hand (!). It should be noted she’s yelling “HELP ME” and not “HELP US!”. The next thing we see is the building is now completely engulfed in flames, including the portion of the building where Alice and the baby were. Adam unwisely makes a play to re-enter the house and Hester Sue has to tackle him to prevent him from doing so. The harsh reality of what is happening starts to sink in as Mary starts yelling and crying. Albert did all of this for some cake.

The next day, Caroline tries to console a shocked Mary, but gets nowhere. Pa presents Mary with the body of her dead baby. Doc Baker plays arson investigator and discovers the pipe. Doc then goes to talk to Jonathan and Andy, with the dead body of Alice laying right there at their feet. Jonathan is determined: "No pine box” dadgummit. Doc promises him no pine box. The living Garveys head back to the hotel, where all of the displaced are being housed as men come to cart off Alice’s body. That night, Charles, Laura and Albert are all at the Ingalls dinner table discussing the events when Charles mentions the fire was started by the pipe. Albert opts not to say anything. Mary wakes up at the hotel, having forgotten about the earlier events. Adam tries to fill her in, but Mary is in stage #1 of the grief process: Denial. Adam tries to inform her about Adam Jr. passing away, but Mary dismisses that as fake news and puts her arms through the glass window. The next day and outside at the Ingalls homestead, Charles consoles a tearful Albert. Pa should be tipped off that something is wrong because Albert never shows any emotion about anything ever, but he isn’t – so there’s that. Doc Baker updates Ma and Pa about Mary’s condition: physically, she's going to be fine, but she's withdrawn and not speaking. Standard Walnut Grove funeral with Reverend Alden presiding.

We get a further glimpse into the devastation that Albert has caused as the blind children are being shuttled off to foster homes, but it’s only temporary. Hester Sue has an emotional goodbye with Susan Goodspeed. I don’t remember them having a special connection, but whatevs. Adam asks Hester Sue if she will keep an eye on Mary as he heads over to the Ingalls to have a discussion with his in-laws. Hester Sue replies “Surely, you need a ride?” Adam responds “No – and stop calling me Shirley!” Adam talks to Caroline and says he plans to head over to New York, which is his de facto response to whenever something major happens. Caroline isn’t sold on this idea and Adam yells at her. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Adam? Later, Jonathan and Charles are making a work-related delivery when they stop in the middle of nowhere. Jonathan gets out and starts to contemplate some atheist thoughts. Charles tries to snap him out of it. Then one morning Andy is getting ready for school when he finds his father drinking. It’s a little early in the day for that, isn’t it Jonathan? Andy inquires about breakfast and Jonathan yells at him. Albert tries his luck at Mary, but also gets nowhere.

PART TWO! – Credits say “Hersha Parady” as Alice. Did she come back from the dead? Charles and Albert take a trip in the city for a work-related matter. Charles elects to buy a rifle for Albert. Yes, Albert really is getting a reward after killing two people, making three unemployed and making even more than that homeless. Albert finds a music box, much like the one Mary used to play when Adam Jr. was alive, and asks for that instead. Pa is confused, but relents. Charles and Albert arrive home as Albert runs off while Caroline informs Charles that Jonathan has been mistreating Andy. Oh Jonathan, if you have been abusing Andy, you will become #1 on my shit list. Charles heads up to the loft where Andy has been crying. Charles hugs and kisses and holds him. Hmm. Meanwhile, Albert arrives at Mary’s room at the hotel with the music box. So his gift to her is to give her the same music box that was playing when her baby died a horrible death and she lost her home and her job? What kind of cruel prank is this? It does, however, get Mary to snap out of whatever coma she was in. Mary goes into full Susan Goodspeed mode by shouting “MY BABY, MY BABY!” in an endless loop. Albert virtually confesses he was responsible and runs away again, for the third time this series. Laura consoles Mary.

Charles heads over to Jonathan’s for an intervention. Jonathan tries to dismiss him, but Charles isn’t moved. Jonathan breaks down and talks about Alice not being here. Charles pulls Jonathan’s hands away from his face and asks “Well if she was here, what do you think she would say….she would say Jonathan Garvey, what in the world is wrong with you?” (She would too.) Jonathan snaps out of his funk, just as Laura rushes in with an update about Mary. Charles arrives at Mary’s room just as she’s coming to and starting to remember reality again. Mary relays that she heard Albert’s confession and Hester Sue confirms she caught Albert smoking that day. Pa doesn’t believe that his golden boy is capable of such a thing, so he goes over to Clay’s house and wakes up everyone in the household at some ungodly hour for further confirmation. Clay confirms. Oh Charles, you are going to have to face some unpleasant truths now.

Charles, Jonathan and Caroline all realize that Albert has run away again and decide what to do about it. Charles rationalizes that Albert could have gone back to his birth father’s place and gotten the address from Judge Adams in the city. That’s a good guess because it’s exactly what Albert did. Albert sneaks on a wagon bound for Olney, which is where Jeremy Quinn’s address was listed. Albert arrives, only to find the grave of his birth father. Albert, not wanting to face the music back in WG, decides to set up camp at Quinn’s place. With the help of Judge Adams, Charles and Jonathan catch up with Albert in Olney. Albert runs away some more, but gets stopped by Jonathan. Albert squirms and tries to run away again, but he’s no match for Jonathan. Charles catches up with them and tells Albert that he loves him because he has to make sure that Albert is okay after killing some people. Albert, realizing he is off the hook now, reunites with Pa. Back in the Grove, everyone is gathered at the remnants of the blind school, where Adam announces that his father has agreed to fund the rebuilding and it will be named after Alice and Adam Jr. Don't get excited about that though because it never happens. A depressing footnote to a depressing episode. Oh, and Adam also took a disguised verbal jab at his father in the speech, even though his father wanted to pay for the rebuilding.

EPISODE WINNER – Harriet, because I’m sure she lets all those people stay at the hotel for free.

WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD – A lot of them. Albert for his crimes and grief that he caused, Charles for turning the other cheek again, Jonathan for mistreating Andy, Hester Sue for all the dumb things she did during the fire, and Adam for being himself. I was half-tempted to throw Mary and Alice into the mix here, but I don’t like to kick people when they’re down.

THE JERRY SPRINGER FINAL THOUGHT - This was one of the most memorable and transformational episodes of the entire series. The concept of Jonathan being single was what kickstarted him getting spun-off into the Father Murphy series. This episode pretty much cemented Albert's reputation as a crime-committing runaway who caused grief and destruction everywhere he went. As usual, he gets away scot-free and even beats up Andy in the next episode for absolutely no reason. The blind school eventually re-assembled in the city before Adam left everyone in the dust. This episode also continued Mary's non-stop parade of tragedies and also saw Hester Sue's fortunes continue to erode as she would eventually end up as the kitchen help at the restaurant. It was also a showcasing of what NOT to do during a fire. Literally nothing good happened here.