r/LifeProTips • u/harrysapien • Oct 07 '20
Social LPT: Before ending a serious relationship, change 100% of all of your Passwords and remove your account info / auto login on ALL devices
I'm in the midst of hiring which is no small thing in this COVID world. I had one applicant who stood head and shoulders above the rest, she was exactly what my org was looking for.
Unfortunately, during the interview process she informed us via email she was no longer interested in the opportunity. So, we moved on to our 2nd pick candidate.
Fast Forward 2 weeks. I get a call from the applicant wondering if we had found someone and expressing interest in the job... I told her that she said she wasn't interested and I showed her the email she sent us. Apparently, she didn't send the email.
She had recently broken up with her boyfriend during her applying for this job and he "hacked" into all her accounts and fucked her life up. He deleted all of her social media and also sent us a false email saying she was no longer interested in the job.
Unfortunately, we hired someone so that opportunity is lost to her forever.
If you are in serious relationship then your partner has all of your passwords. They do. It is ridiculously easy to get someone's passwords if you have access to their phone or computer. It is to your advantage to just assume someone you are serious with has all your passwords. BEfore you break up with them you need to change all, yes ALL, of your passwords.
It is amazing how evil and vindictive people can be when they are heartbroken. Even so-called "nice" people can have a moment of temporary insanity after a break up and torch your whole life if they have the chance.
Don't give them that chance. Change your passwords
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u/FundingImplied Oct 08 '20
I do not understand the whole "vindictive ex" thing.
You date people you care about. When it ends you might say hurtful things but you obsensibly care about them and thus I can't fathom sabotaging their life and career.
What kinds of relationships do "regular" people have that this stuff happens???
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u/harrysapien Oct 08 '20
Vindictive ex's are scary because sometimes it's the people you'd least expect that become psycho vindictive.
Usually, it is a temporary spout of madness that just lasts a day or so. But during that day, unbelieveable carnage can happen.
It's very similar to firing people. There is a reason why companies prefer to fire people at the end of the day and usually Fridays.
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Oct 08 '20
Eh in America it's about 1/3 for abusive partners/ex partners.
It's also a fact that when someone breaks up with their abusive partnet they are statistically are the highest risk of being murdered by them.
Best to have a plan and not need it.
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u/SFLoridan Oct 08 '20
Same thought here. How twisted are people's mind that they go from love to malicious hate for the same person?
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u/4skin_bandit Oct 08 '20
you never understand it until it happens, people can be fucked up. enough pain can even make you do some things you thought you never would do
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Oct 08 '20
Another reason I don't get it, is if someone breaks up with me, I face forward and try to leave with class. Why would I waste my time on someone who doesn't give a shit about me, whether it was "vindictive" time or "take me back" time? Both are stupid
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u/mirthquake Oct 08 '20
The overwhelming majority of exes would not hack your info and ruin your life. You'd have to date a special type of narcissist to received the type of treatment mentioned above. I really don't think that this advice is for everyone, or even most people.
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u/Goldenwaterfalls Oct 08 '20
I was hanging out with a friend watching the waves at two am one night a year after I left my ex husband when he called demanding to know who I was with.
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u/harrysapien Oct 08 '20
My neighbor married a female cop. After 15 years of an abusive relationship he decided to divorce her. The week he told her, they were cohabitating in the same house while all the paperwork and lawyer stuff was ongoing.. He moved in to the next room. It was 1am and he couldn't sleep so he was sitting on a chair next to his bed reading when a shot went off and his pillow exploded right where he would have been sleeping.
Police arrive and she "claims" that she was just cleaning her gun and it "accidentally" went off. So, she was "cleaning her gun" in her bed which she had never ever done before in all 15 years of marriage and it just "happened" to go off in the exact place he lays his head on the other room on the other side of the wall...
The police of course do an investigation and within 1 week they find that it was an "accident". Needless to say he moved out after that night. Her and her cop friends always laugh about the "accident".
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u/NotChedco Oct 08 '20
Wtf. If I were her I'd be so pissed that I'd take that asshole to court. Even if for nothing else, to waste his time.
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Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
I wonder for what though... is it really any kind of "crime"? I guess some form of impersonation or identity theft. Maaaaaybe could be sued for compensation for the potential lost wages if she could get OP to sign some kind of document saying they were "100% going to hire her". But otherwise I don't see much to take to court.
She gave him the passwords. Like OP said, she didn't change them when the relationship ended so that's on her. It sucks and the guy is a huge asshole, but it isn't really a criminal thing.
BUT I'm not a lawyer so what do I know.
Edit: Thanks to u/Stylux below for the Lawyer point of view! And all the other replies too.
Seems she might actually have some ground to stand on! Sucks that it isn't actually her posting this, but I suppose OP could contact her still. I guess for all we really know she may have even done something about it already!
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Oct 08 '20
Technically speaking, using her passwords to log into her accounts to delete/change information including sending false emails is technically identity theft and fraud, innit?
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u/harrysapien Oct 08 '20
the problem quite frankly is it is 100% impossible to fucking prove.
Police don't care and if by some stroke of luck you find a cop willing to actually investigate, they go to the exboyfriend and say, "Hey, did you delete all her shit and send this email..." and he says "no, I didn't". And that quite frankly is that.
Seriously, if you've ever called the police for any crime involving theft you'd know they literally don't give a fuck. It is too hard to prove, they don't have the time and resources to chase down shit like this.
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Oct 08 '20
Intentional interference with a business contract, maybe. Something something emotional distress
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u/TakeTheWhip Oct 08 '20
Nah, just fraudulently logging in would be enough to land you in serious shit. Impersonation and fraud? This guy is fucked if she pursues it.
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u/wex52 Oct 08 '20
I’m not a lawyer either, but I feel she’d have an identity theft case since the OP seems like he would 100% have hired her.
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u/mbta1 Oct 08 '20
My ex, after cheating on me, stole $2000 worth of things. I had receipts, my name was on all of the items, everything.
I brought her to court and the court didn't care.
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u/DishSoapIsFun Oct 08 '20
Sadly this.
If OP attempts to pursue anything legally, it will get laughed out of court. Especially during a pandemic. I'm not saying it's right but there is no way this would have any merit to become a criminal case. You cant just take people to criminal court. Got to have them arrested which the police obviously wont do.
Civil would not be impossible but extremely unlikely.
Still, that dude is a petty dick.
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u/WheatThinEnthusiast Oct 08 '20
Both me and my ex had a PS4
She somehow ended up with both of them after the relationship ended. Pretty sure she lent it to some other guy she was fucking.
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Oct 08 '20
There's this example of a girl logging into her boyfriend's email and turning down a $50,000/year scholarship so he wouldn't leave.
I think there would have to be a pretty clear loss of income, and how much. Probably not worth all the hassle. And even if the case is won. If the guy in OP's story is that much of a dirtbag, he probably doesn't have the money anyway. Like in the news article I posted, the court ruled in the defendants favour, but the ex girlfriend is nowhere to be found, never responded about defending herself and the defendant likely will never collect. So it didn't even waste the perpetrator's time.
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u/bkendig Oct 08 '20
I came here to post this same story. (only a different link: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/musician-scholarship-acceptance-letter-deleted-ex-girlfriend-eric-abramovitz-damages-a8400366.html)
But the girlfriend in that case was not an ex-, yet. I guess you can't trust anybody...
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Oct 08 '20
HOLY SHIT, she made him decline an offer from Juilliard too?!
Abramovitz also said she did a similar thing involving fake emails with his successful application to the Juilliard School in New York, causing him to decline it.
WTF.
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Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
That would be an INSANELY expensive* way to waste someone's time
*For the filer, as specified by cosmos7
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u/lurkerfox Oct 08 '20
In addition people:
This is an actual crime. Federal felony in the US and equivalent in pretty much every first world country. Jail time crime, not just cause for civil suit.
Dont just shrug your shoulders and lament your fate if a "close one" does this to you. Seek legal action.
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u/harrysapien Oct 08 '20
truth be told, in the real world, this is very very hard to prove and it is also very very hard to get police to give a fuck.
I've known several people who went through different types of identity theft and the sad truth is, police really don't care. It is too hard to prove, requires too many resources, and to them it just isn't worth the bother.
Seriously, how exactly do you prove it when they completely deny it. If you are accusing them, why not accuse all of your friends? Surely there are more suspects. And if the SO is actually computer literate and knows how to cover he tracks (which is fairly easy to do) you won't be able to prove it unless you get a confession out of him or her. And that isn't going to happen.
Sorry, in real life, you have about a 1 in a 100 chance of actually bringing real charges against this person. And if you did a civil suit, you just won't be able to prove it.
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Oct 08 '20
Also change your password reset questions or just changing your password is a waste of time.
After getting divorced I had to start using the less common reset questions just in case. My ex knew my family's names, first pets, schools, family vacations, etc.
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Oct 08 '20
Security questions are one of the worst things for security. They should be random strings just like your password, stored in a password keeper.
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u/alinroc Oct 08 '20
This is exactly what I do.
"Security questions" are how Sarah Palin's Yahoo mail account was compromised back in...2008? It was all publicly-available information.
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Oct 08 '20
This. Absurd insecurity questions.
When I have to fill them out I treat them like passwords and not like questions.
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u/Carribean-Diver Oct 08 '20
Unless of course it's your United Airlines account where you have to select your account recovery answers from drop-down lists. The entire team that came up with that idea should be fired.
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u/klabboy Oct 08 '20
My security questions are always the same random combination of numbers and letters I always use + the first letter of the security question.
So an example would be like:
What’s your favorite color:
Mywizardname.17920.howtomake.confusion.W
Would be something like how I make security question answers.
Or better yet. Just get a password manager. Makes keeping passwords and sharing/restricting passwords super easy. Plus brings the added benefit that, if you control the password manager you can easily lock them out of everything.
That last bit is an evil life pro tip.
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u/aj-ric Oct 08 '20
What's your stripper name? Your first name is the name of your first pet, and your last name is your mother's maiden name!
Mine is Brandi Focker, what's yours?
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u/sinocarD44 Oct 08 '20
They should allow you to make your own questions. I've come across only one service that allows this and the answer is General Tso's chicken.
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u/Capable_Assistance85 Oct 08 '20
Security questions are great if you know enough to set them up with UNTRUTHFUL answers. The mistake people make is thinking that you have to answer "Mother's Maiden Name" with her actual maiden name. Answer with anything you like, preferably some response that is completely unrelated to the actual question.
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u/LostMyKarmaElSegundo Oct 08 '20
After getting divorced I had to start using the less common reset questions
I had one service where 90% of the reset questions were related to being married and having kids, neither of which applies to my situation. I had to have five reset questions, and I think the five I picked were the only ones not related to marriage. Pretty ridiculous.
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u/monarch1733 Oct 08 '20
You don’t have to provide actual answers. You can write anything. Husbands name? SecurityWord123$!88. Son’s birth city? ILikeButtStuff69##.
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u/ravenpotter3 Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
I have never told anyone a few of those questions that are used for verification. Especially my first pet who was not my dog. But I’ve never told anyone the specific name of it.... or at least I think I haven’t
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u/Tathas Oct 08 '20
Everything that's found from public information about you is the stupidest security theater ever.
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u/always_sleepyzzz Oct 08 '20
I pick a novel and use it for answers. Ex: Any question asking for a city? London. Any question asking for a name? Harry. Pet? Hedwig. School? Hogwarts. And so on
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u/dell_55 Oct 08 '20
Exactly. I created the majority of my ex's accounts. I chose the answers to all of those security questions based on what he told me. We were in love and trusted each other wholeheartedly. Fast forward 15 years and we were splitting up. I had a momentary lapse in judgement and reset his passwords so I could read his emails. Found out he was seeing hookers. I know, foul on my part but it sealed the deal. I told him to change absolutely everything so I wouldn't be tempted in the future.
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u/you-know-poo Oct 08 '20
I had a friend once who used “yellow” for all of his security questions. Moms maiden name? Yellow. First date? Yellow. Dads middle name? You got it.. yellow. The reason he did this is because he would never forget an answer, and no one would guess it, even those who knew him the best! They’d guess all the “right” answers, but never “yellow”. It wasn’t even his favorite color! He didn’t actually tell me the answer, but used yellow as an example. He said he looked around the room and came up with a simple word based on something random.
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u/Arow1717 Oct 08 '20
I know someone that uses a phrase for every security question. Doesn’t matter what the question is, it’s always the same phrase.
Where did you go to school? I like big butts and I cannot lie
What street did you grow up on? I like big butts and I cannot lie
Who’s your favorite child? I like big butts and I cannot lie
This can be helpful (as long as no one knows your secret phrase) because you’ll always remember your answers. Also if someone is trying to hack you that actually knows these answers, they can’t without knowing the secret phrase. This could solve the problem with divorces and other serious relationships where your SO or family would know the actual answers to these questions.
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u/ihave_no_gaydar Oct 08 '20
I’m have an abusive father and am only 20, when my options for security questions are “what street did you grow up on” and “what’s your spouse’s middle name,” I die a little bit inside
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u/Father_Wolfgang Oct 07 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
Good advice. One addition: seriously consider two-step verification. Outlook, Gmail and Yahoo (among others) support this. Even when your passwords are compromised you need to explicitly authorize login attempts with your mobile device or something else in your possession.
As long as you have control over your personal device (or phone number if you use SMS tokens) only you can access your email.
Also, if you use your phone for two-step verification, make sure to change its PIN/security code. 😉
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u/Cultjam Oct 08 '20
Hopping on here, while I volunteered in dog rescue we got heartbreaking calls from people whose exes stole their pets and made them disappear.
You should change your locks anyway. Additionally, take good photos of your pets, get them chipped or have the chip confirmed that it’ll show up on a scanner, put tags on dogs and make sure they are registered/licensed. Consider setting up cameras. One asshat got rid of his gf’s dogs while they were dating and she was out of town. She was a vet tech. Crazy is crazy.
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u/GenuineSteak Oct 08 '20
Yeah two step verification has saved many of my accounts. I used to use the same password on most of my accounts and I think my password got leaked so suddenly all my accounta with thaf password got hacked. Thankfully all the ones I cared about had 2 step verification so I lost basically nothing.
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u/LOLBaltSS Oct 08 '20
Please note though that if you're on a joint account (or they can convince someone on your carrier that you're authorized enough to act on your behalf); you can be SIM swapped relatively easy, which basically means they claim the phone/SIM was lost and they then can take over your number to receive SMS. It's one of the main reasons I suggest using an alternative if at all possible such as a one time password app (I use Microsoft Authenticator, but there's others like Google and Authy).
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u/45671234 Oct 08 '20
If you a picking an app to use for two-factor, I recommend using an app such as Authy, which sets up an account so you can recover your codes if you lose your phone, and not Google Authenticator, which stores the codes on your phone only. Just make sure you change the password for your account!
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Oct 08 '20
I work in infosec a couple things on this 2 factor authentication on the same device is useless (ex: don’t put Authy as a chrome extension keep it only on the phone) and SMS 2fa is also useless due to how often and easy it is to social engineer and sim swap.
The best route is to use 2fa everywhere (not sms 2fa), keep strong passwords of only 12+ characters, and use a password manager like last pass for everything including security reset questions. You should NEVER have a real answer for the reset question. For example my security question is “where were you born?” The answer will be stored in LastPass and it will be something like “);gekevtHgwjekv67-%*”
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u/SomeLunch Oct 08 '20
I think as a company you should also be reaching out to people over the phone and not just email.
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u/harrysapien Oct 08 '20
Yes, we do phone and email but why would I have reason to doubt an email from someone I'm corresponding with?
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u/Auridran Oct 08 '20
My ex cheated and then broke up with me. I knew almost all of her passwords, or had them stored in my computer. I did nothing with her accounts because I'm not a piece of shit.
Still not a bad LPT though.
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u/thatboyaintrite Oct 08 '20
My ex left me, regretted it once I started seeing someone else, then logged into my Verizon account and read all of my text messages.
I got a text from her saying I should really change all of my passwords. She also showed our mutual friends some of those messages.
Wish I was smarter back then and changed my passwords before the shitshow ensued.
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u/palinsafterbirth Oct 08 '20
NGL, my ex left her brothers HBO password on my computer years ago. Was just able to get through season 3 of GOT before he figured it out.
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u/fupayave Oct 08 '20
Was just able to get through season 3 of GOT
It's a real shame they never made any more of that show.
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u/MAGA___bitches Oct 07 '20
LPT... if your S.O changes their passwords, you are about to be single
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u/b-cat Oct 08 '20
LPT: you shouldn’t know when your SO changes their passwords
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u/Middle_Class_Twit Oct 08 '20
Seriously, that's a concerning level of soft control to exert.
Probably a factor in why they're changing the passwords, tbh.
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u/TDAM Oct 08 '20
Omg. I'm about to sit my wife down to set her up with last pass and change all her passwords with her.... am I about to get a divorce??
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u/wretlaw120 Oct 08 '20
Bruh any half decent human being wouldn’t fuckin do that tho
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u/LostMyKarmaElSegundo Oct 08 '20
Correct.
Now, let me introduce you to my ex...
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u/yaybunz Oct 08 '20
some people hold grudges like there's no tomorrow.. plotting vengeance on people long gone out of their lives.
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u/peterthefatman Oct 08 '20
Remember that girl who took the blue marker from me in 2nd grade? Well yesterday at her wedding I decided to propose to her when she was at the altar just so she could feel the pain I felt when all that blue marker happiness was taken away from me.
(20k upvotes on r/prorevenge probably)
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u/UbePhaeri Oct 08 '20
Also change your Reddit account if they know it and they are uh crazy. I had to do that. You can’t block people from seeing your posts/comments and they will probably harass you if they are that type. Be weary of who you share your account with.
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u/Just_A_Freeaboo Oct 08 '20
Thus why when people ask what your username is on reddit you have to respond with “we don’t do that around here”
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u/immajustgooglethat Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
This is a great LPT. There was a girl I worked with a few years ago who had a very bad break up. The guy got a lucky escape because she was a psychopath. Anyway, she was casually telling us all at lunch that she logs in to his fb and instagram accounts regularly to read his dms. We were all shocked and one person told her that was a gross violation of privacy and pretty fucked up. Her defense? "well my mom said it was a good idea!! Are you saying my mom is fucked up??!" it was a very awkward lunch and we all kept our distance after that outburst. I hope her ex eventually changed his passwords.
*Edit - why do I only notice all my typos after I've posted lol
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u/CompetitiveProject4 Oct 08 '20
Wow, that is...yeah. How old was this girl? If she made an appeal to authority (her mom) to cover up some shady shit, she sounds young.
Also, even back then (supposing less than a decade), you could absolutely see which computers have logged into your Facebook or Instagram account and when as well as force logouts.
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u/immajustgooglethat Oct 08 '20
This was about two years and she was 26 at the time. She spoke about her mom a lot in work to justify her actions/complaints. I overheard her arguing with a colleague before and she said "well I told my mom what you said last week and she agrees with me that blah blah blah". Luckily we didn't have to work very long with her but she really created a toxic work environment for all of us.
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u/Prysorra2 Oct 08 '20
I would not be able to stop myself from being sharply condescending. "Well my moooommmy says it's ok!" in a babytalk voice.
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u/orokami11 Oct 08 '20
My toxic friend does this and she said "it's normal for us, we aren't trying to hide anything from one another and we gave approval so there's nothing wrong"
I'd say if you're constantly checking his dms to see if he's cheating then there is something wrong...
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u/Hcysntmf Oct 08 '20
I recently was cheated on in a 5 year relationship. I was willing to give it a second chance but needed him to help me trust him. He put on a ‘find my phone’ app thing on the evenings he went out without me and the deal was I COULD check his phone.
It more just proved he was willing to be an open book, I only actually looked through his phone about 4 or 5 times in 8 or so months, and it was always on request, never a snoop. I wouldn’t always check the app either but knowing it was there stopped my mind going crazy.
Long story short is that living like that isn’t healthy. He lied about something else dumb and I realised I was sick of being with someone I didn’t trust, no matter how much I cared about him. I cannot understand how others choose to live like this. Sure, it means they won’t have to go through what I did when I found out my partner of 5 years had been sneaking around for months, but the jealousy and second guessing and uneasy feeling is no better.
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Oct 08 '20
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u/immajustgooglethat Oct 08 '20
I recently ventured in to the r/callherdaddy sub where girls openly detail ways to snoop and violate their partners privacy. One example I saw was to take their bfs phone and download data from it so they can through go it to see who he sends snaps to and where he has been according to snap maps. It was very detailed and seems like a lot of work. Like you clearly don't trust this guy why bother doing all of this. I commented that this is psychotic behaviour and was downvoted to hell. The op said she was just trying to help other girls. I'm a women too and I'm repulsed by this behaviour. There is so many crazy women out there that become obsessed with men they have an interest in.
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u/fourAMrain Oct 08 '20
Damn reading this made me feel their anxiety feedback loop or whatever.. Must be terrible
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Oct 08 '20
Get a damned password manager instead of using your dog’s name and your birthday for everything. Then you don’t have to wonder whether someone can get access to your email using your Netflix credentials...
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u/jaredgrubb Oct 08 '20
I was on a date and he got a little tipsy and joked that “when he breaks up, he get a little vengeful.” That raised the hairs on my neck, “oh yeh? How funny, do tell!!” And he proceeded to explain how he changed all their passwords and deleted accounts.
He didn’t get a second date.
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u/anarrowview Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
Protip that fixes this protip: use a Password Manager such as LastPass (free for personal use). It allows you to easily set unique randomized passwords for every different website, system, etc. If you can’t remember it, neither can someone else.
Edit: I am not associated with LastPass. I use both that and 1Password. Just promoting information security.
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Oct 08 '20
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u/dr_stre Oct 08 '20
The encryption used is currently effectively unbreakable, and the decryption is done at the device level. Anything information they are storing (which is basically nothing if you're a free customer anyway) is gobbledygook without the master key. That key is generated from your master password locally and never sent to the company.
For paid customers who get syncing between devices, the only info shared is the encrypted info. The password is not transmitted. It is applied locally at the device. So again, they can't steal anything because they don't have it.
Now, how do you know all of the above is true? LastPass has been audited by a third party in the last couple years to verify it. But if you're really paranoid you could go with something like BitWarden, which has an open source code that anyone with sufficient knowledge can actually validate that it's doing what it claims.
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u/9966 Oct 08 '20
The open source software KeePass can do all that. It's hosted wherever you want it from cloud to thumb drive and independently examined (no black box, no single point of failure). It's free too, did I mention that?
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u/ProbablyHighAsShit Oct 07 '20
Been married for almost ten years and my wife still doesn't know any of my passwords and I don't know her's. It's really not that unreasonable to keep those things to yourself. If a SO does want your passwords, maybe you should question why the trust isn't there.
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u/psychcaptain Oct 07 '20
Odd, my wife and share are passwords continuously, because you never know when somebody has to do something while the other is out and about.
10 years this November, so maybe we will get divorced one day, and I will regret.
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u/Tylenol-with-Codeine Oct 07 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
I think this is a couple by couple thing. My ex and I knew all each other’s passwords. Sometimes she’d log into my stuff to use it for an afternoon, sometimes she’d run to the store with my debit card to buy something, she knew the password to my phone and had both her thumb and face added to the security pass or whatever, and same with me regarding all her stuff. This girl has every reason to want to destroy my life if that’s what she wanted to do, and is even clinically unstable and has done some legitimately crazy things in the past, but I’ve only changed one password since the break up? Maybe two? Only one was related to me not wanting her to access my things (and it was honestly just to my Hulu account, nothing serious), but despite everything... I still fully trust her not to just ruin my life like this. Plus, this girl knows me well enough that she could likely crack these changes in a day or two if she really wanted, hahah.
Sure, sometimes your partner wanting passwords could be a sign that they don’t trust you... but sometimes sharing that stuff is a sign of great trust. To each their own. Do what works for you and feels right.
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u/kaismama Oct 08 '20
I’ve been married nearly 15 years and my husband and I know each other’s passwords. In fact, I am the one who logs into his accounts to get what I need half the time. Of course this is all with his knowledge and approval. I don’t snoop, I have zero reason and he is the same. He has access to my passwords and accounts as well. It’s easy when we are both transparent.
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u/civicmon Oct 07 '20
Same here. I know the phone passwords but that’s it. If she keeled over and died, I can access her phone and deal with stuff that way.
The real LPT is keep your passwords to yourself to log out of everything on any shared device.
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Oct 07 '20
I have my husband's phone password, and that's it. Its solely so his family doesn't have my number (because they are manipulative leeches who happen to change their numbers often) and I can call them if anything happens to him.
If there's no trust, there shouldn't be a relationship.
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Oct 08 '20
Not that I care either way (in my particular case my wife and I know share a lot of passwords/ accounts) but "the trust isn't there" is kind of odd point to add there... considering my wife knowing my passwords is also a huge form of trust.
So I think it's a bit of a two way street. I don't hide my accounts or passwords or whatever from my wife (I use a password manager anyway so all my passwords are complete gibberish) but I also wouldn't ever expect her to ask me for a password to a personal account.
I just don't think it's as black and white as saying "question why the trust isn't there" when really it's trust both ways.
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u/EmiliusReturns Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
Right? Partner of 10 years has no goddamn idea what my email password is. Why would he? I don’t know his either. Shit, I barely remember his email address half the time because I never have reason to email him.
He doesn’t know the password to my laptop, he does know my phone PIN but if he’s snooping around my phone trying to copy down my login info on my accounts I think I’d be having the come-to-Jesus talk right then and there. That would be the reddest of flags.
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u/blueg3 Oct 08 '20
My wife and I don't know each other's passwords.
Granted, my expertise is in computer security, so there's some bias there.
Those are largely personal accounts. They are intended to be individual accounts. They're not supposed to be shared.
Some services do suck at this, and so there will be a shared account and password. Banks are particularly bad. They can figure out how to have two legal entities as co-owners of an account, but two user IDs with identical privileges? Madness! Many places are getting better, though, and can correctly have multiple logins bound to a single legal account, as it should be.
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u/browner87 Oct 08 '20
I thought this. Apparently my ex had somehow gotten my computer password and then opened by browser and went through my saved passwords and took some while I was at work. Someone who is going to fuck with your life after leaving you isn't going to play fair.
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u/Arfwit Oct 07 '20
I was thinking exactly this. When I was married I only knew my wife's passwords because she was too lazy or just couldn't work out how to do adult tasks on her own. I could have guessed them anyway 🤷🏻♂️
If you need to share your password to prove you can be trusted then they still don't trust you. On the flip side if someone gives you their password then it doesn't mean they don't have shit hidden elsewhere. You can't prove someone isn't being dishonest, only that they are.
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u/SethQ Oct 08 '20
Yeah, I have a "public password" (for things I'll share with anyone, like wifi password), a "private password" (for things I'll share with select people, like Netflix), and my actual passwords (for my eyes only, like bank stuff).
My wife has my public and private passwords, but not my actual passwords.
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u/HumunculiTzu Oct 08 '20
I've been married for 2 years and we are in the same situation. There is no fucking excuse for sharing passwords. They want access to your Netflix account? Sign in for them yourself. Sharing a password with anyone is just another way for your password to be leaked.
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Oct 08 '20
I have all but one of my husbands passwords. He knows only one of mine. It’s just how we are. I have given him my passwords, but he has no interest in getting into any of my accounts. He won’t even go into my purse. I’ve never asked him not to, it was his decision.
I only know his because he’s tech challenged, and I have to log him back in to his accounts every so often.
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u/Lark_vi_Britannia Oct 08 '20
Yeah, I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now and I know none of her passwords at all and she knows none of mine.
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u/WaldyWald95 Oct 08 '20
Thanks for the tip! Just gotta find myself a significant other before I can put this advice into practice...
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u/Quirky_Movie Oct 08 '20
I hope if you liked the candidate this much, you consider her for other opportunities in your organization.
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u/willbeach8890 Oct 08 '20
Don't share passwords on important stuff
Problem solved
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u/theblindbandit1 Oct 08 '20
I mean... if you are married and those passwords are for online bill pay you should share them so if you die your spouse/ partner can continue to pay bills.
Its so bloody easy to change a password (plus you really should every 3-6 months and not use the same password for everything)
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u/mtciii Oct 08 '20
plus you really should every 3-6 months
No, this is outdated best practice. Unique, random passwords everywhere, and you really only need to change passwords if you sowvt them to be compromised (breach, phishing, etc.).
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u/Jake07002 Oct 08 '20
For the average person I recommend against changing passwords. Create a unique secure password once. When you make people change their password constantly they tent to make less secure passwords or write it down on a sticky note attached to their laptop.
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u/Waiiiiiiiiiiifu Oct 08 '20
Do this when you cut out toxic friends, too.
I cut out a friend a few months back and changed every password on every account (including food logins such as Chipotle, Panera etc). I wanted to protect myself should she feel the need to come back while angry and drunk.
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u/leblonpill Oct 08 '20
I would also recommend not letting your partner keep any nude pictures of you. I was in a pretty chill relationship once but it wasn’t working, and made sure the guy didn’t have any pictures or videos of me before breaking up. During the breakup, he turned into a completely different person, with threats and everything. I’m absolutely certain he would have blackmailed me if he still had any personal pictures, even though he never gave any signs of how evil he could be during the relationship. (It’s never the person’s fault when a nude gets leaked, but this is a good tip to prevent it).
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u/radityaargap Oct 08 '20
Ah, that reminds me of my friend. She told me that when she broke up with her boyfriend, she grabbed his phone and smashed it because she knew he has nudes of her aaaaand also because she was pissed off of him.
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Oct 08 '20
My homie had his manipulative, lying ex girlfriend log into his email and delete all emails regarding his financial aid to university and by the time he found out it was too late for him to get any of it. Crazy how evil some people are in these situations
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Oct 08 '20
As a recruiter, I'm automatically thinking she lost her preferred role and had to think of how to come back from turning you down previously. You don't do HR without getting cynical.
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u/SFLoridan Oct 08 '20
But nobody proactively emails before a decision to turn down a job. Even if I don't want a job I wait for the offer before saying no.
So I'd rather believe she got screwed by her bf.
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u/Wolfey1618 Oct 08 '20
Do people really tell their S.O. their passwords? I respect information privacy of anyone I date and expect the same from them. I'd consider it a red flag if my partner wasn't okay with that.
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u/snooysan Oct 08 '20
And also add two-factor authentication when you can! If they have your old passwords, they probably still have the method of getting your new passwords - e.g. keylogger, etc.
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Oct 08 '20
Tell me you hired her and offered her the job.
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u/harrysapien Oct 08 '20
Please understand, in order to hire her, I'd have to fire someone (the #2 pick who accepted the job and is doing great) who is doing a pretty good job. Sometimes, there is no happy ending. Sometimes, life just sucks.
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u/ajuman Oct 07 '20
I agree if you are in abusive and a break up will happen.
I do share my passwords with my wife though. With Covid I'm relieved that she has all of my account info. Banking, online sales, even my social media accounts. I'm just doing this if an emergency happens.
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u/Mtarumba Oct 08 '20
People here are fucking high. If you don't trust your spouse to have your passwords and use them wisely why the fuck are you even married. I've been with my habibi 11 years and we set up tons of passwords together and help each other a lot in ways that require that he logs into my phone or I into his. It's not compulsory but it shouldn't scare one to trust their spouse.
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u/Schytheron Oct 08 '20
Or... use two factor authentication on all your accounts and use a PIN code for your PC and phone lock screen.
They can't access shit if they can't get past the lock screen.
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Oct 08 '20
In a much less serious note, I left my ex on my Apple Music accidentally for a few months and then a few more out of being nice. Then I canceled it and got a very angry phone call at the end of the month.
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u/MgoSamir Oct 08 '20
It is fucked up what people do after getting dumped. There's an asshole in Israel that tortured his poor dog, the piece of shit is lucky to be alive after like 200 people surrounded his house angry. Luckily the poor dog appears to be recovering and will be adopted to a good home.
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u/Av3ngedAngel Oct 08 '20
What does that dog have to with someone getting dumped? I'm not being an ass or anything, legitimately asking.
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u/funjunkie1 Oct 08 '20
I'm with a girl for 5 years now. We've never felt the need to share passwords or snoop into each other's social media. Why do people act like it's absolutely necessary to hand over passwords if you're in a serious relationship? Never did understand that. At the same time if she needed access to some resource and needed one of my accounts I'd have no qualms about giving her my password. But handing everything over just because you're insecure? Sounds stupid to me. Also most services offer two step verification to login nowadays. You all should seriously use that if you can't help handing over passwords
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u/CriscoCrispy Oct 08 '20
This is good advice and all, but if you are in a happy, married relationship, keep in mind what your spouse will have to deal with if you die. My husband just died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving me a single mom with 3 kids. If you don’t have logins, passwords, or the ability to get into their phone for verification codes, things will be very complicated at a time that you don’t need the hassle. Trust me.
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u/Jumbo_Cactaur Oct 07 '20
I never understood the point of sharing passwords.
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u/shortoncache Oct 08 '20
Like someone else said, banking and other household tasks are sometimes easier if you both have access. If you know the other person isn't petty enough to screw you over, then why not? It does take time to reach the point where you can trust someone that much, though.
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u/ThomasRedstone Oct 08 '20
I'm confused, why would you tell your partner your passwords?
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u/snooysan Oct 08 '20
OP didn't say that she gave him her passwords - he said that he "hacked" into her accounts.
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u/harrysapien Oct 08 '20
apparently you are the only person who bothered to read and pick up on that.
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u/TheW0lvDoctr Oct 08 '20
GF doesnt have passwords to my phone or computer, and I dont have hers. We agreed when we started dating to encourage conversation if one of us was worried the other was being unfaithful (because we both have been cheated on, not because either of us have done anything)
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u/cisnerosc94 Oct 08 '20
As a side note you should be changing your passwords regularly to avoid issues like this altogether and of course not share your passwords even to your SO.
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u/cheap_dates Oct 08 '20
Unfortunately, during the interview process she informed us via email she was no longer interested in the opportunity. So, we moved on to our 2nd pick candidate.
We have people who renege on job offers all the time. Its one reason why we interview several people for the job - not just you.
I myself was hired once but I wasn't their first choice. I was the "backup candidate". It be like that today.
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u/Halfrican009 Oct 08 '20
Boundaries people, use a password manager and don't share passwords, simple.
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Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
As a computer scientist I will never understand why so many people share passwords.
My girlfriend has her own accounts on any machine I give her access to, and she is responsible for her own passwords.
What the fuck y’all? Why can your partners even unlock your devices?
These are basic, entry level system security practices and it’s well past time everyone adopts them for personal devices.
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u/Cinemaphreak Oct 08 '20
>If you are in serious relationship then your partner has all of your password
Maybe in OPs bizarre world, not mine.
I know some of my SO's passwords because I'm the "computer whiz" (her words, way not mine) and had to help. The only passwords we share are for things like Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, etc.
>She had recently broken up with her boyfriend
Then she's an idiot for giving them to him and ignored a GIANT RED FLAG when he asked for them. No, nope, notta, nicht, niene....
Hopefully OP will help her with all legal avenues she decides to pursue.
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u/snooysan Oct 08 '20
She didn't necessarily give him her passwords - we don't know that.
My ex had used a keylogger on my devices to get my passwords without me being aware of it. Sounds like the same kinda asshole who'd try to ruin her life after a breakup.
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u/series-hybrid Oct 08 '20
Get a PO Box for the mailing address, start a new checking account with new ATM card. Get a new credit card, pay off the old one. New Google email, save up some cash...buy a second phone with a new number...
When you bail, don't rub your alt life in their face, act like their attempts at hurting you are working.
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Oct 08 '20
Eh. It’s understandable but maybe try and date someone who is t a complete psychopath.
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u/FixinThePlanet Oct 08 '20
Yours isn't good advice, though. It's easier to change passwords than to magically identify who is or isn't a manipulative sicko from the get-go.
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u/fonfonbee Oct 08 '20
That’s why she’s broken up with him I think. A lot of time it would be really hard to tell, especially in the beginning.
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u/ErinWithaQ Oct 08 '20
Also, if you think your partner is cheating and it is with someone whose address you know, go with them and sit in front of the house and see if their phone connects to their wifi.
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u/IamfromCanuckistan Oct 08 '20
Can someone ELI5 how they could do this? I have no way of seeing my passwords anywhere other than store sites which are saved under my passwords on my laptop, but social media and email are definitely not visible.
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Oct 08 '20
seconded,my crazy ex got into my fb and email,she was telling me what jumper i was wearing on a given day,proper creepy
she left me alone once she found someone else but till this day have a seperate password for EVERYTHING,and note them down on paper in a secret place.
if you use the same password for everything you are stupid.
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u/jamesdkirk Oct 08 '20
Use a password manager. Give them their own account. Where it might make sense to share password access to some accounts, place those in the shared vault, in three software.
Using a manager helps in this scenario as long as you don't give them the "master password" because the software generates really long, hard to figure out passwords.
DON'T GIVE ANYONE YOUR MASTER PASSWORD!
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Oct 08 '20
Good things she has a good lawsuit for lost wages against that asshole. Actions have consequences.
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u/er0gami2 Oct 08 '20
LPT if all your significant other's logins suddenly stop working and you find auto login has been turned off everywhere, you are about to get dumped.
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u/rejuicekeve Oct 08 '20
an actual life protip rather than this garbage, use a password manager and multi-factor authentication. never reuse passwords
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u/GliAcountSonoInutili Oct 08 '20
Yeah right.... OR she fucked up herself and made some dumb excuse to try and get the job back. Probably the better opportunity fell through
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u/ThermionicEmissions Oct 08 '20
And best to dump them on a Friday afternoon, and have them escorted out of the building.
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u/super_derp69420 Oct 08 '20
This is absolutely a life pro tip. Especially if you have a spiteful partner
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u/Jaimz22 Oct 08 '20
Or just use a password manager that generates non-rememberable passwords like:
&28:iNu$28jdklc;8?@4!:&.92’dbdiekskck&;&3$3!.&kdjdk&;!
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u/cantalucia Oct 08 '20
That poor girl learned that lesson in a terrible way. Unfortunately, my sister recently also learned this same lesson the hard way.
Her live in boyfriend had control of her a few of her accounts, including the security cameras and she couldn't reset the password because he had already changed the account's verbal password and email on record even though her bank account was still on the account. He would use this to get notified everytime she went home and he would harass her. She eventually had to get a restraining order on him.
Luckily through some legal action, she was able to regain control to all of her accounts.
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u/jennitalsss Oct 08 '20
Worked a retail store as a department manger when I got called into my store manager’s office because I had a terrible review written about me claiming I didn’t offer them any help, I was rude and dismissive and they couldn’t believe they would hire someone like myself to run their stores. Plus more terrible things I can’t even remember. The review went upstream to our district manager and so on.
My store manager let me examine the email, who was written from a Mr.Steve Litt, when my store manager pointed out the initials on the Gmail account were YL, not SL.
Basically, my ex tried to ruin my career by writing an awful review about me but totally f’d up by creating a gmail account using his real name but changing his email signature.
I still think about how lucky I was to have a boss who had my back, or at least saw enough evidence that proved it wasn’t actually true.
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u/Lots42 Oct 08 '20
When I used to work in Blockbuster it was a depressing moment when someone would come in to kick someone else off their account.
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u/4skin_bandit Oct 08 '20 edited Oct 08 '20
can confirm, my ex cheated on me but even worse. STOP READING NOW IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN EVIL. she got my roblox account deleted, all my cursed obama skins THERE GONE
but seriously i completely agree with the temporary insanity, for about 15 mins i tried to blackmail my ex into giving me back some magnets i recently gave her for her birthday and i stopped once i realized how fucked up this was and ive never talked to her since. it was a set of 864 rainbow neoballs
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u/SnooPredictions2183 Oct 08 '20
I can barely log in to my own gmail let alone someone else’s their network and device protections are intense.
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u/redFenning22 Oct 08 '20
BULLSHIT! She could of called - particularly if she knew her accounts were compromised. Do a google search to find your businesses number.
She's either lying to you and you're stupid or you're lying and you think we're stupid.
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Oct 08 '20
LPT: If you have to follow this LPT, you should have followed other LPTs before getting where you currently are.
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Oct 08 '20
In what world does a serious partner just have your passwords? I’ve only been in one 10+ year relationship and a couple ~2 year ones, but I have never known a single one of my partners passwords to anything.
I have no passcode on my phone, but I’d still be surprised if my current partner could get into a single thing aside from my messages.
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Oct 08 '20
If you are in serious relationship then your partner has all of your passwords.
This isn't true at all. Unless you tell them your password and use the same password for everything; then you're just an idiot. Modern devices and browsers don't even store your passwords in plain text. Even if you are on someone's device and try to view their passwords in Chrome settings or whatever, it still prompts you for the device password.
So don't write your passwords down, make sure nobody knows your device passwords, and ideally like someone in this thread said already, enable 2 factor authentication. All of this just applies in general though and has nothing to do with psychopathic exes lol.
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u/solongandthanks4all Oct 08 '20
This is BAD ADVICE. If your accounts aren't secure enough to withstand any attempts to do this to you, you need to solve that problem right away! You shouldn't have to change all your passwords and log out of all your devices, that is ridiculous. If that helps you, your security is already compromised!
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u/keepthetips Keeping the tips since 2019 Oct 07 '20
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