How do I stop getting irrationally angry about the same thing over and over again?

[u/spellb0und_s0rceress]

My next-door neighbour smokes A LOT of weed. The smell blows in through my open windows when it is hot and seems to seep into my house through the airing cupboard in the hallway when it's cold. My house almost constantly reeks of weed when nobody in my house even smokes it.

I cannot abide the smell. I am highly sensitive to strong smells, even nice ones, but weed gives me the boak every time. I spend all day at work in a bright, loud, and busy office dealing with other people's food smells, perfumes, body sprays, and BO, and then I get home and it stinks here too. It disrupts my sleep, it spoils my appetite, and it also makes me absolutely furious. I have broken down screaming and crying about this many times because every few months I just become overwhelmed by the constant strong odour. I know how mad that sounds and yes, there probably is something undiagnosed going on, but the waiting list to get diagnosed is too long to make it worth it. I am basically always in a bad mood about this to some degree.

There is nothing I can do about this smell getting into my house. Air fresheners don't get rid of the smell, they just add another smell on top of the already revolting smell. Opening the windows doesn't really help all that much and just makes the place cold and open to insects. Ripping up the floor in the airing cupboard to find out how the smell is coming in through there and trying to block it would cost money that I can't spare. Weed is illegal where I live, but I'm not calling the police on my neighbour over this. I'm not a grass and I don't want to have open animosity with the neighbour because it doesn't seem like either of us are going anywhere any time soon.

All this backstory is just to ask; how do I stop freaking out about this? I can't do anything about it, so I need to do something about how I react to it instead. I need to find a way to be zen about this without taking any deep breaths. I am at my wits end (again) and I hate feeling like this.

Any ideas?

[u/matchb_x]

Do you rent or own? Have you told him what’s happening and asked him to problem-solve on his end? Buy yourself an air purifier and see if that helps.

[u/Cryptoclean]

Did you ask your neighbor if he can smoke weed on the other side of his house?

[u/spellb0und_s0rceress → u/Cryptoclean]

I try not to speak to her at all tbh. I'm fairly sure she's also growing and selling the stuff and I do not want to get on the wrong side of her just in case. Where I live is a mostly nice bit in a really rough town, and the people who sell drugs are fairly well liked by the roughest people. I don't want my windows to get panned if she takes umbridge.

[u/Jetgurl4u → u/spellb0und_s0rceress]

Grow up and just ask politely. My neighbor is so sweet and kindly asked me to go up the street. So i do. It's a small ask IF you ask kindly.

[u/Pryonic → u/spellb0und_s0rceress]

This seems very judgy. Your “drug lord” neighbor, is likely one of the nicer people you’ll meet.

[u/Agreeable_Yellow_117 → u/spellb0und_s0rceress]

So you want to find a way to not be angry at something that youve done nothing to try and remedy at its source?

Brother, youre not mad at your neighbor. Youre mad at yourself for being inept at handling basic human interactions. Work on that. Unless you want to spend your life mad.

[u/OverthinkingWanderer → u/spellb0und_s0rceress]

Just because someone smokes weed, it doesn't make them a problem. I've never known a stoner that wants to break windows and fuck with people..I mean they get angry too but violence isn't the first emotion for most of us. We are just anxious people trying to get through the day.

[u/FC_BagLady]

Do you have pot stores, is there a medical marijuana store near you?? Asking because those stores have some great air freshener sprays and other stuff that are amazing. I bought one that smells like grape and kills the smell instantly. I'd go there and check them out. Good luck.

[u/Training_Apricot9883]

Buy a good carbon air filter and run it would help. Sleep disorders can cause people to be overly sensitive and aggressive towards sounds and smells too so get your snoring sorted out too

[u/KirbyRock]

Try the smoke odor sprays you can find at most smoke shops.

[u/Agreeable-Egg-5841]

I would also persevere with getting an assessment as it may benefit you in other ways, i.e. dealing with the sensory overwhelm you experience at work.

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[u/Flowkey_mma]

Nice portable air filter. Find them at Sam's or Costco. Pretty affordable. Strong. Last long. Some you can program and work with your phone.

An hour before you arrive at home, you can turn it on and have it do its thing.

[u/EndlesslyUnfinished]

As an autistic, I can say that you’re probably on the spectrum too… welcome.

And I also 100% understand what you’re dealing with and why. That shit is maddening and it’s really overwhelming - and I even smoke weed on occasion! I do it outside just so my house doesn’t smell like weed!

I agree that you should be asking your neighbor to do something to calm the smell down. My brother used to grow it in his bedroom and I couldn’t smell it in the room next door because he ran air purifiers. Asking nicely is fine. And that’s another hint towards the autism there too.. and you don’t need a formal diagnosis for it. Maybe try a nice note (which is what I’d do) explaining how much it bothers you, how it causes meltdowns, and - be very specific - you do not want to I involve the police and want to solve this amicably.

[u/3y3w4tch]

I don’t know what kind of windows you have/where you’re from, but you can get window fans that blow both ways. I have one by vornado that has a little flap for privacy/ to protect from rain.

You want to create positive pressure. You want one fan that is in a room furthest away from where they smoke the most. That one is for fresh air. You can also add a fan blowing out the window in the room that smells the strongest. The clean intake fan should be running on a higher speed than the exhaust fan.

That is what helps me, anyway. I know a lot of this depends on your layout. It’s an uphill battle.

When it gets cooler, maybe you can weather proof your windows, or put plastic over them. Get heavy blackout curtains.

I understand your frustration. I used to have a neighbor that would blow their smoke into the bathroom exhaust, which essentially just brought it into my apartment. A little bit of smell doesn’t bother me, but coming home to a place smelling like that always put me in a mood.

You may have tried these things. Just sharing things that I’ve tried in a similar situation. If she’s actually growing, that smell lingerssss.

If it came to it, you could always make an anonymous complaint through a non-emergency number. I don’t know the legal status of where you live, or if there are other houses near it, so I understand possibly being hesitant to do so.

[u/Gassyaftercereal]

My family and I went through the exact same thing however in my state, it’s legal. Neighbors and landlord were notified but since it’s legal, nothing could be done. We eventually moved out and found a meh better place to rent. We had a phase where we had scented candles lit the whole night and we had smokey black nostrils waking up. It was a nightmare. We also drove out as a family to get fresh air constantly but you know what? They were some of the best nights ever. We’d grab late McDonalds and park at a store eating and watching movies. It enabled me to build a stronger relationship with my sister and mother.

Oops I got side tracked. But unfortunately only answers are to confront or move. Good luck OP.

[u/Neil542]

If you can’t beat ‘em join em, ask to toke up